Remembering the past to prepare for the future

So many interesting things happened yesterday, but I was so tired when I wrote my blog.  It’s a weird feeling falling asleep while you’re typing.  I guess it’s the professional equivalent of falling asleep at the wheel.  I met some really interesting people at the party.  Stephan this really sharp German guy, and I talked for awhile.  I met him at another party a few weeks back.  Its interesting his take on the whole Hitler/Nazi thing.  He mentioned that there are many things that his country is not too proud of.  What happened to the Jews in WWII is reprehensible.  Yet…genocide has been around since the dawn of time really.  You don’t nearly see the same outrage against genocide in Cambodia, Rwanda, Yugoslavia, Sudan…yet these acts supercede the number of jews murdered.  They are just not in the media’s eyes, and thus not in the public’s perception. 

New Year’s is all about reflecting on the past and setting your vision to the future.  I was reminiscing heavily today.  It was one of the solitude days which Im learning to embrace.  Im not alone…Im walking with God.  That is the outlook im taking as my intimacy with him is really growing.  We have conversations you see.   You might think that is crazy, until you consider that virtually everything he tells me usually comes to pass.  What God wants most from us is relationship.  In any good relationship there is a equal amount of sharing and listening.  Im learning to be a better listener. 

So as I reflect, 2005 was a year of devastating loss for me due to my divorce, 2006 and 2007 were all about healing, the healing that was quite painful.  Things finally started turning around for me as 2008 was a year a preparation.  In 2008 God rewarded my faithfulness.  So 2009…what will that bring?  I think the last five years of my life have specifically led to 2009.  I expect great things are going to happen, really great things.  How am I going to make these things happen?…by being on my knees.  Its pretty clear from my conversations that God just wants me to seek him…and he is going to orchestrate everything.  My job is to remain faithful and to walk with Him. 

I was reading in my devotional “My Utmost for Highest” yesterday.  Oswald chamber’s work is truly timeless.  If you don’t have a devotional book you love, I heartily recommend this one.  I speaking with the late Dr. Jerry Falwell one time and he mentioned that he read “Utmost” every day for the last 45 years.  I’ve been reading it off and on for the last 20 since my dear friend bought it for me.  I read the inscribed notes in it today which was kind of weird.  Anyway… There was one paragraph that really hit home for me and described exactly what Im going through.  “Our present enjoyment of God’s grace is apt to arise from remembering the memory of yesterday’s sins and blunders.  But God is the God of our yesterdays, and he allows the memory of them in order to turn the past into a ministry of spiritual culture for the future.”  That really spoke to me…God is using the pain of my past to really open up doors.   

There is a lot of superficiality on the island, especially with all the drinking and clubbing.  But its not different from any other place.  For some reason, people are really starting to open up to me.  They quickly get past the walls and share some of their deep ceded pain.  Perhaps its because they trust me.  Perhaps its because they can see God’s love shine through me.  Im not really sure why, but I know Im in a position where I think I can help.  Its not my job to convert all these people.  God and the Holy Spirit have a plan for that.  Instead, Im the spiritual Johnny Appleseed planting as many seeds as I can.  Then, I’m just a tool for God to use whenver he’s ready to harvest. 

There is great pride and satisfaction in that for me.  Everyday…I feel more and more like a missionary. 

Culture note:  Im sorry, this blog started out being the voice of the differences between West and Middle East, but somehow its morphed into my spiritual journal.  I just write as the Holy Spirit leads.  But I made an observation that really bothers me.  American do things to excess.  Im so guilty of that.  With our 64 oz super mega gulps.  Those of you who know me well…know I can down my share of diet cokes.  But did you know I can’t find a cup or a glass over here larger than 10 oz.  No plastic, no glass, no acrylic, nothing.  I looked in about a dozen stores including the Wal-Mart and Target equivalent.  Its all very strange.  And what else about the non-excess.  When you order food, especially at fast food, they give you one napkin, just one.  When you ask for more…they give you one more.  Im used to taking a handful.  And ketchup…they give you two incredibly hard to open packets.  When you ask for more…they give you…just one.  Then I have to keep asking til I get up to my customary 8.  I so overdo it…like most Americans.  The food portion sizes over here are also very un-american which is just right.  There aren’t a lot of things wasted over here.