Rick Beeman

  I mentioned yesterday that I thought I was turning a corner.  Well today was better than yesterday so we are headed in the right direction.  I’m trying to be very brutally honest in this forum.  I do that as both an encouragement to others and to help call my shot when God will redeem me from the pit that I dug myself.  There is no doubt that this wallowing is a temporary space for me.  I am slowly feeling my optimism come back.  Why?  Did anything change?  No, just my perception has changed.  In seeking God whole-heartedly I’m starting to see my identity change.  What was so devastating for me this past year was losing my identity.  I so loved being a husband and a father, but suddenly when I wasn’t, who was I?  Did I have value, did I matter?  Was it always going to be this way?   My entire life I’ve battled with my identity.  While I’m a life-long Christian, that hasn’t always been my primary ident...

  I patted myself on the back a few times because I thought that was a clever title.  I was touched and honored by having some dear friends reach out to me letting me know that I wasn’t alone.  That did encourage me and I was very appreciative.  But fishing for encouragement was not the reason why I started re-writing this blog.  This is good therapy for me.  I know this is a season that I must trudge through alone.  God is with me.  Sometimes I feel his presence deeply, sometimes I feel like I’m walking alone.  It’s that old “Footprints” poem I guess.  I know that God is faithful.  And I am also NOT trying to blame anyone for my current state of being.  I brought this all upon myself.  I think it’s made worse because this is not my first rodeo, Unfortunately.  During my first divorce I didn’t start the healing process until I started to look in the mirror and took accountability for my actions.  That was a very ...