Rick Beeman

  STOP THE PRESSES: TWO GREAT DAYS IN A ROW!  Does that reference mean anything anymore?  My first actual job was working at a newspaper (Daily Review) when I was 12 years old. I was the last person (I think) to ever sell newspapers outside a subway station (Hayward BART) think Newsies.  The Late Dennis Richmond always bought a paper from me on his way to host the KTVU Newscast.  Then I worked at the actual newspaper stuffing advertising inserts together for the Sunday paper.  I had a good work ethic when I was 12-14.  I knew my dad was rich, but I didn’t want to be considered the spoiled Rich Kid so I worked as hard as I could to save up for a nice car.  The car wound up being a used 1982 Camaro.  So Stop the Presses might be a phrase from a bygone era that younger generations might not know about. Phrases that might include “Don’t Touch that Dial”, “Hang up the phone,” or “Be Kind Rewind”   So I am burying the lead (Another bygone phra...

  I have often said that I find my true happiness when I put other people needs ahead of my own. While this is great in theory it doesn’t always work in practice. Without Christ we are all flawed and selfish beings.  Even with Christ we have to fight against our sin nature of self-centeredness.  I’m at my most content when I deny self to put God and others first.  This is especially challenging when I am in despair.  But what I’m finding is that in despair is exactly when I need to put other people’s needs ahead of my own.  Maybe that is my pathway to healing to get the focus off of myself.  Feeling sorry for myself has never accomplished anything for myself.  It only digs the pit of despair more to make things worse.  We can always justify when we act or or self-medicate but that never accomplishes anything.  I hope that none of you are interpreting this blog as a means to feel sorry for me.  I do not want or need sympathy.  P...

  A strange sensation came over me today. I was still somewhat depressed from the remnants of a great weekend to the polarity of an empty house.  So I’m glad there is a clinical diagnosis for it ( https://rickbeeman.blogspot.com/2025/10/adjustment-disorder-with-depressed-mood.html ) so it shows that I’m not alone.  This whole depression thing is such a novel concept.  I like to think of myself as the most optimistic guy on the planet.  Yet these circumstances are really challenging me.  One of my places of refuge is the school.  I try to leave my home issues behind.  The students don’t know and most don’t care what I’m going through.  I might have mentioned something about the separation at the beginning of the year but they have minds like goldfish when it comes to other people’s problems.  They have dire (in their minds) issues of their own.  I try to be the cool, firm but fair teacher.  I do have a few issues with students a...

  I was due for a bad day. Well it’s not really that bad, just less than ideal.  I had a great day followed by 3 really good days.  That’s four positive days in a row, a new 2025 record!.  Why were they good days?  (because I didn’t blog about it, you don’t know) I had my children for my visitation for the weekend and Teacher Work Day today.  Even just typing that brought a smile to my face.  Three things have been really helping me survive this pain and loneliness during this separation, 1. Prayer, 2. Working out 3. This blog.  There are some other things too but they pale in comparison.  So for the last three days I forewent #2 and #3 so I could completely focus and be present for my children.  Because I only get to see them about 13-15% of the month, I cherish the time that I do have with them.  I think they enjoy it too, especially the dog.  The dog travels with the girls so I get to see him too.  We didn’t do anything...

Today was a great day.  Do I dare say I had Happy moments?  Sure, I dare.  I had a lot of happy moments today.  It's such a respite from the Debbie Downer phase that I've largely been in this year.  2025 has sucked.  But today was a respite in the dark.   I am a child of the 80's (born in 1968) but I graduated high school in 86 and went to college 86-90.  It was one of the best decades of my life, I think second only to the 2010's.  I do believe the 80s was the best decade ever with an honorable mention to the 50's and roaring 20's in the US.  Interestingly the best decades seemed to have come the decade after major world wars.  The 80s gave us Reagan, MTV, Spielberg movies, Big Hair, and Apple Computers.  I was also a big fan of the music of the 80s.  Music was very important to me during my formative years.  I had already seen most of my favorite bands in concert previously (Styx, Reo Speedwagon, Loverboy) But ...

  This is going to be a short one today, in theory anyway. It was an average day but it’s ending on a good note.  Not enough to start a new Good day streak but that might come tomorrow.  I have something special I’m looking forward to tomorrow but I’m not a liberty to say just yet.  That my friends is what is called a Tease for you to come back tomorrow to find out what it is.   God is walking by my side in all of this pain.  I feel His presence.  I have a theorem I would love to prove someday but I’m not sure how.  Lets call this Beeman’s Theorem.  “God’s voice in volume is directly proportional to the amount of darkness that you are experiencing.”  What that means is if you are lost in a pitch black cave, God’s voice might be the only thing you can focus on to escape from the cave. He speaks more acutely when you are in pain.     Now that I’m living my life right again, I’ve been hearing from God much more clea...

  Well I had two good/not so horrible days in a row.  Now I start a new streak tomorrow.  How is that for an optimistic way of saying I had a bad day.  Again, I’m trying to be vulnerable right now, but I’m not looking for sympathy.  I’m trying to be transparent because society conditions us to put on masks of accomplishment hiding any vulnerabilities that we might have.  I’m here to help lead the charge that it’s ok to share weakness.  If the world did more of showing vulnerability, maybe we could share more empathy with each other rather than compete with each other.  If you are hurting, lonely, depressed you are not alone.  There are millions of us out there in that same situation but we’ve been conditioned to hide it.  This isolates us in thinking that we are the only one with the problem(s) and everyone else out there is normal or has it better than us.  I used to be so obsessed with what people thought of me. My insecurities st...

  It dawned on me earlier today.  I’ve been married for more than half of my life.  Now this might not seem like a great accomplishment for those of you that are over 50 and have had one marriage to your name (which is the way God designed it to be…but I digress).  I have two 15 year marriages and I just turned 57.  So more than half my life was spent with the responsibility of being a husband/father.  One of the ways I’ve tried to live my life was putting other people’s needs ahead of my own for most of the time.  That’s been the ideal anyway.  So when you’re in a God centered marriage, God comes first, wife second, children 3rd, occupation 4th, then the rest you can fill in according to your convictions.  So more than half my life I’ve tried to put my wife’s/family needs ahead of my own.  So much so in fact that I didn’t have a life/identity outside of being a family man.  That is taking it’s toll on my identity now that I’m separ...

  I mentioned yesterday that I thought I was turning a corner.  Well today was better than yesterday so we are headed in the right direction.  I’m trying to be very brutally honest in this forum.  I do that as both an encouragement to others and to help call my shot when God will redeem me from the pit that I dug myself.  There is no doubt that this wallowing is a temporary space for me.  I am slowly feeling my optimism come back.  Why?  Did anything change?  No, just my perception has changed.  In seeking God whole-heartedly I’m starting to see my identity change.  What was so devastating for me this past year was losing my identity.  I so loved being a husband and a father, but suddenly when I wasn’t, who was I?  Did I have value, did I matter?  Was it always going to be this way?   My entire life I’ve battled with my identity.  While I’m a life-long Christian, that hasn’t always been my primary ident...

Birthday Blah…This is going to be raw and unfiltered. Although I appreciate all the well-wishes from the dozens/hundreds of friends from all over the world,  Today still kinda sucked. It was  kinda  ok, but mostly it sucked. Being completely self-aware, I’m feeling sorry for myself. If you choose to read on, be forewarned.   Now I could do the whole Joel Osteen thing and focus on what I have, not what I don’t have.  That works sometimes/most of the time but I just don’t feeling like doing it today.  I feel like wallowing in the muck and mire and I’m not sure if that is a bad or a good thing. There is a time for everything right. Isn’t there a time for being lonely and being a curmudgeon? Or is that antithetical to Christ’s teaching?   I just know that journaling about it makes me feel better.  It makes me feel less alone, like I have someone to talk with at the end of the day about my day.  I haven’t had that for a long time, so maybe this bl...