Rick Beeman

  Certain days I’m confident and full of hope.  Other days I’m not.  I really have no idea what my life will look like in five years.  I can see a number of different scenarios playing out.  Sometimes this uncertainty drives me bananas.  I don’t like being out of control.  Yet at this moment the only thing I can control is how I respond to things I can’t control.  Sound confusing?  Welcome to my life.  I do know this.  My hope is not in anyone or any job.  My hope is solely in the Lord at this moment. Now if I would have had this mindset all along I could have saved myself a lot grief and heartache.  It’s a shame that I had to lose everything nearly hitting rock bottom emotionally and psychologically for me to resolidify my spiritual walk. My spiritual walk goes in stages similar to the cycles where the children of Israel went through when they were wandering around in the desert.     I’m happy that God finally g...

  I feel like I’m on an emotional pendulum.  Today was a good day.  I had hope.  It was totally opposite of yesterday.  I think that I might not be stable with all the swings going back and forth with my psyche.  The good thing is that I’m internalizing this.  The only place I’m sharing my feelings is through this forum and with my therapists. Yes that is plural. I’m reaching out to many people wiser than me as I navigate the treacherous waters of despair, hope and joy.    I’m writing this blog for a couple of reasons.  1. Most importantly it’s good therapy for me.  I enjoy being able to write and be creative.  This gives me the most fulfillment.  That is why I wanted to become a writer in the first place. Other than my family and my faith, the greatest joy I I get in life is inspiring others through my creativity.    Yet it is so difficult to make a living as an artist thus I’m a teacher as my day job and I...

  It’s another good day.  This is starting to be the trend.  Again, nothing out of the ordinary happened to me today.  But nothing bad happened today either.  I think it is just a matter of me accepting my reality of being alone.  I can’t do anything in my power to change anything at the moment.  The only thing I can control is how I respond to it.  At first the grief, despair and solitude were quite overwhelming.  Those emotions are still there but I’m responding differently.  I believe it has largely to do with my faith.  I’m just trusting God through all of this.  I know it sounds cliche but I can’t look at 8 months from now and wonder what is going to happen.  I can only look at tomorrow.  I have no idea what the future will hold.  I continue to pray but God doesn’t always answer my prayers in the manner in which I ask.  It’s either Yes, No, or not yet.  It’s the “not yet” that is the hard part....