Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Supernatural GPS



It was a nice moment earlier tonight.  Jennifer was taking a break from baby duty, my mother, father and I were on the couch.  We were all watching a movie.  I am pretty sure my mother was in heaven as she was holding Sloan while she slept.  I believe Sloan is different for her then most other grandparent-grandchild relationships.  Sloan is a little bit more than that.  I think Sloan represents not only God’s faithfulness to me, but to her as well.  Not only did I lose the relationship with my children like I used to have, but she lost her relationships as well.  They used to be very close, now they barely speak at all.  Its just another tragedy of divorce, the kids lose out on all the relatives as well.  When my divorce happened, it really hit my mother much harder than myself.  Why, because I knew how to channel my hope through faith. I learned to have peace in the midst of the raging storm.    For my mother, it was more a work in progress.  As a mother, my mother felt powerless because she couldn’t emotionally protect her child.  There was nothing anyone could do, but just hurt.  It still hurts, if you focus on it.  But the key is not to focus on it.  Every day that passes it gets easier and easier to maintain focus on the positives and not the negatives.  Thus when I met Jennifer, it was more than just a new relationship.  Jennifer was both a symbol and vehicle for her to see that her son had emotionally healed.  I think most mother’s would be able to relate to this sort of empathy.  When Sloan was born, it was a culmination of everything that was lost was suddenly found again.  Here in our arms we have the living breathing proof of God’s faithfulness.  Thus Sloan in this case becomes much more than just a sweet innocent baby.  She is a conduit for healing and restoration.  I think that was all part of God’s plan. 

I have mentioned this a few times in this blog before and it bears repeating.  It was November 2008, and I had just arrived to Bahrain. My eyes were full of wonder at this great adventure that I had just embarked on.  Having just turned 40, it really was like I was starting part 2 of my life.  I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt I was standing dead center in the middle of God’s perfect plan in a desert in the Middle East.   I was so anxious to see how God’s plan would unfold.  My dear friend Reji, a faithful co-worker and brother in Christ, and I had just connected to start a life long friendship.  He was praying for me and the loss of my relationship with my children.  He told me that God told him that I would be reconciled to my family within a year, specifically by December 2009.    I remember getting really really angry.  I had just gotten over the loss of my ex-wife and he lays this on me?!?!  I had no idea how this would happen.  This was certainly a case of me getting upset with the messenger.  I tried to forget about it.  God had spoken into my life before, so I didn’t doubt the authenticity, but when I tried to figure out or to project how it would happen, I just got so terribly confused.   I mean who would want to live through all that heartache again?  I did forget about what Reji said, or the “Word of Knowledge” for the most part.  I reasoned that Reji must have gotten it wrong.  It changed about a year and half later, when I exchanged my vows in front of a judge in a courtroom in North Carolina with my beloved bride Jennifer.  You see it was in December 2009, when I first met Jennifer.  I think what Reji was trying to tell me that November day, was that within a year I would be emotionally reconciled with a new family.  Sloan in many respects is the culmination of that prophecy or Word of Knowledge from nearly three years ago now.  You see sometimes when God speaks to us, there can be human error involved.  We might (because of our own desires) misinterpret the specific details but the overall message remains the same.  So as my mother was holding the baby it was not only a fulfillment for Jennifer and I, but for her as well.  I don’t mean to bemoan the negativity of my loss, because that is simply not my personality.  Yet, I feel compelled to share it over and over again as a tribute and inspiration to God’s faithfulness.  I know it gives many readers hope.  Because if God can do it for me, he can certainly do it for you.  That is why I share my story as often as I can.    

So here I sit in the total catbird’s seat of life.  For the first time it is dawning on my how my life is different than JOB.  You see JOB lost everything but God rewarded him with double.  I too lost everything, but only temporarily.  You see I do have a new family, but I am holding out hope and assurance that I will be reconciled with my children again.  I am blessed and fortunate that Jennifer is so open to having a relationship with them as well.  You see this is all a part of God’s perfect plan. 

Life with God is like a GPS.  We know we are headed to a certain destination, but sometimes due to choices of our own, or choices made by others we veer off-course.  When that happens God simply redirects the map to the next easiest route.  But the more we veer off the course, the longer and harder we make the route as God continually recalculates the directions.  I was very fortunate.  My destination was deviated, not by my choice, but I stayed as close as possible to the re-routed destination.  Thus by staying on the course I minimized the damage and distance that I had to travel to reach the destination which God had appointed.  As I look at my daughter, my beautiful wife I now realize that God is saying to me “You have reached your destination.” I wonder where we are going to go next.