"God doesn't care who you were. He only cares who you are." - Cowboys & Aliens

I went to the movies today.  Going to the movies is one of my most favorite things to do in the world.  I was reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge a few years back.  His theory was that God speaks to us most in whatever mode are most passionate about.  That could be nature, athletics, music, etc…  Well I am very passionate about movies and that is where he really speaks to me.  To be honest he speaks to me all the time because I have learned to listen, but I feel his presence most when I either watch movies or listen to sermons from Joel Osteen or Steve Madsen.  So I was watching a movie today, Cowboys and Aliens.  I love going to movies, did I say that already?  I estimate I’ve probably seen over 15,000 in my lifetime.  But please don’t ask me how many fiction books I’ve read.  I think you can count them on both hands and 20% of those were written by Alexander Dumas. (bonus points if you can guess the titles). I don’t think I have the patience to sit through a fiction book.  Maybe its because of my ADD.  (Jennifer is not a great fiction reader eith…Look a butterfly….”   Non-fiction is another story.  I love reading non-fiction, self-help books.  That is what greatly assisted me in getting out of the mire of a few years ago.  Oh yeah, God spoke to me through those too, because for a couple of years ago I was passionate about the non-fiction “Christian” books reading several. I was also quite hooked on calling 1800 prayer type of lines.  You can’t get enough prayer when you are in crisis mode.  Well it worked obviously because look at where I am now…praise God. 

OK…so back to the movie.  Since I have seen so many movies I am quite selective on what I see.  This drives Jennifer crazy sometimes.  I will check the reviews first.  Rotten Tomatoes is great but you have to take them with a grain of salt. Rotten Tomatoes takes a slew of reviews and gives them an average rating.   My cut-off line is usually 80% or higher for Rottentomatoes.com.  Although I will occasionally make an exception like I did today.  Then I will check the director and/or writer and see if I liked their previous body of work.  Finally I’ll go with the actor.  Most good/great actors usually are selective with their body of work.  The exception goes to English Actors.  I’ve seen Michael Caine star in some pretty bad films.  I asked my friend Gordon about this one time.  Gordon was a very cockney director that worked with me at Saudi Aramco.  He believed that English Actors believe people should go to the films for the actor, while Americans believe you should go to the film for the story.  Another interesting difference between English actors and American actors are the female leads.  How many older American actresses do you see?  By older I mean in their 60-80ish age range.  Conversely, I believe you see many older English actresses still active.  Dame Judi Dench, the Redgrave sisters while they were still alive are examples of this off the top of my head.  Yet, I can’t really think of a lot of household American actresses that have appeared in their twilight years.  Feel free to post if you have exceptions.  Actors in large part have giant egos.  That is why they probably got into the business in the first place.  They want to be remembered on celluloid for their best moments.  That’s why many of them go into seclusion when they age.  Ronald Reagan comes to mind.  I remember when he gave his farewell address announcing he had Alzheimer’s and would be signing off forever.  I think he lived another 10 years but there was not one image of him released after that.  So the public will always remember the 1980’s era Reagan in his prime as far as public perception.  That is his legacy. 

Wow, did I go off on a tangent there. Silly ADD.    Back to Cowboys and Aliens.  It only got a 44% from Rotten Tomatoes, but since I like Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig, I made the exception and Im glad I did.  There was one character in the film that I loved.  He was the old preacher.  What a wonderful character this guy was played brilliantly by Clancy Brown (He was the bad guy in Bad Boys and Highlander amongst many others).  But he was great in this.  I love when Christians are played on the silver screen in a positive manner since it doesn’t happen very often.  There was one line in the film that really struck home with me.  It could have been in the Bible but instead here it was on the Silver Screen.  The line was “God doesn’t care who you were, he only cares who you are.”  That is the story of redemption in a simple yet beautiful manner.  All truth is God’s truth.  So if its truth, even if it is from a movie, it is God’s voice.  God can speak to us through whatever medium as long as its truth.  Movies are great for this.  I know of two different circumstances where people came to know Christ after seeing the Exorcist.  That was not a Christian movie but Truth flowed through it.  My favorite “Truth” in movies comes from my friend Mike Leahy.  Mike is a good Christian guy producing films in Los Angeles.  We both went to Evangel University (not at the same time) together.  He was producing Hellraiser 4.  Mike is a Christian, he hired a Christian Director for the film.  So they actually made a “Christian” movie under the guise of that guy with spikes in his head.  I think that is awesome.  The enemy has been using the media to distract people since the advent of film.  It’s about time Christians try to reclaim some of that influence.  That is what originally drove me to film industry in the first place.  So after seeing this Cowboys and Aliens movie, even though it wasn’t perfect.  God spoke to me through that one line.  I believe my time for making a difference in this medium is coming.  I just have to be patient and wait for God’s perfect timing.  For now, my calling is to be with Jennifer and raise our beautiful young daughter.  It’s a pretty great ride in the mean time.  

Are Babies supposed to turn Purple?

The first few days of Sloan Violet Beeman’s life have been quite harrowing.  As a parent you feel helpless sometimes.  Sloan was just a little over 12 hours old when Jennifer was feeding her in the hospital room.  Suddenly she started spitting up.  Jennifer quickly grabbed the aspirator and tried to clear it but it didn’t work.  Then Sloan started choking.  We quickly called the nurse.  The nurse took one look at her, had a panicked expression and whisked her out of the room.  Jennifer and I just looked at each other not knowing how to react.  What do you do in that situation?  After a few anxious minutes of trying to console a near hysterical wife we both tried to calm down.  I (by experience) have learned no not stress about much.  God has proven to me time and time again that he is in control and I trust him implicitly.  But there was just something about this that was different.  In an instant it showed my absolutely helplessness and dependence upon him to take care of a baby which I certainly cannot do myself nor can Jennifer.  After a few minutes of prayer with Jennifer I went to the nursery.  Sloan was breathing fine and resting.  The nurse smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up.  I returned to the room to give Jennifer the good news.  Thank God this happened while we were still at the hospital.  The nurse came into explain what happened.  Sloan’s lungs were still filled with amniotic fluid.  She hadn’t had a chance to expel all of that yet.  Normally babies expel all the fluid while they wait in the birth canal.  But it only took Jennifer four pushes or 10 minutes or so to push her out.  Sloan didn’t have enough time in the canal to express all of the fluid.  This is also quite common in C-sections as well.  So I thought I knew a lot about “birthing babies” being a veteran of three already.  But this one was new to me and scary. 

The first day was very magical to me besides the fright.  Sloan just held onto my finger as she slept.  It was obvious that she was dreaming as her eyes were rolling under eyelids and her body would shudder with her arms periodically squirming.  What do babies dream about anyway?  Going through the shoot? Im told they dream in the womb as well which is even more of a mystery to me.  Since God speaks to people through their dreams sometimes, maybe that is his way of talking to them before they make the transition into the world.  There is something magical about the faith of children.  They just accept and believe without needing logical evidence to back it up.  Perhaps that is why Christ loved children so much. I think we all need to have the faith of a child sometimes.  I know through my hell I have developed it.  I don’t know how, often I don’t know why but whatever predicament I find myself in, I know I am going to come out on top.  I have the faith of a child.  But as my baby was turning purple, that faith was shaken. 

When I held Sloan that first day her eyes were mainly shut.  Even though she was full term, she was just barely full term by a couple of days.  Perhaps her development is a little behind because of that.  As I would talk to her I could see her struggle to try to open up her eyes so she could see what that strange soothing sound was all about.  We had eye contact for a few moments then she just relaxed and kept her eyes closed. 

Jennifer was sent home from the hospital three days after her birth.  I enjoyed my time there spending the night each night Jennifer was admitted.  The hospital food was actually quite good and they had a chair that made out into a bed.  I thoroughly enjoyed my first few days of being a dad all over again.  I’m almost old enough to be a grandfather as some of the people in my graduating class of FCS already are.  But here I am a father again at the ripe age of 42.  I actually think Im just about to enter my prime.  I am motivated to do whatever it takes to make sure that I live a long full life so I can be the best father I can to Sloan and our ensuing (God willing) children.  Jennifer even has me eating broccoli and spinach.  It’s not a parting of the Red Sea thing, but in my mind its close.  I have a feeling the second time around I am going to enjoy and savor each and every moment.  I already have. 

Today was another nerve racking day.  Jennifer as a first time mom is naturally nervous.  But she is a real trooper.  She is so conscientious and is so knowledgeable about babies.  But until you experience it, its all different.   I know everything is going to work out.  I don’t know how but babies grow (most of the time) but God takes care of them.  But Sloan wasn’t gaining enough weight and her Bilirubin levels were down which means Sloan had jaundice.  This is quite normal the first week, I’m told.  So the doctor prescribed this strange blanket to wrap around Sloan.  This is like a UV blanket similar I think to what you would see in tanning beds.  She seems quite comfortable and snug in it.  Since she has had this blanket on her energy levels have seemed to have gone up.  The doctors are wanting to keep a close eye on Sloan so we have had to take her into the hospital for tests nearly every day since we’ve been home.  Another big concern is Sloan’s weight.  Its normal for a baby to lose 10% of their body weight after birth.  Sloan was born at 7 lb. 9 oz, but then when we checked her Billrubin levels she was down to 6 lb 13 oz. yesterday.    So today when we went into the hospital to weigh her she was shockingly down to 6 lb 6 oz.  This was scary for us.  Jennifer is trying so hard to feed Sloan and take care of her, we just didn’t know what to do.  Jennifer was really scared and burst into tears.  You sure feel helpless as parents.  I put on a semi-false bravado and told her everything was going to be fine.  Again, I didn’t know how but God was going to do it.  He has saw us through so much worse.  It was hard to believe that Sloan wasn’t thriving or gaining weight.  All she does really is eat, sleep, and poop.  Im very anxious to have her turn two.  But Jennifer and Moms in general seem to like the newborn phase more than dads.   Then before Jennifer and I could jump to even more scary conclusions the nurse came back in and suggested we try another scale.  This scale had Sloan at 6 lb. 15 oz. so she had just gained 2 oz.  So the other scale was broken.   The nurse later came in and told us her Billrubin levels were down or up, whatever the good one is.  So she’ll only need the lab coat for another day. 

I know there is a precious gift of life in our possession.  But now we find ourselves more dependent on God than we ever have been.  We are pretty helpless in the big scheme of things.  But as always God is in control…no matter what.  

Reflections on the birth

Sunday night was a pretty eventful night.  At about 9:00 PM we got our first and only (so far) offer on our house, which had been on the market since March.  We went back and forth and finally agreed on a price.  The next day we were scheduled to go into the hospital for the induction.  So Jennifer on Monday being a very 9 months pregnant hoofed it with our real estate agent to look at 12 houses to buy.  I think this was important.  The hospital finally called us at 9:00 pm to tell us that a bed had opened up.  So we got our bags and headed off.  We got admitted right away.  Jennifer was already dilated to one centimeter and was experiencing contractions already.  She was going to try to have the baby naturally.  I think all the walking helped.  We were trying to do whatever we could to avoid a C-section.  That was the plan if the inducing didn’t work.  For Jennifer’s health, we had to get this baby out as soon as safely possible. 

They put something in her, I think it was cervidil, which was the precursor to the Pitocin.  They wanted her to have a good night sleep before they attempted to induce.  They brought in a cot for me.  I was out.  I can sleep pretty much anywhere, anytime. (I thank Evangel College for that skill I learned. Its probably the most valuable skill I left with.  Having to chapel every day at 10:00 am, I learned to sleep sitting up so the chapel checkers wouldn’t mark me absent.  So now Im almost a professional sleeper no matter what the locale or time change).   They started the Pitocin for Jennifer that morning of the 19^th at 5:45 am through her IV.  I slept through all of it.  I awoke at 8:00 am.  The doctor said Jennifer was dilated at 4 and 70% effaced.  I really have no idea what 70% effaced means, but apparently that is a good thing.  So the doctor broke her water.  About an hour or so later, the contractions started to get more intense.  Those of you who know Jennifer well, know that her vocabulary can sometimes get colorful.  That is something we are working on.  I am told by other women in labor that all sorts of language comes out in the midst of contractions.  So the contractions were coming about 2 minutes a part and Jennifer was in a lot of pain. It was building.    Being an athlete she had a goal to have this baby delivered without an epidural.  Since her mom did it, she wanted to at least give it a try.    But Im told going natural while being induced with Pitocin is extremely difficult because the Pitocin speeds up the contractions and makes them more intense.  Jennifer was such a trooper not wanting to give up.  I should mention that she had to be induced because of the concerns of her pre-eclampsia and the resulting high blood pressure.  So they did it the day the baby went full term.  Full Term is anywhere from 37 to 41 weeks, so Monday was the first day of 37 weeks.  She was full term but just barely.  Around 10:30 the contractions were really hitting Jennifer and she was crying out in excruciating pain.  Her blood pressure was also starting to rise.  She mentioned she thought the baby was coming down but the doctor and the nurse didn’t give her claims much credence.  Her doula, the nurse, and the doctor, noting her blood pressure and preeclampsia all recommended her to get an epidural.  So with gritted teeth she finally relented.  Our goal throughout this whole process was to have a healthy baby and a healthy mom.  So we took the doctor’s advice and got the epidural.  About 30 minutes later Jennifer was calmly having a conversation.  It was such a polar opposite of what we were experiencing earlier.  Controlled chaos to calm serenity in 30 minutes or less.  The doctor came in about 12:00 noon to check on Jennifer.  It was so peaceful then nobody thought anything of it.  But the doctor exclaimed she was fully dilated and ready to have the baby.  So the doctor went out to get ready and Jennifer got placed in the stirrups.  She mentioned to the nurse that she thought the baby was on its way down.  The nurse blew her off saying, it could take hours. (Im sure under her breath she was thinking, she’s a first time mom, what does she know?) Then as soon as Jennifer got in the stirrups we could see the baby’s head.  The nurse quickly called the doctor in.  It only took Jennifer four pushes/contractions to get Sloan out and into this world.  I was amazed how emotional I got during this whole experience.  I have experienced birth before but nothing quite like this.  Because we had a doula, she was focusing on Jennifer’s comfort, I didn’t have to do a thing really except enjoy the whole process.  I think as the tears were streaming down my face it was the culmination of the baby and fulfillment of the promises of God. I have a new addition to my new family.  That doesn’t mean I love my children any less at all.  This is just a wonderful chance to experience it all over again, the way that God intended with a mother and father staying together “til death do us part.”  It was just a great feeling.  The book of JOB, in fact, here it is.  Those of you readers know that I felt like I had everything that I held dear stolen from me.  Now with Jennifer and Baby Sloan, It is true redemption.

 Job 42:10 After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. 11 All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought on him, and each one gave him a piece of silver[a] and a gold ring.

 12 The LORD blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys. 13 And he also had seven sons and three daughters. 14 The first daughter he named Jemimah, the second Keziah and the third Keren-Happuch. 15 Nowhere in all the land were there found women as beautiful as Job’s daughters, and their father granted them an inheritance along with their brothers.

 16 After this, Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation. 17 And so Job died, an old man and full of years.

Now I don’t think Im going to live to 140 years or have a thousand yoke of oxen, but God has indeed promised me a long full life.  But I do believe that all the blessings bestowed on Job will also be bestowed on me because I was faithful just like Job was.  Again the big difference is that Im not totally blameless and I have had moments where I haven’t been upright but for the last 10 years, I’ve been really really close even whilst going through midst of my personal hell. 

So as Sloan Violet Beeman was getting cleaned she grasped onto my finger as tightly as she could and didn’t want to let go.  We were afraid that she might have to go to ICU because of the early delivery, but her temperature at birth was barely past the cutoff, so we made it. 

I was just amazed at the outpouring of love and support both Jennifer and I got through facebook.  Between us we had hundreds of congratulations and well wishes from friends all over the globe.   Most of my close friends and readers of this blog know what I’ve been through recently.  I think it encourages us all that good guys really can win in the end as long as they stay faithful.  I feel like my life has been a riveting movie full of dramatic ups and downs.  This is the ending has the audience cheering at the end.  It is a great great feeling. 

A little later in the day I was holding Sloan on my lap.  Being just a few hours old she really isn’t able to open up her eyes.  But as I was talking to her she was struggling so much to open her eyes to see whose voice was cooing the sweet words to her.  First the left, then struggling to open the right, she finally got a first look at her Daddy who adores her.  All is right in my world.

Beyond Belief: Even more Parental Alienation Crap

For children, divorce is like the father grabbing the left wrist of the child and the mother grabbing the right wrist in a tug of war for control and affection of the child.  Kids are obviously the ones injured in the tussle.  Alienation is using words and actions so the child will shun the other parent in the tug of war.  I for the most part have let go of the wrist in order to not further harm the children. 

Here is how Wikipedia describes Parental Alienation:

Parental alienation is a social dynamic, generally occurring due to divorce or separation, when a child expresses unjustified hatred or unreasonably strong dislike of one parent, making access by the rejected parent difficult or impossible. These feelings may be influenced by negative comments by the other parent and by the characteristics, such as lack of empathy and warmth, of the rejected parent.

I have mentioned past illustrations of alienating actions in previous versions of this blog so I wont rehash it.  But something happened this past week that pushed me over the edge. 

The boys while visiting have been using our computers to check their emails.  They left their email open and we found the following correspondence between them and their stepdad. (whether parents have the right to check their children’s email is another blog.  The boys admit their mom checks their emails to ensure they don’t get in trouble. So, I as a parent did the same thing.)  First of all let me set up the scenario for you.  I have had the boys for the past six weeks.  The boys were scheduled to fly back to their mom’s house this past Saturday at 4:00 pm.  Their sister is returning from France at 2:00 pm at the same airport.  Since it would take her 1+ hours to get through customs their arrivals were close in proximity.  I had arranged for my good friend David to pick up the boys.  The boys know David well.   I was hesitant to fly them back myself because of Jennifer’s preeclampsia and her sporadic and sometimes skyrocketing high blood pressure. She had been hospitalized twice in the past week.  It was serious enough that the doctors are inducing on Tuesday and planning  an immediate C-section if induction doesn’t work. This is three weeks before her due date.    It is a serious situation and I don’t want to leave my wife’s side and fly halfway across the country leaving a very pregnant wife to fend for herself. Having the boys for six weeks made it a little easier to give up the last six hours in the air with this in mind. David is a trooper and agreed to help out.  The boys wanted to be at the airport to meet their sister.  So I told them I would contact their stepfather and give him the option of picking up the boys or just keeping the same plan having David pick them up.  This is the response that he sent the boys. 

“I am sorry I will not be able to pick you up on Saturday, Lindsey gets to the airport 2 hours before you and I am not going to sit there for 2 hours waiting for you with Lindsey after she has been flying for the previous 14 hours.  And I am not going to come home, drop Lindsey off, and turn right back around without even getting out of the car to come back and get you.  Your dad has made a choice to not bring you home, that his new life is more important than getting you home, that MAYBE he will have a new baby this weekend, and the chance of that is more important than spending time with you.  I am not going to change my life because he decided at the last minute to change the plans.  It just goes again to show how unimportant your dad thinks you guys are.”

The last sentence really is the most damning line for the alienation.  He uses the word “Again” which means they’ve talked about my actions in a negative tone before.  Then he tries to tell the boys that I think they are unimportant.  Those of you that know me know how ludicrous this statement is.  But even if I was a deadbeat dad and did horrible things, why in the world would you ever tell a child that their father thinks that they are unimportant?!?!  What are you trying to accomplish? What do you think the long term effects of this will be in building their esteem?   To me that crosses the line from parental alienation to psychological/mental abuse.  Now I believe this type of crap is only the tip of the iceberg.  I think there are many more illustrations of manipulation that have occurred that I just am unaware of the details because I don’t live in the house.  I do know my children repeat verbatim some of the nasty emails I get from their parents.  The proof is in the actions of my children and their vehement rejection of me.  Part of the alienation is that the children defend the alienating parent (and step) and argue that their choices, decisions, and actions are entirely their own and not influenced by any other person.  Well I might not know of every detail, but those I do know of, point to not only parental alienation, but severe alienation bordering on abuse.  Four years ago my kids loved me.  Today 2/3 of them detest me.  I haven’t gotten a hug from my kids in nearly two years. 

I can’t see any justification for this type of behavior from the adults in that house.  Oh in their minds I’m sure they can figure out how to avert blame, that is part of the syndrome.  I am told by dozens and dozens of people that have experienced something similar to this, that I am really powerless in this situation.  The custodial parent wields the most influence and my ex-wife is very cunning in her manipulative ways.  The only thing I can do is to continue to love my children and pray for a day of future reconciliation.  God feels my pain.  Since we are made in his image, Im sure he goes through something similar when we reject him.  But I know that God is giving me the strength to endure to not only thrive but to survive.  I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that Jennifer and I will be starting a new family in less than two days.  It is really poetic in a redemptive sort of way.    This is the emotional strength and support that I need.  It comes down to this.  My ex-wife has a new family, I have a new family and the kids are shuttled back and forth between the two.  For their sake I wish there could be harmony rather than finger pointing and blame aversion.  We both have moved on and its time to leave the bitterness in the past.   That is my prayer anyways.  It has now been five years since my divorce  and its getting worse by the month. 

Jennifer warns me of not talking about the Parental Alienation thing because I might start sounding like a broken record.  But when the other party continues to add new tracks to that Alienation broken record things will still get worse.  I love my kids and always have.  I will do virtually anything for them, yet my relationship with them for the most part keeps getting worse and worse no matter what I do.  My youngest still gets along with me but my middle son told me he has “given up” on me and my oldest seems to have given up three years ago.  Plus my phone number is blocked from their house so there is no way for me to talk to them.  Now this whole alienation is not just sour grapes.  I have sufficient evidence to prove it in court now.  When one son says tells me that he is afraid of having too much fun because he’ll get in trouble, and the other son tells me he got in trouble for acting like a little kid (He was 12, when are you not supposed to act like a little kid?) and the third just refuses to communicate with me whatsoever in any form.  It shows me that this is not all in my imagination. 

So why do I harp so openly about alienation?  Well first of all it is incredibly painful for me as I adore my children and I always have.  I would never knowingly do anything to harm them, although my actions in the past and present have been skewed -  part of the alienation process.  Second I have had so many associates, friends and family tell me that they have been through something very similar either as a child or as the parent.  The facts are virtually the same it’s just that names have been changed.  Thirdly there are so many people that read this blog that have become prayer partners with me. Their support is invaluable.  Fourthly chronicling the experiences help some parents that are considering divorce to reconsider their actions based on the emotional trauma that it inflicts on the children.  I have had quite a few people respond through this blog or via email to tell me this.

The loss of the relationship with my children has cast a deep and heavy toll upon my heart.  But I can’t focus on what I lost.  I can only focus on the hope of reconciliation with them someday in the hopefully not so distant future and the reality of a soon to be filled crib in our nursery.  Despite my temporary losses I still feel like the most blessed man on the planet.  God is indeed faithful, but your prayers are appreciated to help speed the process up. 

Pre-Eclampsia, updating Jennifer's pregnancy

I haven’t had much time to write lately, though I’ve had so many blogworthy items to write about.  I’ve had my boys for the last six weeks and Im devoting all of my extra time to them and caring for Jennifer.  We are at a lull at the moment as its bedtime for Jennifer and I. The boys wanted to stay up to watch TV so I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing time with them.  Your prayers are so appreciative and coveted.  They really do work.  I feel amazingly blessed at the moment.  I feel my life is peaking, but the peak from this vantage point doesn’t seem to have an apex, it just keeps getting higher and higher.  Isn’t that how life is supposed to be?  I don’t mention all of the blessings in my life to gloat.  Instead I try to use my hardships as a testimony to how God can turn a life around.  I’ve heard a lot of dramatic testimonies of people lives before and after Christ.  But since I’ve been a Christian virtually my entire life, I haven’t heard a lot of stories like mine.  A Christian that endures hardships although they seem to be doing mostly everything right.  I think that is why I’m so compelled to be so transparent with my own life.  Its not to make anyone look bad, rather its just to illustrate the sometimes harrowing details can further accentuate God’s glory. 

I was writing in the blog after the kids went to bed while I was in Lynchburg two weeks back.  I was using Shari’s computer since I left mine back home.  I posted the blog and then I shared the link on Facebook.  By the way, if you are reading this and we are not facebook friends, please feel free to add me if you want updates on the blog.  Facebook is a good way to get updates since I don’t write in this blog daily anymore.  So I added the link, but couldn’t find it on my page.  After investigation I discovered that Shari hadn’t logged out of Facebook thus my link got posted on her blog.  The next day we were all enjoying a 4^th of July celebration at Thomas Road Baptist Church.  It was quite an extravaganza.  I really admire my brother in law Jonathan and how he has taken over for his father, the late Jerry Falwell.  He really is a great dad and uncle and does a good job leading that church.  It is estimated that there were 15,000 guests joining in the festivities.  I was waiting in line at one of the slides and I was approached by someone I didn’t know.  She said, “Are you Shari’s brother?  I read your blog last night.”  It was because I left the notice on Shari’s facebook page.  It was just kind of nice surprise.  I never quite know how people are drawn to this blog and why.  I feel compelled to write since Its my ministry now that I have left the Middle East.  I am looking for opportunities to serve anytime and anywhere.  Right now this blog seems like most viable outlet. 

Jennifer’s pregnancy has been somewhat Tenuous lately.  She is in week 36 and normal delivery time ranges from 37 weeks to 42 weeks.  But her blood pressure has been skyrocketing and she has been hospitalized twice in the past week.  Jennifer has been diagnosed with Preeclampsia. This is edited from Wikipedia. 

Pre-eclampsia is a medical condition in which hypertension arises in pregnancy. While blood pressure elevation is the most visible sign of the disease, it involves generalized damage to the maternal endothelium, kidneys, and liver, with the release of vasoconstrictive factors being secondary to the original damage.

Pre-eclampsia may develop from 20 weeks gestation (it is considered early onset before 32 weeks, which is associated with increased morbidity). Its progress differs among patients; most cases are diagnosed pre-term. Pre-eclampsia may also occur up to six weeks post-partum. Apart from Caesarean section or induction of labor (and therefore delivery of the placenta), there is no known cure. It is the most common of the dangerous pregnancy complications; it may affect both the mother and the unborn child.[1]

Although eclampsia is potentially fatal, pre-eclampsia is often asymptomatic, and so its detection depends on signs or investigations. Nonetheless, one symptom is crucially important because it is often misinterpreted. The epigastric pain, which reflects hepatic involvement and is typical of the HELLP syndrome, may easily be confused with heartburn, a very common problem of pregnancy. It can be distinguished from heartburn when it is not burning in quality, does not spread upwards towards the throat, is associated with hepatic tenderness, may radiate through to the back, and is not relieved by giving antacids. It is often very severe, described by sufferers as the worst pain they have ever experienced. Affected women are not uncommonly referred to general surgeons as suffering from an acute abdomen (for example, acute cholecystitis). Pre-eclampsia affects 3% of pregnancies. 

OK, enough with the medical jargon. Jennifer is safe and stable, but we have to be extra careful.   Jennifer has been a real trooper through all of this.  Its quite amazing since she is still working, had my sons in for the past six weeks and we’re trying to sell a house.  But the doctors said enough, and ordered her on bedrest two weeks ago.  If you know Jennifer, you know its hard for her to sit still for any length of time.  So the fact that this has wiped her out, you know how serious it is.  They were tempted to do an emergency induction and possibly a C-section last week but her vitals stabilized.  So instead the hospital sent her home and scheduled the induction for Tuesday if it doesn’t happen naturally before that.  They want the baby to cook for as long as naturally possible and safe for both mother and baby.  I would have liked for the baby to have been delivered while my boys are still here.  (They leave on Saturday).  But we’ll leave that type of decision up to God and the doctors. 

Jennifer and I are thrilled at the prospect of being parents together by next Wednesday hopefully.  (She’s being induced on Mon. Night Tues Morning).  I feel so incredibly blessed that I get to experience being a dad all over again.  I know I’m going to be an older dad, like my friend Scott Salsedo.  But we just need to look to Tony Randall as our inspiration.  I’m really trying to stay fit by exercising most everyday.  I want our children to have a dad that is in the prime of his life.  I think that is going to happen as I feel more fit now, than I did when I was in my 20’s.  Although there are more aches and pains now.  But I believe like God whispered to me months ago, that I’m going to have a long life so I can enjoy my children and my grandchildren.  I feel like my life is coming full circle, just like JOB, only chapter 42, not the first 41 chapters (been there, done that, don’t want to do it again.)  God is faithful.  

Life in Lynchburg

Ugh…I just almost finished a blog and boom it locked up on me.  As a writer, I just hate it what that happens.  I can bemoan the situation and what was lost, or reboot and try to write as quickly as possible trying to recreate it.  I can not go back and recapture lost time.  I can just move forward and make the best of it.  I have not always been like this.  About 10 years ago, in the midst of my first family.  Is that a politically or emotionally correct term?  I was a writing a screenplay.  I had 30 pages written and they were a great 30 pages, or so I thought at the time.  I can’t remember the details, but for some reason they were accidentally deleted or became corrupt or something.  I remember having a choice to make, I could quickly rewrite them or try to recover the files.  I decided to a recovery strategy.  I went out and bought expensive auto-recovery software and tried to piece together the missing parts.  $250 and about a month’s worth of effort I was unable to recover my work.  I then I had to start over.  What a waste of time and effort.  I should have followed my first gut, and not looked back and moved forward immediately.  Its interesting that as soon as I lost this past blog I took a nanosecond to think about it and then started to write again.  I guess I am learning from my mistakes.  I’ve always been very good at that.  It’s all spilled milk in the end. 

Now back to what I was originally saying before the lock up.  I am having a great weekend so far.  I am staying with my sister in Lynchburg.  She really has a great family although I didn’t really fully appreciate them until a couple of years ago.  Her kids are the same age roughly as my kids.  They grew up together separated by the expanse of the west coast and east coast.  They saw each other about 1-2 times a year.  But lately their visits have become far less frequent.  This is one of the sad realities of divorce.  New families, new cousins, new lives on both sides of the fence.  But whenever they do get together, they have a great time.  Just seeing them all together having fun just warms my heart.  Kids don’t care about details, who is wrong, who is right, they just accept their reality for what it is and make the best of it.  As we age, that is when we develop our sense of justice, fairness, prejudice and retribution. Kids are much more innocent.  They just want to have fun and not worry about all the details that grown ups seem to care so much about. It made me remember by best friend from Jr. High.  His parents and my parents, I gathered, didn’t get along.  They weren’t really enemies but they just weren’t the best of friends.  It was uncomfortable for the grown ups.  But somehow this kid and I got to be best friends.  The parents put aside their differences and just let the kids be the kids and play together.  I always appreciated that about my parents and his parents.  They got the heck out of the way.    Kids are in survival mode when faced with crisis situations.  They are looking to emotionally survive.  They don’t care about the details.    I hate the fact that my kids went through what they went through.  I also hate the fact that I made it worse.  There are always two people at fault in any conflict.  I am trying to own my culpability, even now.    I have been trying my best to lessen this conflict and Jennifer has sure helped me.  Its always nice to have another’s person’s perspective in a difficult situation.  I feel with Jennifer by my side I am a better person.  Isn’t that what a spouse is supposed to elicit?  Anyways for the afternoon I saw two of my kids just having fun without any of the stigma of divorce. The kids were just being kids and having fun. It was so incredibly heartwarming.  We played together in the pool all afternoon.  I was really roughhousing with my nieces and nephews.  They still think Im cool Uncle Ricky.  Everyone wanted to be on my team.  It reminded me that just a couple of week’s ago, Jenni’s nephews, or my nephews now, were visiting.  They are younger, around 4 and 2.  I was able to wrestle, tickle, and roughhouse with them all weekend long.  This is very healthy for kids.  I did a documentary on Raising Boys.  I was able to interview several childcare experts and one specifically described this type of play, Zestful Play.  It is very healthy for kids, especially boys, because it gives them a type of security.  I haven’t been able to have this with my own children for nearly 3 years now.  But for one brief moment I was able to experience it again though my nieces and nephews.  Of course I’ll be able to experience it even more when Jennifer and my baby is born.  Im anxious for this to happen.  I keep asking Jennifer to hurry up and make her two already. 

I feel very blessed.  God gave me a little reminder today of all that I have to look forward to again.  I can’t wait.