Anxiety about Stupid Stuff

I feel now that I’ve left the middle east that there really is nothing exotic going on in my life.  Yet, I am so content.  That is a great thing.  I just can’t convey it enough, that I really never thought I’d see any happiness again.  For someone as so Happy-go-lucky as I was that was a startling reality for me.  But not only did I make it through the rain (like Barry Manilow) I am happier, and more content than I’ve ever been.  I simply don’t worry about anything (most of the time).  I think that is why I like to talk about my struggles and victories so much on this blog.  Maybe if some of you readers are going through a similar circumstance you can look at my life and somehow become inspired by it.  The key really is Christ.  If you have Christ in your corner, is really like a no-lose insurance policy.  That is if you are living your life right.  If not, all bets are off.  Whenever we veer off-track, and we all do, it seems like we are trying to compensate with some sort of self-indulgence.  I think I heard Charles Stanley or maybe it was Steve Madsen say, We give into temptation when we don’t trust that God will do what he says he’ll do.  So we self-medicate.  Self-medication always makes things worse in the end.  We all sober up eventually and have to face our own realities. 

Now I don’t want you to think that my life is perfect.  There are many negatives in my life right now.  If I dwelt on those, in a short time I could be absolutely miserable and struggling.  If I told you all the things that are currently going against me, you would sympathize and think I’m totally justified with my pity party.  But what good does empathy do in that situation?  Instead of one person miserable, now there’s two.  So I’ve made a conscious choice to look on the bright side, to find the silver lining no matter how thin it may be.  Sometimes its hard to do, but the more you do it, the more it becomes second nature.  The more it becomes second nature the more it becomes infectious with the people you associate with.  When it becomes infectious it becomes self-perpetuating.  That infection of positivity also works negatively as well.  That’s why I try to steer clear of negative thinking people.  If you are a Christian, there is no way you should be a pessimist.  If you are, you are doing it wrong.  Contact me and we’ll talk about it.  Think about Paul and all the time he wrote about joy, while in a Roman prison.  If he can find joy (not necessarily happiness, there is a difference) then surely we can as well. 

I was feeling a little anxious this morning.  I had misplaced my squash racquet.  I had a squash game at 12 and didn’t know what I was going to play with.  Then I got anxious about the new version of Final Cut X (an editing program).  I bill myself a professional editor now.  I had ordered the upgrade and found out I don’t know how to edit at all on the new platform.  I was absolutely lost.  I was afraid I was going to have to learn how to edit all over again.    As a side note, professional editors everywhere detest the new Final Cut Platform as it was designed for the amateur editors.  So these two factors were really just getting me down and ruining my day.  Then I caught myself.  These two circumstances were so insignificant in the big scheme of things.  Christ admonished “Be Anxious for nothing.”  So I said a quick prayer to myself, “Spirit of fear you have no authority over me, be Gone in Jesus name.”  And just like that…With a silent woosh, the anxiety disappeared.  So I guess the anxiousness was some sort of spiritual attack. 

It reminds me of the story of my friend Casper.  I wrote about him a few years ago in my blog.  Casper and I developed a short but intense friendship.  God brought me into his life for a specific purpose for a specific season.  That was to help him and his lovely wife, Mariette, navigate through a rough patch.  He had just suddenly lost his job in Bahrain, the banks cancelled his credit cards, he just found out his wife was pregnant, and was facing deportation back to South Africa all within a matter of a couple of days. I was having dinner with them and the husband and the wife were clasping hands, not in a state of panic but these were desperate times.  At the time, I had a very secure career and was very comfortable but alone.  He had no security instead, just a wonderfully supportive wife and a wavering faith in God. Mariette was his bedrock.   I told him very clearly, that I would trade places with him in a heartbeat.  Having someone by your side believing in you is far more valuable than the temporary security of a job.  So Casper, Mariette and I prayed that night for God to direct Casper’s steps.  God did indeed do that.  A week or so later Casper got a sweet job offer back in a very preferable place to live in South Africa.  I think it was Johannesburg, Im not sure.  All that worry and anxiousness didn’t do a bit of good.  It was a lesson I have to continually learn, like I had to re-learn today and I’ll probably re-learn it again in the future.  The devil’s goal is to sabotage our relationship with God.  One of the best tools he has to do that is to whisper worry, anxiety, and doubt into our lives.  When that happens we are more susceptible to temptation.  Its like when Peter took his eyes of Christ walking on the water, he started to sink.  As long as we keep our eyes focused on our priorites, God first, family second then we shall not sink no matter what the storm seems like that surrounds us. 

Oh…I found my racquet and I have a lovely wife that believes in me and supports me.  God really does want us to have it all.  

#1 Company to work for in America

It was a nice day today.  I am enjoying my career thus far at SAS.  To update you, Jennifer had planned on moving to Dubai to join me.  Then at a crucial moment I was waiting on a key decision from the people I was working for in Dubai.  That same day I got a job offer to come back to the US.  I don’t really think it was entirely my skill.  It was more like they were trying to keep my wife in the US.  Since the timing was so perfect, the day we were to make a decision, it was an easy choice to come back to the US.  I have found that as long as you are walking according to God’s plan the hardest decisions become the easiest to make.   It seems that God closes all the doors and keeps one open so you really don’t have much of a choice.  That’s why it confuses me when Christians spend so much time searching out God’s will.  I think as long as you are living your life right, every choice you make is according to God’s will.  If it’s not, a door will close and that will push you in the right direction. 

Jennifer is starting to have a hard time with the pregnancy.  Her normally solid blood pressure went up.  She is swelling and having a lot of discomfort.  She stayed home from work today and went to the doctor.  The doctor was worried that she might be developing early stages of preeclampsia so she ordered her a week’s worth of bedrest.  This wasn’t horrible news on Jennifer’s part.  SAS is an incredible company to work for.  They have been voted #1 company in America to work for, for two years in a row.  There are so many perks here, including unlimited sick days, a 35-hour work week, on campus health care, day care, gym, pool, squash racquetball courts, no dress code,  subsidized meals at over four different cafeteria style restaurants spread throughout the campus and an entirely relaxed corporate culture. I play squash on Tuesdays with a group at lunch then shower and head back to the office where I eat lunch at my desk.   They take care of their employees here.  The only other company I have worked for that compares with SAS is Dreamworks.  I think they were #10 on this year’s Forbes list.  I think this is one of the main reasons why the employees that usually get hired at SAS, retire at SAS.  I feel very blessed to be there. 

I am having a wonderful time with my youngest boy here.  My middle son was having so much fun with his cousins in Lynchburg, we decided that he should stay up there another week.  Spencer has tennis camp all week.  Before this week we had been playing everyday.  I am afraid that after this camp I won’t be able to beat him anymore.  He is really good.  I just love playing with him and having him around.  I don’t have the other two, emotionally or psychologically, but at least I have one.  That is an extreme blessing.  I am going to sign off now, because Spencer and I are about to play Simpson’s Road Rage.  I used to beat him all the time in this game.  But that was when he was four .  I can’t even come close to him now.  He’s awesome.  

Taiwanese Influences

I got a couple of really nice encouraging emails after I started up this blog again.  Im not sure If Im going to be able to write in it everyday like I did in the Middle East.  I am a pretty fast typist so that helps, but I had a whole lot of time on my hands.  That time is going to go away pretty quickly.  Jenny is due to deliver our baby Girl the first week in August.  I feel so incredibly blessed to have this opportunity again.  Many of you know that my relationship with my children has been essentially ripped from me.  I feel like this new wonderful gift of life is my second chance to relive all those memories.  Really my life so closely resembles the book of Job.  Only I was not entirely blameless and upright.  I probably should give all of you an update on my relationships and really try not to be bitter because I don’t think I am.  There are periods if I dwell on my losses, I start to feel my anger getting up, but I try to stay focused on the positives and the things I can control.  My oldest daughter is an exchange student in France.  She will no longer speak to me nor return my emails.  She has so much animosity towards me.  It really is heartbreaking especially when I watch old family movies.  We were all so close once.  My middle son doesn’t hate me as much, but is still very angry.  My youngest tries to stay out the conflict and tries not to put himself in the middle.  He is a sweet boy.  It hurt when father’s day passed and I didn’t get a Happy Father’s Day greeting from any of them.  That’s the fourth straight year that has happened. No calls on my birthday either. I don’t want to go into details on the rest because it just brings up the negativity.  I am not angry at my children, they are victims in this mess too.  I still love them and I tell them so every single chance I can get.  I do not talk negatively about their mother.  Everyone tells me that the kids will come around someday and that they will see the truth.  That is what I’m holding out hope for.  I just hope its years as opposed to decades.  God is in complete control of this situation.  I have extreme peace even in the midst of the storm.  I think God compensates for pain and suffering too, as other parts of my life are really going well. 

I connected with an old friend from Taiwan.  This story is pretty cool.  While I was married to my ex-wife we as a family became missionaries in Taiwan.  We were teaching English as a second language through a ministry called Overseas Radio and Television.  It was nice because I was able to use my television production skills in a very positive way.  We had a great impact over there as a family.  It was a very hard decision to leave as God was blessing us so much.  We weren’t making hardly any money, but in no other time in my life did I feel richer.  I digress.  Even though we had plenty of ministry opportunities I am convinced that God sent our entire family over to minister to one man.  His name was Kidd.  The Chinese choose for themselves their own American names.  He chose Kidd, because he liked Jason Kidd.  Kidd and I struck up a strong relationship as I taught him how to play American Football and he taught me about Taiwan and Buddhism (his former ancestral religion).  In my many year overseas I have found people are more interested in what you have to say if you have an interest in them and their beliefs.    Kidd accepted Christ as his savior and soon he got his entire family to accept Christ.  I think sending an entire family over to save just one man is the best example of the parable of the lost sheep that I can think of.  I could write so much about that relationship.  We haven’t spoken in about five years but still he will be a lifelong friend from that short bond through Christ that we shared.  So Kidd’s brother Abner contacted me.  Abner chose the name Abner because he bought a English name book and Abner was at the front alphabetically so he didn’t want to read the rest of the book.  Abner and I chatted and he excitedly told me that he got baptized.  Chinese Christians believe that you aren’t 100% saved until you get water baptized.  So he was very excited to tell me that.  Abner moved to the US from Taiwan and got his doctorate degree from Penn State University in engineering.  He is now headed to Springfield, Missouri to teach at Missouri State University (SMS to our old Evangel pals).  He has a wife and two young children.  It was nice to connect with him on that level.  Hopefully our paths will cross again in the future.

I say this a lot, but I am incredibly blessed.  I have a lot of stories like Kidd and Abner in my life.  People brought in for just a season that I minister too and they strengthen their relationship with Christ. As their walk is strengthened, mine is too almost by default.   Its such an honor for me and I absolutely love doing it.  I think my mission in life is to inspire people to reach their full potential.  That is what I try to do through my professional and personal life.  I am anxious to make an even broader impact.  But for now my mission field is to take care of Jennifer and our soon be arriving newborn.  Im honored that God has saw fit to use me in many ways.  But again, its not my ability, its only my availability.  That is all God asks of us.  He’ll supply all the other ingredients.  

Same Blog Different Title

I thought I was done writing in this blog. First it was An American in Bahrain, then an American in Dubai. I started out writing about cultural differences between the West and Middle East and somehow it meandered into a blog about the pain of divorce and then ultimately the rebirth of a life lived according to the precepts of the Bible. Once I moved back to the US, I went through a bit of an identity crisis. For five years (Give or take a few months stateside) I was an American living either in Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, or Dubai. I had many many incredible and noteworthy experiences and friendships. The blog has blessed a lot of people but also created a bit of havoc. The drama would usually elicit interest and empathy from readers. But now that I am back in the US, I reasoned who would want to read me now? That is what I thought anyways until I got an email tonight from a dear friend from Bahrain, Isa. I met Isa entirely through this blog. He stumbled across it somehow when I lived in Bahrain. He had disagreed with my viewpoints on God. So we agreed to meet for lunch at Fuddrucker’s. I think Isa, a very devout Muslim, was expecting an argument something along the lines of
“My God can beat up your God”. But instead of telling him everything that was wrong about Islam (like he was expecting) I told him everything that was right about My God, and Christianity. This type of positivity and vulnerability about my own personal failures opened up the door for a lifelong friendship. Isa is in China now, studying to become a doctor. I am very proud of him. Anyways, I digress per usual. Isa asked me to write in the blog again. As much as I liked to call myself a lay missionary while I was overseas, the reality is that I had just as many ministry opportunities through this blog as I did in face to face situations. That is probably the biggest thing I miss about living in the Middle East, is opportunities to minister to others. But it just dawned on me with Isa’s email, that I still can have these ministry opportunities through this blog.

I do think I have a lot to write about. My life has been a roller coaster of emotions with dramatic pitfalls and tremendous accomplishments. My lovely and spirited bride has told a few of her girlfriends our story and the response usually is “I want to read that book!!!” Someday I’ll probably write my life into a book and then ultimately make it into a movie. It really has been a soap opera. If I didn’t have my faith to sustain me, I don’t know how I would have survived. I like to tell people the details of the story, because I think it’s a tremendous testimony to God’s grace and faithfulness. Jennifer has a blog which many of my faithful readers read. jenni-sloan.blogspot.com She really is a much better writer than myself, which is kind of embarrassing since I bill myself as a professional writer. Jennifer really is a freak of nature, not only is she beautiful, but she is so immensely talented at so many different things. I am really blessed to have her in my life.

So I will try to write in this blog a little more faithfully. It’s a tremendous creative and spiritual outlet for me. My life right now does have plenty of drama. So I will try to avoid the negative when possible but still be completely open and transparent. Even though there is drama, I am not dwelling on it. Why worry about something you can’t control. So instead I am focusing on the positives. I really feel that my life is peaking right now. I have a lovely wife and a beautiful baby girl due to be born in about 6 weeks. I have a great career and frankly the future has never looked brighter. Not everything is perfect, but I’ve never been filled with more hope. I have learned not be stressed about anything. But as I often say, it has nothing to do with my personality, looks, or abilities. All of my success is attributed just because I made a choice to make myself available and allowed God to use me in ways that he best saw fit. I think my life is living proof that God indeed does exist. I will try to write much more faithfully in the future as I have a plethora of things which I would still love to share. Thank you for reading.

Rick