Looking for signs

I keep asking for God for confirmation about my relationship with Jenni. God and I have conversations. I tell him God, I really love this girl, so if its not your will please give me a sign, like a giant billboard telling me that she’s not the one. Yet each time I pray that prayer an opposite sign happens confirming that she absolutely IS the one. There is not a doubt a mind. I’ve spent hours talking to Jennifer today. So instead of posting my own stuff, I decided to borrow Jenni’s blog. It totally confirms that she is the one that I will marry. There is a not a doubt in my mind. Please pray for my kids. There is a lot of strife there.

Jenni's blog....

If you are not living on the East Coast of the United States then you are probably fortunate enough to be living a weekend full of sunshine or at least above freezing weather. Unfortunately for me, the story has a different plot. I don't think the temperatures today reached above 25 degrees Fahrenheit. Lucky for me, I had a lot of work to do inside. And the fortunate thing is that today is Saturday, my favorite day of the week. Saturdays are the days that I get to speak with the love of my life face to face for most of the day, between activities, which for him were directing a film and going to a movie. For me meant pouring myself over research articles, running my dogs in the snow which they absolutely love, sledding down the frozen street with my neighbors and their kids, standing on a sled and attempting to "snow board" which was quite fun since diving off into the snow doesn't hurt at all, I made Broccoli soup from scratch. 2 pots of coffee and 4 hours of conversation later, here I am. The high in Bahrain today was 77 Fahrenheit, just a tad warmer than here, but it won't be long now until I am there, enjoying the warm sun and arid climate. OH yes. I cannot wait. I just might never come home.

Rick is the most amazing man. We are absolutely convinced that we are perfect together, and our suspicions will be confirmed soon enough. IN 11.5 days, I will be confronting him for the first time face to face. I want that moment to last forever. Since we have never really seen one another, I do believe that it will be, love at first sight. Since we already love one another deeply, I will go a step further and say, I will fall more deeply in love with him at that moment, and time will stand still. We will be completely unaware of anything around us, noises will cease to be, and the space between, will feel like miles, as we close the gap towards one another, step by step, walking briskly, trying not to run into one another's arms.... I am full of butterflies just imagining the moment, and no, i do not think that I have built it up so much that I am leading myself to disappointment. I do not think that at all. NO far from it. I don't think that I will be able to fathom the experience until I live it first hand. I am almost certain that my body will go lifeless as we embrace, that I will completely melt into his arms and no longer be able to support the weight of my own body. Today while we were talking, we discussed some very personal goals and plans for our immediate future. Now that he is alseep, I can hear his voice singing these words to me: "you are the one, oh, you are the one. You make it all worthwhile, you make it all worthwhile."

The joy that he brings me is far greater than even the happiest of moments that I have lived out in my life. I have never, in my entire life, been full of so much joy. The more we talk, the more i see his face, hear his voice, watch him smile and laugh.... the more certain i become that he is what I have been searching for my entire life. I am quite certain of that. Its quite sappy, and even more ridiculous, but how great our love has grown over such a short period of time is a testimony in itself. We are certain to face hardships and struggles, but who doesn't? We will have each other, and because of that, we can weather the storm... be it snow or sand... we can get through any test of time. MY life has become quite surreal, Even my friends, people that know me well, even people that attended my first wedding... Even they can testify - they have NEVER seen my smile so big, nor occur this often. MY cheeks are quite sore from all the smiling and laughing, but i think this is in preparation for a lifetime of constant smiles and hearty laughter. It won't be long now, until any reservations I hold are completely stricken from my mind. I'm more certain now than I was yesterday, and know that todays reassurance won't hold a candle to tomorrow.

Please O Please go see the Book of Eli

I had to wake up early today. Some of my improv. Comedy troupe and really some of my best friends on the island are forming a group called Arabites. Its essentially producing short videos to post on the web via youtube. If you are familiar with The Whitest Kids You Know its very similar to that. For their first video they wanted me to direct. I guess Im quite honored that they thought that highly of me. But it kind of put me off having to work for free. But since they had volunteered to work for free for the Improv show, I felt like I owed them. So we got off to an early start. I was in a bad mood for a little bit. I had to wake up early. So the script was written by Tariq and Muneer. They just wanted me to come direct. So there was a cast of about 10 there, they were all very excited about the project. So we produced a 10 minute no-budget internet short. It actually turned out to be quite good. It also went a lot faster than I anticipated. We got the project done in about five hours when I expected it to take 8. I was quite relieved about that. We all went out to eat after. There was quite a camaraderie there with all the funny people. I hope this doesn’t sound too egotistical, but they went on and on about how grateful they were to have me involved. They hold me in quite high regard. Since I direct all the time, I just naturally assume that anyone can do it. But apparently that is not the case. They were all very appreciative of my efforts. That made me feel really good. Since we finished three hours earlier than I anticipated I had the rest of the day to do some fun stuff. I came home and took a nap. That was awesome. Plus I got in another two hour conversation with Jenni. Each day that passes is another day Im more sure that she is “The One” for me.

After our long chat, I went out with Lamond, the former NBA player. We’re starting to be good friends. Its nice being able to talk about hoops and sports with someone that used to be in the biz. Plus Im becoming quite a fan of Muharraq, where Pat is the coach. The refs are not the fairest in the world. I think they’ve been told to favor Manama, which is the NY Yankees, of Bahrain Professional Basketball. So not only does Muharraq have to beat their opponent, they have to beat their refs as well. I really believe there is a conspiracy against Muharraq since they don’t have the largest fan base. Since Lamond is the best player in the league, the refs often give him phantom fouls far away from the action. He has a good attitude about it. He knows he has to try extra hard to overcome this. So Lamond and I went out to see The Book of Eli, starring Denzel Washington. I can’t recommend this film strongly enough, especially for Christians. Its probably the best Christian film I’ve ever seen behind only The Passion of the Christ and O Brother Where Art Thou, and maybe The Green Mile. It was so good in fact, I saw it last night with Pat and had to see it again the next night. That rarely ever happens to me. I enjoyed the film more the second time then I did the first. Spoiler alert * Im not giving away the end, but there was a part of it Where Denzel character was talking to the girl. He was explaining how God spoke to him. He said it was a voice that was inside of his head but was as real as his conversation that he was having with the girl. The voice then guided Him to a quest and said that He would protect him. That really hit home, because that is exactly how God speaks to me. He longs to speak to everyone, but not everyone has the faith to listen and believe its actually God’s voice. I think that is one of my many mandates in life, to help people hear God’s voice. I was so moved by that film. I came home and immediately bought the soundtrack from itunes.

After the movie Lamond and I went to eat. We had a great time talking about Jenni, the NBA, his future, his dreams and his kids. I told him about my blog. He wants to start one now. So I started a blog for Pat and now Lamond. That is a pretty cool thing. I ended the night the second best way possible…and that was webcam chatting with a beautiful blonde, that simply takes my breath away. Its only 11 days 21 hours, and 14 minutes til I get see her in the flesh. What a great day that will be.

God showing off

First of all I need to preface this that this particular blog is in no way meant to denigrate my former spouse. If you happen to be a former spouse of mine, I strongly recommend you stop reading. This isn't meant at all to be vindictive. Rather, Im trying to illustrate how great God happens to be.

The year was early 2006, I believe. I was still legally married but the reality of the impending divorce was becoming increasingly unavoidable. Keep in mind I had prayed continuously along with my closest family and friends for the reconciliation of my marriage. Now it was sinking in that the marriage would end. I was absolutely devastated. I have cried a lot over the past four years. More crying in two years then my entire life combined. My mother used to sit me in front of the TV, to watch Old Yeller, Brian's song, Love Story, The Champ, just to try to get me to cry. I think it was her way of trying
to get me in touch with my feelings unlike my father. That's a trait I inherited from him, that and rarely ever becoming angry. So I just didn't cry that much. On this particular occasion, I wasn't just crying, I was sobbing. I remember this so vividly. I was driving on the 290 west headed home. The traffic was very heavy as I just passed the Beltway. I was sobbing and sobbing hard. For months I had pleaded with God to change my former wife's heart. It didn't seem like it was going to happen. So I had to change my prayer. I prayed the hardest prayer I ever had to pray. It was a prayer I never wanted answered. That's a strange feeling praying something to the Almighty at the same time hoping He won't listen to you and ignore the
request. So there I was blubbering, sobbing, and chest heaving. I said God, If you aren't going to change Her heart then change mine. Help me to stop loving Her. You see, I believe that love is a choice. You choose to fall in love and you choose to fall out of love. Sometimes the choice is easy...sometimes you have to work at it.

So I had to work at trying to fall out of love. I didn't want to do it. Im not a quitter. But it was kind of like the Titanic going down and I was in the lower hull with a bucket trying to bail water as fast I could. I realized the ship was going down. I said, God if its not Your will for us to be together, help me stop loving her. Also if its not your will, please help me deal with this. God I've been faithful to you and I've done everything that you've asked of me to try to save this. So if this marriage is going to end, for my next wife I want an upgrade. I want her to be prettier, smarter, funnier, love me more, be more interested in sex, to think I was handsome, be more adventurous, and to be passionate about God, to be younger, want children, be someone my children would adore. Essentially God I want her to be better in every single way. Now keep in mind that I really didn't expect this prayer to be answered. In my mind, my former wife was hands down the most beautiful woman on the planet. I put her on such a pedestal that I didn't think that such a woman even existed. But I've learned that you sometimes have to be very specific with God. So as I prayed I tried to be as ultra-specific as possible. I thought What the Heck, might as well pray for the Ferrari model of wife. I can't remember each of the specific, but there were about 20 of them. I forgot about that prayer for the most part because I thought it was like asking God to help you win the Lottery.

I have dated/communicated with a lot of girls after the healing process of my divorce. But while each one had their strong points, there was never a "she's the one" moment. They all came close...but no cigar. A few of the close ones I was considering, God had a hand in closing the relationships.

Then there came Jennifer. Its just such a strange and wonderful sensation to not only experience love at first sight, but to realize immediately that this is the one. Its crystal clear on both sides. Everyone is telling us to take it slow. I realize I have to meet her first in the flesh, but for me that is a mere formality. I'd take my vows over a phone line before I would even meet her, Im that confident. So Jenni and I were talking earlier today. Im amazed at her intellect. This girl is one of the smartest girls, no smartest people I've ever met. But you would never tell that from her personality, because she is so goofy. We were talking about something, im not sure how it came up. But I asked her what her GRE scores were. GRE is the test that you take to get into a Master's degree program. This is what blew me away. There are three parts to the GRE, Analytical (logic), Quantative (Math) and Verbal. When I took the GRE (and I thought I was/am smarter than your average bear) I scored in about the 60th percentile out of 100. But the brain, Jennifer, scored a perfect score on her Analytical 800 out of 800, 780ish out of 800 for Quantative and she bombed the verbal at 470ish out of 800. So in the percentile she was the absolute top in
Analytical at 99%, 95% on the Quantative, and somewhere around 52% on the verbal. i would like to add that, these percentages are approximate and by no means to be taken as literal or "miscommunication." If you have seen Jennifer's blog, you would know that she is an amazingly prolific writer and you would never guess that verbal is what she struggled with. At this point, Im filled with pride about this girl. How does a guy like me rate with getting a girl like that. She's getting her doctorate at the age of 29, or that is the plan. Not only is this girl, like Einsteinish like smart, but she is sooo funny, beautiful and amazingly sexy. She's got a body on her... wow... How does a girl like this even exist. Then it got me to
thinking about that ultra-specific prayer I prayed about four years ago. God answered my prayer...to last specific detail. Some might think God is a show off. Well God if you want to show off your faithfulness through me...please consider this an invitation for you to do it for the rest of my life. Im a very very blessed guy. Only 12.5 days now...where I get to meet the love of my life face to face.

Sigorney Weaver, James Cameron and Bahrain

It was a really great day. I am feeling very much like an effective general manager. I don’t have a lot of production to do so Im focusing in on the other aspects of the job. I have always been a good delegator. Primarily because I was trying to get out of work. Now Im getting paid to get out of work in a sense because im the manager.

This is going to be a short blog tonight. I always say that and they usually turn out to be normal. Im exhausted and I still haven’t talked to Jennifer tonight. My friend Tom invited me on the base for an Avatar screening. So after a very effective day, I left the office at 3:30 and headed to the Navy base. The producer Jon Landau, Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Rodrigues, and Stephen Lang (the bad guy) were all on the base signing autographs and taking pictures. James Cameron apparently is coming tomorrow. I won a T-shirt. Im not into autographs from celebrities. I used to be when I was 12. Now I consider these celebrities my peers. So it was kind of awkward for me. But I didn’t want to steal from Tom’s excitement. He was very excited to take a bunch of pictures. They showed the movie at night fall, but since I’ve already seen it, twice, we ditched it. We went with Joe to a great restaurant in the big new mall, called the Butcher Shop. It had incredible steaks. These guys are really becoming close friends. You know what, I have a ton of close friends on this island. Its really a nice feeling.

We were invited to Nab’s surprise 40th birthday party. This was a private party with many of my close friends there. Nabs you might remember was the first arab to reach the North Pole. His job…professional adventurer, and that is what he does with his career and his sponsors. Four days ago Nabs was the first Omani to reach the South Pole. He’s quite the guy. So there were about 75 of us crammed in this tiny apartment. It was a great time. I think I was the only one not drinking there. There was a belly dancer that came and gave Nabs a dance. It was lots of fun. I think the belly dancers is the Middle East equivalent of a stripper at a Bachelor Party. Right at the end of the Belly Dancing, Nabs closest friends and family threw pies in his face. It was very funny. There were so many hot and beautiful women at this party…I mean a lot. Yet the whole time, all I could think about was jenni. Im more positive now than ever that she’s the one…and Im the lucky one.

Divorce rates in India

What a great great great day I had. Why was it great? Im not really sure. Nothing very consequential happened. Its just that I feel like God’s hand is on my every move. I know there are tons of people out there praying for me. That is such a great feeling. I feel like Im on the spiritual war front lines. So you might have noticed that I was really down. But then, the clouds parted and the oppression lifted, really for no reason at all. Im so full of hope and joy right now. I told Jennifer this earlier, but I’ve never been so sure that she’s the girl for me then at this precise moment. A lot of people don’t understand this. Everyone says take it slow. Well…I did take it slow the first time around in marriage, a three-year courtship and engagement, and look how that turned out. So taking it slow isn’t always the way. I just have to look at all my Indian friends. I love Indians, but I just hate their food. Its sooooo spicy. I believe that Indians are my favorite culture of people. They are so smart, work so hard, are genuine, and kind. Really fantastic. Its like a world full of Apu’s out here. In Bahrain Indian’s comprise of 50% of the population. And Californian’s are worried about Mexicans…pffffttt. The joke is if all the Indians would leave Bahrain, this island would cease to exist. OK…back to the Indian dating thing. Saji, our editor just went back to get engaged last month. Did he know who he was getting engaged to? No. What usually happens is the parents pick our 4-5 potential brides. Then the groom interviews them, and picks one. I think they then get married fairly quickly after that, like a 1-2 week engagement. Wait..isn’t that just like a reality game show? So Indians don’t go through a long courtship, engagement phase. But they go into it with the right mindset. Marriage is for life…we have to figure out how to make this work. So it’s a little like an arranged marriage, with a couple of options. So is the Western/American model better? Is more freedom to choose the best way? I checked the stats online and got this from divorcerate.org 
--Divorce rates
US - 50%
India - 1.1%

So 11 marriages out of 1000 end in divorce in India. That is just incredible. The U.S. doesn’t have the highest divorce rate in the world. That honor belongs to Sweden at 54.9%. So is having more freedom to choose and court your mate better? Just look at the stats. What is even scarier, is the divorce rate in the U.S. for second, third and fourth marriages. Second is 75%, Third is 86%, Fourth is 94%, Im not sure if they keep stats for fifth marriages, Someone call Elizabeth Taylor and ask her. So those number are daunting. Am I scared to get married again and brave these statistics, not really. Before Jenni, I would say sure. But now…the answer is Heck no. We both feel that this coming marriage is an arranged marriage, only its being arrange by God. We both feel very strongly about that. The circumstances that led to us coming together seem totally orchestrated. God has been absolutely directing my steps and talking to me constantly for the last four years. That is why I can say with absolute certainty that she’s the one. I told you how emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically we are perfect matched for each other. But here’s the part were God goes the extra mile. She’s 29, and she’s been playing soccer since she was seven. So she has one of those soccer playing bodies. If you watched any of the U.S. Women’s soccer team…you should know that girl soccer players are pretty hot…and Jennifer…well she’s smoking. The important thing is that she has an absolute and unabated heart for God. The whole body and beauty thing is God showing off for the world how good he can be. Well…show off all you want God, I’ll let them know. Only 14 more days til she comes out. Can you tell…Im a little bit excited.

Life Like Pistons

I think I just ran out of gas. My life is a real mix right now. My love life is going great, but the professional life is not really not going as well as I would like. Plus I really miss my children. It seems the past five years either my professional life is going great and emotional life is hurting, or my emotional life is great and professionally Im hurting. Its like a piston, one is up and one is down. One of these days They are both going to be up at the same time, I just know it. Maybe that is a plan of God to keep me going and to give me hope. I am fortunate that I am still employed with a great job. Im still living the adventure here. Its just a little bit luster has worn off. I used to love love love my job and couldn’t’ wait to get into work. Now it feels like work. My supervisor is trying to push me into more of a sales/business development role. My passion remains in the creative/production realm. That is where I really excel. As a salesperson, Im ordinary. There are also unrealistic expectations how long projects take to complete. So that has taken the wind out of my sails just a bit. That’s why this week has been really difficult. But like I said last night, that this is all part of God’s plan. Im just to wait it out. He’s got things in motion that will come to pass. Im just to be still and wait for God’s timing.

It sure does help that Jenni is coming out in 16 days so I can meet the love of my life face to face. It just seems weird that we would fall for each other, so quickly without any physical contact. I think our story is one of the potentially great 21st century love stories. It would have to be God to set this up. Here I was in the Middle East, that’s not much of a draw for potential love partners. Except if you are from Russia. More on that in a later blog. So for God to prompt Jenni to have the desire to leave her world behind to join me, is almost semi-miraculous. She has never been more than 4 hours from her parents and here she is about to embark on such a radical life changing decision and she’s stoked about it. The more that I learn about Jenni, the more its amazing how well we fit together, spiritually, physically, emotionally, sense of humor, intellectually the works. But what truly amazes me, and I just can’t get over this is that how crazy she is about me. She really makes me feel good about myself. She tells me how handsome/cute/good looking I am all the time. I mention that because it seems so unbelievable to me. Its almost that God designed us for each other. I know that God wouldn’t design two marriages to fail. But my life is a continuing testament to “What the devil meant for evil, God will turn for good.” I think I am the poster child for that verse. I actually think that God gave me the best girl in the world so He could show off through me a little. I felt a lot like Job with my family being taken from me. I’ve mentioned this before. But the big difference between Job and myself, is that he was blameless in the eyes of God. I haven’t been so blameless. I really have been upfront about my struggles in this blog. I think the reason why I am, is to show that Im real, Im fallible, I make mistakes, yet God continues to use me and bless me despite myself. God knows my heart, he knows that I love him, and He is quick to forgive my mistakes. Proverbs 28:13 "He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion."

Rarely do you hear people is spiritual leadership fess up to specific sinning unless they are forced to do so, Im thinking Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker here. Im not sure that is a good or bad thing. Perhaps if ministers would be up front about their failures their flocks might not be as ready to follow them. That is between them and God and Im certainly not criticizing. But my deal is to be totally transparent. I am that way with my small group/home church. I tell them and pretty much everyone everything. I think that gives me credibility. There was one guy that came to the group on Monday, he’s an agnostic. He grew up Roman Catholic and just got so turned off by the hypocrisy that he saw within the church. I think my stance appeals to him, because I am real. He can respect that even though I struggle sometimes. I should preface this to say…these are the struggles of my past. Im not currently going through any difficulties/temptations, by the grace of God. I’ve learned how to become spiritually fit and ward off the temptations. I’ll continue to ward them off as I continue to develop my spiritual life. I know that God is blessing me. I just have to wait a little longer.

Prayer Works

Prayer works. I think I’m living breathing proof of the existence of God. Im pretty transparent with my feelings and yesterday was just a plain sucky day. I know I’ve had a lot of great great days while Im here, so the odds are heavily in favor of me having a sucky day every once in a great while. Yesterday was that day. I think I told some friends that I felt like I was under spiritual attack. Nothing really too tragic happened to me, I just felt kind of oppressed all day. Just really discouraged mostly. That simply doesn’t happen much. So I was having my chat with God this morning and later at lunch where he repeated himself. I was at Burger King, just finished off my Double Cheeseburger and read Proverbs 30…What an interesting chapter. So instead of going back to the office right away I thought that place was as good as any to talk to God. So just closed my eyes and listened. I heard God very clearly tell me not to bother with any of the details. My job was just to “Seek First” the Kingdom and he would handle all the other details. I have talked to God a lot in the past four years and I can really recognize his voice. This was clearly God. So I went back to work and had a productive rest of the day. Still I wasn’t bouncing off of the walls with joy and glee. We had my small group/home church tonight. There were five of us. Four Christians and one agnostic. What amazed me is that Joel’s message absolutely confirmed what God confirmed for me earlier today. I was to “stand still” and let God do all the work. For me Standing Still and seeking God are one in the same. Christians, especially yours truly, sometimes try to help God along with our effort as if we think he needs a little help. Sometimes he wants us just to step back, do nothing so his glory could be magnified. That is why I think he chose to use so many imperfect figures n the Bible So His Glory could shine through not the glory of man. So I have adopted the philosophy “Don’t just do something…Stand there.” So what God was telling me earlier today and confirming it through Joel and the other people that were there tonight is that he is complete control. Don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff…I think is how it goes. We had such amazing discussions with tonight’s group. I think everyone was really blessed by it. I could feel the Holy Spirit move through me and give me the precise words to give others in the group. The Christ-followers life is supposed to be simple I think. 1. Love God, 2. Love others like you love yourself. You add an addendum to that about mindset and you have Stand still. So essentially God is doing all the work. You just stand there (or sit if you’ve been standing a long time) and let God do all the work. All you have to do is love (trust) and he will do all the rest. It’s a pretty sweet deal if you think about. I’ve been standing still a lot lately the past few years and God has certainly met me where I needed im to meet me.

God has all the details of my life categorized and prioritized. All I have to do is believe and He’s going to do all the tough stuff. My job is just to remain faithful. I certainly can do that.

Bad notes to start a week.

It was a tough day at the office. Don’t you just hate when someone has a bad day/weekend then when they see you they vent/project all the anger on you. Well that is how the first day of my week started out. It was pretty intense. My supervisor also has a tendency to focus on the negative. His managerial style is kind of the exact opposite of mine. He believes employees respond better when they are intimidated/threatened. I don’t adhere to that philosophy at all. Its just really hard to take. I guess Im venting here. I am the general manager, yes, that means general I understand that. But He wants me out on one outside sales call a day, to train the staff in video/photo production, keep tabs on all the employees activities, maintain a positive cash flow, continue to write, produce, and direct projects (Im the only writer, producer, director, on staff), prospect new clients, and I have to train up the editors, maintain all quality control, and now that our office boy is on vacation get my own diet coke ;o) . I maintain that is more than one person can handle. Im pretty fast, but Im not that fast. I don’t think there is a human being alive that can do all that. I do love the creative aspects of my job, but I really do not like sales at all. I know there is a certain amount of sales in any position, but that is just not my strong suit. I just have a really hard time with cold calls. If someone sets up the meeting, I can explain the product and the benefits well, but I just get so discouraged with the cold calling. I guess I’ve been rejected once too many times for a sales position. I am fairly certain Im under spiritual attack because it is hitting on all sides. So If you could send a prayer my way, it would be much appreciated.

OK…enough of my bellyaching. Here’s the good stuff that happened today. I watched the biography on Khalifa. I didn’t produce it myself, we had a contractor come in and do it. I had faith in this guy, he didn’t disappoint. The biography was very well made. I am quite proud. Khalifa’s children were also quite pleased with it. We are going to use this as a pilot to push the other biography shows. I am finding with Arabs you can’t really describe the product to them. You have the show them. So we are going to have a big gala premiere of the biography and invite a lot of his influential friends. Hopefully they’ll see this and want one of their own. Then we’ll market the product by word of mouth. I think its going to be big here. My dream for KSDi is to just focus in on the creative aspect of the GM and have enough financial resources to hire a CFO type. My supervisor is currently acting as the CFO, but he’s not taking a salary yet. So Im not sure how much longer that will last. In days like today, I just have to rely upon God and know he has a plan. I haven’t been in much a routine spiritually, so that has to have an affect on all of this. The enemy knows exactly when and how to strike, and Im just discouraged. Normally the enemy would attack me emo’tionally, but since I’m doing well emotionally with the whole Jenni thing, he’ll try to take another avenue to see if he’ll hit a nerve. Once the enemy seeks a weakness he’ll pounce. OK here’s another good part. I was able to call Jenni at the end of my day and just vent. Really unload, she listened and she cared. That felt very good. Its only 18 more days until I see her face to face. So things are going well in that aspect.

The good thing about how God made my disposition is that I rarely have two bad days in a row. If I do..then its really really bad.

On another more positive note, my little sister got married in Hawaii yesterday. I looked at flights to Hawaii from Bahrain, and I couldn’t find any. Flying back to the U.S. is fairly simple, but Hawaii, now that is a challenge. The guy she married is a really solid guy. I like him a lot. I’m very happy it finally happened for her. She is a sweet, sweet girl with a darling personality. She is one of the funniest people I know. We sure know how to annoy each other. It’s a special gift. So for a special shout out to Kristen: “Tommy Lee Jones.”

Another love letter...forgive me I'm smitten

OK…this love letter thing is kind of fun. It’s like Sweeps for the networks during rating season. Nothing gets the readership up more than conflict with the former wife or the love letters. So we’ll just go with the love letters. By the way, many of you have sent wonderful congratulatory emails. I really do appreciate your care and support. So without further adieux, here’s another love letter.

Good morning Sweetheart,

I love you and I am so committed to you. I re-read your emails while you were sleeping and they just broke my heart. Not because I was upset at you, but rather because you were hurting so bad. Im sorry I couldn't be there to immediately comfort you and assure you. Im certain your panic attack was of the enemy. Its just rather ironic that two people Im very close to had such intense spiritual oppositional encounters within hours of each other. I've learned to take spiritual warfare to a whole different level and I think Im called to help other people "armor up". That would be a good name for a book wouldn't it. Its clear to me that you and I jenni are going to make an amazing couple. I just have never met anyone quite like you, and I think of myself as unique too...D'oh..I just fell into pond after admiring my reflection. I think God brought us together to make like a type of "super" couple. I have always felt a special annointing on my life that I was going to do something spectacular for His kingdom. Like God was preparing me for great great things. I thought Los Angeles would be the place where those things would take place. When I left Los Angeles in 2001, I was hurting...and hurting bad. Not only was my marriage in trouble (the first time) I left there defeated. All these years believing that God had special plans for me were gone. I felt like God had abandoned me. I wondered where He was in all of this. Im not much of a fan of that footprints in the sand poem, but there was only one set of footprints. I thought I had to give up my dreams forever. In hindsight if I would have been more successful in Los Angeles, my personality would not be what it is today. I have a bit of an ego you see. I think I would have been full of myself. God knew that. I had to go back to school, so to speak and be grounded. The years between 2001-now, Have been incredible learning experiences for me in the school of God's ways. He taught me so much in that time. Primarily I learned what true spiritual intimacy is, and how to hear His voice. In Genesis it says that God walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the evening, that Moses saw God, Abraham was a friend of God, and David was a man after God's own heart. I understand all of those scenarios, because I feel that same closeness. I don't mean this to sound egotistical, but God often told me that I am a man after God's own heart like David was. Now I don't have anything theological to back this up, but I also got the impression that David was a sex addict like I used to be. If you look at the book of Psalms and see the anguish in David, his life is like a roller coaster of emotions. Its the same roller coaster I was on in the throes of my addiction. Plus addictions are sometimes hereditary, and with 700 wives and concubines, its an easy argument to make that Solomon also had his sexual addiction issues. OK...I say all that to say that between those years of growth, God was re-preparing me for a new life defined Him. The adage is behind every great man there is an even greater woman. My former wife stopped believing in me, thus I stopped believing in myself. I became stifled in my career and in my dreams. God used that horrible time of divorce to break me down and to build me up again the right way. He had to get me to believe in myself through Him again. Many wonderful things happened during that time that I'll have a lifetime to share with you. But one thing in particular happened. I had just moved back to California from Texas to take a job with LMA productions. I had lost my job a week earlier, and the very next day I got a job offer to return to California to work for my dear friend Thad Coberg. I was swimming in God's presence. It's like spiritually I was at the throne all the time. That is an amazing feeling, something I felt again and again through my divorce til now. So there I was just basking in the presence of God in my old room and He spoke very clearly to me. "Now that you are the man that I always designed you to be, things will start happening now. You are going to change the world." It didn't happen right away. It took another year of working through it. I believe that Bahrain was the first step towards that process. I've already changed the world for a few people here and there. But step two is going to be a bigger stage. This is where you come in. I need someone dynamic and incredible to be by my side if these improbable dreams in my heart are to come to pass. The fact that you are beautiful and sexy are just perks. But you and I, Jenni are about to embark on this amazing and incredible journey. This past year has been one thrilling year and probably the best of my life despite the loneliness and perpetual heartbreak. I just can't imagine how much fun it will be with someone I love by my side to experience this together. We can get that kayak built for two for example.

My amazing life will be a testimony to what happens to you when you remain faithful to God. Having you as my prize will be testimony to that. I won't be the luckiest guy in the world...but I certainly will be considered the most blessed.

I love you...and I can't wait to see you in three weeks.


Rick

Annti, Aila, Asian brunches, and Airshows

The day started out very well. Well..it started out even before it started. I had a nice middle of the night chat with Jenni, went back to bed and then started my day out the normal way. I had a wonderful Asian brunch at my friend’s Annti and Aila’s house. They are the Finns. They invited several people over for this brunch. It was a very cultured affair. It was nice, elegant, and very classy. I guess its like how rich people have brunch at people’s houses. It made me feel like I was part of the “in” crowd. I met a lot of new friends today and the food…it was delicious. There were a lot of children there today, mainly between the ages of 3-7. I so love that age. That’s one of the many reasons why Im so excited about my relationship with Jenni. She’s only 29, 12 years younger than I. So right there…I scored..and she has no problem with the age difference. Her sister married a guy 13 years older than her and they have a great relationship. Jenni really wants a family and I do as well. I missing out on some fabulous years with my own kids. That really breaks my heart. So I believe God is going to bless me with even more children so I can experience my kids the way that He originally intended. We decided that we’d get married…yes we’re so talking about that. I still have to do all the traditional stuff like ask her father( I hope he’s not reading this, it would blow the surprise), get a ring, set a date etc… But we’re dreaming and planning. We both feel 100% convinced that God made us for each other during this particular point in our lives. It just feels so right. Each day seems a little righter than the day before. Is that a word…Righter…I know Im a writer, but I and I just mentioned it twice so Im not sure if two righters make a wronger…OK…I’ll stop. But Im crazy about this girl and can’t wait to marry her. This is coming together in God’s perfect timing, so I have to see how it will play out.

After brunch I went out to the Airshow. I didn’t post about this yesterday because of the Love Letter post. But I was out at the First Bahrain Airshow the past two days. It was pretty neat seeing all the Jets flying in formation and doing death-defying feats. As these amazing aircraft would fly overhead the deafening roar of their engines made all verbal communication impossible for about 10-20 seconds. It was a weird sensation.

I went out to a movie and dinner with Pat tonight. He really is a good guy. I was asking about his son, the one that died of a Brain Aneurysm a few years back. I wanted to be respectful and not bring up a painful experience, but still allow him the freedom to talk and reminisce if he so desired. He did say that as he was asking why did this happen, a friend gave him word from the Lord something like: “I will bless the kingdom by this. “ I mentioned to Pat that I blogged about him and his son a few weeks back. I bemoan the loss of relationship with my children. But when I compare my pain with the pain that Pat must be suffering from there really is no comparison. Even though Im estranged my children, they are healthy and whole. Im sure Pat would change places with me in a heartbeat. So I told him, Pat that prophetic word has already happened. The Kingdom was blessed because you had blessed me. Your tragedy ministered to me so I could better appreciate how fortunate and blessed I really am. Further, Im not sure how many people were touched by it through reading my blog. That is just the tip of the iceberg I think. God has just begun to use that situation to bless others. He appreciated me bringing that to his attention. So I got home after the movie and have been chatting with Jenni ever since. I don’t know how she can do it. She can do doctoral level statistical analysis while at the same time chat with me without missing a beat. She truly is a genius, but you’d never know if you just met here. She’s a real goofball…and a very funny girl. God certainly broke the mold when he made her.

By the way, this blog just eclipsed 20,000 hits. Thanks for reading.

A love letter

Dear Blog readers, friends, and others,

Its been a wonderful journey that I’ve (we’ve) been on this past year. I know a lot of you read this to live vicariously through me. Not sure if this ride for you has been an upper or a downer. But even through the rough patches, I’ve had a continuous joy. I hope that has been an inspiration to you. I think that is my calling in life to be an inspiration to others to help them maximize their God-given abilities. So as you have traveled through my heartbreak and frustrations, now we are on the emotional good side. God’s faithfulness is really shining through my life right now and Im ecstatic. Since I share so much with you already, I thought you might want to read a love letter I just wrote to Jenni. (I asked her permission.) Be forewarned…its pretty sickeningly sweet. If you are not romantic it may cause you to throw up in your mouth a little bit.


Jenni,

I am sitting in Fuddrucker's right now eating lunch and watching the Oscar nominated short films from 2007. It's hard for me to describe the high that I am on right now. I can just describe it as bliss. Its all because of you Jenni my darling. I am so in love with you. I feel a little bit foolish with writing that Annulment paper and how it made me feel, longing for the family of yesterday. I have realized a great many thing about myself and my relationships over the past few years you see. God knows my heart and he knows the heart of my former spouse. I know God knew that the divorce was coming even though it blind-sided me. God could see into my future and he was protecting me. My year in Saudi was preparation to live life alone for a few years while I redefined myself in Him. I was to get my esteem from God and no one else. I learned to live alone and be completely reliant upon God’s grace. Because I had a year to prepare by being alone I learned to adapt. If she just would have left or filed while we still lived together it would have been absolutely devastating, I probably would have needed depression meds or something. While it was still incredibly painful, I endured as you endured. But because I was so spiritually ready for it, it knocked me over but didn't split me in two. We talked about what kind of tree we would be. I think God has designed me to be a Palm tree. The Palm can withstand any Hurricane. It will bend in torrential winds that would snap normal trees in half, but the Palm rarely breaks because they are designed to withstand any storm. So I withstood the storm, by the grace of God. While Im not perfect and I've made mistakes through the divorce process, I think I went through it exactly as God would have wanted me to. God is honoring my faithfulness Jenni by bringing you into my life. I honestly think, there just is no one in the world more perfect for me than you. God knew this. We met at the exact right time in the exact right place. You are being used of God in my life. That is a wonderful feeling to be used of God. You should get used to it. It is like you are the great reward for my faithfulness. If everyone knew they would get a “jenni” at the end of their personal “Hell” I think we’d get a lot more people signing up for it. But I think that’s the thing. We all go through our personal “hells” and our reward is just as satisfying as getting a “jenni” I think God custom makes our rewards to suit our tastes. Im just glad God knew that I had exquisite taste in you. I think many will see you as evidence as God's faithfulness. I stayed faithful through the storm and look at what I got as a reward, the most beautiful, intelligent, funny, sassy, and sexy girl in all the world. Its still hard for me to fathom how a guy like me could I merit a girl like you but only by grace of God. In fact, you are living proof that God exists. Its just such a strange sensation to be in love with someone I have never even met in the flesh before. I know I am romantic and a poet at heart. But how is it possible that each of us could fall in love before we even saw each other on the web camera. Then as soon as we did, the sparks flew. I knew at that moment you’d be my wife someday. Its really romantic if you ponder it. In the future, I think we are both going to have ministries to the divorced and broken hearted. We will use each other as examples to other's to keep the faith and to not give up. Because we found each other, they will receive hope through us. Jenni you and I are the modern love story. Broken hearted people finding each other through the new medium of cyberspace and discovering love that once seemed so improbably if not impossible. I have a bottle full of tears that God has saved and so do you. He counted all of our tears and stored them. Each tear will equate to a thousand moments of joy. I have about 10,000 tears I figure, and you must have about 8,000 (Im older) so I figure that will equate to a lifetime of joy for us. Get ready...for a fabulous life.

I love you sweetheart,

Rick

Rear view mirror

I got a chilling email last Friday and it has taken me more than a few days to process it. It was from the Archdiocese of Houston. A coldness swept over me as I read it. It was a petition from my former wife using her maiden name to annul my marriage to her. Im not really sure what it all means and what the purpose behind it all is. I can only speculate. I had no forewarning that it was coming. I think the part that bothers me is the idea that 15 years of history can be wiped away because someone changed their mind. Where does that leave the children? If you are catholic and want to weigh in on the matter your opinion will be valued.

The questionnaire was really long. It asked me about everything in my life, from my parents, to my childhood, to dating, to dating my former spouse, to engagement, to marriage, to divorce. Literally no stone was unturned. It was a 16 page application/questionnaire that was incredibly thorough. The Catholic church is doing their due diligence on this. So I started answering the questions on Sunday. The letter was sure to specify that this application had no bearing on civil law, only canonical law within the church. I have bemoaned the fact of the pain of the divorce. I have relived all the pain and expressed that to all of you. But this was different. It was like I was Sherman going back with Mr. Peabody in the wayback machine. I had to relive everything all over again. But here was the peculiar thing, the memories I had of the past were mostly good-to-great memories. It was nostalgic for me to walk down memory lane. Remember I was happily married, apparently it was my former spouse was not. So after reliving all the joys and pains, it left me begging the question why? Divorce just doesn’t make sense, it never will in my mind. So I responded and responded and responded. Remember Im a good and fast writer. So 16 hours later I had finished responding with 16 typed, single spaced, full pages. If the Catholic church wanted thorough, I gave them thorough. I was completely honest and transparent with them in the process often raising my hand of accountability and fault. As I was writing this, such a spirit of fear and despair literally enveloped me. I had to finish this as quickly as possible, I didn’t want to tied to this funk for any longer than necessary. It was just a dark cloud hanging over me. But as soon as I finished…I felt such a great sense of relief. I don’t think it was closure. I thought I had closure but this dredged up the old feelings again. I really did adore my former spouse. The key word is did. So I was looking back at a movie, something that isn’t reality anymore. What is reality is my children and my longing for a relationship with them like I used to have…but that is a different blog. I think I’ll have full 100% closure when Jenni walks down the aisle. I really did love and adore my former wife. Now I’ll have an opportunity to love and adore another. Im so thrilled and honored that God would bless with another opportunity to love and be loved. He has a plan in all of this and nothing is ever a surprise to God.

Life is going pretty good for me right now. There is a reason why the rear view mirror is a fraction of the size of the front windshield. Its meant to just glance back at what is behind you periodically. If you spend too much time turning around looking at the past through your rear window, you’re likely to get into a wreck. So for this exercise, I spent turned around looking out the rear window. While the view was nice it was fading as I moved forward in the distance. So now that I’ve finished it, I can turn back around to see what is ahead of me. There standing on the corner is a beautiful, blonde haired, blue-eyed beauty, just trying to hitch a ride with me. I think I’ll pull over.

Routine

I am in a routine now where I talk to Jenni every morning. Well…I usually talk to her in the afternoon, evening, middle of the night…but in the morning is when do our webcam chat. Thank you skype. It makes it seem like Im not a half world away this way. I had an early morning meeting at the Navy Base so I decided to eat at Chili’s right aroung the corner. They have a great breakfast feast for $4. So I’m talking to Jenni on the cell phone all during breakfast. It was like we were on an actual date. I made her hungry in fact so she had to go get something to eat herself. I really enjoy chatting with this girl. She is very funny. So we have this little competition to find out who is the funniest person in the relationship. I think she wins hands down, but I’ll give her a run for her money. The meeting with the navy folks went far better than I ever could have imagined. I thought we were going just to pitch performing The Funniest Person in Bahrain. But they wanted more than that. We talked about setting up the acting classes on the base and perhaps doing a Improv show with Navy personnel only. It was very exciting. If I could somehow wrangle a pass to get on regularly…I’d be in heaven. Im not sure how that will work though. But it was cool because the people I met with were both Christ-followers. They had the same ideals as me. One of them will even come to my Positive Living group next week. It was just a very productive meeting. Then I had another very important meeting with a P.R. agency. Im trying to establish these strategic partnerships so KSDi can be their in house video production branch. We function in that manner for a couple of agencies. I may not like going out on sales calls all that much, but I am good at them. We have salesman #6 starting Monday. I pray this one lasts more than 8 weeks. That would take a lot of pressure off of me. I prefer to stay in production, but my position dictates I need to do a little bit of everything. Nader doesn’t like me to delegate he wants me to be responsible for EVERYthing. Its more than one person can handle. Perhaps his management style is trying to get as much out of me as he can.

I got back to the office around 2:00. It was nice. I did have a lot of work to catch up being gone all morning. The day just seemed to fly by. I stayed at the office late. There was a transportation problem so I offered to drive the girls home. On the way back I mentioned to the girls that I had a girlfriend. They got very excited, but they already knew about it. They would not divulge their sources. But they were really enthusiastic. They just ate up all the details.

I came back to go to the basketball game to support Pat. They play about once a week. I think Im becoming a fan, especially since Im becoming friends with Lamond. Muharraq won by four points and they set themselves up nicely for the end of half 1 of the season. They are solidly in second place one game behind Manama (the team that beat them at the buzzer) but Muharraq owns the tie-breaker with Manama. So if Manama loses once more in the next five games, that gives Pat’s team a chance. Its nice pulling for a team you have a vested interest in following.

You know…I just have had so much joy lately. Its nice that things are turning around for me emotionally. It seems like Im clicking on all cylinders. I didn’t notice this but the girls have mentioned that I seem like Im walking on air. Love will do that to you.

The 300 lb. bully vs. the 98 lb weakling

We had a great small group tonight. There were only five of us, well 6 because Pat joined later. The spirit of God was really moving in this one. One of my ardent young muslim friends was so energized by this. He wanted a transcript and exclaimed this was the best message yet. Essentially Joel talked about how God allows resistance in our life in order to propel us to make us stronger. If there was no resistance (trials) we would remain weak. I know the trials that I had to endure in my own life have made me incredibly stronger in the spiritual realm. I brought up to the group my past issue with Pornography which they all know about. Before when temptation hit, it really wasn’t much of a battle. I prayed, but I was soon bowled over. I really had no idea how to fight that demon in my life. I was the 98 lb. weakling and the devil was the 300 lb. ripped bully kicking sand in my face. But the trials I had to endure through my divorce and career struggles forced me to work out spiritually. Day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, I got stronger and I continued to work out. Now, by the grace of God, the shoe is on the other foot. So when temptation comes, like pornography, it’s a mere flick of the wrist and it goes away. Now Im the 300 lb bully, and the enemy is the 98 lb. weakling. Now, Im not going to boast, because If I don’t continue to work out spiritually by reading my Bible, doing my devotional, listening to God and praying, before I know it, I’m 98 lbs again and the devil will be primed to knock me over. Now its not just with temptation/pornography where Im strong. Its every facet of my life. Specifically, I will not let the enemy steal my joy. If something comes in opposition to me, I take a step back, evaluate it and handle it according to how God would have me handle it. I can have loads of crap happen in my life, but I choose to not allow it to steal my joy. Its just a mindset you have to put yourself in. This stuff really works. My small group knows everything about my struggles with my sin and divorce/former wife issues. By the way…I used to refer to my former wife as X, which was very hurtful and condescending. I was trying to hurt her back because she hurt me so. My older sister brought this to my attention. I don’t think that is the way that God would have me treat one of his daughters. So I felt really conflicted about that. I hope she can forgive me for that. Plus, now that I have a new love in my life, all those past hurts are one by one disappearing. That is a great feeling to have. I have to forgive, and forgiveness is a process, a choice I have to do over and over again. When Im lonely and hurting, forgiveness is more difficult. But when things are going very well, forgiveness is quite easy. I hope my former wife can one day forgive me for my misdeeds I committed in the marriage and outside of the marriage during the divorce process.

I like being so transparent with my group. By sharing the details they are seeing that God is real and this whole Christianity thing works. So Im a living example of “What the enemy meant for evil, God will turn for good.

There are so many great things happening in my life. The more time I spend with Jenni, the more I’m convinced that she was made especially for me, especially for this time in my life. I joke with her that I was supposed to be married to my former wife first, because If I would have married her first, I would have been 22 and she would have been 10, and I’d be writing this blog from a prison cell.

That doesn’t mean, that marrying my former wife was wrong when I did, because it absolutely was not. I was very happily married for many of the years we were together. I’d do it all over again, only this time I would be a better husband. I thank God that I’ll have a second chance to be a better husband the second time around. One question I wrestle with is why would God call me to marry my former wife and have it end in such a horrible fashion. I’m not sure I’ll ever truly have the answer to that question. Maybe it was a simple as her DNA needed my DNA to create three really great kids. Or maybe it was tool to drive me to a deeper undertanding and Intimacy with the Creator. I may never know. But the good thing is that I don’t need to know. All I need to know now is that God is extremely faithful. My pain, my struggles, my deliverance, my victory and the new love of my life are testimony to that. Im glad I have this blog to annotate it. Im a very blessed guy. The Joy of the Lord is my strength and I feel stronger than ever.

Lost in the Souq

Im sitting in Darren’s living room watching the Cowboys Vikings game. Darren is from Dallas so he’s pretty upset at the deficit right now. Its nice watching a football game with a bunch of guys. Im feeling very American right now. I had to go and buy Insulin earlier today. The hospital where I normally buy the insulin from was out of my type. So I had to go downtown to buy the Insulin. I didn’t know where I was going but I knew it was somewhere in the Souq, which is another word for the downtown market. I was trying to get directions, and the pharmacist trying to give me directions asked do you know where the Yateem Center is, No, Do you know where the KFC is? No, Do you know where the KFC is? No. I do know where Bab Al Bahrain is. Good, go to Bab Al Bahrain take the first right, then don’t turn at the next right, go by British Airways, don’t turn left, go to the street where you turn left or right and turn left and then go four stores down. So…I promptly go out and get lost. What an adventure it was. Getting lost in the souq is really something. It felt like I was driving down one of those busy alleys from an Indiana Jones movie, minus the monkey. The streets were narrow. If there would have been someone coming the other way, I would have been in trouble. There wasn’t enough room for the car and a pedestrian even. I drive a fairly small car too. A Suburban or SUV just wouldn’t have been able to make it through these winding alleyways they call streets. Most of the streets have been around for 5000 years so there just wasn’t a city planning commission back then. It was really cool soaking in all the culture. I sometimes forget that I am living in a foreign country because I have most of the comforts of home. Today’s drive was a reminder that I do live in a unique culture and it was very cool.

I did get a lot accomplished. Jenni and I are learning to talk less. So that means instead of 12 hours a day…we’re down to 11. I do exaggerate but not by much. Its just so nice to have someone you care about and can’t get enough of. She likes that I make her feel so special…which she is. All those months of loneliness are sure paying off now.

Mrs. Finland organized a practice session for our Funniest Person Contest. My whole crew is so dedicated to making this the best that it can be. What is nice is that they are rallying around each other. Im just so proud of the group. We were supposed to have a show on Wednesday, but the club owner booked the night and there are no other spots in the hotel where we can perform. So we might have to cancel the next show, which is kind of a bummer. I didn’t realize how much creative energy it took to come up with all these scenarios week after week. So the cast is helping out with adding their own scenarios. I did get some interest from the Navy. They want me to put on a special show at the US navy base. It might be a pretty unique opportunity.

I don’t have much else to say…so I’ll close it out early. Thanks for reading…I really appreciate it.

Introducing Jennifer

I talk about Carolina Girl a lot, I know that. So we both thought it was time we introduced her, Her name is Jennifer. So I’ll refer to that moniker from here on out. We are both crazy in love with each other. Its just so cool to have someone think Im very attractive, very intelligent, and a very Godly man. I guess I didn’t have such a high esteem about myself, but Jennifer makes me feel like a man. If you think about it, that’s why we fall in love. Its because the other person makes us feel better about ourselves. Since we are in the courtship and meeting phase we decided that her opinion is really interesting and important. So Im going to be using her to help either write this blog, or I’ll just copy and paste from her blog. Eventually we’ll merge the blogs when we get married and have a His and Hers viewpoint. I think she is a better writer than myself so hopefully you’ll be able to enjoy her input. I have chronicled my life for well over a year now. Next week this blog will be surpassing 20,000 hits which Im extremely proud of. Hopefully this blog is making a difference. I have detailed my pain, my frustration, but also God’s incredible faithfulness. This past year has been such a delightful adventure even though there has been a lion’s share of conflict and pain. Now that I found the girl that I will marry, (and I will marry her…I just have to go through all the romantic processes of asking her Dad, and actually buying the ring) I thought this blog could take a different turn. I guess a more romantic turn. Whenever there is conflict or romance in this blog, my readership on a daily basis nearly doubles. I guess its kind of like sweeps during television rating season. So as we enter this process of long distance courting, meeting, planning the next steps, and integrating another American in the Middle East, I thought it would neat for you all to follow our progress. Since you’ve been there for the down times, It makes sense that you are there for the times of elation as well. I am very up front and embolden with my feelings about Jenni. By the world’s standards we are moving way to fast. But by God’s standards this is moving along perfectly fine. Its amazing that each of our family’s is not only supportive be very excited about the possibility. I guess they can hear the genuine joy in each of our hearts. Its as if God had made Jennifer for me, and I for Jennifer. She is an answer to my prayer…and the prayers of many others. I think Happily Ever After…and the last chapter in my book starts now.


FRIDAY, JANUARY 15, 2010
New Dresses and Cyber Dates...

Today was a wonderful day. My past few days at work have gone incredibly well. i have been able to stay focused and have been quite productive. I am thanking God constantly for enabling me this success in my day to day life at work. Tonight I had a meeting to attend, and spent some time talking with some of my girlfriends and arranging coffee dates in the days to come. And then I had a date with Rick. I was very excited about this date as I had a new dress to wear that I wanted to show off... Only 26 more days until i depart, and 27 more days until I see him for the first time. I have stated to more than one person that he is the greatest man i never met.... Tonight I put on the new dress in an effort to make the relationship feel as "normal" as it can. Our relationship is anything but normal. I even ordered my favorite dinner for takeout. I just got home from the date actually. Ok, so the date was in the living room of my house. We talked for hours. Rick invited me on the date earlier this week, but told me that I had to wake him up to initiate, and that he would get as must rest as he could beforehand. I did as much as i could before the date to allow him as much sleep as I could stand. I made it to 430am BAH time, which is 830pm here. We have so much to talk about. It requires great discipline to end our dates. We just want to be together. We want to share everything, and we both know that there is not enough time in the world and that we will never tire of one another. There are times in our conversations that we just stare at each other, drinking in one another's essence. Not because we have run out of things to say, but because we are both amazed at the deep emotional, intellectual and spiritual bond we share. He always stops me mid-sentence to tell me that at that moment, he is falling in love with me... more so that the minute before. It makes me melt.

My boyfriend is this amazing man that has kept a blog for over year, which has proven to be useful because I can follow his past history, some of which includes his meeting women and falling for them. I can follow the drama in his life which is less than desirable, and I can see patterns and consistency. For me to become deterred by his life or past would be silly. I would be pointing at a speck of dust in his eye whilst dealing with the plank in mine. I'm quite the optimist, and know that I too have thought I was falling for a man once or twice since I got divorced. The first one was built upon a stack of lies. Not my lies, but his. I fell for a man that was not who he claimed to be. I think they call this a scam artist. I don't even think he realizes he does it. I think this is called living in denial... I'm glad it didn't work out. There were too many things that i needed to change about him. I had even sent him a list of what i needed in a relationship and told him that if he could not live up to that list, we might as well end it. Guess what? it ended. I even tried to fight to keep it alive despite the inability to reciprocate, but this was just because i was so afraid that i had failed again...
A lot of my guilt in getting divorced was due to my fear of failure. I've not met failure many times in my life, and when I have, it was not without great effort and fight on my part, meaning, if i have failed, I know that I did the best i could. It takes a lot to knock me down. I am quite a remarkable woman, and i'm not saying this to be self centered, but I am strong willed and determined.

I know my blog is quite sappy and heartfelt, but if you knew me well, you would know that I too am quite sappy. I would even go as far as to say that I am a hopeless romantic, except I'm not. I'm quite the opposite. I am HOPEFULLY romantic....

Posted by jennifer
at 5:24 PM

Remembering the Sabbath

I decided to skip church today. I did that ahead of time so it was planned. I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep since Carolina Girl entered the picture. She and I both have addictive personalities and we are both addicted to each other. Its like emotional crack. Im not sure if other couples that fall in love go through this. But it sure has me in its grasp. So I want to make sure that Im doing the right thing here, and I think I am. The commandment is remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. I always took that to meaning go to church on Sunday. But since they do the weekends differently here we go to church on Friday. Does that mean Im not keeping the commandment by not going to church on Sunday? Lets take this a step further, I have started my own home church, on Monday. I like to consider that my Sabbath. Is that wrong? There is also a commandment “forsake not the assembling of yourself together.” I am doing that. So by skipping the normal church service on Friday, am I still being obedient to God by going only to my own service on Monday? I really think I am. I am really struggling with maintaining my attendance at my home church and that has nothing to do with Carolina Girl. I just haven’t been able to get over the spurning of my small group because of the one elder that didn’t like Osteen’s message. There are a lot of people that don’t like Osteen’s message, so I understand that mode of thinking, but I disagree whole-heartedly with it. My small group/home church has made an impact in quite a few people’s lives since I’ve been here. How those others will impact their circle of influence is yet to be seen. So to reject the results based on preference really bothers me. So Im seriously considering leaving the church. I don’t want to throw a spiritual hissy fit, but I just have a hard time attending knowing that the short-sighted philosophy is in place. I do volunteer to help teach the teens. So Im going to be leaving that. But I just think its time to move on. There are some other good churches in Bahrain, like the National Evangelical Church that I can attend or I can just thrown my effort into my Monday group. So I just have a lot to think about for that. I would appreciate your prayers. I think Im under spiritual attack. The enemy only goes after those who are being most effective. I think Im pretty effective, by the grace of God, and that is why I think Im a target.

I talked to Carolina Girl all morning long which is nice. Then I got up to take Pat to brunch at the Ritz Carlton. He’s letting me stay with him for no charge, so this is something small I can do to say thanks. Pat doesn’t like to spend a lot of money so he would never spring for the Ritz. So Im glad I was able to be a blessing to him. I have a membership card that gives me a buy one get one free so that makes the brunch a little more reasonable. It’s amazingly expensive but Oh…so good. Its probably one the best brunch’s in the Middle East. We just ate and ate and ate. I don’t think I would eat there if it wasn’t for the discount, but its palatable with it.

After the brunch I went out to play squash with the Finn. He is an amazing player. He completely kicked my butt, though the games were close. I was completely knackered at the end. It is such a great work out. I played Racquet sports, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I’m trying to get in shape so as to best to try to woo Carolina Girl. She has a countdown clock on her facebook page, counting down the time til she gets to Bahrain. Its kind of cute. We are soooo hooked on each other. She is calling me to pray for her now. So even across the oceans we can bond spiritually. That’s kind of cool. Im heading to bed a little early. Carolina Girl is calling me late tonight for a webcam date. Thank you skype.

3 at the buzzer

Im a little bit heartbroken right now, and no it doesn’t have anything to do with my love life. What an amazing end to rather blah day. We don’t have a lot of projects we’re working on right now, so its slow at the office. I suck at looking busy, always have so I don’t even bother. That probably isn’t the best example for a GM. When I have a lot to do, Im amazingly efficient. So tonight was a night full of activity. First of all I went to play Russ Racquetball at the base. I always enjoy that. We had a very nice chat. Afterwards I always eat Taco Bell on the base, since its not available anywhere else on the island. Then I ran off to the Basketball game. Pat’s team was playing for first place against the other team they were tied with. They were playing Manama, which are the NY Yankees of Bahrain Professional Basketball. I got there with five minutes left in the game. Muharraq, Pat’s team, was holding a one point lead. It was standing room only as the place was absolutely packed. I found a spot right down in front. Lamond Murray, my buddy, and the best player in the league had fouled out with 25 points. Pat thought the fouls were ticky-tack. You have to wonder about the officiating sometime. While this is a great place to live, justice isn’t always considered a big priority…see the kidnapping case with Adam as an example. So the game was tense down to the wire. Muharraq was up by one with 7 seconds left when one of their players got fouled. He split the free throws putting Pat’s team up by two. The other team raced down the court and with 0.3 on the clock the ball was dished out and the opposing team hit a miracle three at the buzzer. The place erupted…as my heart sank. I felt bad for Pat. They are still tied for second place, but the pressure is on. If a coach goes on a 2-3 game losing streak he’s in danger of losing his job. So there is a lot more pressure on him. That’s the standard for all the coach’s here. There is no job security. Its just a wacky way of management. Pat and I had a mutual friend here, Ozelle who was a coach. His team got off to an 0-3 start and they fired him just like that. Two weeks later he was shipped out. Fortunately for Ozelle, he landed on his feet quickly and is coaching in Palestine. I was just really let down for Pat. I guess Im a big fan of Muharraq now. The games are really competitive. Lamond is the star of the team if not the league. He played 13 years in the NBA, where usually the average is about 4 or 5 years. He’s a very good player. He can’t play in the NBA anymore because the NBA goes with the younger players with a few exceptions. There just aren’t a lot of 35+ year plus players in the league. So he’s out here playing for as long as he can. It’s a pretty good career if you think of it. Two years ago he played in China, this year the Middle East, who knows where next year will take him. But it’s a chance to continue to get paid…playing a game, and seeing the world. It’s a pretty sweet gig…and he appreciates his opportunity. Lamond really is a good guy.

After the game I was supposed to go to coffee with my friend Baraq and his friends. But there were a few things that happened that precluded me from going. So I had to take a rain check. Tonight is a good night. Im very excited. It’s the weekend for me…so that means I can stay up late and chat with Carolina Girl. Being able to see each other’s webcams makes the distance not seem so far away. Plus…by seeing each other we can already feel the chemistry between us. She really is a perfect match for me. Its seems like a fitting end to my four years of heartache and pain. Im very excited to meet her. Its nice having someone be crazy about me. That is a big change from what I am used to for the last few years. God is so faithful…and I’ll shout it from the mountain tops.

Effort in the middle

I love playing squash. It is such an amazing aerobic workout for me. It works the upper body, abs, and lower body. It is incredibly taxing. It is so much fun. The main person I play is one of my best friends here, Darren. Darren is probably the best sportsman you’re ever going to meet. The thing with Darren is that we are super competitive. Neither one of us is going to give an inch. Yet when either one of us makes a spectacular play we cheer each other on. When I first started playing Darren I used to beat him routinely. Then I let him use my racquet. He bought one like mine and ever since then, he has routinely beaten me. Maybe I should have kept my big mouth shut. But still we play for the exercise if we win, that’s a bonus. He’s been getting the bonuses for awhile. Its really been ticking me off lately. Most all of our games are extremely close, 15-13, I just don’t seem to have it at the end or lack the killer instinct. So I was really thinking about it today. I have to get the mental edge back. So I psyched myself up and really analyzed the game. The game isn’t lost at the end, its lost in the middle, for me. I used to relax in the middle and then turn it on at the end but it just wasn’t enough. This time I was determined to give a strong effort in the middle. Well it worked, I really gave the effort in the middle and I wound up winning 4 out of the 5 games. That hasn’t happened for a long long time, probably November. So the mental effort really made the difference. Then it hit me on the way home, that is how life is like. When ever we are battling an addiction or trial, the battle isn’t won at the end. If you try to make an effort to fight to late in the game its usually pointless, its already over. If you nip the problem in the bud early, its easy, but if not you can battle in the middle and overcome it. But if you wait to late at the end, you can give all the effort you want but its usually too little too late.

It was a very good day at work today. We had a potential big client come in today, so that would be great if we could nail it. Who am I kidding, its so hard to stay focused at work. I feel like Im not being the greatest employee right now. I just cant get my mind off Carolina Girl. Apparently she can’t get her mind of me either. We webcam in the morning when I get up (her evening) and the webcam again when she gets up (my evening). In between there are countless little emails and IM’s. When we have to leave to do work its painful. I am certainly head over heals in love with this girl. I asked people if they believe in Love at first sight, most everyone says no, but they think its lust at first sight. I don’t think that is the case with me. I fell for Carolina Girl after her first email. Quite literally it was the best email I had ever received. I just had to see her and pray that I was attracted to her. When I was attracted to her, the deal was sealed. I was hooked on this girl. So its not Lust at first sight, I really believe its love at first sight. Perhaps its because I know that God has been preparing this for me. I can really feel God’s spirit in this that is why its so easy for me to be confident that she is the one. We are like perfect matches for each other. My strengths are her weaknesses, and her strengths are my weaknesses. A lot of people say…take it slow. Well…in our early conversation we showed our dark side early. Told each other all of our deepest darkest secrets. That way if the one was going to bail, they’d bail early where it wouldn’t hurt quite as bad. Except quite the opposite happened as it brought us even closer. Its weird, because ive been searching for this type of connection for months now. Now that I have it, its quite overwhelming but quite wonderful.

I had a wonderful conversation with Max yesterday. He was genuinely excited about it. I was quite surprised. I think he could sense I was happy. Perhaps if their dad is happy, that makes them happy as well. Max even asked to be involved with the ceremony which really blew me away. I do love my kids so. I think having Carolina Girl in my life will help me further reconciled to them.

Everything seems to shaping up in my life quite nicely right now. I am truly blessed and God is faithful.

Leaving the window open

Its an interesting thing about the blog. The more soap opera-ish it is, the more hits it receives. I guess that’s just human nature, which is fine by me. Films/Television and now this blog has learned give the people a little sizzle they’ll be coming back for more. I really like posting Carolina Girl’s comments. It kind of gives me a break from writing and gives you insight into her life. She really is a remarkable girl. Im absolutely addicted to her at this point and she is to me. We can’t seem to get enough of each other, either phone calls, chats, or webcam chats. It’s a very good feeling to not only care, but to have someone care about you so much. Its been a long long time since anyone has cared for me as much as she does. My relationships for the past five years really, from my former wife to the subsequent girlfriends have always had me chasing them trying to convince them to love me, which hasn’t worked. Part of that was my issue and the girls that I chose to pursue. They were out of my league, but I always shoot for the stars. I could have been in relationships, but I decided to hold out for what I perceive to be God’s best for me. In most every way Carolina Girl is also out of my league, but I do have one thing that she craves…a good heart. She likes all the other stuff too, but I lured her in with my heart. She is craving to be loved, adored, and cared for. That is something Im very good at.

I’ve been in the clouds lately so Ive been neglecting to post my day to day stuff. I moved out of my luxury flat in with Pat the basketball coach. It’s a small apartment so I have to figure out how to put three bedrooms worth of stuff into one bedroom. Its kind of a challenge. The Iraqi’s wife helped me move. As she was trying to organize she just looked at me and smiled…You really do need a woman in your life. It was a funny line and it was true. Pat was amazed how much stuff I had. I never really considered it. I came over with three boxes, but each time I went home, I left with one suitcase and came back with two. So I’ve spent the last two days throwing stuff away. I really don’t need all the excess.

OK something happened the other night that essentially is one of the big differences between Bahrain and the U.S. I parked my car outside the building in a relatively speaking low rent type of neighborhood. When I went to my car the next morning, I was shocked to see my driver’s side window not there. Immediately my heart stopped and I hearkened back to the four times in Los Angeles my car was broken into and the window bashed in. Upon closer examination, I saw that it wasn’t bashed in, I just neglected to roll it back up when I went inside. I felt pretty stupid. What was even more incredulous to me, is that I left my iphone in plain view right on the dash. Do you think that iphone would have lasted if I parked on the same type of neighborhood in the U.S. Maybe or maybe not. There is just a common theme that there just isn’t a lot of crime here. I guess the statistics would be similar to that of the state of Utah. Where there is a mass of religious believers (whether Christian or not) there just seems to be a decrease in crime when compared to other areas. This is just one of the many reasons why I really like living out here. There are tons of other reasons as well. I am fortunate in so many ways. I do miss my children still…but they will be reconciled with me soon. I just feel it.

More from Carolina Girl

OK…is this romance thing getting anyone sick their stomach yet? Im not tired of it. I think if you read the blog you would see how I’ve longed for this type of connection for years. It is sudden, but it is absolutely right. I have an absolute peace about it. I thought it might be nice for you to hear from Carolina Girl again to get her perspective. I am introducing her to friends now as the girl I’m going to marry. That is pretty bold after just one week, but very few things in my life have ever felt this right. I grow a little closer to her each day. I just can’t get enough of her. Here’s what she had to say in her blog yesterday:

SUNDAY, JANUARY 10, 2010
skeptics unite - divide - and fall...

I'm not surprised that there are skeptics in my life, especially right now.
I think the biggest test will come on Tuesday, when I tell my therapist of the news. He has been in my life for over two years now, and while I'm sure to shock him with all of this, I need him to ask me the difficult questions that i have probably already asked myself, and also the questions that i have yet to ask.

I AM quite surprised that my sister has informed me that she is my cheerleader in all of this, and that I must ignore the skeptics and go for it. My parents are sounding relatively happy amidst all of this, asking good questions about who Rick is and wanting to know more about his life and family. For the first time in my life, I am with a man (i use the word "with" quite loosely here - haha), that I would gladly let my father call, meet, interview, ettc etc. Never before have I dated a man that I would throw into the presence of my fathers interrogation w/o being there to mediate what he was allowed to ask, or worry how my boyfriend was going to answer. Again, i use the word "date" quite loosely. Its hysterical when i think about it. All of it. But I'm certain. My closest friends are being quite supportive, telling me to follow my heart. That brings me comfort.

My dear friend AWS is a big supporter and fan, and since he has been by my side for the 15 months as I began my dating journey... I am quite reassured by his vote of confidence. He did however inform me that he will chain me up if i attempt to skip town before i finish my degree. While this is quite nice of him to say, i'm a bit unmotivated right now, but Rick has let me know that he is going to motivate me, and I'm quite excited about that. He better. Rick do you read this? You better motivate me because there are a lot of people that will throw tomatoes at your face, slander your name, and threaten your manhood if you get in the way of my degree. Ha Ha. I'm not kidding though.

To the skeptics I must say: Life is short and uncertain. Follow your heart, and live out your dreams. Couples in courtship spend countless hours together, watching each other eat, going to view movies, and exploring their physical chemistry. Couples do things together that are active and require little communication.

I have not had the luxury to explore the physical chemistry that Rick and I share. I have not had the chance to go on a walk, hand in hand, and listen to the sound of the ocean waves hitting the sand. We have had a few meals together, but only across space and time. We have embarked upon a journey and I know this man greater than any other man I've ever met. I know his heart. I know his passions, his desires, and I know, without a doubt, that he is going to surprise me, captivate me, and sweep me off my feet more and more, every day. And I also know that there is so much more to learn about him, and I can't wait to find out. I even look forward to his annoying habits. Yes, he is sure to annoy me. And I will annoy him, but here is the beauty of all of this.... with Christ in our hearts, our minds, and our souls, we will overcome anything. Absolutely anything. We have already shared our deepest and darkest secrets, and despite these, in spite of these evil doings I should say, We love each other more. I have never felt so in love with a man in my entire life, and I am reassured by the promise that...

We will choose to love each other every day. When the butterflies fade (as if!), when the hair falls out (not mine of course), when the bellies bulge, when the dinner gets burnt, when temper flares (this will be me), and when the selfish acts that come with human nature forget to put the other first and cause hurt and pain, we will look each other in the eye, and we will CHOOSE TO LOVE. The choice has already been made, the committment to love, honor and obey that shall one day be sealed by the Hand of God... That will conquer all. I honestly feel as though I am floating on air. As though God himself has laid his hand upon me, and is protecting me with His Spirit. And perhaps he is. Perhaps ricks blog, which receives far greater hits than mine, is motivating people to pray for me, and perhaps that is why the presence of God feels as though it is upon me right now.(since i've yet to share mine with hardly anyone, though that shall change)

And when the skeptics laugh, when they balk, and when they doubt, we shall hold our heads up high and know, in our heart of hearts, that no man shall tear asunder. Jesus said this... I had to google the reference. I had only heard the quote, I did not recall the source. It was Christ our Lord. Matthew 19:6.

The magic of it all is this...
Everyone dreams of falling in love. Of finding that perfect person. The one they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Don't they?
But does everyone dream of a long term courtship? countless dates? waiting to know for sure? Does anyone dream that it will be a long, gruelling process of dating mishaps, and waiting the appropriate amount of time to be sure, and then and only then can they take the leap?
No. They don't. They skip right to the part of the fantasy, where they are in love, have found that person, and are embarking upon the journey of a lifetime.

Well guess what? I'm going to skip that part. Because I know. And unlike the critics, I don't have to endure months of interviewing Rick to get at the essence of his core being. I don't have to doubt. I choose to believe. I choose to love.

And i know that I have always wanted it to be just like this. I have not even seen my love face to face, i have not even held his hand, felt his embrace, touched his skin... BUT I know, he is in fact, the man that I choose, as long as he chooses me first... And something has told me, that he already has...

“Yep…I already have.”

Love at First Skype

Wow what a weekend. I need to learn to take better care of myself to get proper sleep. Im head over heals with Carolina Girl and I have to learn to pace myself. It’s a marathon not a sprint. I know this is all so sudden. People might think its rushed and it is, but it absolutely feels right. I was quite surprised by how quickly my parents and little sister endorsed the relationship. I guess they could hear the passion and conviction behind my voice. It really is pretty hard to believe…the whole love at first sight thing. We could do a marketing campaign and say love at first skype. That would be more accurate. One of the good things about my spiritual walk at the moment is that im really in tune with God’s voice in my life. This absolutely feels like it has been perfectly orchestrated by Him. Just look back in my blog the past few months and notice the longing and desire for a mate. There is a book that I’ve mentioned quite a few times in this blog, The Fire of Delayed Answers. I heartily recommend it. The premise of the book is that God delays the answer in order to allow us to have spiritual growth. But once that growth is achieved, when God moves…he can move lightning fast. That is the case with Carolina Girl. Now I do talk very specifically in this blog when God speaks to me. That way when it comes to pass and it usually does, God’s faithfulness can be noted. Almost like a prophecy coming to pass. My friend Reji prophesied over me last year and targeted December 09 for something big happening. I circled the month in my calendar and eagerly awaited it. Well that came to pass…something big did indeed happen in December. I also remember during the 6 weeks of Hell in Sept.-Oct. I remember after a heartbreak that God specifically told me that I’d be married within one year. I thought about blogging about it, but I didn’t think it was too prudent to be so bold. I mean God told Joseph the future, he probably shouldn’t have shared it with his brothers. But just so I had a witness, I told my friend Darren, that I was going to get married within one year. He laughed and said, I hope that doesn’t happen. Well…I reminded him during our squash game yesterday. It looks like that very specific word will happen as well. OK…I didn’t really get into specifics about Ms. Carolina, so I will a little bit here. She just seems like a perfect match for me, as I am for her. She’s 29, beautiful (I posted her pics below) is a magnificent soccer player who played in college and is on three league teams, has a wonderful heart for God, is quite a prolific writer as noted in the blog yesterday, works at a great company with a great job, is amazingly smart, side-splittingly funny and is currently finishing her dissertation and will be getting her doctorate degree in August. For me…she seems just absolutely near perfect. I just can’t get enough of her nor she can of me. So she is flying out to Bahrain on Feb. 10 so we can see if the physical chemistry is as strong as the emotional and spiritual chemistry. We both feel a face to face meeting is a mere formality. I am flying her over to see me with the points I earned on British Airways which were about to expire. So I figured no money out of pocket for me…right? Wrong! Even though I had a free ticket, I still had to pay $572 worth of Fuel Surchages and taxes. It sucked, but still it well worth flying her over to meet her. I really am going to have a hard time waiting. I have been wife hunting for about two years now, and she has been searching for a husband for over a year. So when we connected..we were both ready for each other. We are both convinced that God orchestrated everything. It just feels so right…and I know that is a Godly impression.

I had a new friend tell me that when you initially fall in love it’s a mild form of insanity. He explained the chemical reactions in the brain are similar to what happens to people that lose their sanity. I can speak from experience, that it seems to be true. Im crazy about this girl and just can’t get enough. She’s the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I just can’t seem to get enough of her. Im also doing crazy things like staying up all night to webcam chat with her just because neither one of us wanted the moment to end. I know I know..its only been a week, this is all way too sudden. Those are accurate statements. But speaking from experience, I know these things. It might be sudden but it is also right. I think I mentioned a couple of days ago in this blog that I knew from the first date that I would marry my former wife. I’ve only had that feeling one other time in my life, and that was last Wednesday when I saw her on the webcam for the first time. It certainly was Love at First Skype. More sickeningly short posting sure to come. By the way…thank you all for your wonderfully supporting emails and facebook posts. It is appreciated. God is faithful!

Carolina Girl

I thought you might want to hear from Carolina Girl. This has been a pretty exciting weekend. We both know we are moving way too fast...but we both think its kind of fun. She writes a blog too. Here's what she had to say in her blog. I though it might be of interest to you.


FRIDAY, JANUARY 8, 2010

Meeting THE ONE?
After about a year of dating losers, guys that were just not good enough, men that would never stand up to me, absolute doormats, I decided to take a different approach.

No offense to the men i've dated in the past year, but come on...
Weak Christians (if Christian at all)
Bad Drunks
Lazy
Uneducated
Poor socioeconomic status

the list goes on

I was settling for anything that moved and gave me attention.
Men that would get my number and never call.
Men that would get my number and hide behind text messages.

Now the thing is, i'm not an ugly girl. I know this. I'm not.
I'm quite attractive by the worlds standards. I am pretty sure of that.
But... what? what was I missing?

The last man I met and consequentially married, I met at church, so I was a bit apprehensive to meet a man at church, let alone GO to church.
I just wasn't ready. Because to be honest. I was burned by the leaders of the church. I felt that way anyways.

So.... frustrated with meeting men that just didn't add up. Disappointed that the men I did meet either shyed away, OR worse, had such horrible flaws and lack of faith in God as i know Him, I decided to take a different approach.
I applied a filter, and because I knew so much about Dr. Neil Clark Warren and his Christian viewpoint, I choice to join eharmony. Mostly because I knew that eharmony based itself on basic principles and values. And because I was ready to quit settling for whatever I could get, hoping to maybe inspire change or God in a man. I raised the bar. What could it hurt?
At first i was hesistant to post my picture and actually pay, but then an amazing thing happened. I received an email that said basically I could join eharmony for three months for 19.99 a month. So I thought why not. My fear in posting my picture stemmed from pride. I was embarassed that I had to stoop so low as to join a dating website, but if you think about it, I basically cut out the first three or more dates of getting to know someone and their core tenents. I cut out the difficult conversations of asking a man what he believed in, and what his walk with God looked like. Tired of hiding my religion and faith deep inside my heart, I took a leap.

I joined eharmony on Nov 17, 2009, but i only had my settings set to my local area. A few days later after a slew of disappointing matches, I read the website on how to maximize my search potential and took heed in enhancing my search to the entire world. The entire world? Yes! All of planet earth.
My basic must haves did not change, so it would limit the chances of being matched to a total atheist, but now rather than searching my county and surrounding areas, something like a 50 mile radius, I was searching all over the world, and my max age was 41. I was matched to younger men and men my age, but let me be honest. I'm not interested in a man my age. Why not? Well for starters, most men my age, are still figuring out what they want, and most of the time, its about their needs. Not to say that there are not men out there in my immediate age bracket that would want nothing more than to make me happy, but i've met these... and frankly, i'm not interested. I want to be adored, attended to, loved, cherished, appreciated, and most importantly, i want to feel safe. I want to be able to trust my future husband with not only my heart and soul, but my life. I want the man that I can trust to make sound decisions that are best for the entire family and not question his choices for one single minute. Sure I will challenge him, and certainly I will be vocal in what I think in feel, but ultimately, I want to submit to my husband the way God calls me to. I will love, honor, and most importantly respect him. I will do whatever it takes to make him happy, just as he will do anything to make me happy. AS long as i'm happy, he will be surely happy, because I will see to that.

Less than 48 hours after expanding my search to the whole planet, i received a match from a very attractive and articulate man, from Bahrain. Bahrain? Where is that? Its an island east of Saudi Arabia. The MIDDLE EAST!?!?! And the match, lets call him Rick, he requested communication right away. And me? I read his profile and was a bit hesistant, so i paused a moment. A part of me wanted to close the match, but i didn't. I just waited. He had children, and he lived in the middle east. Was this something that i would be able to manage? Is this something that i could see myself living with? These are difficult questions that I had to ask myself if I was going to be honest, because if i did not see any possible way that I could accept him for who he was and where he was just then and there, then the fair and right thing to do would be to close the match. So i paused, perused the rest of my matches for a few days, and then responded to his first questions. It couldn't hurt to see where this led... I was just getting the hang of how this whole thing worked anyways, and at this point, they were just harmless questions. I reciprocated with my own first round of questions and that was that... 10 days later, on December 5th, i was getting the swing of things and realized it was my turn to initiate the contact by sending him my "must haves and can't stands". He responded with his almost immediately. I'm talking minutes here... 4 minutes to be exact. Looking back, Rick is 8 hours ahead of me. It was 6:23 pm my time, which meant he was sending these to me at 2:27am his time??? Granted, this was a saturday night for him, which now that i'm aware, is like a sunday night here (weekends there are Friday and Saturday - weird right?)
And that is where i stopped. The next step was to send my second questions. Since he initiated the first round, I had to initiate the second round. I guess that is just how it works. It was 19 days later and Christmas eve. I was sitting in bed at my parents house watching my nephew sleep.
I hesistated, and looked at his profile...
I re-read what he had to say. He had kids, so i assumed he waas divorced. Ok, well anyone that knows me knows how much i love kids, so I figured I would be ok with that, depending on the situation. I really think my major hesistation was that he lived so far away. I wasn't sure how this was going to work, but i was intrigued, especially when i read this last statement he made about himself
"I'm pretty sure I could sweep you off your feet....especially if I get a running start. Im pretty confident, so if you give me a sliver of a chance and I think I can stand head and shoulders above the rest (i always bring a ladder). I'm a writer-director, so if you give me a chance with a return email, I think you won't regret it. I lived and worked in Hollywood for several years but I've been globe-hopping ever since with year long stints in Taiwan and Saudi Arabia."
i was intrigued to say the least and while i hesistated and almost closed the match i decided that I really needed to go the second round and see where it led.
I submitted my questions and waited. The next day was Christmas, and I was extremely busy the next few days with my parents and my nephews, and then I fell ill. I mean I was extremely ill from the evening of December 25th well into the new year. I drove back to my house on Monday the 28th so that I could see the doctor and get some medication. I think i was at my grandfathers house eating dinner when i read his answers and I was tickled. Here was his response to my third question

What are you looking for in a relationship partner:"
Im looking for someone to believe in me. To help provide inspiration and motivation to be the best person that I can possibly be. I also long to shower that person with adoration, love and affection. As an artist I long for a muse. Ah yes...and sex...Sex would be good too. Can a Christian say that?"

First of all, he wants to shower his partner with adoration love and affection? are you kidding? He was speaking my language loud and clear... And the sex? Well that was just funny, and to be honest, a breath of fresh air to hear another Christian state that he loved sex without being crude. ITs true. Sex is great, Married sex that is.... I couldn't help but to smile and feel warm inside... And then he sent his own set of questions. I think this is where I reeled him in.


I don't mean to make this blog so long, but i haven't posted since september first, and my life has been a bit chaotic... and now exciting. And i really just want to report the truth, the facts, and well... my story.

I received his questions on that Monday that i was sooo sick and headed home, so I didn't respond right away. I actually went home, got my prescriptions, and slept for six days... But I coudn't help but be a total smart ass to his first question:

How do you feel about Long Term relationships and are you open to living overseas

I knew what he meant. He meant to say Long Distance, but he didnt'. He said long term. Um, i'm on an internet matching service, and I wasn't looking for a date. I was looking for a mate. Pure and simple, so it was instant for me to respond as such:

I can tell you are trouble. :) Long Term relationships eh? Well, i'm only in it for the quick ones so i guess I can't answer. Oh wait, i think you meant Long Distance... Right now i see it as doable because I am stuck in this area until I finish writing my PhD dissertation. Once I finish, i will have much more flexibility to do what I want within certain boundaries, until i redefine those. how vague is that? I love "overseas" depending on where "overseas" would be... I love to travel and I love European culture from what I've observed. Then again, I love the pacific coast of Costa Rica and its simplicity. I love older European cities and the marvelous travel infrastructure... I adapt well to most climates, esp the warmer ones

Question 2: What are your dreams?

i dream every night... I love when I can remember them. Personal dreams? I want to be a loving wife and mother. That's something I see myself being in the next 10 years I hope. I dream of a better world. I dream of environmental responsibility. I dream in Techni-Color. I dream for a simple life in a simple time where less is everything and more is just a weight that holds you down. I'm presently in the process of distributing my share of "more" to those that have "none" or "much less"... I like to use quotes (a new realization) The more i make my situation less, the more freedom I gain. Less is so much more. As one of my favorite mentors tells me (as he quotes some musician) "small House, Big Life" I see that in my life so much. I have a much too big for me home that would be much to small for most everyone I know, BUT i have a big life. The only things holding me back are these pets I own and sort of love... they really are the best dogs ever :)

Question 3: (this is my favorite one)
If you were a tree what kind of tree would you be?Wait...I don't want to waste my last question/wish with that one.Can I ask for three more questions or is that against the rules?Wait I don't want that to be my questio either.iranoutofspace

Ok. The first question he asked me was hilariously accidental and allowed me to show my sense of humor. The second question was just completely open. And this one? I laughed as soon as I read it. I seriously thought to myself, is this man drunk? I mean really? Was he??? Because, WHAT???? I smiled ear to ear and sent my response:

I would be a mighty oak tree, or a Sycamore tree. why? well, I do like to climb trees and sycamores tend to be the easiest and they grow so fast, they have HUGE leaves that fall off and the bark peels like paper which I find to be super cool... you really made me laugh. You can ask me whatever you want. and yes its ok to talk about sex. YOu are allowed to want and enjoy sex in the right context. I understand this all too well. And I understand that there are married women that fall short in that category a lot and men grow frustrated. Do you know it happens to women to? I.e. husbands dont want to have sex as often as the wife. its true, and that would realy suck. I think that is important to think about in the event of a long term relationship - which inevitably leads to sex. married sex of course ;)

These are very personal things that Rick and I shared together, but i feel like it is important to express my point of view in the matter. And that being... This man has made me laugh several times. I'm really excited now. NOne of my other matches could hold a candle to this man. They were boring, and stiff, and to be honest, they were like cookie cutters. And the ones that initiated the open communication, which is essentially, email. The messages were short and dry and lacking personality. I was bored with them all, and to be honest, I was ready for my three month membership to end, with the exception of this man that i slowly drew in.

He sent me a very sincere message, let me know that I made him laugh with my responses, and sent me a link to his blog. I replied, it was like 3am and I had to return to work the next day after my 10 days off, but I had slept for most of those days due to being sick, and I was pretty excited about his email and checking out his blog... He wrote me back again, so two emails in one night, and i started to respond, but it was so late, and I just had to go to bed, so i saved my text to review and send the next day, and i went to bed smiling and hopeful.

It is now the 9th of January early morning... The last few days have been an absolute whirlwind.... Rick and I have probably talked via instant messenger and SKYPE for over 20 hours and sent countless LONG emails to one another

I love that he is a writer because i love to write and am quite prolific (clearly).
Rather than receiving short, undetailed and boring messages, I'm receiving a sensory overload. I'm processing so much information right now, and i'm anxiously awaiting the 12th of February, the date I fly out to Bahrain to meet the man of my dreams face to face.

Would i plug eharmony to anyone? It depends.
I joined looking for one specific thing. A husband/partner/perhaps a soulmate. My intentions and desires were clear to me, and i wasn't looking for dates. I know exactly what i want, and i'm pretty certain that I've found it.

I was led to this site by God. Because a Godly man that I've listened to and read, founded the site, and i believe in being equally yoked. Searching a website that really began for just that reason... to bring like-minded people together... It just felt right.

I paid for the service on Nov 17th, expanded my search 2 days later, and was matched to Rick in 2 more days. I was told, when God moves, He moves quickly. If this is not a testimony of just that, then I'm not sure what is. My faith in God has been restored tenfold, and my desire to seek, honor and obey Him is stronger than it has been in a very long time.

I'm excited of the possibilities, and realize that my life and the adventure is about to begin. I am ready to go wherever God wants to lead me, and I am ready to follow this incredible man to the Middle East, and to all the ends of the earth. I cling to the promises that God has blessed into my life, and embrace the possibilities that He is in control, He is larger than I ever imagined, and I have never felt such love, joy, hope, faith, and peace about... well... about everything.

I found the love of my life in four days, and even though I didn't recognize it for over a month, the seed was planted. I am grateful that Rick was patient with my hesistance, that he pursued our match, and that we took the leap.

Life has become ever more difficult because now that I know this man, I cannot imagine another day living without him. I feel an emptiness when he is gone, and long for the next phone call, or instant message that comes my way.
I'm supposed to be sleeping right now so that when Rick calls me tonight (when he wakes up in the morning ) I will have had some rest, but i'm way too excited to sleep. I've been this way all week, and while i believe that all of this energy and excitement will eventually quell (thanks rick for the vocab lesson), i don't believe it will dissipate, not now, not ever.

We have a mutual attraction to one another, and we are commited to making this work. I'm wondering when I will ever sleep again, but I don't care to dwell upon that.
I just know that I'm about to embark on the biggest adventure of my life with my best friend in the entire world. God is absolutely amazing, and I wouldn't have it any other way. God knew the desire of my heart and I look forward to seeing what he has in store. I look forward to meeting Rick, so that all of that which i feel to be true, will be confirmed...

I am so in love, I am absolutely glowing. My friends are all recognizing the instant change in me. And I have never been so excited in my entire life.

I love you ricky rick.