God showing off

First of all I need to preface this that this particular blog is in no way meant to denigrate my former spouse. If you happen to be a former spouse of mine, I strongly recommend you stop reading. This isn't meant at all to be vindictive. Rather, Im trying to illustrate how great God happens to be.

The year was early 2006, I believe. I was still legally married but the reality of the impending divorce was becoming increasingly unavoidable. Keep in mind I had prayed continuously along with my closest family and friends for the reconciliation of my marriage. Now it was sinking in that the marriage would end. I was absolutely devastated. I have cried a lot over the past four years. More crying in two years then my entire life combined. My mother used to sit me in front of the TV, to watch Old Yeller, Brian's song, Love Story, The Champ, just to try to get me to cry. I think it was her way of trying
to get me in touch with my feelings unlike my father. That's a trait I inherited from him, that and rarely ever becoming angry. So I just didn't cry that much. On this particular occasion, I wasn't just crying, I was sobbing. I remember this so vividly. I was driving on the 290 west headed home. The traffic was very heavy as I just passed the Beltway. I was sobbing and sobbing hard. For months I had pleaded with God to change my former wife's heart. It didn't seem like it was going to happen. So I had to change my prayer. I prayed the hardest prayer I ever had to pray. It was a prayer I never wanted answered. That's a strange feeling praying something to the Almighty at the same time hoping He won't listen to you and ignore the
request. So there I was blubbering, sobbing, and chest heaving. I said God, If you aren't going to change Her heart then change mine. Help me to stop loving Her. You see, I believe that love is a choice. You choose to fall in love and you choose to fall out of love. Sometimes the choice is easy...sometimes you have to work at it.

So I had to work at trying to fall out of love. I didn't want to do it. Im not a quitter. But it was kind of like the Titanic going down and I was in the lower hull with a bucket trying to bail water as fast I could. I realized the ship was going down. I said, God if its not Your will for us to be together, help me stop loving her. Also if its not your will, please help me deal with this. God I've been faithful to you and I've done everything that you've asked of me to try to save this. So if this marriage is going to end, for my next wife I want an upgrade. I want her to be prettier, smarter, funnier, love me more, be more interested in sex, to think I was handsome, be more adventurous, and to be passionate about God, to be younger, want children, be someone my children would adore. Essentially God I want her to be better in every single way. Now keep in mind that I really didn't expect this prayer to be answered. In my mind, my former wife was hands down the most beautiful woman on the planet. I put her on such a pedestal that I didn't think that such a woman even existed. But I've learned that you sometimes have to be very specific with God. So as I prayed I tried to be as ultra-specific as possible. I thought What the Heck, might as well pray for the Ferrari model of wife. I can't remember each of the specific, but there were about 20 of them. I forgot about that prayer for the most part because I thought it was like asking God to help you win the Lottery.

I have dated/communicated with a lot of girls after the healing process of my divorce. But while each one had their strong points, there was never a "she's the one" moment. They all came close...but no cigar. A few of the close ones I was considering, God had a hand in closing the relationships.

Then there came Jennifer. Its just such a strange and wonderful sensation to not only experience love at first sight, but to realize immediately that this is the one. Its crystal clear on both sides. Everyone is telling us to take it slow. I realize I have to meet her first in the flesh, but for me that is a mere formality. I'd take my vows over a phone line before I would even meet her, Im that confident. So Jenni and I were talking earlier today. Im amazed at her intellect. This girl is one of the smartest girls, no smartest people I've ever met. But you would never tell that from her personality, because she is so goofy. We were talking about something, im not sure how it came up. But I asked her what her GRE scores were. GRE is the test that you take to get into a Master's degree program. This is what blew me away. There are three parts to the GRE, Analytical (logic), Quantative (Math) and Verbal. When I took the GRE (and I thought I was/am smarter than your average bear) I scored in about the 60th percentile out of 100. But the brain, Jennifer, scored a perfect score on her Analytical 800 out of 800, 780ish out of 800 for Quantative and she bombed the verbal at 470ish out of 800. So in the percentile she was the absolute top in
Analytical at 99%, 95% on the Quantative, and somewhere around 52% on the verbal. i would like to add that, these percentages are approximate and by no means to be taken as literal or "miscommunication." If you have seen Jennifer's blog, you would know that she is an amazingly prolific writer and you would never guess that verbal is what she struggled with. At this point, Im filled with pride about this girl. How does a guy like me rate with getting a girl like that. She's getting her doctorate at the age of 29, or that is the plan. Not only is this girl, like Einsteinish like smart, but she is sooo funny, beautiful and amazingly sexy. She's got a body on her... wow... How does a girl like this even exist. Then it got me to
thinking about that ultra-specific prayer I prayed about four years ago. God answered my prayer...to last specific detail. Some might think God is a show off. Well God if you want to show off your faithfulness through me...please consider this an invitation for you to do it for the rest of my life. Im a very very blessed guy. Only 12.5 days now...where I get to meet the love of my life face to face.