Rick Beeman

  It’s been a really difficult week for me. Growing up in the church, I was taught from a young age that if you believe hard enough you can pray anything into existence.  Mountain into the sea? No problem, it just takes the faith of the mustard seed (which is tiny.)  Well I’ve been praying, praying praying for my situation to change.  I came to the realization that no matter how hard I pray or for how long, no matter how much faith I have, my situation might not change. That hurt and it hurt bad.   This slow realization (I’ve been in denial a lot, thinking my faith would pull me through) that my situation might not change hit me hard this week.  The emotional pain was palpable.  Despite my grief and my temporary darkness, I’m one of the happiest and most positive people you’ll ever meet.  At least I try to come across that way.  I feel like I haven’t been “me” for a year now.  There will be moments of levity but it’s been a struggle....

  I had a very strong impression a few days ago that this was going to be a very tough week. So I was able to prepare for it…or so I thought.  I did blog about this a couple of days ago.  So I had a bad day on Thursday but a surprisingly good day on Friday.  I thought I was out of the woods.  Boy was I wrong.  Yesterday, Saturday was absolutely brutal.  Did anything bad happen to me to make it horrible? no.  There was just a heaviness on me that I could almost feel.  I was filled with fear, depression and doubt.  It just kind of snuck up on me, right after I finished yesterday’s blog post around 8:00pm.  Some people believe in spiritual attacks and some people don’t.  The great line from the Usual Suspects is “The greatest trick the Devil ever did was convince the world he didn’t exist.”  I felt what can only be described as a dark presence all night last night even waking up in the middle of the night to it. Since this is...

  This is going to be a short one today, in theory anyway. It was an average day but it’s ending on a good note.  Not enough to start a new Good day streak but that might come tomorrow.  I have something special I’m looking forward to tomorrow but I’m not a liberty to say just yet.  That my friends is what is called a Tease for you to come back tomorrow to find out what it is.   God is walking by my side in all of this pain.  I feel His presence.  I have a theorem I would love to prove someday but I’m not sure how.  Lets call this Beeman’s Theorem.  “God’s voice in volume is directly proportional to the amount of darkness that you are experiencing.”  What that means is if you are lost in a pitch black cave, God’s voice might be the only thing you can focus on to escape from the cave. He speaks more acutely when you are in pain.     Now that I’m living my life right again, I’ve been hearing from God much more clea...