"Bullseye!!!" Top 10 of 2010 #2 & #1

#2 What a surprise!

I flew back in November to surprise Jennifer…and boy were we both surprised. We had been so careful as to “protect” ourselves. Then my last night there…well we got a little… how shall I say this, less fastidious on the consequences for a few good reasons. Well they seemed good at the time anyways. After all, we still wanted to travel the world, and being situated in Dubai (right in the middle of everything) made that all possible. So this is a little PG-13 in the form of imagery, nevertheless, afterwards I turned to her and proclaimed. I think I just made you pregnant. She of course blew me off. I didn’t really want to believe it myself. So I fly back to Dubai the next day. As Im having my morning chat with God, I very clearly and matter of factly heard Him say, “Jennifer’s pregnant.” So all of sudden, I start convincing myself maybe I can’t really hear from God. Then He clearly said “Whether you want to accept it right now or not, she’s pregnant. You’re going to need to adjust.” So there I was for the next few weeks telling myself that I didn’t hear from God. Don’t get me wrong. I certainly want more children, I just wasn’t sure I wanted them this fast. Jennifer and I because of our current living situation haven’t really gone through the proper “honeymoon” phase. Although whenever we’re together, there is usually a smile on my face. Nevertheless we just haven’t been physically next to each other all that often. I think its like a total of 3 months in the nearly a year now we’ve been married. So even when she told me she took a test at the doctor and it was negative, somehow I still knew. Then something wonderful happened. I was on a scout at the Emirates Palace Hotel in Abu Dhabi and I got a text informing me she was pregnant. Instantaneously my fear went to excitement. I was going to be a father again!. Sure Jennifer and I were a little stunned but we feel so incredibly blessed. For me this just shows how faithful God really is. As many of you know my story, the most precious thing in my life was my wife and family. To have them ripped away from me was devastating. I felt like the character Job from the Bible in many respects. But as I went through my grief, pain, and anguish I focused all of my positive energies on God and tried not to dwell on the negative. The trick was getting the focus off of me and onto God and others. (That really is the key to happiness, getting the focus off yourself FYI) Like Job, I feel like Im getting a double portion of blessing and a second chance. I don’t want two wives However, one is quite challenging enough. But the fact that God honored me with such an amazing wife like Jennifer is what really is remarkable. The details of Jennifer I think really show God’s faithfulness. She is drop dead gorgeous, an electric smile with these deep blue eyes and long flowing blonde hair, amazing body, incredibly passionate, funny (sometimes,) goofy, great with kids, 12 years younger than me, heart for God, Mensa-level intelligence, great career, able to admit she is wrong and apologize (though Im at fault most of the time). What are the odds that I’d find a girl like this that just so happens to work for a company that has it’s Middle East headquarters in Dubai, (less than a mile from where I’m living). Yet the absolute best thing about Jennifer is that she loves me. After going without love for so long, it feels so good to be adored again. Its like that first drink of water after you’ve been wandering in the desert for days. So not only did God bless me with the most wonderful wife in the world, but now the effortless addition of child. Im also thankful that I have a stable career going now. In the film/tv industry that is really saying something. So the baby is headed our way at the beginning of August. ….Oh…I almost forgot the funniest part. When I heard the news in December of the verified pregnancy I was in a state of shock. So I sat down across from Reg, my boss in our home office. I said, Jennifer’s pregnant. He had this puzzled look on his face. “You mean from your last trip in November.” I nodded my head. “Bullseye!!!” He proclaimed. That summed it up quite nicely.

#1 Marrying Jennifer OK, this might seem anti-climactic at this point. But still I had to be accurate. I know Jennifer had this at #2. There is a reason why it’s number one. I did a lot studying and went to a lot of classes on child-rearing. The fact that hit me the most was from Growing Kid’s God’s Way. Amongst their many strong theories was the most important aspect to raising a child. That was for the father to love the mother. The child should be an addition to the family (Parent Centered) not what the family is based on (child-centered). Knowing that mom and dad love each other will give the child security, and confidence. Take that love away and you have scared, insecure, innocent kids that just had their stability stolen from them. Its made worse when the relationship breaks and there is hatred and bitterness involved. It’s a toxic poison that is easily spread. I hate the fact that I was partially responsible for doing this to my own children. I hope that someday I can be reconciled with them and have a relationship that God intended a father to have with his children.

OK back to #1 Since it was the second marriage for both Jennifer and I. We didn’t want a large wedding. So on March 18, we went to the courthouse in Raleigh NC, sat before the judge, and became husband and wife. Not only will this go down as the #1 highlight of 2010, I think I have the #1 of the decade wrapped up as well.

Following Christ had to be the best decision I have every made. Marrying Jennifer is easily the second best. I believe #2 was only possible because of #1.

Top 10 of 2010 #4 & #3

Wow, Im wordy. I guess that is a good thing since I bill myself as a professional writer. I thought I could get through this top 10 list with maybe one or two pages. But as I write I find myself reliving the experiences. I love details and stories. So I keep wanting to add detail at every turn. So hopefully I can get through this list quickly as Im trying to stay in sync with Jennifer’s blog jenni-sloan.blogspot.com/ I am copying her format anyway so props to her. I would also encourage you to keep your own top 10 list, and do it every year. What a wonderful way to relive moments in your life especially a few years down the road when we forget everything. If you think about it, can you really remember even the best thing that happened to you in 1999 or 2003? What about the fifth best thing that happened two years ago? Memories fade but words have a lasting impact. I wish I would have started this years ago. On with the list.

#4 Spending a month with the kids and Jennifer during the summer in San Francisco. Wow was there some drama around this one. I married Jennifer in March 2010 and we had the opportunity to fly out Texas so I wanted her to meet my children. I let X know when we would arrive. But when we got there she had taken the kids away. I was really heartbroken. Imagine flying halfway around the world and not being able to see your children. This was made worse since I hadn’t seen them for nearly six months. So I planned on the kids meeting her in July instead during my court-ordered visitation. I sent several letters stating my exact arrival date both through my lawyer and direct email. But as I suspected when I arrived she hid them again. Im sure she was thinking that I wouldn’t take her to court since it would be a long drawn out process and I had to get back to the Middle East. What X didn’t realize, that with Jennifer’s full support, I resigned my position in Bahrain with the sole purpose to fight to see my kids. So Jennifer used up all of her vacation time and we waited in Texas for the subpoena and the court date. This was done at considerable expense and frustration but the kids were worth it. My wonderfully supportive parents flew in from California to be with Jennifer and I during this hearing. One thing about Alienation, is not only do the kids lose their relationship with their father, but the father’s family as well. The kids and my parent used to be very close. Now my parents have only seen the kids once in the past two years. How is that healthy for them? It’s heartbreaking for my parents, they are not dealing with it as well as I am. But alas, I digress once again. So the judge took the kids off into a separate room for which I was thankful. My parents and Jennifer were anxiously awaiting in the other room. It was stupid that I had to spend money on a lawyer and go to court in the first place. All I wanted to do was see my kids. I told the judge passionately, nearly in tears, “I haven’t seen my daughter in two years. All I want is to visit with them.” Well the judge saw right through the technicalities that X was trying to hide behind. It was a 100% win. She was ordered to give up the kids and pay the court costs. I could have charged her with contempt of court (and easily won) but all I wanted to do really was see the kids. When I picked up the kids they were so angry with me. My oldest wouldn’t even look at me, and the kids didn’t really speak for two days. Nevertheless I flew them to California to my parents house and we all had a great time, although my kids won’t admit it. We went to amusement parks, they spent time with their cousins, saw family, went swimming most every day. The most important thing is they got to meet Jennifer and were de-brainwashed/alienated for a short period. They really liked her at first. In short, they just were around family that loved them. We were not the monsters that we were portrayed to be. The good feelings lasted while they were in a positive environment but it quickly vanished. They went home and were quickly convinced (rebrainwashed/alienated) that maybe they didn’t have that great of time after all. But it does give me hope for the future that time and love will heal the wound. But they have to be out of the negative control of that environment. If they were to express love to me in any form, they would be shunned in their own house. So their reactions during this difficult time really are an emotional survival instinct.

#3 My first skype conversation with Jennifer This was the first week of January. It started out that we were IM chatting with each other, then it turned into a phone call, then webcam. I printed out my first real IM chat with Jennifer on this day at it was 55 pages long. Both of us are very fast typists you see. I re-read it sometime back and it is hilarious. Some of it would even be publishable. Its just very witty and entertaining. We followed that up when she got home from work with the webcam. It was clear to see even then that we would marry each other. We were both so intrigued and amazed by each other. The fact that we were physically attracted to the other was a relief. It was the following day that I told her I loved her for the first time. It was plain for us both that it was “Love at first Skype” I tried to hold in those words “I Love You” until I met her face to face for the first time. But I just quite couldn’t help myself. It was like I was bursting. I had been searching and praying for her for two years and God answered my prayer. By the time I realized what time it was, it was 8:30 am. I had literally been chatting/talking/camming with her all night long for 12 hours straight. It was a very strange feeling that 12 hours felt like 12 minutes and we easily could go another 12 hours. I decided to go to church and forego sleeping altogether. So I showered and remembered that I was floating. I think I told Russ or Darren that I met the girl I was going to marry. They just rolled their eyes. I mean after all…I’m the guy that has conversations with God. So my friends take me with a grain of salt and I accept that. I was doing fine through the song service until I sat down for the preaching. All my euphoria from the talk with Jennifer went out the window as I fell asleep during the service about 10 times. Its only noticeable when you head droops forward and you jerk your head back startling yourself. This was the great advantage of Evangel College. I had to go to chapel everyday at 10:00 am. Not only did I graduate with a non-official minor in Chapel (40 credit hours) but more importantly I learned how to sleep sitting up. For the rest of my life that will be one of the most important things that College did for me
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Top 10 of 2010 #7-#5

This is a continuation of my top 10 in 2010. As I said yesterday, I believe it is important to look back at the positive things in life in order to help you have courage to face whatever adversities you have in life. I know I get quite “preachy” in this blog and that offends some people. However, I have found the people that get most offended by the “preachiness” usually have something about which to feel a little guilty. So there is always a reason why you strike a nerve. I write this blog as I live my life, as the Holy Spirit directs. Now Christians have an incredibly unfair advantage over non-believers. I firmly believe that if you are a Christian usually everything comes up roses in the end (as long as you are living your life right). If it doesn’t, then God gives you the peace and serenity to

accept it. Now a non-believer could be happy, absolutely. But with Christians the joy is sustaining. Long term peace and joy beat moments of happiness hands down. OK..on with the list.

#7 Squash with Darren No this is not a singular event. This was actually spread over the course of my entire Bahrain experience. Darren turned out to be one of my closest friends in Bahrain. We played squash once or twice a week at the British Club. The games were absolutely intense and an incredible workout for the both of us. He beat me more often than not. What was the most special things about the matches was our conversations between. Each of us hated to lose and played like we were in the 9^th inning of the 7^th game of the World Series. But between the matches we just had these great uplifting conversations about each other’s lives. Darren and I had a lot in common so he could offer a point of view that was unique. Really we had mini therapy sessions. After the game we would unwind by the British Club pool and have a meal or a soda.

They were really l “Ah…this is the life” moments. Not only were we great competitors, Darren also was an avid sportsfan. We never ran out of things to talk about. One thing I miss the most about Bahrain are the squash matches, but I know I have a life long friend.

#6 Leaving Bahrain My 20 months at my company in Bahrain was a fabulous experience for me. I loved being a General Manager. My management style, Im afraid to admit, was a bit like Michael from the Office. But less dorky. I established lifelong friendships with every single employee there. I have memories working and socializing with them that will last a lifetime. God really incredibly blessed me there. I remember specifically while I was praying in Jan. of 2010 that God told me that my time in Bahrain would soon be coming to an end. This was before my relationship with Jennifer heated up, and before I met Reg and OneTVO. I kept waiting for the end to happen. That is why I moved in with Coach Pat thinking it would only be a month or two. Well that month turned into six months. It was so great to have Jennifer behind me and believing in me during this time. That empowered me to make bold decisions. The owner’s son was now running the company and it was clear to see that you don’t have two head coaches. What was amazing is that they wanted me to stay, but I had such a clear peace about leaving. I do miss certain parts of Bahrain very much. It was like Bahrain was the training ground for my professional maturity. Now I feel as if I am reaping the experiential benefits.

#5 Surprising/meeting Jennifer at the Airport Jennifer and my romance is such a fairtytale.

I know how to write drama and I can easily recognize it when its happening even in my own life. Jennifer and I knew that we would marry each other from our second phone conversation. It was such a surreal feeling. Its not like we ever said “if” we get married. It was just an accepted inevitability. Both of us knew it. It was just instant cohesion. But of course I had to meet her face to face first. We webcammed before so there is not much hiding if you have something to hide. We were both attracted to each other. But would there be chemistry on her part when we met? That was the first unknown. Since I have a flair for the dramatic and my life will be made into a movie, I wanted to have a climactic ending or beginning depending on your point of view. So I arranged to have my photographer and videographer record our first meeting. Since I had a huge bouquet of flowers with me, there was a curiosity amongst the crowd. I was extremely nervous, I rarely get that nervous. So when Jennifer passed through customs I was face to face with her for the first time ever. She was a little awkward. Without saying anything, I dropped to a knee. The international crowd of about 100-150 people all collectively gasped. So my first words to her face to face were “Will you marry me?” Fortunately she said yes and the crowd applauded. It was a pretty spectacular almost life defining moment as I had not anticipated the crowd’s involvement. I then broke the law and kissed her. Jennifer and I will both agree and we thought the other was a lousy kissers. Fortunately, with lots of practice, we have gotten much much better at that. The next day, we went our first date which was a Ball, literally and figuratively. Jennifer had a gorgeous red gown and I was dressed in a custom fit tuxedo. It was a fundraising ball and my video was one of the featured attractions. Wow…what a way to show off for my new fiancée. Jennifer got to meet most of my friends, including my friend Stan. I told Stan about our story, and since he was the Editor in Chief of the newspaper he wanted to write about it. So there on Page 3 the next week, there Jennifer and my story was. It was a fitting and romantic end to an amazing amazing week. Here is the link if you care to read about it: http://www.gulfweekly.com/article.asp?Sn=7232&Article=24238

Top 10 of 2010

Plagiarism and Looking Back

Jennifer had a top 10 list in her blog and I kind of got jealous. It seems like everyone loves lists, just look at Yahoo’s news highlights and you get a list for everything. But as I was contemplating my personal list I got to thinking of the spiritual aspects of keeping a list. I think its important to look back at what God has done in my life both for a testimony and to give me faith to move forward. That’s why keeping a prayer journal is important. Jennifer and I over the course of the next week or so are facing a pretty substantial life decision. As much as I preach against fear, this one has me kind of worried. I know God will see me through, but Im a little bit anxious, and I hate being anxious especially since I always talk a good game. But alas, I am human and I fail. I try to be absolutely transparent in this blog and I know that it minsters to several of you out there. For that I’m exceedingly glad. One thing that surprised me, were the responses from my last blog about Tears in the Fatburger or the effects of Parental Alienation. I was amazed by the support and the knowledge that it impacted so many people in different ways. Unfortunately the names might have been changed but the stories are the same. Maybe speaking out will help stem the tide of what is being increasingly accepted as normal.

As Jennifer and I are praying for this big decision, I was drawn to Joshua 1. If ever you need to be encouraged, this is the chapter. God tries to encourage Joshua as he’s about to battle it out with the Giants and enter the promised land. God admonishes him, as long as he follows the Bible victory is his and he needn’t be afraid. But God knows us and he knows that fear is a very real emotion. So he tells Joshua to look back to Moses (the past) if God came through then, he’ll come through now. So that’s why I think its important to write down God’s accomplishments in your life to give you the courage to move forward. I’ve heard it said that you

are either in a trial (problem) just coming out of one, or just about to go in another one. We will always have troubles. But we can have peace no matter where we are in the trials, if we just remember that God got us out of the last one, he’ll get us out of this one too. Now this key is only available for believers. Non-believers you are on your own and you can let the chips fall where they may. This list is my justification for the plagiarism of Jennifer’s idea. I encourage you to do your own top 10 of 2010 list and write it down.

#10

*Well let me first say that #1 in my list has to be my growing and intimate relationship with the Creator, but that would be anti-climactic and a given. So let me re-categorize the list as the top 10 things that happened to me in 2010.*

**Another addendum is that Jennifer could be in all 10 of these spots, but that would probably be boring for all of you to read since I have professed my love and admiration for her over and over and over in this blog. **

So #10…

The Funniest Person Bahrain Contest

Now this wasn’t an overwhelming success from a monetary standpoint, but from a cultural standpoint it was. The Funniest Person in Bahrain featured 10 people that were funny and I tried to play to their strengths. It was similar in scope to “Whose Line is it Anyways.” We had an extreme diversity. We had contestants from: Finland, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, Oman, UK, US, Seychelles, India, Pakistan, Holland, and a 16-year old kid. It was truly an eclectic mix. We had all these diverse races coming together with laughter being the universal language. What made me the most proud was seeing the growth and development of each of these fine comedians. I was so proud of this group. I am not a funny person (Jennifer will be sure to provide the confirmation) for the most part, but I do know how to set up other people to be funny. It was my job to get to know these people and put them in situations where they could succeed. In Improv comedy, like anything creative, you can’t think. So I had to get an ensemble of people not to think. (Insert Joke Here.) I sure bonded with these people and will have memories that will last a laughtime with them. (hey that was a joke.) Bahrain TV wanted to buy the show, but I held off hoping I could try to sell in a bigger market. I think I can sell this in Dubai.

#9

My Positive Living Group.

When I was first moving to Bahrain in 2008 God spoke to me very specifically. First He told me to write my book, Second He said I would start a church. I think the book took the turn of this blog. If I printed out this blog single spaced it would be well over 1000 pages by now. I have 551 entries and each entry is at least a page on average. Wow…that is a lot of writing. The second, the church, I argued with God. How was I supposed to start to start a church in Bahrain? I didn’t know anyone. God said very plainly, “Leave the details to Me.” I did, and He did. Well Im not sure if you could classify My group as a “church” but it was for me. It was a place where I could both minister and be ministered to. I was unofficially supported by my former pastor Jim Lewis and Lakewood Church. They gave me books, CD’s, DVDs, and other materials which I freely gave away to my group. We met on Monday nights at my flat. I always fed the group dinner and we talked. Then we watched a Joel Osteen video and talked about how it impacted our particular faith. I had Muslims, Hindus, Christians, Atheists, Agnostics and even a Buddhist regularly attend. It was an incredibly opportunity to learn more about each other’s beliefs in a non-threatening and safe manner. I probably had around 50 different people circulate through at one time or the other in the year plus that I held the group. Most of the time it was anywhere from 3-8 people on a given night. This group was purely spread through word of mouth and my blog. One of my favorite regular attenders was a young Muslim who found me through this blog. He came to argue about my beliefs in Christ and wound up being my most consistent attender. Instead of telling him what was “wrong” with his religion I told him what was “right” with mine. It totally disarmed him. He is now my lifelong friend and studying to be a doctor in China. I know this group helped turn around the lives of several people that attended. The fact that God used me in that powerful way is both a great honor and a very humbling experience.

#8 Surprising Jennifer in November

Jennifer always boasted that she was so smart that she could never be surprised. This is a girl that used to open up all her wrapped Christmas gifts then meticulously rewrap them. So I had this planned out for weeks and I set her up beautifully for it. On a weekend she thought I was in Oman, I showed up at her doorstep. She was not prepared for me in the least. As I stood there at her door she just stood there dumbfounded for about a minute. She could’t really move or talk. I think she was in shock. It took her about a day for it all to sink in. It was a blast. I was only there for one week. But it turned out to be one of the many great weeks of the year for me.

#7-#1 Coming soon…

Tears in the Fat Burger

I felt very silly sitting in a Fat Burger restaurant with tears streaming down my face. This is not your everyday experience so let me explain. I am a creature of habit so I have a routine I follow. I am alone for another 2.5 months so I’m going to continue to follow this routine as I have been generally for the past three years since I came to the Middle East. For breakfast I spend time with God, reading my Bible then praying/listening to Him. For lunch I spend time with whatever reality show Im addicted to at the moment (either Amazing Race or Survivor). I can buy the past seasons on itunes for about $20. So I don’t have to wait week by week to see the cliff hanger. I usually watch one episode after the other (Yeah, Immediate Gratification!). So this particular episode of Survivor aired in the US sometime early December. It usually makes me cry but even moreso this year. It’s the episode they always do where the remaining survivors are reunited with their loved ones. Its always an emotional experience. These people shed crocodile tears after being away from their family for 5 weeks. 5 weeks? But still it’s a nice moment that always gets me. What really got me was the affection this particular grown son showed his father (Dan). I was so moved by that because that is something that I do not have at the moment and I have been praying for.

It really hurts because I can no longer speak to my children unless I force the issue through the court system. In fact I haven’t spoken with my children since last Sept. They will neither take nor return my calls or emails. I still love my children and long for the day we can have a normal relationship. Some might say, It’s my choice because I chose to live half-way around the world in the Middle East. They might be partially correct. But I simply have to look at my dear friend Reji. Reji is from Kerala, India and he gets to see his family once or twice a year. Yet his relationship with his children/family is very strong. He chats with them almost daily via webcam. They love their dad. There are countless other stories out there like Reji’s. Globally, having an intact family is more of an exception than the rule.

I have been fortunate enough to be able to afford to fly back to the states 2-3 times a year to see my children. But even that had become increasingly difficult. My ex-wife hid them from me twice in a row in 2010 upon my return to the US. Finally I had to take her to court and the judge saw right through her shenanigans. She will justify that the kids don’t want to see me. She would be right, they don’t. While I visited my kids the last two times, their bodies were there but their minds were not. This is because of the continuing Parental Alienation that the kids are subject to. If one of them were to mention that they missed their dad or want to visit they would be emotionally shunned in their own home. So their behavior is both an influenced choice and emotional survival mechanism. One of my boys mentioned during our visit that they were afraid to have too much fun otherwise they’d get in trouble when they got home.

I’ve mentioned this several times in my blog before but it bears repeating. Alienated kids take on the feelings and advocacy of the alienating parent. The children defend the alienating parent and argue that their thoughts are their own and not influenced by anyone else. My particular case of alienation is really text book. When hate and bitterness are modeled on a daily basis innocent children soon adhere to this poisoning. I think Divorce is the most selfish act anyone can commit other than maybe murder. To take it further, alienating innocent children takes that selfishness exponentially further. I grew up watching Disney Fairy Tales, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White etc... There was always a wicked witch or other character as the evil antagonist. I always thought those figures were fictional, not representative of real life. Oh how wrong I was. Those types of characters are real. The Bible has harsh words of judgment for those types of people. Luke 17:2 It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.

Most often, the alienating parent justifies in their own mind that they are doing this to “protect the child.” But lying to themselves comes easy as they are lying to their other friends and family members. What I have yet to understand, do they actually believe their own lies or are they absolutely delusional. If so, I think that is some sort of mental illness. I just don’t see how they can live withthemselves.

Now I love my children dearly and miss them like crazy. What are my options? Really my only legal option is to go back to court. Unfortunately that puts the children in the middle. Divorce is like one parent grabbing the right wrist of the child and the other grabbing the left. Will a particular parent win? With a strong enough grip and pull, yes. But what about the harm that comes to the child caught in the psychological tug of war. My coming to the Middle East was my way of letting go of the wrist so the child would not be harmed. Yet even though I let go my ex is continuing to damage the children as if were hanging on to the wrist. Why? I don’t know. There are many things I don’t know. One of them being why she is reading this blog right now. So what can I do? Really the only thing I can do is pray. My case is not that uncommon. I think in most divorces you will find certain levels of alienation that occur. But for most every divorced person I spoke with, my case seems to be in the upper extremes.

I know that I will have a relationship with my children one day as they mature and see the truth and recognize the character of each of their parents. Buts its days like today when I get impatient. I don’t want to have to wait 10 years for that reconciliation to occur. I know it will…that’s what I have to keep telling myself. Now God is giving me the strength to endure. I don’t know where I’d be without my beautiful and supportive wife and loving family. “Vengeance is mine says the Lord.” I can’t get involved too much with wanting Justice…that’s up to God. I believe in Karma/reaping and sowing, what comes around always goes around. I think that is a universal truth no matter what religion you follow. Im just glad the millstone is not around my neck.

Forgiveness is a process. Sometimes I have to forgive my former spouse multiple times a day. Today is one of those days. I know this blog is quite inflammatory at times. But I also know that it ministers to others out there as many of you have let me know that it does. So I pray that it ministers/admonishes you. If you are separated from your children like I am, I would like to hear about it. If not, thank God for your blessings and pray for those of us that are struggling with this horrific affliction.

Rick's Postulate

I have a theory. A theory that has rang true in my life over and over again, but its not something I can prove. You will just have to take my word for or try it out yourself. Rick’s Postulate: The amount of God’s peace one experiences is directly proportionate to the size of the crisis one is experiencing. Thus the bigger the crisis, the bigger the allotment of peace. Something happened today about which I can’t go into details. It has nothing to do with Jennifer however. But she certainly has been instrumental in the solution or assisting in the allocation of God’s peace. So I had potentially a really bad day. I mean really bad. But for some reason…it didn’t emotionally feel that bad. In fact is was a pretty good day. It doesn’t really make sense in the natural. I should be really depressed and worrying but Im not. Psalm 55:22 says Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you. 1 Peter 5:7 says essentially the same thing “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

OK, here’s the crazy part. I didn’t even pray about this particular crisis. It just kind of happened. I have been doing all the right things by “Seeking God First” and letting the chips fall where they may. So when the hammer of adversity dropped its head, I was completely prepared for it. Its like the dust was just shrugged off my back. Its not that I’m ambivalent to this latest crisis, not in the least. Its just that I’ve been through so many similar types of crises and God has always seen me through the storm. So no matter what happens, I know He’ll see me through this storm as well. Oh…I have my preference on which direction I want the ship to be guided. God will certainly take that into account as he is directing my steps. But I know that whichever direction this particular ship heads, that Im going wind up safely in the harbor after the storm passes. I’ve mentioned before that whenever God speaks he will repeat it two-three times just to make sure you are tuned in and hearing Him correctly. I said a couple of months ago that I felt God told me that the Phillies would win the Series…D’oh…I guess that wasn’t backed up by two or three sources. Unless I would have been in Philly then Im sure it would have been backed up…lol. So God once again told me that things would be ok. I was listening to the podcast of Cornerstone from his past Sunday’s sermon and boom it was just for me…from halfway around the world. God confirmed both through this podcast, His voice in my head, and for good measure a bonus of Jennifer. Having her support is God’s way of helping me show no fear no matter what the circumstance. Having her in my corner believing in me makes all the difference. A very simple phrase that Pastor Steve Madsen said, one that I sang about as a child in Sunday School, just hit me like a load of bricks. “The wise man built his house on the rock, the foolish man built his house on the sand. What happened with the storm of adversity hit?” Even though Im proverbially in the land of sand, for the last five years my house has a solid foundation of being on the Rock (Bible/God/Jesus etc.). This strong foundation has helped me to not only survive a number of storms but to thrive in them as well. I am so blessed and so thankful.

Now if you were to look at my life there are a number of different things that you could point to today to try to convince me that I should be depressed and miserable. You know what…you’d probably be right. But I’ve learned that having the proper foundation is the key element to allowing “All things work together for good” to happen in my life.

So how will this particular crisis revolve itself? Im not sure, but I know I’ll wind up on the good side.

(I know my mother is probably freaking out right now, worrying what is wrong with me. Don’t worry mother, everything is in control.---She’s still working through this worry issue. She’s a mother after all.)

A Response to Red Phoenix

Thank you so much for sharing. I indeed feel your pain. During the darkest hours of my divorce the late Jerry Falwell took me in his Suburban and we drove around Lynchburg. He told me "life moves on." I didn't believe him. Well maybe life moves on, but I will be an emotional cripple for the rest of my life. Well it took time, faith and God's restoration for me to finally get what he was trying to say. God will use this opportunity of your aloneness to fill you with His spirit. Take the time to be alone with God when you are alone. Worship even though your don't feel like worshipping. Listen to as many online sermons from Charles Stanley and Joel Osteen as you can. Read the Bible, Seek God.

You can be alone, but you don't have to be lonely. Life for you, and everyone really, is quite simple. "Seek God First...and all these things will be added unto." So whenever you are frightened, lonely, angry, depressed, happy, joyful, or peaceful seek God. It is his desire for you to have peace no matter what the circumstances are around you. It really defies logic, but your entire house could be burning and falling all around you while you are safely tucked inside a fire proof room in the center of the house. Picture Shadrach Meshack and Abendego in the Babylonian Furnace or Daniel in the lion's Den. God knows what you need. He will provide. Another very important thing to consider during this dark time is to love yourself. Divorce cripples a person in the esteem department. If you rush into a relationship too quickly, your esteem will be boosted as you are temporarily affirmed, but it will be short-lived. You have to love yourself before anyone else can properly love you. If not, its a co-dependent love and doomed to fail.

Also you indicated that you have children. Love them, even if they are grown they are hurting. Never ever bad mouth your former spouse or say anything negative. They will figure it out for themselves eventually. Also don't look to them for affirmation, that is backwards and puts too much pressure on them. Look to God for your affirmation.

So hang in there. I hope you will see that my life is a testimony to how this works. Don't dwell on the past and what you don't have...consider the present at what you have and by faith the future to what you will have. God is great, and abundantly faithful. Thank you for writing.