Like a swiss watch...precision clockwork

(Im venting here...so if negativity upsets you...skip this entry please). 

It’s like a Swiss watch…precision clockwork.  X seems to stir up something every three weeks.  Some sort of conflict.  Im not really sure of the reason why, Yes, I think I know the reason, its something to remind herself that I need to be the “bad” guy.  Three weeks ago when I was making plans to visit my kids in the U.S. she would not allow me to see them on my planned visit of May 21, because that, according to the decree was her weekend, and that I couldn’t visit them the week after because that was the start of summer vacation and thus not my weekend either.  So she said I could have the third weekend so I rearranged my plane reservations to visit on the third weekend.  X knew full well that the kids had plans to visit with new hubby’s parents that weekend something they told me they had planned for months  So X knowingly set up the conflict to make me out to be the “bad” guy.  The kids didn’t want to rearrange their schedule to see me and would only allow me a fraction of my visitation time, so I wound up cancelling my visit.  It hurt…it hurt bad.  That is what X seems to savor, opportunities to use the children to hurt me, since she can no longer hurt me personally.   I went to lunch with my friend Russ yesterday.  I told him, “I sense something brewing Russ.  She always instigates a conflict on the third week.”  Its been three weeks since the last conflict.  Sure enough something happened.

My parents haven’t seen the kids for 9 months either.  They at one time were very close to my kids.  According to the divorce decree which X uses religiously, there are no compromises, my visit is supposed to be the month of July.  She has already dictated that she is using her court allowed visit of July 3-5 to visit them.  She has had them for 9 months straight and she needs the July 3-5 of my month to visit them?  Im certain she doesn’t have the best interest of the kids at hand.  Every chance she can get she tries to drive the knife in a little deeper.  My parents and I decided that since the kids refused to come to Bahrain, and refused to come to California, that I would visit them in Texas.  I wanted to take them to Europe (or a country of their choice) if they came to the Middle East.  If I couldn’t have that, then I’d take em to Disneyland and Universal Studios if I went to California.  They didn’t want to come to California either. So we decided to make the best of Texas.  We found out that there was a luxury cruise ship that was available one of  the weeks of my visit.  Since my daughter’s dream had always been to go on a cruise I thought it would be a nice idea.  I was pretty excited about it.  I knew they would have a great time.  So I tried to talk to my daughter and she refused to talk to me.  I haven’t had a nice conversation with her for months.  X and new hubby have told her that I have done some horrible thing which is a lie from the pit of Hell.  But I can’t defend that with her.  She’ll realize the truth when she’s older, unfortunately the damage is being done by X and the new hubby in the mean time.  Anyway, I couldn’t talk to my daughter so I communicated with the boys.  I told them that I wanted to take them all on a cruise.  They almost immediately told me they didn’t want to go.  Its like I barely got the words out and they said no.  It was clear they were being coached.  I got upset.  Since when should a 10 year old and a 13 year old child dictate the rules to their father.  Is that just the nature of divorce.  I don’t blame my children, I love them dearly, but its clear that they have been brainwashed/poisoned by X.  Its all part of the parental alienation syndrome.  If you want to read more about this horrible phenomenon http://www.paskids.com/ It is my situation to an absolute T.  Of course X and new hubby and even the kids all deny this, but that denial is simply a part of the syndrome.   I think X affirms the kids everytime they stand up to me.  Its manipulation.  We were once very close. 

So I was pretty upset and I raised my voice to the boys to express my displeasure.  They hung up on me.  So I called back and new hubby picked up the boys line.  He started yelling and cursing at me, despite the fact that I asked not to speak to him.  He kept yelling told me that I didn’t listen and then cursed some more and hung up on me.  The boys had to be right there, they live in a tiny house.  I’m not sure why new hubby has injected himself.  They are not his kids.  This is between X and I, but he seems to have thought it to be his responsibility.  They have made up a scenario…where I’m the big bad wolf, X is the damsel in distress, and new hubby the knight is shining armor.  Its all quite dramatic, stupid, and needless.  But X has always had the need to have drama in her life.  If there is none, she’ll manufacture it.  I can go back and tell you the conflict for the last three week increments going back to our divorce.  Its sad.  Im outnumbered in that house.  Im the “bad” guy in my kids minds.  Its all very very unfortunate.  Im sure they’ll read this and figure out a way to make this all my fault, that is part of PAS too.  It sucks, she cheated, she filed, she got the kids, she got the support…yet its all my fault.  Go figure.  Once again…Divorce sucks.  

Punctuality

Im in between acting classes at the moment.  I’m waiting for the adults to arrive.  Normally I go upstairs and take a 20 minute nap in the make up room between the classes.  It really refreshes me.  But some security guard locked the door so I can’t access it.  So I’m writing you instead trying to maximize the use of my time.  I had breakfast today with the Music Man..or Russ.  Russ is my good friend and accountability partner.  I’ve never really had an accountability partner before but I can see so many benefits to it.  I help him stay strong spiritually and he helps me stay strong.  We talk about everything.  He’s also from the Bay Area.  He was asking about my blog when I told him about the Czech.  I was describing some of the character names I have used in the past to protect people’s identity.  He asked what his character name was…and I just said Russ.  I think he was a little disappointed that he didn’t have a character name, but didn’t mind me sharing information.  But since I’m his accountability partner many things I will guard as rightfully I should.  I think I only use character names for girls for some reason. 

I came down a little hard on the teenage class today.  Our courses are drawing to an end in two weeks and they have gotten a little lazy with their work.  Like anything in life you get out what you put in.  Many of them initially put in a lot but once they figured out in their mind that they had “it” they started getting lazy and resting on their laurels.  I use a lot of metaphors when I teach and in life.  Perhaps I use too many metaphors.  But Jesus taught in metaphors with his parables so if its good enough for him its good enough for me.  I told them athletes all have a certain level of natural talent, some have a lot some not so much.  But still if they want to make it to the professional leagues or the All Star team no matter how much natural talent they have, they still have to practice.  They still have to work at what they have to be the best.  Acting and life are like that.  No matter how much we have to begin with, if we want to stay on top of our game we have to  continue working at it. 

The adults are just about to arrive.  I enjoy teaching the adult class the best I think.  I feel like Im helping them heal their emotional pains through art and science of performance.  Im helping them maximize their potential which I love being able to do.  This group is interesting.  They are all semi-passionate about their acting.  But not quite as committed as the teens or the children.  Often times they will have commitments or excuses to not show up.  They’ve already paid so their level of commitment doesn’t affect us financially.  But they aren’t reaping the full benefits as they miss so much.  There is something about the culture of this island that is kind of annoying.  Rarely is anyone on time.  Its almost accepted that its ok to be late.  So often times for class we will have people show up 15-30 minutes late.  I think that is so disrespectful to the people that show up on time.  Its always been a bone of contention with me.  When you are continuously late, I think it’s a sign of disprespect.  You are telling people that my time is more important than yours.  I didn’t always used to be punctual.  I was late for everything it seems.  But I always made it a point to be on time for professional appointments.  So I figured if I can do for my professional work, why can’t I do for social and other engagements.  So since that time I ‘ve been almost maniacal about being on time.  I have this quirk though.  I like to be exactly on time, not early, not late exact.  Its more efficient that way.  I think my timeliness was crystallized when I was doing a professional project about 10 years ago now.  Be prepared Im going to name drop.  I was doing a biography on Charlton Heston and arranged to interview him at his house on the top of Coldwater Canyon in Los Angeles.  We were to interview him at 9:00 AM.  My executive producer delayed our departure and then my crew was late in arriving.  So we set off later than I anticipated and then we hit bumper to bumper traffic on Coldwater Canyon.   We get to his house at 9:15 AM.  I knock on his front door, he opens the door (Im thinking, AHHHHHH Im standing in front of Charlton Heston) he slowly looks at his watch and says, “You’re late” in his deep and bellowing Heston voice.  (Later I read in his autobiography that he hates when people are late…D’oh).  I apologize and tell my crew to set up the lights in lightning fast speed.  So about 30 minutes later we have the lights set up and start the interview.  Mr. Heston warns me that because of our tardiness he can only spare 20 minutes for the interview.  So I get cracking.  No small talk, right for the meat.  I finish the interview exactly at 20:00 on the nose.  I wrap it up by thanking him for his time.  He slowly looks at his watch and smiles.  “We got a lot in for a short amount of time” he says.  I was very happy about that.  So ever since that Heston experience, I have always been on time.  On a side note, Mrs. Heston who is a professional photographer opened up her personal photo collection to me letting me choose from thousands of photographs she took of her husband.  She was very gracious.  Wherever there were two of a picture she would give the extra to me to keep.  So I have a collection of about 200 Charlton Heston photos taken by Mrs. Heston. Mr. and Mrs Heston were married for 64 years…a Hollywood marriage lasting 64 years are you kidding me!?!?!?…that is so old school.  Most Hollywood marriages don’t last 64 weeks let alone 64 years.  Why has our society so readily accepted divorce?  The thought of it sickens as you know since I was an unwilling participant in my divorce.  But I digress.   It was one of the most enjoyable projects I have ever worked on.  I was quite saddened by his death last year.  He was an amazing icon that I really looked up to and admired.  He influenced a lot of people in his day.  One time for the NRA, he raised a gun above his head and said you can take this gun away from me when you take it from my cold, dead hands.  He took a lot of grief from the liberals for that.  For me…I think he just helped me to learn to be on time. 

Sleeping til 3pm

It was a strange day all around.  I think I realized the reason for my funk, was a spiritual attack.  I don’t want to give the enemy too much credit or too little credit.  I think it hit me while I was watching Terminator: Salvation last night.  I think there is indeed a war being waged spiritually that we can’t see.  The visualization of that metaphor in my mind on the screen was powerful.    If I take that point of view, I can handle the crappy stuff that comes my way a little easier.  It helps me put it into perspective.  I told you that I hadn’t really done my devotions for about two weeks, so spiritually I was unfit and prone to more attacks.  Its like I became the spiritual 98 lb weakling again and the enemy was the hulk.  Well…I did find my Bible and I’m trying to get back on track again.  It wasn’t something that happened all of a sudden, it was a slow drift.  But since I’m doing God’s work over here, there is more of a giant target on my back.  I guess that is why they say, to whom much is given much is required.  I have to “man up” and be prepared.  Be a man for all seasons to steal a movie title. 

I wound up having a nice long talk with the Czech in the middle of the night.  That’s what I have to do to communicate with her because of the time difference.  I went back to sleep at 7 am or so, and didn’t wake up til 3:20 PM.  What???  I’ve never ever ever slept that late.  These are unusual times and unusual circumstances.  I skype with the Czech, so its free and we both have webcamera’s so that makes it a little more personal. 

I wanted to see Night at the Museum 2 since Max saw it and liked it.  But I just have this thing about seeing a kids movie without any kids.  I think it makes me seem a little sad.  So I went to my go to Island kids, Tanya’s kids.  I like taking them.  Raimond wound up joining us which was nice.  I feel like a distant part of their family sometimes.  That makes it a little less lonely for me here.  Oh what I wouldn’t do to have my kids here with me, even for a visit.  I know they would love it.  This is really an ideal place to raise kids.  Its probably one of the safest countries in the world.  There is no terrorism and virtually no crime.  There are a load of ex-pat kids here mainly from England and since the private schools are so wealthy, the schools can afford to pay high salaries which lure the best teachers over.  Its also nice because you can travel quite a bit.  At one time my boys wanted to come over to live with me till X encouraged them to change their minds.  They can’t really stand up to her otherwise they would be ostracized within their own family.    Hopefully, I’ll be able to have them over just for a visit so I can share part of my life with them. 

I know that God has a plan and a purpose for me being here.  That also means a plan and a purpose for my children since they are my responsibility.  I’ve never missed a child support check so I’m doing my part there.  I just wish I could have more influence over their spiritual and emotional development.  I’m a great dad, but that responsibility has been taken away from largely by the whole ‘system’ of divorce.  God has a plan for my kids…I just have to keep them in prayer that way.  

Da Funk

I’ve been in kind of a funk all week.  Only semi-productive at work.  I feel like my spirit has been drained.  I had nine months of near euphoria being in Bahrain, but emotionally I feel like Im out of gas.  As I write this, the Lord is impressing upon me, that my spiritual life is out of whack.  With all the traveling that I’ve been doing I haven’t really been as diligent in my devotional life or spiritual life as I should be.  No wonder I’m in a funk.  I think that has a lot do with it.  Before my trip, I was so passionate about my morning devotion and Bible study.  Now that I’m back, Im not even really sure where my Bible is.  I usually leave it in the car but I brought it up to the flat for some reason and haven’t brought it back down.  Out of sight out of mind I guess.  In fact, now Im kind of bothered.  I just walked around looking for my Bible and I can’t find it.  I thought it was in the house somewhere.  I’ll have to double check the car.  This Bible has great significance to me.  Not only is the living breathing word of God.  It also has great sentimental value.  It looks like it has been through a few wars because it is so tattered and torn.  This particular Bible is nearly 25 years old.  It was my family Bible before I had a family.  Its strange, X has marked notes in it with whatever sermon she was listening to at the time.  Its rather bizarre to come across those notes now. 

It’s been a tough week emotionally.  They say home is where the heart is,  Right? now…Im not sure where my heart is.  Is it in North Carolina with Ms. Czech?  Is it in Houston with my children? Is it in San Francisco where I grew up?  Is it in Bahrain where my passion is?  Those are all perplexing questions that I don’t have a definitive answer for.  Im sure if Ms. Czech were here in Bahrain, this would feel a lot like home.  But now…im alone.  And Im about to become even more alone.  Guy has decided to return to Alabama to be with his kids.  I’m quite happy for him.  It was nice having a roommate and a good friend to share experiences with.  The clinching thing for Guy is when his 15 year old daughter wrote him a letter asking him to come back, telling him they needed him there.  How could any father resist that?  I often wonder what it would be like for my 15 year old to tell me that.  Im not sure how I would react.  We don’t talk much anymore.  We used to be very very very close.  But the combination of the teen years, puberty, boys, and the Parental Alienation/poisoning from X have kind of ruined that.  I know that someday my relationship with my daughter will be restored…but it might be 10 years before that happens.  I wish there was something I could do fix it in the mean time. 

I had a good talk with Nader today.  I like to meet with him about once a month and keep him apprised of everything that is happening in the office.  He seemed quite pleased with all the activity.  But bottom line is cash flow.  We have to keep the machine running.  We are interviewing another very sharp sales/marketing lady on Sunday.  Hopefully she’ll be the key to bring in more revenue. 

Tanya and I were a little perturbed at work today.  Tanya is my cohort at the office and very good friend.  Its just weird having a friend that is married like that…so I have to be very careful not to cross any inappropriate lines.  I love her kids and her husband Raimond is a great guy too.  So we keep it absolutely professional…but we are friends.  Its weird even typing that.  So we came up with the idea of the Employee of the month as an incentive for everyone.  They were all excited at first.  We took the votes today for this month’s employee of the month and were quite surprised.  All but two the votes were for one particular person in the office…who happens to struggle with his attitude sometimes.  Methinks there is a fix in place.  Last vote the votes were evenly distributed amongst all the employees.  This time, Im certain there was politicking involved which takes the spirit away from what we intended it to be.  Its like there was an alliance and this was survivor.  I’ll probably go ahead award to the person that talked his way into the award, but I’ll warn them, that the democratic process can be abused and they are in danger of it going back to a dictatorship.  Im a very fair and cool boss, I don’t like to be taken advantage of especially with generosity. 

I feel much better about everything since I shared it with you.  Thanks for reading.  I guess this week…has just been one giant spiritual attack. Your prayers are still coveted to help ward this off.  

Substitute teachers (yesterday's blog posted below)

What a difference a day makes.  I was pretty tired…the jetlag kind of hit me last night after two normal days.  Im not sure why.  So I wanted to make sure I had all my energy for the acting classes today.  So instead of lunch, I came home for a quick power nap.  Its so cool that being on the island, I can come home from work like that even though I live so far away by Bahrain standards.  It worked.  I was very refreshed.  The kids all seemed excited to see me, even though I was away for a week.  I had my Saudi friend Khaled teach the Saturday class and Marloes, my dutch friend teach the Wednesday classes.  I think they both did great.  Now Im not racist by calling out the nationalities where these friends come from.  I just think its cool that this is such a melting pot of cultures where I’ve literally met over 50 people from different parts of the world.  Its an amazing cultural experience.  America is so vast that sometimes there is an America perception that there is no life outside its borders.  Perhaps that is why only 10% of Americans own passports.  Well Americans are certainly missing out.  I just love being able to integrate different cultures into my life.  It makes my life so much more culturally rich.  By seeing other heritages, it helps me appreciate my own. 

I was excited about Khaled and Marloes teaching for several reasons.  They bring a different style to the instruction.  They are both classically training actors where I am not.  Yes I studied acting, but not to act.  I always went into it knowing I wanted to direct.  I wanted to be able to communicate with my actors.  It has been worth the investment.  Well im excited about Khaled and Marloes, because I can train them in my Beemanaski Method Style which I’ve adapted from several methodologies, add my experience and we have a unique offering.  If I use those two we can expand our reach and train/impact even more people.  I really like that.  We have such a good product, now its time to go out and properly market it.  The future looks really great at KSDi…we just need to get the word out.  Im presently amassing a team of sales/marketing people to do just that.  It just is very slow in developing. 

 

Things are going well with the Czech girl.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I liked her when I saw her…now that I’m away from her I really like her. I guess I was really scared when I met her.  This is real…its happening.  I got nervous.  I shared my hesitation in the blog.  I hope I didn’t ruin anything. 

I posted our California pics on facebook yesterday.  I was amazed at how many nice comments that people left for me.  Facebook is a weird forum.  It allows us all to be voyeurs.  Well I had so many people both far and wide make really nice remarks.  A few people have told me, they realize the pain that I had been through the past few years and they are genuinely happy for me now.  Its true about Karma…whether in India or the U.S. You reap what you sow.  Im in the process of reaping professionally, personally, and spiritually.  Im about to reap emotionally now as well.  Im not sure what the future holds, but the last two years have been pretty nice. 

Im going to wrap this up early.  Im chatting with the Czech.  I have to really learn to discipline myself and not stay up too late because of the time change.  It’s a good thing I don’t watch TV and don’t have much of a social life at the moment.  Everything seems to be working out just like it is supposed to.  

Crap...I forgot to post this yesterday...sorry....

I think I‘m over my jetlag.  Its pretty amazing, I guess Im getting better at it, to kick it after a day.  Sometimes I wonder about writing this blog.  I wonder if Im doing more harm than good.  A lot of people have told me in the past not to be too outgoing with certain emotional information.  I guess in a way they are absolutely correct.  My mouth has always gotten me in trouble.  Let me state, that the more that I’m away from the Czech…the more I like her.  My family is certainly lobbying on her behalf.  But she was bothered, and rightfully so about me thinking outloud about my emotional state.  She has every right to be concerned about it.  Im not sure if I’m entirely emotionally stable.  But I do know that I care about her very much and don’t want to do anything that would potentially jeopardize a relationship with her.  So I guess airing my feelings and emotions out there while beneificial for some, is kind of self-defeating for me personally.

I should say…I do miss my family very much…but that doesn’t mean I miss X. 
the kids have  hold on my rightfully they should.  I would give up everything in a heartbeat if I could have them back by my side.  I miss the life I used to have.  Now that doesn’t mean, Im not looking forward to the life ahead of me.  I very much am looking forward to being in love again and starting a family.  Im convinced since Im doing all the right things, that God will restore to me what is stolen.  That means a double portion of joy.  I know that I know that I know…it will happen. 

I had a big problem I was facing at work today.  I had been dreading it for nearly two weeks.  I had put in a lot of prayer about it, and really it just made me sick to think what I had to do, and that was to tell someone they were no longer needed by the company.  I agonized over this I really did.  So I made a point to do it after I got back from my vacation.  They I made it a point, and I told Tanya this to do it the very next day (Tuesday) then I made it a point to do three things before I did what I was procrastinating.  That’s one thing about management that I don’t like.  Finally Tanya came in and asked me when I was going to do it.  I told her as soon as I was done with this press release.  Finally I was done, and as I was about to pick up my phone I got an email.  It was this particular person resigning.  Wow…I didn’t even have to pull the trigger.  I’m so happy about this.  Now we can have an exit strategy that is great for everyone involved.  I know God’s hand was on this.  The timing couldn’t have been more perfect.  I was sooooo relieved.  God really cares about all the details in our life.  It convinces me that he is charting everything out. 

I posted pics of my California trip with the Czech.  If you want to see them. CA really is the most beautiful state in the U.S.  Texas sucks….  Lol…not a lot of good memories from TX…cept my kids live there. 

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=126059&id=751722138&l=4898414584

If you are on facebook feel free to add me as a friend if you are not already.  

First Day back, sad anniversary, and the reason why

Wow…A lot has went on the last 36 hours, and that how long it seems like I’ve been awake.  I actually didn’t really want my flight to end going to Dubai.  I was enjoying Business class so much.  Time really did fly by, pun intended.  I got to Dubai and had a five hour layover.  I was able to spend it in the business class lounge which was enormous.  I took a shower, got on wireless internet, posted my blog and ate and ate and ate.  It was delicious.  It’s a shame im not much of a drinker because they had all the free alcohol you could ever want.  My friend loaned me the first three seasons of LOST on DVD so Im kind of addicted to them right now.  That sure helps pass the time speedily.  This way I don’t have to wait til next week to figure out what is happening.  The flight from Dubai to Bahrain was only 50 minutes, just barely enough time to scarf down the first class meal.  They had me in first class in the smaller plane, because there was no business class section.  I have to figure out a way to make more money so I can readily afford Business Class tickets, it sure is a nice way to fly.  I got back to Bahrain and when my bag came off the conveyor it was wrapped in plastic.  Apparently the outside pouch busted which sent my candy and knickknacks everywhere.  I lost most of them.  They were primarily wintergreen lifesavers for Tanya and some granola bars for me.  Oh well…the comforts of the U.S. will have to wait for my next trip back in July.  I got to bed at 4 am and got up at 7:30 am, my head isn’t really sure what time it is.  But if I get a good sleep tonight I should be more than 90% adjusted to the time zone.  The jet lag is becoming less and less of an issue the more I fly. 

I actually looked forward to going into the office today.  All the employees and I were glad to see each other.  Julie and Jerilyn were even back, so it was like we were at a full crew again.  After our staff meeting I brought out the bag of stuff.  I bought the office a Jelly Belly old fashioned coin-candy dispenser.  Many of the staff hadn’t seen that type of machine.  The staff also had never tried Jelly Bellies.  Im not sure if I’m enhancing their lives or corrupting them with my American influence.  I had bought the entire staff souvenirs of San Francisco ranging in price from $5 to $15.  It was a significant investment since I bought about 20 of them.  I had them all reach inside the bag and pick one out.  They were all wrapped so they didn’t know what they were getting.  I told them they could trade if they like.  They all seemed to be very appreciative of what they got, Cable Cars, stuffed animals, music boxes, commemorative plates, Golden Gate bridges, etc…  Its fun for me to be a blessing to them.  I think I’m a pretty cool boss.  My former employer John Lowery in Houston, really influenced me in this regard.  He was a very cool boss.  I try to emulate him when I can.  He is very giving, fair and generous.  Working in the ad agency taught me a whole lot personally and professionally which Im implementing into my career now.  

I had a great meeting with a very important Sheikh today.  He is commissioning us to do a short film on the History of Bahraini ports.  It should be quite interesting to do, since the ports go back to Sumerian times thousands of years ago. 

Today was another weird day for me emotionally.  May 25 was my anniversary with X.  So I’m going around a little melancholy today and a little sleep deprived.  The past few years this day has gotten to me.  I’m just going through a strange bunch of emotions lately.  My strained relationship with my kids, living half a world away, and the potential to radically alter my life with the Czech…my head is spinning.  I guess I just have to move slowly.  In fact, I was having a talk with God about everything this morning.  The very strong impression I felt was for me not to worry about anything and that whatever choice I needed to make would come very easy and simple to me.  That’s the beauty of when you live your life right…every choice seemingly becomes easy because when you walk with God closely its easy to hear his voice even in the difficult choices. 

Only one person was able to come to our positive living group tonight.  It was my very dear friend, lets call her Mrs. India since she doesn’t like me to use her name.  It was interesting as we were eating our pizza and she was looking through all the pictures of my children, that she requested to see. She asked, Why do you think God  would have you go through all the pain of losing your family?  I responded, because he needed me to be even stronger.  I said look at me, I’ve lost everything that was dear to me, yet I’ve never been filled with more peace and joy.  I feel like I can handle anything now.    Im not necessarily happy yet, but that emotion will come soon, right now the happiness is fleeting.  Wouldn’t you know it, the sermon from Joel we listened to, was about God allowing bad things to happen so he can strengthen us.  It answered her question completely.  God knew what he was doing having only Mrs. India show up tonight.  

Czeching Out

I imagine Im somewhere over the North Pole right now. I keep trying to spot Santa’s workshop but im in the aisle and have to look over the next seat to look out.  Im not sure if reindeer fly this high either.   I feel incredibly spoiled flying in Business Class.  I can’t believe I was able to upgrade after only 1.5 trips.  The only downside to this, is when I fly coach, it’ll be crashing back to reality.  Once you go upgrade, I guess you can’t go back.  I think being up here is all a part of God’s favor.  I remember one sermon Joel preached about finding the favor of God.  People will do good things for you and many times they won’t even know why they are being compelled to do it.  That is the favor of God.  Its all a part of Deuteronomy 28, if you heed the voice of the Lord you shall be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.  God’s favor will overtake you.  I am experiencing a life of that, and Im so grateful.  When I got to the airline Counter today, I had an extra bag.  I only packed one bag coming out, but I had three coming back with me, the limit is two.  I was fully prepared to pay for it.  I guess I went a little overboard buying trinkets for my office staff.  But I gave the counter worker a nice smile and a pretty please.  She got her manager and I spoke to her.  I guess they liked the fact that I was buying gifts for my employees.  They told me since the flight is overbooked, they are not supposed to allow for any extra baggage.  But as long as I don’t do it again, they’ll allow it this last time.  Woo-hoo. 

So It is a bit of a melancholy day.  I had to take the Czech to the airport early this morning.  I truly had a great week with her.  She’s smart, funny, beautiful, a catch in every sense of the word.  So what’s the problem?  Im scared.  Here I am face to face with what I’ve been looking for months and now the reality is there, Im nervous.  Now the Czech is great.  I like her a whole lot…there is absolutely nothing wrong with her.  The problem is me.  I guess it’s the reality of my divorce slowly sinking in.  I always thought I’d be reconciled with my X.  I figured she’d come to her senses eventually.  I figured I prayed long and hard enough that God would answer my prayers.  I even kind of sort of believed this even as X got married and began all the onslaught of cruelty and parental alienation.  Am I an idiot? I certainly feel like one.  Here’s this wonderful, sweet, and pretty girl right there for me.  Why am I so nervous?  Maybe I should talk to another divorced person to see if this is normal. I don’t necessarily miss X, but I miss my children and the family and life I used to have.  Well the good news is that God can and will restore my children to me, if not physically, but certainly emotionally.  God has told me that over and over and over again through about 100 different people. I had a talk with God in the Airplane lavatory window.  He told me not to be nervous and that whatever decision I make will be easy.  God wants me to have peace.  As long as I walk according to his ways I will have that peace.  That was very reassuring to me.  God is in control, and I really don’t have to worry about much.  He’s directing my steps. 

It was just strange at the Aquarium yesterday.  The last time I was there I was with my children and was still happily married four years ago.  Now here I am potentially on the verge of making a life choice that totally alters the reality that I thought I’d be living.  Its exciting and scary.  God promises throughout the Bible that he will restore double to what the Enemy has stolen.  So my second time around in Marriage will have double the benefits.  I also hope that it doesn’t mean I’ll have six kids.  Ill just have to walk in faith.  I know I’m getting way ahead of myself, but that’s what I do.  Regular readers of this blog will know I do that all the time.  I am a very detailed planner and set many long term goals.  Most of the time I hit those goals, which is perhaps why Im taking this so seriously.  The good news is that the Czech doesn’t graduate until Dec. and has a full time job keeping her pretty busy.  So there is a built in factor to force us to move slowly, something I don’t do very well.  I think the Czech understands me, and hopefully she’ll be patient enough to let my heart catch up with head.  I truly like the girl with my heart…with my head, she’s ideal.  Plus my family likes her too.  She even told me that she likes my father’s stories.  If you know my father, you know he loves a fresh set of ears to tell his stories to.  The next few months will be interesting.  I hope the Czech can be patient for a wounded heart to completely heal.  

You otter czech out the fish, sharks and jellfish too...

Woke up really early today, 5:30 A, and headed down to CrossWinds church to meet up with my old Friday morning men’s group.  This group is led by my great friend James.  It is a group that I had gone to faithfully the year I lived in California right before moving to Bahrain.  When I say faithfully, I meant every other week, for when I lived in California, I always flew back to Houston for the 1^st, 3^rd, and 5^th weekend visitation.  I only missed one weekend, and that was because I had to close on buying my house on a non-visitation weekend, and surprise surprise X didn’t want to switch.  I have made an extreme effort to stay in my kids lives even across the world but it seems like the harder I try to worse it becomes.  You’d think any ex-spouse would realize that the relationship with the birth parent is so important to support.  Unfortunately, I don’t have that relationship.  That is why I need your prayers.  It seems like my relationship with my children gets worse and worse as she puts her spin on things.  I can’t win.  But I know that God answers prayers and my prayer is that I can be reconciled to my children.  Im getting a little ahead of myself here.  So it was nice to meet up with the guys this morning.  It was my good friend Mark that was one of the first divorced guys to tell me…”Thanks for sharing your story.  I thought my divorce/ex was bad, but after hearing your story, I realize don’t have it so bad.”  It was a compliment, because I try not to let anything that she does affect me anymore.  However, when the kids are involved it does get to me…every time.  That is the hard part to deal with here.  All the guys were really interested to hear how God was using me over there, what life was like, and what the future held.  They are dear friends and it was so nice to catch up with them. 

After the group, I headed home, grabbed the Czech and the parents and headed towards Monterey.  It was a lovely drive up there as we drove through Santa Cruz.  We had a fabulous lunch at Pebble Beach, Spanish Bay Inn, I believe.  Right on the Ocean and the golf course.  Then we went for a scenic drive down the 17 mile drive and Highway 1.  If ever I needed a reminder that California is the greatest state in the U.S. this was it.  Some of the scenery was breathtaking.  Dramatic vistas where the water crashes against the rocks.  Some of the scenes are truly breathtaking.  I’ll try to post some pictures on this page in a couple of days.  Im way behind in the picture arena.  Then we all headed to the Monterey Bay Aquarium.  Arguably it is the best aquarium in the world.  I had been in kind of a funk all day and finally it hit me why.  The last time I was at the Aquarium and Monterey is four years ago, when I was married with my kids.  We had such a magical day there.  I was very melancholy missing them and not being able to connect with them during this season.  I saw some children doing dives in the wave pool and I could only remember when my daughter did that years ago.  So my time at the aquarium was quite bittersweet. 

After the Aquarium we stopped at In N Out burger.  This was my first trip to In N Out in about 9 months.  For those of you readers in the Middle East, Im so sorry you never had the opportunity to taste a delicious In N Out burther.  Its truly amazing fast food.  I think I need to go there tomorrow as well to get it out of my system. 

I have to cut this short tonight.  The Czech has an early flight back to NC tomorrow. I can’t believe a week has passed so suddenly.  Im also on a plane heading back to Bahrain tomorrow.  I might now be able to blog for a day or two as the length of the flight and the loss of the day, makes it difficult to be consistent.  I’ll log in when I can.  

Czeching in on San Francisco

I was able to sleep in today.  That is a good thing on vacation right?  The longer I go away from work, the less I think about it.  Which is a good thing.  I was reminded of my needed presence with a few desperate emails that most likely can be handled upon my return. 

I have this thing that I used to do every morning while I lived in the U.S. I would get up early, go to Jack in the Box and read the sports page.  Its quite a routine.  Now that I’m in Bahrain, there isn’t much of a sports page, so I read the Bible.  That is better for me anyway.  But today it was the sports page.  I ran across several homeless people.  Its amazing, Im certain that we have homeless in Bahrain, I just don’t notice them like I do here.  Somehow they remain in the background.  Taiwan was a lot like that too.  In the year I lived there I didn’t see one homeless person, except for the one crazy guy…that everyone knew was crazy.  I think he was considered the town kook.  So Im not sure if he counts.  Other than him, no homeless people.  Families took care of families.  Its very similar to that in Bahrain.  There are many migrant workers and the facilities they have for them are not desirable in the least, still they are not considered homeless. 

I was able to catch up on many of the Flight of the Conchords episodes I had pre-set on my Tivo.  That has to be the best show on Television.  Then the Czech and I headed over to San Francisco.  We wanted to do this old school.  So we took BART (subway) over to the city.  We got off at Powell St. and again I was amazed at how many homeless people were surrounding us.  I guess since we were in the shopping district, there were many looking for handouts.  We hopped on the Cable Car.  The Czech had never been past Alabama, so certainly she was never in cable car.  I told her, the real pro’s stand on the outside of the car hanging on.  A few times we had to lean really far in so as to not hit the parked cars we were whizzing by.  It seems like only the tourists take the Cable Cars and I’ve certainly given my shares of tours.  Still the cable car ride is a tradition in San Francisco, and something I enjoy.  The only issue is its getting expensive $5 per ride.  Everything seems more expensive this year. 

We got to the end of the line and walked along Fisherman’s wharf.  There were so many wonderful sights, sounds, and smells.  It was a symphony of stimuli.  This is one of the greatest cities in the entire world.  Three hours just simply isn’t enough.  There are several reasons why I think SF is so great.  The number one reason, I think, is its such a cultural melting pot.  There are so many races that live here, Chinese, Italian, Japanese, Irish, Mexican, Russian, and they all have their distinct sections in the city.  Growing up here in this multi-cultural environment truly helped me to be colorblind growing up.  I don’t think Im a racist whatsoever.  I love everyone no matter what race or creed.  In fact, I think I have a great friend in every nationality except Eskimo.  So if any of you know any lonely Eskimo’s introduce me on facebook. 

So I went and way overspent at all the tourist trap places.  I wanted to buy everyone in my office a small little memento from SF.  I hope Im not spoiling them.  Im just trying to use my privileged position to be a blessing. 

I spent too much time shopping and we were going to be late for our Dinner reservations at Ruth Chris’ steakhouse, my favorite restaurant.  So we rushed off to the cable car.  We bought our ticket and stood in line.  After about five minutes, we decided the line was too long.  Instead we’d try to catch the cable car up the hill.  So we walked to the first stop, waited…and the next cable car didn’t stop to pick us up.  So we decided to walk to the next cable car stop.  Big mistake…it was up a giant Hill, I mean Giant…..a San Francisco specialty.   After ten minutes of extreme huffing and puffing the Czech and I made it up.  After nearly passing out we realized we were at the top of Lombard St, the most crooked street in the world, and the most famous street in SF.  After a few pictures, and waiting for the next cable car, we spotted a taxi.  Oh I forgot to tell you.  At Pier 39 they have droves of seals that lazily sleep on the docks.  There must be a hundred of them.  They are quite a sight.  So we hop in the cab, but not before I can fortuitously sell our cable car tickets to a couple of girls also waiting in line.  So we get to the BART train, it was crowded.  We made it to my sister’s, got changed and then met my Uncle Tim, I’ll tell you about him sometime, and my parents at the restaurant.  We ate and ate.  $379 later, we were finished…well there were 6 of us…still it was really pricey.  That’s why I can only go there once a year.   All in all…it was a very full…but very good day.  I have to get up tomorrow to go to my old Friday men’s group.  Im looking forward to that.  

Writing a Czech

Whoa….I missed yesterday’s blog.  Sorry about that.  I was in Lake Tahoe, and they didn’t have any internet access.  Buh-mer.  Its been a pretty good week considering everything.  I think the Czech and I are connecting.  It will be interesting to see how many puns I can put in the headlines about her.  She just told me she’s attracted to me and the more she’s getting to know me, the more she’s learning about my different sides…So that is a good thing.  We are getting along very well.  We were supposed to be seeing my little sis and her fiancée but sis changed the plans, surprise, surprise, so instead we went up to Lake Tahoe.  The Czech had never been further west than Alabama so we got in the whole sightseeing stuff.  She was taking pictures of everything.  

Lake Tahoe was beautiful as always, but pretty dead.  I imagine that the recession has hurt it quite a bit.  When we were eating in the restaurant at Harrah’s there was nothing but 80 year olds in there.  It was like an AARP convention.  Nothing against old people as Im about to become one someday, but it was pretty eerie, especially since I can remember what Tahoe was like in the livelier days.  We used to take our family vacations up in Tahoe every August to coincide with my Father’s birthday.  I have many fond memories of my children and playing up here during this time.  In fact since my kids didn’t want to come to California for my summer visitation this year, this is the first time we’ll be missing it in a long long time.  That’s kind of sad really.  An end to era…and end to tradition.  I guess that goes hand in hand with the divorce, the loss and the end to things. 

I didn’t play a lot of slots in Tahoe.  I learned my lesson.  There is a reason why the glitz and glamour of casinos always glimmer.  I did play three $1 poker slot games and wound up walking away with $10, I had a straight with 3’s woo-hoo.  I walked away a winner.  How many people can say that in Tahoe?  On the way back we took a lot of pictures of the American River.  The River was rushing more than I had ever seen as the snow melts off of the Sierra Nevada’s.  It was quite stunning.  I’ll try to post the pictures a little bit later. 

I guess I should tell you a little bit about the Czech.  We started writing to each other in January, then it really started heating up in March.  For the regular readers of this blog will remember the online relationship took a little hiatus after she told me she wasn’t sure if she was attracted to me and I was falling too fast…as I always do.  So that’s when I decided to try to create a reason to come back to the U.S.  So far…its worked.  We are really into each other.  Its been nice little trip so far.  The Czech grew up in communism.  She has a really interesting upbringing.  I’ll go into more details most likely later.  The Czech moved to the U.S. 10 years ago at the behest of a friend and is currently finishing up her degree at a college in North Carolina.  She has a very distinct accent, a mix of Eastern European mixed with Southern Twang.  Its certainly unique.  My mother is forcing us to watch American Idol as I write this.  In fact, I have watched more tv in the four days I’ve been back in the U.S. than I have in four months in Bahrain.  Im not really sure that why maybe its just the American culture of watching TV.  I watched a whole lot of TV when I lived in the U.S. and whenever I live outside…its less.  It seems like I accomplish a whole lot more too.  Now this dichotomy of not watching tv while I’m away is interesting since I’ve chose television/video to be such a large part of my career. 

I have enough miles on Emirates now…after just 1.5 round trip flights to upgrade my return ticket to Bahrain to Business class.  Im now actually looking forward to the 16 hour flight.  Business class is the way to go on such a long flight.  Im blessed to be able to do it.  I actually miss Bahrain a bit.  Im looking forward to getting back to work.  Not that Im not having fun out here, because I am.  Its just that I enjoy my career so much. It is certainly a blessing and my true calling.  

Czeching in California

Ok…I guess I can fess up now.  I’m writing to you from the U.S.  I had a dispute with my former employer in California and didn’t want to write too much about it. I was kind of hoping they wouldn’t show up to mediation thinking, there’s no way Rick would fly from the Middle East to this.  But they did show up.  It was strange but cool.  Here we were in front of a mediator trying to settle an old dispute so you think we would have been adversarial, right?  Wrong.  It was really nice to see them again.  We got caught up on all the things that were happening.  We met with the mediator and we settled…which is a good thing for all parties involved.  Now that this is settled, hopefully we can go back to being really good friends again.  That’s the issue when the line between business and friendships become blurred.  One of the former employers said something that made me feel really great today.  I mentioned that a certain person reads the blog everyday, and he mentioned that he does too.  That was a nice thing for him to say. 

I flew back to the U.S. yesterday.  Im only taking a week off from work.  The flight was tough.  There is a non-stop that goes from Dubai to San Francisco.  It’s a 16 hour flight that travels due north over the north pole.  Economy was jammed.  I couldn’t justify yet, flying business class.  It was something like $3000 more for the business class ticket.  Next time I come back to the U.S. I’ll have enough miles to automatically upgrade.  That I think is the way to go.  Yesterday, when I was just about asleep, invariably, somebody would walk down the aisle and bump me, waking me up.  I watched about 5 movies on the plane that I’ve been itchin to see.  So I’m all caught up on all the Oscar nominated films.  Except for Milk.  I don’t think with the subject matter, it will be played on an Arabic country or airline anytime soon.  The flight back was actually quite reasonable.  It wound up costing about $1100 which I didn’t think was too outrageous.  Before when I flew, I would have to go through London, and with a layover of 23 hours coming and 7 hours coming back, it was always a 2-3 day journey.  This way through Emirates airline, its only about a 24 hour commitment in flying.  So its much more efficient for me.  I’ve been working and doing emails while im here, so I feel like Im not that far away from the office.  I am also getting pretty good at overcoming jetlag.  I’ve been flying across the world so often, that I have it down to a science.  My trick is that I try to stay awake as long as possible with a few one hour cat naps on the plane.  I got to San Francisco at 3:00 pm, visited with my mom (dad is in Virginia getting back Wed.) and tried to stay awake til 9.  I was quite delirious and feeling a little goofy after some 60 hours of being awake.  So I crashed and slept the whole night through.  Im feeling pretty acclimated today.

In addition to the mediation hearing, I came back to meet a girl.  I have not spoken of her that much.  She is the Czech Girl, who wasn’t too attracted to me, I wrote about her a few weeks ago.  Well we have been chatting and emailing, and skype videoconferencing since then and our relationship I think has grown.  Im realistic, I’m no Brad Pitt, but I do have a huge heart.  Since she could be a model, I understand that there might not be the physical attraction on her part, but there is certainly spiritual, mental, and emotional attraction.  So we’re going to meet to see if the sparks fly.  She gets here in about two hours.  We are going to spend the week in No. Ca. together staying at my parent’s place amongst other places. 

I tried to arrange to fly into Houston to meet my children, but it didn’t work out.  That is where I got all the emotional angst of the past couple of weeks.  I might have made a mistake with them, Im not sure.  I tried to see them next weekend, but X wouldn’t allow it, since my weekends are the 1^st, 3^rd, and 5^th, the weekend I was visiting fell on the 4^th weekend, legally her weekend.  She also said I couldn’t see them on the 5^th weekend, because they weren’t in school and off for summer so technically that wasn’t my weekend either.  She did say she would make them available on the 3^rd weekend.  However, my kids called and told me they already had plans to visit New Hubby’s parents on the 3^rd weekend and they didn’t want to change their plans just because I was coming in on the last minute.  (X knew they had plans on the 3^rd weekend, why she couldn’t compromise and let me see them on the 4^th weekend is kind of indicative of the fight that I’ve had to wage to keep my relationship with them).  So the kids and I had a big talk, they were only willing to give me from Sat. 6pm to Sunday at 6, with my daughter only giving me one hour on Sunday after church.  They were so angry with me on the phone.  Now this is where I might have made a mistake.  I told them, if they weren’t going to give me more than one day, and more than one hour, it was not worth me flying across the world to see them.  They didn’t care, they said take it or leave it.  So I didn’t get a chance to see them.  That absolutely breaks my heart.  I get choked up just thinking about it.  When I talk to them, I know the struggles they must feel to keep a relationship established me.  Right now its 5 against 1 in that house.  I know they are being heavily influenced, a fact that they all vigorously deny. My 13 year old told me…”its not like we are being brainwashed or anything”  What kind of 13 year old talks like that.  Those are words he got from X.   This is something Im just going to have to let go and they’ll realize what kind of character I have someday.  I don’t think I have many enemies in the world, because I truly like everybody.  It just amazes me, how much hatred and bitterness flow from X and new hubby my way.  It undoubtedly affects and damages the children, but that is beyond my control.  If everything holds to form, they’ll have the children read this blog (X and hubby read everyday) and they’ll coerce the children into defending them or attacking me somehow.  I thought the relationship with X couldn’t get any worse…but it just seems to be headed that way.  It sucks.  Never ever ever get divorced if you are married now.  The pain and resentment it causes is devastating for all the parties involved.  I don’t think Im bitter.  I just grieve because I miss the children.  I wish there was someway I could fix it.  

Speaking through our Giftings

Im a little bit emotional right now, so I’m not even sure Im going to post this.  God speaks to me.  I’ve talked about it with whomever might listen to me.  He has always spoken to me, I just never really took the time to stop and hear or recognize his voice.  But I just felt it was a relationship that was uncommon to most, but available to all.   It took devastating loss for me to fall to my knees and embrace Him.  Even since then, we have regular conversations.  Now I know that might make me sound like Im a candidate for the looney bin, but He speaks in specifics to me, that actually come to pass.  I could give you about 50 specific examples.  The thing with God is that he wants to speak to all of us in that same manner.  I think my position in life at this point is to tell as many people as I can about this.  Not necessarily to lead people to Christ, though that is a natural byproduct, but rather, I believed I’m called to enhance other people’s relationship with Christ.  For years I was a milquetoast, mediocre Christian.  I wasn’t too bad..but I wasn’t wholly devoted as I am now.  Loss had to refine me.  I wish I would have learned my lesson earlier.

Im writing this because God speaks to us through what our passions are.  For example my great friend Jim, is an outdoorsman, God speaks to him when he’s camping in nature.  My friend Russ is a musician, and God speaks to him through music, I could give you more examples.  But with me, Im a filmmaker, so God speaks to me through Film.  I just watched Seven Pounds with Will Smith.  I felt a little foolish because I saw it in a group with several other people crammed together, close by.  I just cried and cried and cried.  Why did I cry?  Was it the content matter?  Maybe, he did lose the people he loved.  But maybe it was just because it was a beautiful project and God speaks to me through the beauty of film.  I just totally felt his presence envelope me. 

Now this has been an extremely difficult emotional week for me.  My children for the time being will no longer take nor return my calls.  There are some details behind that, but I don’t want to get into a fingerpointing session.  But suffice to say I have been made out to be the bad guy in that situation again.    Im always wrong on that side of the fence anyway and belaboring the point just makes everything worse.  God again spoke to me.  Do not repay evil for evil.  I have been doing that, especially in the light of this blog.  That needs to stop.  There are some unfair things that have happened in my mind, and I wanted to shout from the rooftops and obtain justice or sympathy for my plight.  But that is no longer what God is calling me to do.  I pray for X and her hubby nearly every day.  That was a very hard prayer to pray at first…but now it is getting easier.  There are Biblical foundations, “Pray for those that persecute you…”  So that is indeed what I doing. 

As far as I can remember.  I was always a very happy guy.  Very much like Pollyanna.  I was fortunate to have a God fearing loving household.  My parents have been married for nearly 50 years.  Their relationship should be a model for others.  Its not perfect, but they are committed to others.  That commitment is what has given my siblings and I sense of security that children of divorce simply do not have.  I grieve and that is one of the reasons why I cried today because I failed to give my children the same safe and secure upbringing I had as a child.  But back to the happiness quotient.  Maybe I was tuned out of reality.  I wasn’t really bothered about how God was going to provide…because I know he always did.  That probably wasn’t the most prudent thing as a husband and provider.  I perhaps was too reliant upon God and didn’t give my family the security they needed.  I tried to make up for it with love, attention, and time, but apparently that wasn’t enough. 

I always felt called as a missionary to spread God’s word.  But not your usual, preach in a mud hut in Africa, missionary.  I felt God wanted me to use my giftings to further his kingdom, thus Hollywood was my mission field.  But things didn’t turn out the way I anticipated…so God first moved us as an entire family in very spectacular way to Taiwan.  I can easily say 2003 was the best year of my life serving God and making virtually no money.  Ironically enough it was the last year I was happily married.  God called me back to the mission field two years later in 2005.  I had a job offer from Saudi Arabia…but I was fighting God on this one.  There was no way I wanted to go.  So my then wife and I prayed about it…and said..God if you want me to go, I need to know in a big big way.  So the very next day in church, the entire sermon was on Matthew 19:29, If any man leaves his father and his mother, his wife and his brother, his children and his land and travels into a foreign land for my name sake, he will receive a hundred fold blessing and the gift of eternal life.  My then wife and I knew right then and there, I was supposed to go.  I didn’t want to leave my family…but I was called, Im 100% certain of it.  While Taiwan was the best year of my life, serving God, Saudi while also serving God was the hardest.  I missed my family dearly…and wound up losing them when then wife didn’t want to be married anymore.

I was devastated…and that is understatement.  It’s a miracle of God that I didn’t have to be medicated.  I did love them so.  I say all that to say that God spoke to me through all that pain.  He later then called me in a similar spectacular way to Bahrain.  Now this is the part Im struggling with.  I miss my kids, but I know I’m doing God’s work over here in a Major way.  But the problem is my children.  It is being spun in Texas that I had abandoned my kids which couldn’t be further from the truth.  But I can’t defend myself.  God called me here for this season, I know that I know that I know.  Yet my relationship with my kids is turning…increasingly cold.  It absolutely breaks my heart.  If I had the power to have them live with me full time, I’d do that in a minute. 

So Im at a dilemma.  I can’t reason with Texas…they don’t listen to me.  Its truly amazing how justified people can be in their own minds.  But I have to rely upon God to fight this battle for me.  The more I fight and take it into my own hands the worse it gets from my perspective.  I love my kids, I miss my kids, but I have to be faithful to God’s calling.  Why would God call me to be away from that which I love and adore the most?  Im going to have to ask him that in Heaven someday.  In the meantime, I have to “lean not upon my own understanding” and know he is enacting a perfect plan in my life.  It’s the waiting that is the sucky part.  I wish there was even the slightest compromise.  But I have to rely upon my faith for that one.  

Flooding in the homestead

I slept in today and it felt great.  With church on Friday at 10 am, I really only have one day to sleep in, and that is Saturday.  I can’t totally lounge all day, since I have the acting class to prepare for later in the day.  I’m learning how to pace myself for that class. It does indeed take a lot out of me mentally.  So I have a 30 minute break between classes.  There is a small make up room in the upstairs of the studio, near the control booth.  This tiny little room has a bench with a cushion.  So I’ve found if I can sneak ina  15 minute nap between the sessions that really recharges my batteries.  I really like doing that. 

The classes are nearing an end.  We only have three more weeks for this session, and another 6 weeks for the sessions that started later at St. Christopher.  I’ve mentioned before that it is so satisfying to see my students grow.  I think Im going to take a hiatus off of teaching for the summer.  With my responsibilities as GM and the teaching, it has taken a lot out of me.  My goal is to restart the school, but with other people teaching it.  I think I’ve come up with some pretty revolutionary techniques.  I’d like to incorporate and train my replacements.  That way maybe we can reach/affect even more people.

I don’t talk about the home I own in Houston that much.  I have some people renting out the rooms in it, so that helps with part of the mortgage.  I wanted to buy so I would have a home base to be close to my kids.  Also for the investment value.  Homes are so inexpensive in Texas as opposed to California.  It has been relatively low maintenance since I have a good group of people living there.  But today is one of those high maintenance days.  Apparently the downstairs toilet flooded and the carpet is ruined in most of the downstairs area.  It’s a large house.  So I have a little damage control that needs to be done.  So I’m going to cut this blog a little short today.  Remember what I said about being under spiritual attack this week.  When it rains it pours.  There must be something good just about to happen.  I think I know what it is too.  I’ll fill you in on the details in a couple of days.