I imagine Im somewhere over the North Pole right now. I keep trying to spot Santa’s workshop but im in the aisle and have to look over the next seat to look out. Im not sure if reindeer fly this high either. I feel incredibly spoiled flying in Business Class. I can’t believe I was able to upgrade after only 1.5 trips. The only downside to this, is when I fly coach, it’ll be crashing back to reality. Once you go upgrade, I guess you can’t go back. I think being up here is all a part of God’s favor. I remember one sermon Joel preached about finding the favor of God. People will do good things for you and many times they won’t even know why they are being compelled to do it. That is the favor of God. Its all a part of Deuteronomy 28, if you heed the voice of the Lord you shall be blessed in the city and blessed in the country. God’s favor will overtake you. I am experiencing a life of that, and Im so grateful. When I got to the airline Counter today, I had an extra bag. I only packed one bag coming out, but I had three coming back with me, the limit is two. I was fully prepared to pay for it. I guess I went a little overboard buying trinkets for my office staff. But I gave the counter worker a nice smile and a pretty please. She got her manager and I spoke to her. I guess they liked the fact that I was buying gifts for my employees. They told me since the flight is overbooked, they are not supposed to allow for any extra baggage. But as long as I don’t do it again, they’ll allow it this last time. Woo-hoo.
So It is a bit of a melancholy day. I had to take the Czech to the airport early this morning. I truly had a great week with her. She’s smart, funny, beautiful, a catch in every sense of the word. So what’s the problem? Im scared. Here I am face to face with what I’ve been looking for months and now the reality is there, Im nervous. Now the Czech is great. I like her a whole lot…there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. The problem is me. I guess it’s the reality of my divorce slowly sinking in. I always thought I’d be reconciled with my X. I figured she’d come to her senses eventually. I figured I prayed long and hard enough that God would answer my prayers. I even kind of sort of believed this even as X got married and began all the onslaught of cruelty and parental alienation. Am I an idiot? I certainly feel like one. Here’s this wonderful, sweet, and pretty girl right there for me. Why am I so nervous? Maybe I should talk to another divorced person to see if this is normal. I don’t necessarily miss X, but I miss my children and the family and life I used to have. Well the good news is that God can and will restore my children to me, if not physically, but certainly emotionally. God has told me that over and over and over again through about 100 different people. I had a talk with God in the Airplane lavatory window. He told me not to be nervous and that whatever decision I make will be easy. God wants me to have peace. As long as I walk according to his ways I will have that peace. That was very reassuring to me. God is in control, and I really don’t have to worry about much. He’s directing my steps.
It was just strange at the Aquarium yesterday. The last time I was there I was with my children and was still happily married four years ago. Now here I am potentially on the verge of making a life choice that totally alters the reality that I thought I’d be living. Its exciting and scary. God promises throughout the Bible that he will restore double to what the Enemy has stolen. So my second time around in Marriage will have double the benefits. I also hope that it doesn’t mean I’ll have six kids. Ill just have to walk in faith. I know I’m getting way ahead of myself, but that’s what I do. Regular readers of this blog will know I do that all the time. I am a very detailed planner and set many long term goals. Most of the time I hit those goals, which is perhaps why Im taking this so seriously. The good news is that the Czech doesn’t graduate until Dec. and has a full time job keeping her pretty busy. So there is a built in factor to force us to move slowly, something I don’t do very well. I think the Czech understands me, and hopefully she’ll be patient enough to let my heart catch up with head. I truly like the girl with my heart…with my head, she’s ideal. Plus my family likes her too. She even told me that she likes my father’s stories. If you know my father, you know he loves a fresh set of ears to tell his stories to. The next few months will be interesting. I hope the Czech can be patient for a wounded heart to completely heal.
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