Lunch with a Muslim

Im writing this a little bit earlier than I normal do. I was invited to the closing night party at Aqua Fuego. My friend Sidd is moving his club to a new venue. So since we have our “Funniest Person” contest there, I thought I should attend. I told Sidd, its funny that we’re friends, because I hate clubs. For a number of reasons. The club (in general) is one of the places where my marriage was destroyed. So I don’t like that environment. Plus I don’t drink, smoke, and can’t dance a lick. So Im kind of like a Muslim in a pork butcher shop there…or a diabetic in a candy store. I just don’t fit in. But I want to be a support.

I stayed up late…really late chatting with friends in the U.S. last night. I didn’t get to sleep til 5a. It’s the weekend, so I didn’t mind. But imagine my surprise when I woke up at 2pm. What.!!!!! That was kind of surreal for me. So I hopped out of bed answered a couple of emails, and made it to my kayak. It was really dusty today, so visibility was only about 40-50 feet. I didn’t want to go out too far, because im a little kayak and there are sometimes speedboats that might not be paying attention. So I stayed closer to the shore. I had to rush back to get to an appointment/lunch I had with a man by the name of Isa. Isa somehow happened upon my blog and wanted to talk to me about certain tenents of my faith. He posted a couple of comments on my blog. So I thought it would be more effective to communicate on a face to face basis.

So Isa is of Persian heritage and grew up in Bahrain. I think he wanted to challenge me on some aspects of my faith…and that is fine. I love to talk about politics, religion all the stuff you aren’t supposed to talk about. What was amazing about my lunch with Isa is that we both left encouraged. He had certain pre-conceived ideas about Christianity and Americans, and I think I helped dispel that. I really respect Isa, who is a devout Muslim because he is so passionate about his faith. He is articulate and very intelligent. But what made me really respect him, he was so interested and understanding of my background. I told him my entire story, the Hollywood years, the missionary journeys, the divorce, the rebuilding, the kids…everything even all my flaws. He was quite surprised how candid and open I was about my faith/life. I told him that it was part of my ministry. Im so open in the blog and with others about all my fears, faith, and failures. I think one of the tragedies in life is isolationism. If we think we are all alone and that no one can relate to us, we won’t have the strength nor the encouragement we need to rebuild. I have mentioned previously in my blog, about my failures in life and marriage. One of the big things that I had to deal with in life…was my pornography/sex addiction that I had in the late 90’s primarily but has briefly reared its head in other times of my life. I try not to go into too much detail about it, because I don’t know who might be reading this blog, and I don’t want to give X and new hubby more legal ammunition to go after. She has used some of my public admissions of guilt against me in the past. So Im trying to be open…but not too open. When I was in the throes of my addiction, I thought I was all alone, a freak, a weak person. The church didn’t talk about it, I didn’t know where I could go for help. I was isolated. Which is one of the strategies of the enemy to divide and conquer to make you feel like you are all alone. So I wish I would have somebody to talk with about it. So now, I tell most everyone I meet about my struggles. To hopefully let people know they are not alone. So if you are out there and reading this and can relate to the thought of feeling alone, please feel free to email me me confidentially rickbeeman@mac.com If you’d like to talk about it. I promise I won’t blog about it. My good friend Jim, the men’s ministry pastor at Lakewood told me that 70% of the guys that come into church on a weekly basis, have looked at pornography in the last 3 weeks. That is a sobering statistic. So If I can help fight against that, I will. Pornography is just a big lie. It had an impact in the destruction of my marriage, and if I can help save other people’s marriages…im all for that.

So I told Isa all this. I think he was surprised at my candor and openness. I think he was expecting an intellectual debate on the Christianity vs. Islam and all the contradictions that he sees within Christianity. Instead he saw a man who is absolutely in love with God. Whether that God’s name is Jehovah or Allah, he respected my beliefs as I respected his. Because of the passions of our convictions, I think I made a very good new friend. He had to leave after our two hour conversation to allow him enough time to make his 6:30 prayer time. I respect the discipline in that too. I wish Christians would take the time to stop and pray five times a day. It would do us all a lot of good. I invited Isa to our positive living group. I think he’s going to come. It was a very good day…and I still have to go to the club later.

Special guest at a new church

Lots of really interesting things happened today. I was so buzzed from last night that I didn’t get in nor get to sleep til really late. I always justify going into the office a couple hours late in the morning if I work late the night before. I give the same courtesy to my staff if they are working.

So I went out to lunch with Sidd, the owner of Aqua Fuego to review the comedy night. He was very happy. We doubled the attendance from the previous week, and from the buzz, everyone enjoyed it more than the first week. So we are progressing. Everyone told me how much they liked it and how much they appreciate me doing something different in Bahrain. I got a wonderful sweet note from someone I’ll call Mrs. Finland. She is an incredibly sweet person. She is one of the most talented people I’ve ever met. At first I wanted her in the competition but she declined. Later, a day before the first competition…I kind of begged. So she agreed since I had only one other girl in the competition because Ms. Dutch was gone on holiday. I’ll talk about Ms. Dutch at a later date…because she deserves her very own blog. So this is a portion of the email that Mrs. Finland sent me today.

“Well we are off to Finland Saturday, so I’ll be seeing you sometime after Ramadan. I’ll think of you when I’ll were my rubberboots and eat smoked salmon in the white night. Positive thoughts and good luck, keep up the good work! It’s great to finally have something like this in Bahrain, you have really left your mark already.”

You know what’s amazing about Mrs. Finland’s home. There is no running water. Yet they are two very successful people. Its just a different culture how they adapt. It’s a whole different world out there…and Im privileged to be able to experience it. I have good friends from over 30 different countries right now. How blessed am I? Ok..speaking of friends from different countries. My friend from Egypt invited me to his church tonight. He came to my Monday group so I figured I should go to his church. I knew it was a Christian church and I knew it was at the National Evangelical Church which is part of the American Mission Hospital. The NEC is home to about thirty different churches, Filipino, Indian, Egyptian, Christian, all in different languages at different times. They have churches there all throughout the week. So I showed up at this church, sat down next to my friend and immediately thought…What did I get myself into? Everyone in the church looked and noticed me when I came in as I was the only white guy. So I couldn’t leave. Then I realized why they were all looking at me. IT WAS IN ARABIC!!!! OR EGYPTIAN I couldn’t tell. So I want you all to know that this blog has become an amazing coping device. Instead of dreading the next two hours…I thought…I can’t wait to blog about this. Some of my friends read this blog and tell me its funny. I don’t see the humor in it really…but this was funny. Everyone afterwards was so gracious and friendly. I think i must shaken everyone's hand in that church.

It wasn’t the worst sermon I’ve ever been to. The ultimate had to be when I lived in Taiwan and the president of the company invited me to his church. I was honored, but I didn’t want to go….but I had to to save face. So I went to his church…it was in Mandarin…and there was a guest speaker. The guest speaker handed out sermon outline notes. He had a sermon with 285 points on it. The only thing I could read were the numbers. 285…he couldn’t possible say something about 285 points could he? Two hours and forty five minutes later…I realized he could. So next time you complain about your pastor going over 25 minutes…fly with me to how they do church in other cultures.

So I got lucky with the Eyptian church…it was only an hour. I had prepared for two. So Im thinking..maybe I ought to learn Arabic.

Can you believe I get paid for this?

I am spent. What a truly exhausting yet exhilarating day it was. I work very hard at what I do, still it seems a bit unfair that I get paid for this kind of stuff. That said, I know I’m very good at what I do, and not to many people can do it. Im very very blessed. Its just really bizarre that the sum of all my life experiences =being very prepared for what I do. So doing a lot of different things in the field of media makes me very general…perfect for a general manager.

I woke up early and went out to the marina. We hopped on Khalifa’s boat and went to the other side of the island. This is a work day I remind you. So there was this large caravan of old dhows (wooden boats) heading out from Bahrain to reenact pearl divers. Apparently they do this every year and that allows the young ones to participate to appreciate their heritage. So we got some amazing footage of the divers going down to get the oysters. Khalifa’s father was a pearl diver and he went on the boats when he was 7. So the subject is quite special for him. We got some amazing footage that again would have been so expensive for us to stage. Im truly blessed that we ran into this like we did.

Afterwards and we were on the boats shooting for 6 hours. I know poor me. But the weather did turn a bit warm, around 120 and rising. So it was a little uncomfortable but not much. When we got back we all ate together in the yacht club’s restaurant. I hadn’t been into the office at all. So I grabbed the two national newspapers. Our “Funniest Person” had two great write-ups about us. There were lots of pictures and big article. This was excellent coverage for us and very positive. I was jazzed, not just for me or KSDi but the actors are getting recognized for their work.

I rushed home at 4, and wanted to go kayaking before the event tonight. I only had an hour, but the water was almost crystal clear. I started out to see if I could cross the bay in an hour. I’ve only done that one other time before and that took me 90 minutes. But I was cruising and I made it back in 60 minutes. I had a great sense of accomplishment.

So then it was off to “The Funniest Person in Bahrain” round 2. I got there early to make sure all the equipment was set up. My crew had everything set and ready to handle. There was a sense of anticipation as we were getting tons of publicity. We set up an extra 50 chairs just in case. The crowd was quite overwhelming at about double what we had the previous week. I was more in the moment this week as I was a little bit more calm. I had a quick hook for the acts that were failing. Again my job is to make these people succeed. I thought the show was ok…not as good as the week before. Yet I was besieged with congratulations and what a great show. I had about 75% say that it was better than the previous week. That made me feel great. The performers all enjoy it more. I have a lot of people that want to audition to join the troop.

Im so tired, I can barely stay awake to type this. I’ve fallen asleep three time while I penned this blog. So it’s time for me to go bed.

A you've got to be kidding me day

What a great day it was. I just feel so encouraged by all your prayers and support. I feel like Im finally back on track, like Im myself again. When I say myself, I mean the happy-go-lucky optimist. Work was pretty incredible today. I totally feel God’s favor upon me. I finished writing a script on the History of Bahrain Seaports and its pretty darn good. Writing has been and always will be my primary passion. Its amazing. As I was doing my research on Bahrain, their history goes back 7000 years to the dawn of time practically. The first known civilizations (other than Biblical), Mesopotamia or Sumerai to the North and the Indus Valley (West India) to the East were the two corners of the earth at one time. They met in the middle to trade goods…they met in Bahrain. So even though this is a tiny country it still had a big impact on the world. Even as recently as the Gulf Wars here…The US navy base played a strategic role. I also learned that Bahrain was the first country in the Middle East to discover oil. I could go on… But I had never heard of Bahrain before I got here. Now I have a chance to help tell the world about them. To change the perception that Arabs are dangerous people instead telling them about their rich history and culture. Just as soon as I finished Khalifa called me to a meeting with the Ministry of Labor. We had applied for special visas for photographers, and videographers for people from the Phillipines and India. The minister said, why don’t you hire locals? Khalifa said…because they aren’t trained. Then Khalifa said, we would hire them if they were trained. So he invited me to the meeting and said…we have a man from Hollywood that can train them. The minister looked at me and said write me a proposal, I’ll get the money. So apparently we might be starting a school to train filmmakers here. It’s a natural outgrowth from the acting school. I could do this. Not sure how…but I can do this.

So for this History of Bahrain Seaports, we have to find ships that are from 7000 BC, 2000 BC, 600 AD, 1500 AD and 1900 AD. I figured we’ll use sketch and computer animation for some…our archive doesn’t go back that far. Then the rest we’d have to improvise. I was interviewing a guy for one of our sales positions, and we were talking about the sea port documentary. He said he heard on the radio that there were some old dhows (boats) that were to look like they were from the 16^th century in Bahrain for an exhibition for one day, tomorrow. Imagine that…that is a divine appointment my friends. So I called my friend at the radio station (he’s one of my improv actors) and he hooked me up with all the information. So after 7 phone calls one leading to the other to the other. I got the details and permission to shoot the boats tomorrow in the sea before they leave. If I were to set this shoot up myself it probably would run somewhere around $30,000, now here because of my good timing/fortune, im getting it for free. That’s what GM does. But its nothing Im doing. Its just the favor of the Lord. This sort of Deuteronomy 28 good fortune has been happening to me my entire career. Like when we did an Eva Peron biography, the footage from the U.S. was $0.75 per second and we needed like 20 minutes and I flew down to Buenos Aires and licensed the same footage for $0.02 seconds. (remember that?). Or the time I was doing the Elvis Biography, I shot an interview in Sun Studios (Where Elvis recorded his first record) we did it for $50. My producer friend Richard Bluth was there two weeks later, the same guy in the same studio charged him $2000. That is the favor of the Lord. I’ll take it. Im glad God is on my team.

But what made me feel really good was the improv practice. I wanted to go over the games with the actors/comedians. It’s a volunteer thing for them, they are doing it for fun. So I told them that practice was purely voluntary. They even requested it. I had all but one performer show up. It was pretty special. We have such a team assembled. They really trust me as their director/leader. One of our actors, Sam, said I was in a store and somebody I didn’t know approached me and said…”Hey didn’t you do that comedy thing.” Then I got another call from Bahrain TV wanting to audition Yousif, the guy that won last week. Yet another guy who was at the show, he’s a corporate event planner. He thought our show was fantastic. So he wanted me to give him a budget to see how much it would be to take the show on the road. These guys might get discovered because of me. If you want to see video clip highlights for the show they are on this facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=87840463020&ref=ts

Feel free to join the group if you like. There is something special going on here. Thanks for all your patience with me. Im just a flawed person trying to do the right thing. Hopefully someday…I’ll get my family back too. Then all my dreams really will have come true.

Encouraging words

What a great night it was. You know I’ve been venting a bit in my blog. Its amazing the encouragement that I’ve gotten through it and on facebook. I feel really blessed. I think Im finally turning the corner in terms of positivity again. Sometimes you just have to battle through it. We had the positive living group again tonight. It was the first one since I’ve been back. It was sooooo encouraging. Im changing the nature of the group to positive living/encouragement group. We had a guy named Moody show up to the group tonight. Moody came to the very last session before I left for my short vacation. This time Moody brought his father. Im great with people bringing guests. I like having a very eclectic group. It turns out both Moody and his father are Christians. They get Joel’s email updates everyday. Here are two Arabs that are Christians. Wow…imagine that…I meet Moody through a guy by the name Art, Professor Harlem. It was total happenstance that he was a Christian. Plus he lived in California and went to school to study filmmaking. Is this a divine appointment? Im trying to get Moody some work at KSDi but we are really slow. Everyone leaves in the summer and nothing happens during Ramadan. Hopefully we can do something for him because he has such a great attitude.

After the group we discussed the video which was all about not giving up on hope. If God has given you a dream, not to give up until you have that dream. That’s kind of exactly where I am at the moment so it was very encouraging. We all could relate to the video. There were six of us tonight. I told the group of our last get together how we all said something positive about each other. I told them I have a pretty good self esteem as it is. But my friend Khaled said something that really made me feel great. He said…Rick you know I love you…but there is one image I have of you in my mind. You are a bold risk taker. I can imagine you out on a safari leading the way through the jungle with a torch in the dead of night looking for a path to adventure. That simple compliment has stayed with me for six weeks. Im amazed how good it made me feel about myself…even though I have a really good esteem as I said. So I said if that had as big of an impact on me…imagine what it must do for hurting people. So I started and said something nice about every person in the room. I didn’t just say one thing, but I tried to go into detail. It was pretty amazing to see their faces all light up. I mean it was simple things like I think you have a really good heart, or you are so intelligent. But the mood in the room was like electric. It was pretty incredible. I think every small group in the world should do this. We all took turns and it was a very nice experience that I think Im going to make as the staple of the group.

I am amazed how much chatter this blog is creating. I love it. There was one gentleman who lives in Bahrain. I think he was wanting to debate some of my religious views. I politely answered him and he replied back. So Im going to watch his video on Islam because he asked me to do so. Then we are going to get together for coffee on Friday to discuss it. I think that is pretty neat. We don’t have to agree, but discussion is healthy. I remember when I first got to Saudi Arabia in 2005, I was in busload of Indian muslims that traveled to work together everyday. They were very reserved at first, but I cracked a couple of jokes and they opened right up. There was one guy in particular that I enjoy chatting with. He was very devoutly Muslim and hadn’t really ever talked to a Christian before. Because I was open to hearing about his beliefs and opinions, he respected me. Because of that respect he listened to what I had to say about my faith. We didn’t judge each other, we just shared openly and honestly. I did not try to convert him or tell him what was wrong about his religion and neither did he. That is the way I think it should be. We present the truth and let the Holy Spirit do His job. By the way just in case you were wondering, Islam and Christianity are very similar, along with Judaism. The major difference is the Trinity where Christians believe that Jesus is the son of God. In Islam and Judaism, they also both believe in Jesus, but not as a deity, instead a great prophet. If you have any other questions about Islam or the Middle East and feel uncomfortable posting a comment, please feel free to email me at rickybeeman@gmail.com

Sneaking ham into fuddrucker's

I understand why Im alone during this season. God is really revealing himself in new and very positive ways. I have to be careful though. What God is speaking into my life is really blowing my mind. I have to study to make sure the words I hear are indeed of God. I got this great Greek-English Interlinear New Testament (NASB/NIV). It really helps delve into God’s work in its original text. Since God’s word has been interpreted by man into other languages there might be a few minor discrepancies in the finished product. Studying the original Greek really goes to the heart of the matter. Its more hardcore Bible study. I like that. God is really defining and deepening me. I feel like Im almost at the finishing stages for this season. God will never be done with me, but Im hoping this season of being alone will come to an end sometime soon. For you married folks out there…enjoy what you have, because celibacy sucks! It wasn’t so bad when I was a virgin before I got married, because I didn’t know what I was missing. Now that task of abstaining becomes even more of a challenge. Perhaps this is why I haven’t met anyone local. Maybe God knows me and is trying to protect me. There aren’t a lot of physical temptations when somebody is half a world away. But I get the feeling that this period of being alone is coming to an end. I can’t really explain why…just a hunch. No…I haven’t met anyone yet. But I did tell my roommate David two weeks ago, I think Im going to be married by this time next year. I have no idea to whom yet…its just a gut feeling. So please have your eligible friends send in their photos and applications to: Aman Plaza, Flat 11….. Im joking…kind of….I think…yeah…im joking…really…I think.

Ok took the kayak out today. Got up early before the heat of the day and was in the water by 6:55 am. Even then it must have been 115. Im not complaining, Im just trying to give you a little perspective. I usually freeze a 1 litre bottle of water the night before. So I take out this frozen hunk of ice and throw it in the back of my kayak. Within 30 minutes on the water, the ice is completely thawed. Another 15 minutes and the water is no longer cold but warm. But I was just realizing this today. The heat doesn’t bother me. I could complain about it, but what good would that do except make me miserable. So the weather to me..has been quite bearable especially at night where you can consider it to be pleasant. I think the key is that Im comfortable. I believe that anytime God asks you to do something challenging and you obey he’ll equip you with what you need to be satisfied. So I think me adjusting to the heat so well is a direct attribute of God’s provisions.

So I got done with a semi-decent day at work and was in the mood for something quirky. I brought back with me Three large Ham steaks from Costco and about 8 small sticks of salami. Pork is not illegal here…its just hard to find and when you can find it, its expensive and not very good. So I froze most of my pork stash and kept one ham steak in the fridge along with a salame. I went to Fuddrucker’s for dinner and snuck the ham in my pocket…it was in a bag so it wasn’t that messy. So I ordered a cheese sandwich. They kind of looked at me funny. So they brought it back, I waited until they weren’t looking and slapped the ham from my pocket onto my sandwich. It was delicious.

Im going to try to get in bed a little bit earlier tonight as I readjust to my morning workout routine. By the way…I think Im out of my doldrums. It must have been some sort of test I was going through. I hope I passed.

A nocturnal life

It has been a very strange day/night. I took two naps yesterday which was a very bad idea. Normally Im so busy during the work week I only get about 4-5 hours sleep a night. So If I can take long naps on Friday, that recharges me for the week. Well it didn’t work this time. I guess Im not completely over my jetlag as of yet and those two naps kind of flared it up. So there I was up until 5 am. A little frustrating. But I think God is trying to do something with me this weekend, like Im in some sort of test or awakening period. I spent virtually the entire weekend alone. I’m trying to embrace my alone time without being lonely. God is really speaking to me heavily through this process. Im trying to absolutely content in Him. So I finally went to sleep at about 5 am and woke up at 1:30 pm…What!!!! My day was gone before I knew it. I was planning on going to the museum to do some research but that was out. I was kind of groggy all day because of over-sleep. Im trying to muster through it so tonight hopefully will be a normal night.

There is a Fuddrucker’s that just opened up around the corner from my flat. The other employees at the other stores already know me. This place is going to get to know me very well. Im such a creature of habit. Fuddrucker’s was my favorite restaurant even in the U.S. now its around the corner. Im not sure if that is a good or a bad thing.

After lunch I took the Kayak out again. The water was really really rough today. So that means twice the effort for the same distance. But Im there for the workout and Im pooped. Im also there for my communion time with God. It’s like Im paddling out to my prayer closet. It’s a really nice routine. As we were talking He impressed upon me that my communicating with God speaking and listening is something that He desires for all His children. Yet so many people don’t know how to do it. Its like having a Christmas/Birthday present right in front of you and not opening it because you don’t know how to untie the bow. I think one of my callings is to help people hear the word of God more clearly in their lives. You see God’s voice sounds a lot like your voice since he lives inside of you. Many people discount this as being their conscience but its really God’s voice no matter what you call it. God is constantly speaking to us, we just don’t give that still small voice enough credit. Now I’ve been listening for awhile now, and since im attune, that still small voice is actually a booming voice. That is why its so easy for me to have conversations with God. But if you want to hear God more clearly, all you have to do is go to a quiet place, wait…and be quiet. It sounds simple right? But with the day to day activities of busyness, how many of us can schedule wait and be quiet? I think that is one of the reasons why the enemy tries to keep us so busy. It takes discipline, discipline that can be developed. Many people don’t have that discipline that is why that God uses me to speak into their lives…to cut to the chase…so to speak. It happened again yesterday with a girl I was chatting with.

So Im spending another night alone. Im trying to be content with it. I don’t have that best friend here that I can call up and say, hey lets go hang out. I think that makes me kind of a loner here which is contrary to my personality. Im getting into another TV series…this time its “Heroes” which was recommended to me. Not quite as good as LOST, but it helps pass the time when Im by myself. Boy…I didn’t mean to sound quite as pathetic as that was made out to be. I just think Im in a period of mourning the loss of my family again. When Im with my boys Im reminded how life used to be. I think Im one of those rare cases that was very happily married (I was) who’s rug was pulled out from underneath him. Im coming to grips this weekend with everything I did that must have propelled X towards the divorce. Im constantly trying to be self-aware so I don’t repeat the mistakes. I have forgiven her completely and Im trying to forgive myself for my mistakes. But forgiveness is a process not just a choice. And the more shenanigans she pulls with the kids now means I have to continually forgive her. I was told again by someone this morning that the same thing happened with her parents when she was little. She eventually grew older and more mature and embraced her father. The same thing will happen with me, Im certain. I just wish it would happen next year not 10 years from now.

I read in “The Fire of Delayed Answers” (God really speaks to me through that book) that people are more open to receive from someone that shared their pain. So I think that is why Im being so upfront with emotions, loneliness, struggles and regrets. Perhaps it opens up a door or encourages others. If so, that brings me comfort. I know that scores of people have been brought into my life since the divorce where I’ve been able to encourage. I think my career path will soon take the trajectory to broadcast that message from an interpersonal level to wide level. I think this is the preparation period.

God talking again

Now that Im back on track spiritually God is speaking to me again. He was always talking but I was out of routine and running interference so it was hard for me to really be in tune with his voice. I just didn’t take the time to sit down and commune with him since I was so interesting being with my family. I think that was ok for the time. Im trying to embrace my loneliness out here to find God’s purpose in all of it. I read something in the book that has taken me 5 years to read, and Im still not done “The Fire of Delayed Answers” there’s a funny story behind that book in the back blog pages. What the author Bob Sorge was contending is that when God doesn’t answer our prayers its like we are in a spiritual prison. Im in an emotional prison it seems like for the past four years. The reason he allows that is to give us great quantities of time with the Lord so that we can establish an amazing connection with him. If I were busier with a girlfriend or spouse…those moments would be much harder to come by. That reassured me because I do have an amazing connection with God and it just wouldn’t have been possible unless I traveled this same exact journey.

Today was a little different for me. I didn’t really miss having a mate, but instead I missed my boys. I got a little spoiled seeing them for two weeks straight. I love those guys and Im such a positive influence on their lives. I wish I could have more influence, but for God’s reasons Im called to be hear for this season and He’s assured me that he is protecting and taking care of the boys. I can see that with my own eyes and that provides a great deal of comfort in my life. Still I long for a miracle that they somehow could wind up with me. It will take a miracle because X is steadfastly against it. But like Al Michaels…I believe in miracles.

I went to church this morning again it was kind of blah. The church is not very dynamic especially since Im so spoiled with Lakewood in Tx and Cornerstone in Ca. I get spiritually fed by downloading podcasts of other sermons or reading books. It tends to be working I think. This is one reason why I volunteer with the teens. I feel like I have a gift in communicating with them. Plus Im here to serve so I like to do so at every opportunity. But the teen classes were suspended for the summer because everyone tends to leave. Life on the island is slowing down as there are so many people gone for vacation. Im told that August is even worse. Then we have Ramadan…so this must be the official slow season.

After church I met with Sidd, he’s the owner of Aqua Fuego where we hold the improv contests. Sidd and I usually meet at Johnny Rocket’s for our meetings. He’s a really interesting guy. He’s closing down his club because the owners are giving him hassles. He’s moving to another hotel and opening up after Ramadan. He was very concerned that we would move the improv contest with him, which we will. We had such an amazingly positive response. Many were just surprised that it was as good as it was. Most people didn’t realize they had that much talent in Bahrain. I also was made to feel really good ego-wise. I had several people approach me and congratulate me on the directing job I did. With that many crazy extroverted personalities, we all seemed to work in harmony with each other. You know the adage is that everyone in Hollywood wants to be a director. Im no exception and I often wonder, do I have what it takes or am I just like the rest of the wannabes. After these comments and the last performance, I know I have what it takes to be a great director. Being a director is simply someone that has vision and can clearly communicate that vision to his staff. Its quite simple really.

Took the kayak out for the first time in nearly three weeks. I was a little rusty on the balancing part at first but I didn’t fall in. There were several people out at the beach today. I did the ride at sunset so it was actually pretty cool when I set out. When I got back, two arabs approached me…Im pretty sure they were Bahraini’s. They were very friendly. They wanted to know how far I went out, because they were watching me and I disappeared from their view. They had a lot of nice compliments about how fast I was going and how straight I made it. They apparently realized how difficult it is. It was just nice having this little interaction with them. They even helped me load my kayak in the car. That is Arab hospitality. This is a great place to live. Arabs are beautiful people. Next time you hear someone disparage an Arab or this part of the world…send their ignorance to me…I’ll straighten them up. I’m glad to get any and all emails about this topic as well.

Transparency

I think all the excitement of the month is catching up to me and reality is sinking in as I settle into a routine. Life in Bahrain is very surreal for me. Its like Im living in a dream world, or living in a reality television show. I don’t really feel like what I do is work, especially last night at the Improv contest. Im so fulfilled with my work, especially when I help people achieve their maximum potential. Life seems almost like Shangrila or Utopia most of the time. The pains and loneliness of the past three years are gone with my fresh start….mostly. Im somewhat insulated from my past here and I think that’s the case with many people that move here. They are escaping something. I guess Im the same way…escaping the memories of the past that haunt me. I don’t think that it is necessarily an unhealthy thing either. Driving around Los Angeles and the Texas I was reminded of the family I used to have. Those brought up some pretty painful memories of loss. I don’t have those memories here, but I must have taken them back with me on the plane. That’s what I get for walking away from my spiritual discipline. My guard was down and I was wounded. So I have to keep focusing on what I have here and not reminded what I don’t have there.

I need to learn to be emotionally consistent. In not letting my highs get too high or lows get too low. Because I was feeling down yesterday, I let the euphoria of a great show/accomplishment fuel my esteem and emotions. So what goes up must come down, so I’m a little down today. Part of the problem was something that happened that has rarely happened over the past year. I felt lonely. Now this is a relatively foreign emotion to me. There have been scores of time where I have been alone but not lonely. Last night after a great great night I crawled in bed and bemoaned the fact that there was no one there beside me. No one I could talk about with how great the night was. No one to share my dreams and fears with. Even today, the residual is with me. Oh I know the whose footsteps poem, as Im walking with one set of footprints in the sand. But tonight its 7:30 and Im still at the office. Im doing some work, but there really is no where else to go. Im stalling until 9 so I can go see a movie. But its sad that I don’t have anyone to go out with. Oh…I could find some acquaintances and tag along with them, but that’s not my style.

Im not baring my soul to have you feel sorry for me. But I’ve always been transparent with this blog and tonight is no different. Im a normal Christian guy that goes through real struggles from time to time. Hopefully by my pain and detailing of my mistakes you might be able to learn and avoid the pitfalls that I’ve fallen into. If you are married…I’ll say this again…stay married. Never ever ever get divorced.

I know God is doing a work in me. He’s trying to teach me something in the waiting process. I just wish that he would hurry up. Now im in a curious position because in many aspects Im choosing to be alone. So a lot of what Im saying might seem self-contradictory. I could be in a committed relationship very quickly either here in Bahrain or abroad. Im not really into dating right now so that adds to the problem. I wouldn’t say I go on dates anymore instead they are more like auditions. Would I want to spend the rest of my life with this person? That eliminates a lot of first dates quickly. Im also so darn picky wanting God’s absolute best for my life. I will not settle. Some of the girls that I’ve been interested in, weren’t that interested in me…that fair….that’s karma I think. So what God has been telling me over and over is that he does care about my emotional life and he indeed has someone perfect picked out for me. I just have to wait on him. He has been so faithful in other aspects there’s no reason why he won’t continue to be faithful here too. So I’m off to see a movie…(alone) but Im cool with that for the moment.

Showtime

It was a really nice end to an unsure day for me. Tonight was the first night of our “Funniest Person in Bahrain” competition. There was a lot of nervousness and I pride myself on not getting nervous. Would anyone actually show up? If they did would the show bomb? Would the performers have fun? Would the material be offensive to the government or Islam? As the M.C would I get up and there and freeze? Would my actors chicken out at the last minute and bail on me. So there was a lot going on in my mind. A couple people said I looked really nervous, but I didn’t feel nervous, I was just extremely focused.

So when we got started we had a half-house. Everyone is late in Bahrain all the time. But by the time we finished we had a full house. Now the audience was great, they all felt like they were a part of something historic. So they might have been there for support or to watch a disaster, like having front row seats as the Titanic went down. So the cameras were in place, lights focused, Audio good. As I was about to go on stage to introduce and M.C. the event, I realized that this was a long term goal of mine. I always brag on my acting students that I could charge admission to some of the classes because the performances are that good. Well we did the improv thing in California mainly as a workshop. We had a few people show up but mainly they were all actors wanting to perform with no audience. Then I was approached by a club-lounge owner who wanted to do something with acting. He had seen the articles in the press and wanted to meet me. Sidd and I hit it off right away. So it was a relatively easy thing to plan since I had been doing it all along. The hard part was convincing all the actors that they wouldn’t make fools of themselves. I assured them as M.C./Director my job was to make sure they looked good.

Well we started the night off slow and then got better and better as we went along. Once we got the first laugh in, it was all down hill from there. The comics were really getting into it. The crowd seemed to be getting into it too. We had 10 comics/actors and about 150 in the audience which was a full house. There were some dry moments like any live performance (Im certain Who’s Line is it Anyways edits out the rough material.) but there were far far far many hilarious moments. I was working with some real pro’s here. They were volunteering so it was really important to me that they were having fun…and they were. I tried to put them all in situations where they would excel and they did. I saved the best situations/scenes for last and it worked. We had a grand finale of sorts. It was the old put your hands through someone else’s hands while they make/bake something. I must have done this in Junior High…But there is something universally funny about it…for all ages. I remember walking around the store before the contest buying the ingredients. Flour…messy good, Syrup messy…good, Cornflakes, bananas, but then I saw the ultimate ingredient. Fish. The fish in Bahrain are presented like they just came out of the ocean. Eyes, scales, tails, everything. So I had to get that. I laughed out loud in the store so I knew it was going to work. It did. They made Fish cookies. Tariq, the victim even had to cook and lick the fish which im certain was rancid. It brought the house down.

So we awarded the first session of Bahrain’s Funniest Person to a new guy, who just killed with the accents. After the show the performers and I were mobbed…it felt great. Lots of congratulations going around. I was told by several people that it was the best entertainment that Bahrain had seen in a long time. Then the press came around, pictures and flashes going off everywhere. For a short while I felt a little like a celebrity. But what I was really proud of were my actors. As a director my job is to make them look good. They looked great…which is amazingly satisfying for me. Im quite proud. We’re going to post some of the highlights on our website tomorrow. I’ll be sure to send you the links.

Just a little jet lag

The jet lag is kicking in a bit. I got home at 3:00 am, unpacked and went to bed at 4am. The good thing is I slept for six straight hours. But Im dragging a bit at points today, so Im not sure if this will be a long blog entry or not.

I had a staff meeting today. I bought the entire staff Texas/Americana T-shirts and memorabilia. They didn’t seem to appreciate as much this time around. Oh they were glad to get their hands on it, but didn’t express a lot of gratitude. Maybe I spoiled them already. They think when Rick leaves he brings us back stuff. Well, if it is not appreciated, its not going to continue.

I got mostly caught up at the office. It didn’t seem like they did much of anything while I was gone. I know when the cat is away the mice will play. So I had a lot of catch up to do. We are in a bit of a financial crisis, and I have to do whatever we can to get us out of it

We have to develop additional revunue streams. The Funniest Person in Bahrain improv contest will certainly help with that. We haver a full cast ready to roll for this event. Im kind of a little nervous to see what the crowd will be like tomorrow. I really have no idea.

Well Im going to cut this short as I can barely keep my eyes open. I’ll write more tomorrow.

A sour note

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now. It’s going to be difficult to be really coherent with them. But since when has coherency really been a priority with me and the blog. Im sitting the Dubai airport right now in the executive lounge. This place is massive sprawling with space. There are about 12 food stations (all free) stretched out over 500 yards or so. There is wireless, couches, beds, business centers, about 6 bars, a teen and a kid area, xbox PS3, a masseuse, showers, if you can think of it, its probably here. Its truly luxurious. I have about six hours to spend here so the luxury part is nice. They have outlet towers for all types of electrical outlets 110-220…so im connected and wireless. I just got out of the shower. They were pretty nice showers too. There was an Indian attendant there helping me. They are so enthusiastic to help westerners. Partially because we have money, and partially because we are a bit like celebrities to them. So he gave me my towel, sandals, toothpaste. He was very anxious to help. He even waited for me after my shower to see if I needed anything else. He did give me a pair of socks. So I gave him 1 BD (about $2.50) and he was thrilled about it. That goes a long ways to where they come from.

I feel pretty blessed overall. Im very fortunate. I tell people all the time that Im just reaping the rewards of Deuteronomy 28. Its nothing I really did on my own, but God is rewarding my faithfulness. It feels pretty good too. I have sowed for so many years, now Im reaping the benefits.

Now for the past two weeks, I’ve been on vacation and its been wonderful. But I’ve also been on vacation physically (didn’t bring my kayak) and spiritually. I fell out of my devotional routine. I think that is ok every once in awhile but it does leave you vulnerable to spiritual attacks as your guard is no longer up. You see its easy to have peace and joy when things are going well. But the key is to maintain that peace and joy when things are not going well. For the most part the storms of the past four years now have affected me, but they haven’t stolen my peace for the most part. It doesn’t make sense. But when you are right with God, your house could be burning down (emotionally) and you could be dry and safe inside. I guess that is the metaphor of Shadrack, Meshak, and Abendego as they said it was cool in the furnace after Nebuchadnezzar had thrown them in the inferno. People would ask me how I was doing, and I would say…it doesn’t make sense…but Im doing very very well. Im not happy…but I do have my joy. That happened to me over and over and over the past four years. I did not want the divorce and fought with everything I could to keep it together, and then after hoped and prayed for a reconciliation until X and new hubby got married. Now…Im just praying and believing for reconciliation with my children (especially my daughter). That will come Im certain…but im hoping for their sake it will be sooner rather than later.

So I was a little off on my game spiritually as I had not spiritually exercised. Then whack…it happened again. X got all angry about something Im not too comfortable sharing in this forum. It affected me more emotionally than it normally does. Here I had a great two week trip with my boys and they have to deflect everything good that happened and focus on the negative. The thing is, I brought it to her attention because I thought she should know about it..and now its being turned against me.

Its amazing how much hatred they have towards me. X and new hubby read this blog everyday after vowing they wouldn’t. I think they are looking for material to get angry about. I guess once you start blaming other people for all the problems you have in your life you get trapped. Its very hard to look in the mirror and “own” your mistakes or be self-accountable or self-aware. It’s painful sometimes but I’ve learned to do it most everyday. It gets easier and easier the more that you do do it. Im sure as X and new hubby read this, they are becoming incensed and thinking what legal action they can take against me. If you don’t like what you are reading…stop reading…or just get up and walk out of the movie if you see something you don’t like.

Because of the nature of this blog, I have asked my children to stop reading it. But whenever X sees something that works to her advantage she has the kids read it. That is part of the alienation process. It’s the three week rule…they have to keep drumming up conflict to get angry about. As soon as the embers of their fury flame nearly dissipate, they concoct kerosene to dump on the inferno. I ask myself why, and I can’t really come up with an explanation. In their mind they are doing it to protect the children, but you know what, after two days of detoxing (from parental alienation) we got along splendidly. I have a real bond with my boys that I don’t think can be broken. But like my pastor at Lakewood said, as long as they live in that house…they have to take that side. I understand that…its called survival for their sake. Its sad, I wish I could protect them but the legal system isn’t set up for me to do that.

So Im a little down today emotionally. I miss my boys. I pray they could live with me…or even visit me over here someday. We had a great two week trip that ended on sour note. It’s sad…but at the end of the day, I can look in the mirror and be at peace with person looking back at me. Isn’t that what is ultimately important in our spiritual lives?

All night Lasertag the day after

Well I made it through Laserquest, but the boys did it much better than I. I skipped a game to take a nap. But the boys made it the whole way through. I was proud of them. We wind up having a great time. It was a total father-son bonding experience. Max wound up doing the best. We made it back home at 6:30. The boys fell asleep in the car ride home. We slept for four hours then woke up to face the day.

We went out to dinner with my dad and then came back to spend a couple hours they had left with my parents. We had such a nice time together. It truly has beena wonderful couple of weeks. Im sorry that it has to end.

I am having a movie night with my boys. That is one of our favorite pastimes. Im already packed and ready to go. I am looking forward to going back to Bahrain but Im not looking forward to being away from them.

Im getting up early to go to early service at Lakewood tomorrow. Jim, the men’s ministry pastor wanted the DVD I made of the Prisoner to Pastor biography I made for the pastor at Cornerstone church. Then its one more game at ITS (the teen chuck e. cheese place) then its goodbye. Its going to be hard to say goodbye. But I have to trust that God is still in control.

I’ll write more tomorrow probably from the plane, but won’t be able to post right away since I’ll be in the air for 16 hours. But its business class…so Im not dreading the flight at all. Im acclimating to this travel schedule.

All night Lasertag

It’s 2am and Im writing to you from the Lobby of the Laserquest building. Try as I might I wasn’t able to talk the boys out of this. They had their heart set on all night lasertag. They were so jazzed about it. I must be getting old. So from 12am-6am its all night laser tagging each other. Its such a boy thing. There are about 30 of us here and actually its pretty fun. It makes me feel like Im being a good dad…and I am a good dad.

I was able to talk the boys out of the downtown aquarium. We just had too much going on today. We wound up cramming about two months worth of activity into two weeks. Im sad its coming to an end in two days. I love my kids soooooo much. After we saw a movie, we met a dear friend and her kids at Itz. My boys lost their friends/semi-cousins so to speak in the divorce as they very seldom get to see them anymore. And they were particularly close to these other kids until about a year ago and then the relationship was severed. They have lost so much in the divorce, I hate for them to miss out on dear friends they have had. So Itz is kind of a teenage version of Chuck E. Cheese. The boys absolutely love the games. Spencer Im finding is very good with younger kids. He really enjoys entertaining them. So it was nice catching up with this friend and neat seeing the boys interact with the other kids.

Im so happy that my new roommate Dr. Dave Jones has moved in. He’s a very sharp guy and our spirits just instantly connect. We both feel it was a divine appointment. He went through the same thing in the divorce as I did…I mentioned earlier. It seems that he and I are both trying to debunk the stereotypes of divorce. Whenever there is infidelity or someone wants to pursue the divorce most people automatically assume that it is the husband that is the perpetrator and it’s the wife that is the victim. It is also widely assumed that the children are best taken care of by the mother. These are myths that Dave is trying to attack in his book that he is writing. I was so judgmental against divorced people growing up. I always assumed that divorced people were not very good Christians. Now that the shoe is on my foot I see the world in a whole new perspective.

For the longest time I always wanted to be recognized as Alumnus of the year at my alma mater Evangel. But now that Im divorced there is no chance of that happening. That has a lot to do with the judgment of the AG that I grew up with. Yes divorce is ugly, unfortunate, and downright sucks. But it takes two get married and only one to rip it apart. I think that is what Dave will attack in his book. I tell people all the time….Marriage is a commitment…its not an emotion. Love is a choice not a feeling. You choose to fall in love and you choose to fall out of love. Sometimes that choice is easy…sometimes its difficult. I remember the hardest prayer I ever prayed was three years ago just before my divorce was made final. I said God…either change her heart or change mine. If we aren’t going to reconcile…help me stop loving her. That was so conflicting for me. Because it was a prayer that I didn’t want to come true. I prayed this prayer traveling west on the 290 in a traffic jam around 10 miles from my house. I remember it vividly. I said God if you choose not to have me reconciled with my wife, I pray that I find another…and I want the next one to be prettier, more intelligent, more of a heart for you, more balanced, a great mother, and a few other details. At the time I didn’t think a girl like that even existed. But I’ve learned you have to be very specific with God. Perhaps that is why Im not remarried as of yet. Im still holding out for God’s best. God’s best will come, but I have to be patient for it. I think its better to be alone for a season then marrying the wrong person to alleviate a season of loneliness. Its funny…I’ve always had a recurring dream while I was married…I had this dream about 40 times which is a lot over the course of 15 years especially since I dream very little. In this dream I loved my wife passionately…but she had no Idea who I was. I was a stranger in her eyes and I was often with someone else longing to be with her…but she had no idea. Its bizarre but that dream has come true. Was God trying to prepare me for my ultimate divorce? Was it a premonition because subconsciously I could feel my wife discontinue to love me? Im not sure but I still remember the feeling of despair, loneliness and regret in that dream. Another strange thing, since our separation and divorce I never had that dream again. Further…I never had any dreams of reconciliation with my ex-wife and family. That I think is weird since I dreamt and prayed for a reconciliation for the longest time. So if you are happily married…love your spouse. Never take them for granted. Next time you come across a divorced person in your life…give them an emotional if not physical hug. They need it far more than any married person does.

Too many people try to live their lives chasing the butterflies in their stomach that they used to feel as teenagers. That sure is an empty way to live. Its funny and this doesn’t make a lot of sense…but I know more about what makes a marriage work now that I’ve had a failed marriage than I ever knew when I was married.

I made it two rounds of lasertag with the boys. Im sitting this round out…but I’ll back at it at 4am. I guess this staying up all night is good as it will help me acclimate to the jetlag I’ll be experiencing 48 hours down the road. Oh I found up some good news. I was able to use my points to upgrade to business class on the return flight home. It actually makes me look forward to the 16 hour flight. It also helps with the extra baggage allowance. Im bringing to Bahrain more and more materials. Im bringing a case of Bibles and those weigh a lot for instance. Im truly blessed. I’m happy my boys wanted to experience this all nighter with their dad. I’ll post some pics later next week when I get back to the Middle East. Keep your prayers coming they are working. One of the deals I made with God before committing myself to the Middle East. I said God…if you are sending me to Bahrain…you have got to take care of my kids. He assured me that he would. Other than the parental alienation which they’ll realize soon enough….they all seem to be doing well. That is a blessing.

Blessings from Lakewood

It was a really nice day today. Im getting along so great with my boys. I love them sooooo much. We are just having a blast together. Spencer keeps trying to incite me into fighting/wrestling with him by jumping on me, hitting or kicking me. It works… Its fun. He likes to give affection by zestful play too. As Im writing this blog, they are throwing pillows at me trying to get me to go after them…I think I will hold on….

I got up a little early because I had an appointment at Lakewood. I met a person by the name of Joyce in the bookstore. She’s the missions coordinator for Lakewood. So Joyce left me in the bookstore and said get whatever you want and we’ll put it on the Missions tab. Lakewood’s bookstore, like Lakewood is huge. So I was like a kid in a candy store. But I wanted to be responsible too. So I mainly got the DVD series. For our positive living group, we always watch a Osteen video and discuss it. So I think I picked up around 25 DVD’s and each DVD had between 6-8 episodes/sermons so I have about 2-3 years worth of material. Not only that, but I picked up Greek translation bible, some cd’s and a case of Bibles. So I have about 25 paperback bibles to give away. I think I am going to give the DVD’s to my church in Bahrain, Saar Fellowship so they can add the titles to their lending library. That way more people would be able to be blessed by them. They also gave me some pamphlets and other books…Im well set. They are very good to me. Lakewood is very missions focused. I have found myself being a Joel Osteen apologist. Some Christians don’t like Osteen as they feel his messages are not theologically meaty enough. I always respond that I grew up in the church and nowhere have I ever grown in my faith more than Lakewood. It is a great great church. There focus on international missions makes them even a greater church. They are incredibly supportive.

I then went to lunch with Jim Lewis Pastor of Men’s ministry at Lakewood. Jim and the Men’s ministry were very instrumental in my growth and healing from my divorce. I came to Lakewood at my lowest point emotionally and Jim and the men’s ministry systematically helped me regain my esteem, and built me up God’s way. I remember one thing in particular that was important. I was completely broken. I went to a men’s group and half way through the group all the men gave each other hugs. I received a great big bear hug from several guys. It was incredibly healing and very masculine. It was the first physical touch I had received in months. It was so comforting and reassuring. Just a bunch of guys helping other guys reach their top potential. Iron sharpens iron and that is how I grew. One guy in particular that I met at Lakewood men’s group was instrumental. His name was Wayne. He was a great looking Jamaican, very cool and successful. He had went through a divorce that was almost identical to mine. He told me that he was going to be my support and that if I ever needed him, he would be available for me 24/7. Wayne was there for me and I did call him regularly. It really helped in the healing process. I got my identity grounded in the church and the Word. That was the best way to rebuild. Another key point was attending a 6 month class called “Quest for Authentic Manhood.” It was an intensive weekly study on how to be a Biblical man of God. I learned so much about how to be a man of God and a proper husband and father. Whenever they talked about how to be a husband it was very painful. I endured because I want to be an even better husband the next time God brings a special lady into my life. There are four principals that Quest for Authentic Manhood taught me which will stay with me the rest of my life. 1. Reject Passivity 2. Accept Responsibility 3. Lead Courageously 4. Expect God’s rewards. I was a good husband and great father the first time around. But the second time around Im going to be a great husband. I honestly think If I would have taken the course a few years earlier…before my divorce I still would have been married. But Im anxious to put what I learned into place.

What Jim really is emphasizing is a mentorship program. Im taking those principals and trying to enact them in the Middle East. That’s what im trying to do with several people in Bahrain. I thanked Jim for his efforts in the Men’s ministry and the difference he made in my life. Im certain that if it wasn’t for Jim and Lakewood…I wouldn’t be living my dream life in Bahrain today.

a slow but fulfilling day

This blog is getting really hard to write. I guess because I don’t want to take any time away from my boys. When I write in the blog in Bahrain I have much more time on my hands and I actually look forward to it most days. I don’t want this to become a burden otherwise it will lose the spark that makes it special. I really appreciate all the readers I have throughout the world.

It was another special day today. I slept in the boys room. Spencer wanted to sleep on the floor to be close to us. We had a late night talk again…that’s special. Spencer woke up at the crack of dawn to play Wii again. My dad and I took the boys out to breakfast at cracker barrel. He gave them $10 to spend in the gift shop…and if you know max…you know he was thrilled buying $10 worth of junk.

We went shopping the rest of the day. We went to Costco next. I wanted to fill up on as many American amenities as possible. To bring them back to Bahrain with me. So it was shopping and eating most of the day. A nice and quiet day. Im going to cut this short. The boys want watch a movie with me. The blog will pick up next week. Which is kind of good…kind of bad…I’m going to miss them when I leave. I wish I could take them with me. If you want to pray about something pray that I can take them with me…because it will take a miracle. But God is in the miracle business last time I checked.