Im waiting at LAX airport ready to get on the flight to Houston. Im so excited to see the kids. It reminds of five years ago when I couldn’t spend more than two days away from the family, it made my heart ache. I remember being so anxious counting down the moments in the plane until I could run into the arms of the former spouse and have the kidlets at my legs. Every flight seemed so long. I was so anxious to get home. I feel that sort of anticipation today. It’s a little different obviously because I’m just seeing my boys. Hopefully I’ll get to see my daughter but Im not sure if I’ll be able to do that. God has so prepared my heart for these moments that are about to happen. Please keep me and the children in prayer. I’ve written about the early warning detection systems in the past. This particular trip is no exception. I just have to not worry about what will happen but trust that God is directing my steps. I sincerely don’t want any sort of conflict.
I dropped Ms. So. Ca off after a nice date walking through downtown Santa Barbara. We ate wonderful little hideaway restaurant overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Then we watched the sunset on a small cove. It’s very cool and very California. This is easily the greatest place in the world with apologies to all my international readers. But I grew up here and wherever you have a positive upbringing you feel that place is always home. I have a feeling I’ll return here someday. I think it will coincide with my dreams of film and television projects coming to fruition. How do I make that happen? “Seek first the kingdom God…” So if I want all my dreams to come true, that’s what I need. Man plans his way, but God directs his steps is what Proverbs says. Planning my way I always envisioned for my passion to change the world through media. That God directed my steps through Middle East halfway across the world is truly a peculiar way to direct my steps towards my dream. But God works in strange and mysterious ways. My life is no exception to that rule. God spoke to me a bit this weekend. I’m tired of being alone. I want to meet that special person and just know beyond a shadow of a doubt she was the one…like I believed the first time. That hasn’t happened yet for a number of reasons. I think my standards are way high…but I’m absolutely holding out for God’s best. I’ve been absolutely faithful to him, and He told me he’s going to take care of me emotionally. The next six months will be very very interesting. He’s absolutely taken care of my spiritually, psychologically, professionally, financially, there’s no reason why the emotion part will come next. Then I’ll feel complete. That the rebirthing is 100%. In the meantime God is keeping me as content as reasonably possible while I wait on his perfect timing.
So Santa Barbara is about a two hour drive from LA, but during traffic time its more like 5 hours. I have learned to plan my life around the Los Angeles Traffic. So I drove for a bit then got caught up with the July 4th traffic around Ventura. So I pulled the car off to the side of the road and slept for a couple of hours. I didn’t want to stay in a hotel for just four hours, that seemed like a waste of money and not being a good steward. After my few hour nap, I was wide awake thanks to the a few remnants of jetlag. I decided to take the scenic route. I drove through my old home, the one I lived in Studio City for 8 years. I have so many fond memories. It wasn’t too stable financially, and I wasn’t the best husband at the time in terms of my addiction and lack of giving enough financial security to my former spouse. But even though we struggled, she was able to be a stay at home mom during the important formative years. For that to happen in the Los Angeles financial climate is a rarity. I have so many magical memories of the children. I used to go every Saturday to Griffith park for about 4-5 years straight. I would take Lindsey when she was 2 first to Burger King for a healthy breakfast with dad, then off to the merry-go-round and then the pony rides. She was small enough that I had to walk besides the pony for the first few times. Julio was the guy at the Merry-go-round and Curtis the guy at the pony ride. They were always glad to see me. Then when Max was born I took them both…finally Spencer got a few months in before we moved away in 2001. We had a sense of community in a place where community was not the norm. We all had Midwestern spirits in the cold and unfriendly land of LA. LA is a great place but never to confused with warmth. We used to walk to McDonalds, or take the racing stroller and walk to park. No one walks in LA, but we were the only ones. What a beautiful family we had. Im a little melancholy as I miss those days. I hated leaving LA, but I had an ultimatum, leave Los Angeles or leave your marriage. My marriage was far too important to me, so I left Los Angeles with the tail between my legs thinking I had failed because I had not achieved my goal of directing a feature film in 10 years. I directed a lot of television, but no features. Leaving LA at the time was the absolutely the right thing to do in retrospect. It was all part of God’s plan of breaking me down to my core and rebuilding me into the man he always designed me to be. The transformation process is/was painful but I’m finally starting to see the fruits of the development process. I needed to be pruned in order to bear more fruit. Im blossoming now.
I got to LAX and slept in the car for a couple of more hours and returned the rental car. While waiting I had a great conversation with a new friend. Turns out he was a pastor in town for a seminar. So we had a meaningful 20 minute discussion while we waited for the shuttle bus. It was one of those God pre-ordained moments where we were both able to encourage each other. Two strangers talking about God in Southern California. That didn’t happen much at all during my first trip through City of Angels. I think its going to happen a lot more regularly from this point on. Im a changed man in so many ways since I left this place in 2001. Stronger, wiser, better but with a few scars. Im finally the man that God has always designed me to be. Even though im alone at this season of my life, it still feels great.
It’s been nine months since I’ve seen the children. I truly can’t wait for that plane to land.
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