No Happiness but Peace and Joy finally arrived again.
A strange sensation just swept over me. It was familiar but I haven’t felt it in awhile. Nothing out of the ordinary happened to me today. It was the very definition of routine. Yet I had a good day. I’m still alone, I still miss my children, I still miss the family that I used to have, yet it was a good day. I’ve been wracked by guilt, self-condemnation and loneliness for months now. I didn’t feel them today. What is confounding to me is that I have hope or maybe I’ve rediscovered hope. Logic says that I shouldn’t be hopeful because nothing changed from yesterday. The only thing that I’ve been doing lately is Seeking God first and trusting him for rest. Today I felt the dividends of that. I’m not happy. That much is clear, but today I was ok not being happy. Today I was OK feeling Peace and Joy. They seem to go hand in hand. I must be doing something right. I’m not one to judge...