Today sucked

 Today sucked.  It was a very hard day.  I felt like I was punched in the mouth.  I know I don’t share a lot of details in this blog in order to protect some.  As I was telling my broadcasting class today as they were telling their stories, the details are important in order to paint a more complete picture in the imaginations of your watchers/listeners.  When you share only the facts with no details it’s like sketching a picture using only pencil and shades of gray.  When you add details to the story it’s like you are adding colors and pictures.  So my apologies in advance for only sketching in pencil.  

Just like a normal punch I was stunned at first and very disheartened.  Then something strange happened….nothing.  Nothing happened yet the further I moved away from the event the more relief I got.  I didn’t even cry out to God nor did I pray or praise.  Instead I just sat in it and didn’t make it worse.  Minute by minute, hour by hour I started feeling better and more optimistic.  My situation did not change, instead it was the response or lack thereof to the situation.  

God is in control whether or not I have a good or a bad day.  God is on throne whether my prayers get answered in a timely manner or not.  God is managing the universe while still being concerned about the heartache that one of His children is enduring.  I find that to be incredible.  “Consider the Lillies, they neither toll nor the spin.”  Matthew 6  It’s amazing that the creator of the universe is so powerful that He pays attention to our petulant and sometimes ever changing emotions.  I find that remarkable and confounding.  If I were God I’d probably get so frustrated and tell my followers to suck it up already and quit feeling sorry for yourselves.  . And why do you keep praying about the same thing over and over and over.  And you did that thing I told you not to do again?  These are some  of the many myriad of reasons that I’m not God thankfully.  I couldn’t dole out mercy like He does.  

So while the figurative punch in the mouth still stings a bit, it’s pain was lessened because I stopped thinking about it.  I got to make dinner for my girls.  This helped distract me.  This blog helps me process it.  Working out later after I drop the girls off will help rehabilitate after it.  I don’t know why exercise helps so much.  I really don’t enjoy it in the moment.  Why do people enjoy putting themselves in trials and pain on purpose?  I do like the way that exercise makes me feel after.  It’s a positive dopamine hit.  It’s a feeling of pride and accomplishment.  It’s a temporary escape and release.  I’m sure there is a rational psychological explanation.  Let me check with Chat GPT…ah suspicions confirmed.  

Chat GPT: 

That’s actually a really human experience—and there’s nothing wrong or weird about it.

Here’s what’s going on, in plain terms.

⸻

Your brain rewards completion, not enjoyment

While you’re exercising, your brain is dealing with:

• effort

• discomfort

• increased heart rate

• “ugh, I want this to be over”

So it doesn’t feel good in the moment.

But when you finish, your brain checks a powerful box:

• I did something hard.

• I kept a promise to myself.

• I didn’t quit.

That triggers a sense of competence and self-respect, which is a huge part of feeling better about yourself.

⸻

Chemistry kicks in after, not during

A lot of people think exercise feels good because of endorphins while it’s happening. For most people, the bigger lift comes after:

• Endorphins reduce stress and emotional pain.

• Dopamine reinforces “I accomplished something.”

• Serotonin stabilizes mood and self-worth.

If you don’t enjoy the workout itself, that just means your reward system is wired toward results, not sensation.

⸻

Exercise gives you proof, not motivation

Motivation is flaky. Proof is solid.

After you exercise, you have evidence:

• I showed discipline.

• I took care of my body.

• I moved forward instead of staying stuck.

That evidence quiets self-criticism and boosts confidence—even if you hated every minute.

⸻

You’re borrowing confidence from your future self

There’s also a psychological effect called self-signaling:

“If I can do this unpleasant thing, I can probably handle other hard things too.”

So the confidence spills over into the rest of your day.

⸻

Why this actually matters

It means you don’t have to love exercise for it to work.

You’re not failing because:

• you don’t enjoy it

• you dread starting

• you count down the minutes

You’re succeeding because you do it anyway.

That’s why the boost feels deeper than just “I’m in a good mood.” It’s closer to self-respect.

⸻

So that is kind of the explanation of my life from a 20,000 foot view.  What I’m going through is anything but comfortable.  But I know I’ll get through it and I’ll be stronger on the other side.  “Not by might, not by power, but by my spirit says the Lord.” Zechariah 4:6 

From another perspective, I would have never reached this present level of dependence and complete faith had the bottom not fallen out in my life. I’ve been close and intimate with God in earlier seasons in my life but then I get complacent and forgetful and drift away. God has a purpose in everything.  Even if there is pain and discomfort eventually it will pass.  There will be brighter days ahead, I know.  Today was not one of those days.