Rick Beeman

  Short answer: “I don’t know.”  Longer more contemplative answer I think Im starting to figure out the difference once again between happiness and joy.  Being happy might be overstating it a bit.  I’m more at Peace with a little Hope thrown in for good measure.  But the spurt of happiness doesn’t make any sense.  I shouldn’t be hopeful.  Almost everything went wrong for me today.  Some of it was a result of my mistakes and some of it not.  But the frustration and disappointment had different peaks from morning, to afternoon to evening.  Seemingly nothing went right.  Then inexplicably I felt a peace come over me in the early evening when I should have been at my absolutely lowest moment.  Then I started to get hopeful.  Did something happen to me to cause this?  Not really it’s still mostly bad with a few bright flashes thrown in there.  The only thing keeping me going right now, other than my children, is my un...

  I mentioned yesterday that I thought I was turning a corner.  Well today was better than yesterday so we are headed in the right direction.  I’m trying to be very brutally honest in this forum.  I do that as both an encouragement to others and to help call my shot when God will redeem me from the pit that I dug myself.  There is no doubt that this wallowing is a temporary space for me.  I am slowly feeling my optimism come back.  Why?  Did anything change?  No, just my perception has changed.  In seeking God whole-heartedly I’m starting to see my identity change.  What was so devastating for me this past year was losing my identity.  I so loved being a husband and a father, but suddenly when I wasn’t, who was I?  Did I have value, did I matter?  Was it always going to be this way?   My entire life I’ve battled with my identity.  While I’m a life-long Christian, that hasn’t always been my primary ident...