Today Sucked! So why am I so happy?

 Short answer: “I don’t know.”  Longer more contemplative answer I think Im starting to figure out the difference once again between happiness and joy.  Being happy might be overstating it a bit.  I’m more at Peace with a little Hope thrown in for good measure.  But the spurt of happiness doesn’t make any sense.  I shouldn’t be hopeful.  Almost everything went wrong for me today.  Some of it was a result of my mistakes and some of it not.  But the frustration and disappointment had different peaks from morning, to afternoon to evening.  Seemingly nothing went right.  Then inexplicably I felt a peace come over me in the early evening when I should have been at my absolutely lowest moment.  Then I started to get hopeful.  Did something happen to me to cause this?  Not really it’s still mostly bad with a few bright flashes thrown in there.  The only thing keeping me going right now, other than my children, is my unwavering faith.  I’m in survival mode.  I just have to keep the faith until the tide will turn in my favor.  It has turned previously and by faith it will turn again.  

I executive produce a daily newscast/announcements at school. That’s my big contribution.  Fortunately the students take pride and ownership and gladly do most of the work.  Last week, I lost my very old and barely functioning teleprompter.   I was fortunate to get a new one today.  But as I was taking it out of the box it dawned on me, I had no idea how to put it together. Im not an engineer.   So here I was as a teacher trying to teach my students something I couldn’t figure out at all.  The day sort of went downhill from there.  I’m sure in the future all of my problems will sort themselves out, but that doesn’t make going through the present any different.  

Something good did happen to me today.  I was able to see my girls.  Two of them briefly and one for about an hour and a half.  That lifted my spirits greatly.  But I did have to drop her back off after she attended class with me. This acting thing is so good for her.  She’s gaining confidence and having fun.  Last year she absolutely refused to participate but I didn’t push her.  Now she can’t wait to get out there.  After class I did have to take her home.    The times immediately after the drop off time is when the depression usually hits.  It did hit but only for about 10 minutes.  Then it lifted like the parting of the Red Sea and I was hopeful again.  Did anything happen to cause this?  No, nothing happened so it’s not replicable.  I just felt God’s presence come upon me.  The Holy Spirit is the great comforter and He must have known I was in dire need of comfort.  I don’t want to come on this forum and just “Woe is me” all the time.  I want to illustrate joy, peace, happiness and It’s hard to do that when you are in a stupor of depression.  I know this season is upon me and I must trudge through it.  I just wish there was a short cut or super fast vehicle I could get in to speed through it or even better teleport out of.  But I have to rely on God’s timing.  This is all happening for a distinct purpose which I don’t know about at this moment.  I don’t like my life right now, which is totally antithetical to my beliefs at the moment.  But I’m trying to be real and genuine with all of you.  There are people out there with problems bigger than my own.  I have to keep things in perspective.  I’m also pretty tired as I write this, that is probably impacting my mood from hope to where it seems to be sinking right now.  I left the townhouse (It’s not a home) at 6am and didn’t get back til about 8:45 pm and I still had to eat dinner.  So I should probably cut this short before I start feeling sorry for myself.  Self-pity has never done me any good.  In fact it makes everything worse especially when it garners sympathy.  So please don’t feel sorry for me.  If you want to say a prayer, my absolute #1 priority right now is to remain and refine being a righteous man.  If I can do that then everything else will fall into place.