One of the best weekends in a while

 I haven’t written in awhile, because I was trying to be completely present for my girls and I was.  I only have them for about 15% of the month so I try to savor each moment with them.  On Friday (Halloween) my wife invited me over for Trick or Treating at their house.  It was the first time I’ve been in the house since the separation.  It was strange.  I brought pizzas (My teenager had a sleepover party)  and a back up bag of candy.  It was surreal being back in the house.  My dog and my youngest were thrilled to have me back.  I was trying to temper my excitement the best I could.  It felt as If I were part of a family again, even for a few brief moments.  I had to keep reminding myself not to get my hopes up, and I failed in that department.  I’m a dreamer.  

It seems as if our neighborhood is a halloween hub.  We have a ton of trick or treaters.  My job has always been to sit on the porch and make sure the kids only take one piece of candy.  We are the house that hands out full candy bars.  If the candy was left unattended it would be gone pretty quickly.  So small ones were OK to deal with, but it was the teenagers I had to look out for.  It turns out I have a gift for calling out teenagers and their shenanigans.  So after the night I went back  to my townhome on a high.  I was getting the girls the next day for the whole weekend.  I was so excited.  My youngest seems most excited to see me every time.  She always gives me multiple huge hugs.  I feel so bad that she misses me that much. The feeling is mutual.  This morning she knocked on the bathroom door while I was taking a shower.  She yelled through the door asking me if I could cuddle her once I got out.  How could I possibly resist that?   She also loves to hold my hand whenever and wherever we are walking together.  It just warms my heart thinking about it.  

Saturday was awesome as we had another round of the Funniest Person in the Triangle.  My middle child has a gift.  She is so good at Improv she amazed the rest of the staff there.  It was just brilliant.  The youngest was so scared at first and refused to participate.  I didn’t push it, and now she just giggles like crazy every time she performs. She can’t get enough of it.    There is something very therapeutic in hearing the hearty laughter of your children.  

Sunday we went to church and then spent the day together in various activities.  The oldest wanted to come home to do homework and skip lunch while the youngest two wanted to go out to eat.  We love going out.  I went to a local brunch place around the corner.  It took awhile to sit down then once we had a table it was 20 minutes before we were greeted.  I felt my blood started to boil a bit, but I had to remind myself that I was with my girls and to savor my time with them.  We were finally greeted by the manager who profusely apologized.  After another 30 minutes we got our food but had no utensils which took another 10 minutes to flag someone down for it.  Finally after we ate, it took another 15 minutes to get the bill. Normally I’d be livid (I was a server in Grad. School).  But instead I was completely enjoying being with my girls knowing our time is so fleeting.  The manager came by apologized and said our meal was on him today because of the poor service.  Apparently he had a couple of people walk out on him today..  SCORE!  I’m glad I was polite the entire time.  That made the experience with my girls even better.  

I love and miss those girls so much. I was reminded of that all weekend long.    I also miss my wife, but I can only focus on things I can control.  I know that God has a plan for me, them  and all of this.  I just pray that the plan comes together quickly whatever that plan might be. My Hopes are up but my hopes are well placed in the Lord.  Right now I am again battling “Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood” (F43.21). That is the darkness I experience whenever I leave the girls.  It’s not so bad at the moment because I’m still riding the high of one of the best weekends I’ve had for a while. This whole weekend  I didn’t exercise, didn’t blog, didn’t do my daily devotions, all the things I normally do to combat depression.  Instead I just focused on loving and interacting with my girls.  Psalm 37:11 promises “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”  Being absolutely present and loving my girls was my way of Delighting in the Lord.  It was just a great weekend even though I’m a bit depressed now.  I miss them every time I leave them.  It sucks not being able to tuck them in every night and pray at their bedside with them.  If you still have that opportunity, embrace it.  It’s so fleeting.