Another downer day. Time to suck it up and just make it through.

 It was another downer day. Nothing specific happened to make it such a day.  I think it’s just the process that I have to go through.  I’m learning as I’m trying not to over-react when I get in down and lonely moods.  The holidays are obviously a bit tough.   My girls are so excited for Christmas and I just can’t share in their excitement.  I don’t want to be a debbie downer around them so I’m forcing on a happy face.  It’s a fake it, till you make it kind of thing.  My eldest is really wanting a live Christmas tree which we’ve never had before.  So I’ll probably go and choose one with her.  I have zero Christmas decorations.  So everything will have to be from scratch this year.  

So I made a conscious choice just to endure the down day.  I tried to do things that help my mood.  I went to see a Norwegian movie after school and had lunch. I just love watching foreign films.  The ones that come over and hit the theater are usually only the best of the best.  Plus when you see a film shot on location in that country you get a cultural education as well as entertainment.  I love learning about people and their cultures.     When I got home the dour spirit was still on me.  So I went to the gym.  The gym on a Friday night is a very strange and lonely place.  I have to assume that all the people there are probably lonely just like me.  I have to keep telling myself, this mood is a temporary thing.  I will get out of it eventually.  I know that.  Some days I need more convincing than other days.  

There was a student organized walk out at my school today in protest of ICE.  While I think most students there were legitimately protesting the immigration crackdown, still there were others there just happy to skip second period.  Our principal approached me earlier in the day asking our crew to cover it as a legitimate news occurrence.  As teachers we were instructed not to discourage or encourage the protest only to keep the students safe.  I’m so glad we are getting a reputation as a legit student news organization.  I have my “go to” students as camera, reporters, boom operators and producers.  We also use a great steadicam rig donated by my late friend Sinbad the Sailor.  I wish he was still around so I could show him how much the students are embracing his gifts.  They did a great job.  I’m so proud of them not just because of their ability but because of how much initiative and pride they show in their work.  I think several of them are planning on exploring media as a career.  That career has been wonderful but very unstable for me.  When I had the work, I absolutely loved it.  But the problem is with the world of freelance you are constantly chasing your next gig.  That’s not a lot of security to give a partner.  So teaching is much more stable but less exciting.  I was fortunate to get a lifetime of travel/experience out of it before I went into education.  I do miss it though.  

This will be an interesting weekend.  I’m on my own but my youngest girls want me to get them for the Funniest Person Contest.  They have a lot of fun and it makes it so worthwhile for me while I have them there.  They are my oxygen right now.  I know God is faithful.  He uses there spirit to keep me going.  There I made it through another day.  Only ***** more to go.