Anger...what a strange emotion

I rarely get angry and hardly ever lose my temper. I think I’ve lost it three times in my lifetime and I can’t even remember why I was angry. I think I get that from my father as he is very even tempered as well. Thank God I didn’t take after my mother that way (she’ll read this and get angry at that.) Kristen got all of that. So I think I must have been under some sort of test today because there were many things that happened that just got on my nerves. I think I must have passed the test as I didn’t lose my cool and reacted calmly and rationally some of the time. The first issue happened at work with two co-workers. I suspected something was up. I don’t want to get into details but their actions made me angry. When they got into the office we all talked it out. I think they were quite concerned that I was angry and they wanted to tackle it head on. It was very responsible for them to do so. I think they were kind of surprised to see me so bothered.

The next item is kind of a long story. I bought an old fashioned candy machine for the office. We filled it up with Jelly Bellies. Its pretty popular. I can’t keep the machine filled fast enough. The employees keep gobbling them down. I should probably activate the coin lever and start making money off these people. I bought five huge bags of jelly bellies to keep the machine full. I also bought for myself two big bags of Sugar Free (Im a diabetic) Buttered Popcorn and Very Cherry Jelly Bellies for myself. You can’t order these online. They are only available in bulk from the factory store.

So Khalifa wanted to know if I could order another candy dispenser for the office so he could give that machine to his granddaughter. He’s the boss, how can I tell him no? As Mel Brooks said it so deftly in History of the World Part One “It’s good to be the King.” So yesterday while he was at the wake for his father, he informed Simi he needed the dispenser wrapped and sent to his granddaughter. So instead of taking the bags of jelly bellies on my shelf, they took the sugar free ones from my desk to fill the machine. These are really expensive and just not accessible to me over here. So I looked for my jelly bellies today. I have this routine, like Rainman, I take two buttered popcorn jelly bellies and two cherry jelly bellies once in the morning and once in the afternoon. So that’s 8 a day. I figured I had enough jelly bellies to last a year. Plus I had delicious Jelly Belly candy corns on my desk for insulin reactions. So Im looking for my Jelly Bellies and I couldn’t find them. I asked Simi if she knew what happened to them. She said yes, she took them off my desk and she filled them up in the machine and gave them to Khalifa’s granddaughter. The party was yesterday so the beans are long gone. I looked over to my shelf and said…why didn’t you take those? I explained the situation to her. She felt really bad and was apologizing profusely. I know its only Jelly Beans, but its probably going to be a year or two before I can get back to the factory in Fairfield, CA to stock up again. I felt my blood pressure rising. I just pointed to the door. I said its ok Simi…just go. So before I could really react and get angry…I calmed down. I guess it’s the principle of the matter. The crew has a tendency, that whenever Khalifa asks for anything they just react, and don’t think. He’s the boss, he deserves the respect, but he’s also a very reasonable man. They just don’t think sometimes. That’s what got me angry. These non-thinking mistakes have happened before. They are just jelly beans. I have to keep telling myself.

Then I was meeting a friend for dinner. I told the friend I was going to be 30 minutes late, but I told her a few hours before so that wasn’t a big deal. On the way there, I was stopped by a royal family entourage. When that happens the police block the roads so the royals don’t have to wait in traffic. I was sitting still in my car for 25 minutes. Again…starting to get angry. Finally I get to dinner. I tell the waiter my order three tiger praws and clam chowder. He repeats the order…I said no…I wanted three tiger prawns not five. So he repeats it again..5 tiger prawns. No, I want three…OK…three tiger prawns. I had him repeat it twice. So what did I have for dinner…five tiger prawns.

It was just one of those days. Im calm now. Its just different, the feeling of anger coming over me…especially when it has nothing to do with X. Its just such foreign emotion to me. Im not sure if I passed the test or not…but I didn’t lose it. Im glad this day is over…however.

That's what I like about you...

We had our positive living group tonight. It was a special one. I told everyone that it was the last one for a couple of weeks, because Im headed to the U.S. So my dear friend Mrs. India came by just to say goodbye. She was going home to India, so I won’t see her for nor her kids for about 6 weeks. She has invited me to come visit their family in India. I would love that, but im not sure if I can swing it. Mrs. India really means a lot to me. She is always so supportive and encouraging. I love her kids and her husband too. They don’t make too many families like this one. I went to her son’s birthday party the other day, which I blogged about. She told me that the little Donald Duck that I bought him has been with him non-stop since that time. That really made me feel good. You never know what a small little gesture will mean to someone. This was the topic of our group tonight. We watched a video where Joel was extolling the virtues of being an encouragement to someone. Just by saying something nice goes a long way to building up someone’s self esteem. After the video, I chimed in, and that’s why I love being a General Manager. Because I have a position of great authority, I can really speak blessings into my employee’s lives. I love giving them compliments, its an honor really. Then I told the group that I used to play this game with my kids, “That’s what I love about you…” Where we would all take turns and compliment each person what they loved about them. It was so special. Then Khalid spoke up, and said lets play that now. What a great idea, I was ashamed I didn’t think of it in the first place. This is after all a positive living group. So we all took turns telling what we liked/admired about each person in the room. Now, I have a healthy self-esteem to begin with, but hearing those positive things really made me feel great. Why wasn’t I doing this from the beginning? What an incredible tool to help people feel better about themselves. John Lowery, my former boss, did it at Design at Work and it worked brilliantly. Everyone likes to hear good things said about themselves. I don’t want to get into detail about what was said about me, but it revolved around the size of my heart. That made me feel great. If there is one thing I want to be known for is that I love others. I have very few enemies in this world and even that is something I’d like to fix someday if possible. But I love to love, and that is what I think God created us to do. Like I spoke the other day, two rules in life, Love God, Love your neighbor as yourself. That says both about loving someone else as much as it says have a good self-esteem. Its hard to love others when you don’t love yourself. That’s a key that I had to learn.

Im so anxious for the next positive living group in three weeks so I can play that game again.

We went to what would be considered a Muslim wake today for Khalifa’s father. It was a large hall with a bunch of men sitting against the wall in a large row. The women met in a separate location. As you entered you went down the procession shaking everyone’s hand. It was Khalifa’s job to stay there for the 2-3 days to receive all the guests. Khalifa is a popular man on the island. There were many many visitors and more were supposed to be coming later. They really honor family in Islamic cultures. Its really quite a beautiful thing. There are many thing which they can learn from the West, conversely there are many things that the West can learn from Islamic cultures as well. There should be a happy medium. Hopefully by the time I’m done here, I will have helped facilitate that happy medium.

One of the customs, which is very frustrating as a GM, is that no official work can get done in time of mourning. So for three days at KSDi we have to lock the doors, not answer the phones nor make phone calls, and not answer any email. Everything stops. Its hard to maintain a business that way, but I really love Khalifa and want to make sure that we honor his father in the right way. Im very very fortunate. I spoke with Omar at length at the wake, or Im not really sure what its called in Arabic. But I just really like all the kids. I feel as if Im a part of their family. Being separated from my own, that is even more important.

That said, I can’t wait to see my kids in a week. Its been far too long. I miss them like crazy.

Confederations Cup

Im hangin out at my friend Darren’s house. Darren and I are squash buddies. We played yesterday in fact. Boy after a day of kayaking and then an intense game of squash, I can hardly move today. Darren is engaged and is from Dallas. We go to church together and can relate on a number of different levels. Turns out he’s a real big sports fan as well. I was planning on a nice quiet evening but that had gotten blown up. Had a long chat with Ms. So Ca. She’s a flight attendant so she usually calls on layovers at certain airports. Turns out she’s a film buff too. So we have lots to talk about with the film industry. I was about to blog and head to bed when I checked out ESPN. The U.S. was up 1-0 in the Confederations cup against Brazil. What???? Is this even possible. I didn’t want to miss anything historic, and I don’t know how to get some of the channels on my TV, so I rushed over to Darren’s house to watch it with him. We watched the Superbowl together, so perhaps we are starting a major sports even precedent. Its nice having a friend you can just drop in on.

I had an early morning shoot at St. Christopher school. St. Chris is one of the nicer international schools here in Bahrain. There is a real melting pot of nationalities that go to the school. With the schools and the number of ex-pats here, this is a great place to raise a young family. We are doing a lot of work with St. Chris as our acting classes were at the school too.

Khalifa’s father passed away yesterday. He had been sick for awhile now. He was 101. As a sign of mourning, we have to make the office appear as if it closed for a few days. I think this is an Arabic thing This is a real hassle because we need to be busy at this point. So for three days we have to lock the door to the office, keep the phones on voicemail, and not initiate or respond to emails. When someone dies in a Muslim culture they are buried the next day. Its very fast. The graves are all unmarked. They don’t want to create any type of memorial for religious purposes. In death the Muslims want to emphasize that all men are equal in the sight of Allah. Its like that in the Mosques too. Where they pride themselves that all men no matter what race nor socioeconomic status can stand side by side to pray with other men. This is in stark contrast with the most of Arabic culture where racism even amongst Arabs themselves is very prevalent. Women are not allowed to pray with the men, they have their own smaller mosques. The process for preparing for prayer for the Muslim is interesting. They wash before they enter the mosques. With the amount of heat in the Middle East, cleaning themselves that many times a day really helps. Arabs are generally very clean people. You would think that it would be the opposite, but its not.

I can hardly concentrate. Brazil just scored the tying goal. Crap…I really wanted to watch something historic tonight. Oh well. I got a really nice email from my dear friend Adam, my best friend from High School. He has a type of blog as well. Adam influenced me positively in so many ways. One of things I used to do in high school is rewrite pop music with Christian lyrics…a la…Weird Al. I rewrote “Like a Virgin” to “Like a Christian” I performed that a few times at various chapels in high school and college. It was kind of fun. For Adam’s 18^th birthday, I rewrote “Careless Whisper” to “Painful Blister” since Adam and I were running buddies. I recorded it at a cheesy recording studio. It actually was pretty funny. Adam lost the original when a wayward housemate stole all of his stuff. I was a little sad, because I thought it was pretty good. I was actually thinking about that song last week when I heard Careless Whisper come on the radio. I was trying to remember the lyrics I rewrote. So imagine my surprise when I got this email. It really made me feel good:

"there was another flood last week. (the score is 5 floods, 3 fires) this time the waters came dangerously close to -among other things- a bag of cassette tapes of radio shows that i did with Jim, Roger and David which were given to me by Kerry and Jessica. for the best parts of two years they recorded our shows (direct from the radio to cassette) faithfully.

so... the possibility of losing these cassette tapes to the elements conspiring against me thrust me into a rather obsessive fit of digitizing these tapes. one audio gem discovered in this frenzy has been the long lost recording of Ricky Beeman singing 'Painful Blister'. he gave me the recording on my 18th birthday, i played it on WLUW four years later as part of the morning show i did with Jim Dommo. i 'lost' the cassette that Ricky originally gave me that first time i moved to New York.

about two months ago i was talking to someone in a coffee shop in Chicago when a woman recognized my voice and asked if i was the Adam Snow that used to be on the radio. this was Jessica. we talked awhile then she asked if she could bring me something a little later... when she returned she gave me a bag filled with tapes of shows recorded over two years that i was on the radio.

what a gift! i haven't laughed so hard in a long time. maybe you will too... the file size is big. it would be easier to upload it to my website and send you a URL so that you could stream it, i know... but i lost my website. my apologies.

a."

If you want me to email the mp3 to you, I’d be glad to do it. Just let me know.

Crap Brazil just scored again…Almost.

Wow...a two day weekend...

This is the first Saturday that I’ve had off in four months. Its been a pretty grueling schedule, but its fun while I work so it doesn’t sting as much. So I had two days off this weekend. I sure had a lot of fun. Yesterday I forgot to mention, I was invited to a couple of birthday parties. One for a 6 year old and the other for Muneer who’s I think 29. I was kind of surprised by the 6 year old party. His mother, who is a dear reader of this blog, called me at the last minute to tell me how special it would be for me to show up for her son. So I made it just at the end of the party. I was fortunate that I found a store just outside and bought a little Donald Duck stuffed animal. So I get to the party and the grown ups kept asking me which is your child? Um…..no, Im here for the cake and ice cream. So I kind of stood out, but still had a nice time. The 6 year old called me this morning to thank me for the gift and to also let me know that he slept with it last night. That actually made me feel great. I can’t have the day to day experiences with my kids at the moment, so this is a nice substitute. Muneer’s party was a little more different in that there were drunk people. Since I don’t drink, I am pretty lucid at these events. However, I tend to have meaningful conversations with people that are three sheets to the wind. Whey they sober up, they remember nothing about our conversation.

I was able to sleep in which was a blessing. Then I ordered delivery while I watch LOST in my underwear. Im a little sad because Im downloading Season 5 so Im almost at the end. I guess I’ll have to find something else to be obsessed with after this is over. Then I decided to something a little bit more on the riskier side. I went out kayaking in the middle of the day. It was 12:30 and about 115 degrees. Although its cooler in the water. The water in the shallow areas must have been up around 95 degrees. Once I got going I went all the way over to the other end of the bay. It was the same route I did yesterday, only I did it in 10 less minutes. But I was really knackered. I did take two bottles of water with me on the kayak but I needed more. By the time I got back I was absolutely gassed. I took a shower and rested for 20 minutes, then it was off to play my friend Darren at Squash at the British Club. Squash is a physically taxing game. We play three games, all very competitive. By the time we were done, we were both exhausted. After we sat and talked for a long time then decided to have dinner. We went to the pool. Some of those people shouldn’t be wearing speedo’s. (Picture me having a chill in my unpleasant flashback). It was nice being by the pool at Sunset. We were joined by several other people that went to the church. It was nice visiting with all of them.

I came home to rest for a bit, then got invited out to see Transformers 2 with a bunch of friends. Since I have a card that provides free drinks and popcorn, I bought everyone’s ticket (they paid me back). I love getting free stuff with that. As far as the movie…I shouldn’t have seen the 9:00 show, but I wanted to see my friends. I didn’t like the movie, which is strange because I like most Michael Bay movies. So its pretty late on a work night, so again Im going to cut this short. It was a great day, but im awfully tired.

A wholly satisfying day

It’s hard to top a day like yesterday. But still this one was wholly satisfying in a slow very relaxing way. I started my day off right with a long conversation with Ms. So. Ca. Since she was an actress in the industry for so many years we have plenty to talk about. Plus the spiritual journeys which we are both on fascinate us both. It’ll be interesting to see where this leads, but we’re both excited about meeting each other next week.

I had to get up to prepare my lesson for the teens at church. I went to my favorite breakfast haunt. My normal server was back from his 1 month holiday in India. I was glad to see him. So I prepared the lesson and went to church. The teens meet in someone’s house about a five minute walk from the church. We played a an improv game to warm them up, but they were very stiff. When I started the lesson, I felt compelled to just throw the book down and share from the heart. I did that and I feel like the Holy Spirit was directing me to share very specific things into these teens lives. I could see by the body language and eyes that I was getting through to them. One guy in particular after the meeting asked to talk to me. I love talking to teens. I think Im gifted at it.

I came back took a nap. I wanted to go kayaking this afternoon but needed to wait until 4 for the cooler weather. When I say cooler I mean 105 as opposed to 115. Still it makes a difference. This time out in the Kayak, I went directly across the bay. It was a long ride for me at 90 minutes total. Surprisingly I still had energy at the end. I got invited to three parties tonight, actually 4 but only made two. The first was an invitation only affair at a ritzy club, the second was a birthday/house party for the Funny Omanian. There were a lot of my friends there and it was nice to catch up with them. I really like this group I hang with at these parties. The dilemma is most of them are in their 20’s. Its just weird having most of my friends in that peer group. I came back early to write in this blog. I probably left the party about two hours after I had gotten there. It was fun reconnecting with them.

Im going to cut this short tonight. I can barely keep my eyes open and having a hard time stringing two coherent sentences together. We’ll chat more tomorrow.

An amazingly absolutely cool and incredible day

What an amazing, absolutely, incredible day. I was gripping hard last night as you might have surmised by my blog. As I was crying out to God, he basically said “chill”. So that’s what I did. I was gripping because Miss So. Ca hadn’t talked to me for 24 hours and my mind was racing. So I thought it was over…what…after 24 hours? In the etiquette world of online dating, you never really break up, you just stop responding to emails or calling, most of the time anyway. The thing is…as a result of my divorce I am incredibly emotionally insecure. When I feel attraction to someone, any time there is a break in the routine, my mind immediately thinks the worst that Im going to be abandoned again. This is what I have to deal with. God knows my heart, pain and struggle. Im pretty stable in every other way…except emotionally. I think its going to take the unconditional love of the right one to help me get over that. In the meantime God knows my heart and is helping me through. He said…don’t grip…just wait and call Ms. So. CA in the morning. I did that…and there was a perfectly rational explanation for us not talking. Keep in mind we are not in relationship yet, but I have a tendency to get obsessive, I think because of my insecurity, and that has a way of pushing girls away. Im working on it. So God gave me some really great words both for myself and Ms. So. CA. Im in her life right now, for whatever reason to encourage her. God is using me to speak to her. What an honor that is…yet again. I feel like Im God’s microphone.

So after the call, I took the kayak out. I went a little farther than normal into the bay. Then I just stopped at the halfway mark. I just drifted and was quiet. God then flooded me with thoughts and impressions. That’s my time to talk to God now. Out in the sea, with nothing surrounding me but total calm. He told me and reassured me about so many things. He does indeed have a plan for my life. He also told me a great many specific things that are soon to happen. But I can’t share those details. Like Joseph shouldn’t have shared all the details with his brothers. So then it was back to the shore. I got into the office a little bit early and had yet another great conversation with Ms. So. Ca. We were trying to finalize my short little trip out there before I see the kids. I’m not sacrificing anytime with the kids. X has them on some sort of vacation July 3-5, so Im flying into So. Ca to meet her then, and then over to Houston. Emirates flies non-stop to Houston or SF or LA. So I just had to change my ticket.

OK…the best part is coming up. I had a really good day as an executive at work. We have a very good team in the office. I could just feel God’s wisdom guide me as we navigated through some difficult decisions. But then I felt compelled to call The Romanian. I haven’t seen the Romanian for two months. I do talk to her fiancé now and then, he wants me to live in his villa on the water. Its like a small dream place. I’m probably going to do it…but more on that later. He really wants me to live there as he is building a bigger place.

The Fiance is in Kathmandu, so The Romanian and I went to dinner. It was cool. She is one of my best friends on the island. As I went to the restroom, I told God, give me a word for the Romanian. God spoke to me, She’s going to be a mom soon. Hmmm…that’s interesting, so specific. The Romanian had not talked about that subject ever. So when I returned one of the first things she said was, I want to be a mom. Whoa…for the next 45 minutes God gave me the exact specific words to speak into her life. She’s such a good soul. She always had an awareness of God, because her Grandmother had always prayed for her. Never discount the power of a praying parent or grandparent. She was having such a struggle the past few weeks because it was the time for her to sellout completely to God. So after dinner I drove her back to my flat and led her in the sinner’s prayer. A basic prayer, God forgive me of my sins, I ask you come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior. She did it, repeating after me, and I could sense such a relief in her. It was so refreshing. So for any of you that doubt that there is a God. Here’s some more really cool circumstances. Just yesterday I was listening to the podcast from Cornerstone Church in Livermore (my home church in CA) and the message from pastor Steve was all about discipleship. He was exhorting everyone to mentor/disciple someone in the community. So I prayed a little prayer not expecting it to get answered. I said, God give me someone to disciple. Then BOOM, a day later the Romanian and I connect. It’s so cool the way that God is using me out here. Every time I doubt just a little bit, something like this happens with someone. Im quite honored and blessed.

Wow..what a cool day.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Wouldn’t you know it. As soon as I get into my rhythm of teaching, the classes are coming to an end. Im actually kind of melancholy about it. Even the children I think I’m going to miss. I had one of the mom’s come up to me today. She said, 17 screaming children (well they weren’t screaming just then) I don’t know how you do it. The kids are very excited when they get to class so I can’t really blame them. Every week they make this thing of requesting what color shirt I wear the following week. They all have votes. So we made a game, and last week I had them give an impromptu speech of what I should wear and why. They gave me all the colors of the rainbow as requests. So I wore the secret weapon. I have this absolutely hideous multi-color fluorescent Hawaiian shirt of my father’s from the 60’s. When I say this is the worst thing ever created in terms of fashion, its not an exaggeration. The thing almost looks like you need to plug it in to recharge it. Both my parents and X (when I was married) tried to throw it away multiple times. But this thing is so hideous it’s a classic. So I walked into teach the class today and the kids went bananas. Then what really surprised me is that Tanya actually loved the shirt. She thought it was really sharp. I guess its so bad it transcends. Perhaps its also been a so many years it might has come back in style. Then for the rest of the day as soon as people see me, their eyes widen in disbelief. Mr. Blackwell (whom once chastised me for my attire—which quite flattered me) would be spinning in his grave. But after the shock lessens, they actually kind of like it. I’ll try to post a picture of it tomorrow.

I had grown especially fond of my teen class. They have such big dreams in their eyes. For someone to look at them and say I believe in you. That means the world to them. My friend Mr. Harlem, who has observed me teaching gave me an incredible compliment the other night. He said I was like the pied piper in those kid’s eyes. Everywhere I moved their eyes would follow me in admiration. They would do anything I would ask he said.. That is a great responsibility. It is also an incredible opportunity to subtly share my faith through action with these kids. Since this is a public forum in a Muslim country, I have to be very careful about proselytizing. But everyone who knows me, knows where I stand.

It’s with the adults that the most bonding has occurred. We have about 7 regulars. I think they are genuinely saddened that they aren’t going to see each other every week. What is amazing is the bond that had grown in just 2.5 months. What is nice is that I can see the confidence grow in each and every student. Not just acting confidence but overall self-confidence. Some improve a little but most improve a lot. Boy, I love what I do. We had a full page article written about us in the paper today. It helps when you give the editor two free scholarships ;o) It was very positive coverage. What we are doing is good work, now we just have to keep focused on the cash flow side of things.

I got all finished up with LOST last night…kind of. I burned through Season Four. I guess I don’t have that much of a social life to be able to watch four seasons, or 96 hours worth in 5 weeks. Wow…that is kind of sad isn’t. I don’t really feel lacking in the friends department. There usually is always a party of three that I’m invited to. But I was having this talk with God today. I’m tired of being alone. Im ready for a relationship. I have many many many friends that happen to be of the opposite sex. But I’m just so dang picky. Perhaps even too much so. Im pretty certain I could go out and meet someone tomorrow, but I want that person to be God’s best. Im holding out for that to happen. I would rather do that than settle. Thus I guess I have to learn to be patient when all I want to do is scream out…Hurry Up God. I know the verse in Isaiah, “Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” I feel like I’ve been waiting on the Lord for the last four years now. I know this seems like quite a contradiction to last night’s blog, where I extolled the virtues of “Seek First” and everything will work itself out. But I get weary sometimes. I also believe its ok to cry out to God and say, you know what..I’m weary. He understands. He made us for relationship. So that’s what I’ve been doing today. I’ve been talking to God saying, Im sick of being alone…can you hurry up please? I did this respectfully certainly not in defiance. God knows where Im coming from. He desires to be our friend, so that is how I was speaking. I try to be pretty transparent on the blog. Im not perfect. I hope my words don’t imply that I am above or beneath anyone. But I also think its important for Christians to show their vulnerability. How else are we going to reach out to the rest of the world. If we take this air of superiority I think that puts too much distance between us and the people we are trying to reach. Rather if I’m honest about my flaws, I think people think, hey that’s just like me, I go through that too. I think that opens us up to be more influential, by being real. So here Goes. I know God has a plan for my life, and I’m living out a pretty wonderful dream life as it is. But I long to be married again to have a family. That’s my pain that I have to endure. That is where I have to trust God. Its like do I believe part of the Bible or all of it. If I believe all of it, then I do know that whatever happens will be for my good. The hard part is the waiting.

Dream Big

I am a real creature of habit. There are so many different types of food and restaurants here, yet Im content going to the same places and ordering the same exact thing. The only real variety is which day I’ll go to which regular spot. I think I have about 15 regular eating spots. One of those is Dairy Queen. On Sunday quite by happenstance I stumbled into a Dairy Queen for lunch. I was quite surprised that it was the first of a three day customer appreciation event. Everything on the menu was ½ off. Since that point, I have eaten at Dairy Queen seven straight times. It doesn’t end there. Yesterday I took the South African there for lunch. For dinner, I bought everyone in my Positive Living Group dinner from there. And for lunch today, I bought everyone in the office their own meal from Dairy Queen. I needed and excuse, and that excuse was that it was the first day for our new sales person.

Now its an interesting thing with Indians. Most of them don’t make enough money to afford fast food so they are not used to eating it. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it was quite a treat for them today. The most interesting guy was Ahmed our driver. He’s a stubborn old guy that’s been with Khalifa for 15 years. He’s very loyal, and always does his job. He won the Indian lottery once, and used his savings to buy the world’s worst toupee. He’s a very funny character and I’ve learned to really like him a lot. He was complaining when I was sending around the menu to take everyone’s order. He would rather just have the $6 I would have spent on him, so he could go buy briyani for .50. Sorry Ahmed it doesn’t work like that. If I want to treat these people I will. I know $6 doesn’t sound like much, but when you spread it out over nearly 20 employees, I can’t do it all the time. Plus it was half price so that gave me even more incentive. Culture shock got to me when he refused to make an order. Simi told me that Ahmed doesn’t like sandwiches. What????? Who doesn’t like sandwiches? Apparently a lot of Indians. I guess it is western thing to eat with bread to keep the meat from getting on your hands. That’s not a problem with Indians, they eat with their fingers, so of course its going to get on their hands. What do you need bread for? Its just a different clashing of cultures again. I find it incredibly fascinating. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. I think it made the new sales guy feel very welcome.

God has really been speaking to me lately…not just for others but for myself. In this time of financial insecurity with the recession I’ve done the only thing I know how to do. That is to “Seek First the Kingdom….” It’s a funny thing whenever I do that, everything seems to work itself out. Im not sure If I shared this before. I always repeat myself as I am my father’s son. But I think the life of the Christian should be a simple one. The beauty is in the simplicity of God’s design. God created us for one purpose, relationship. So for that relationship he essentially gave us two rules, love the Lord your God will all your heart, soul and mind and then Love your neighbor as yourself. That’s it. All the rest are details to fine tune your life. But if you just do those two aforementioned tasks everything else is easy. If you are seriously following God, then all the details that the Bible mentions, like the 10 commandments, the Beatitudes, Paul’s instruction etc… that all becomes second nature. Loving God, and loving others makes its really easy to do all the details even to the point where you don’t have to think about it. I think its “us” that makes it all the more complicated. Like you have to jump through all these religious hoops to earn your salvation. Its not that way. Salvation, Joy, Peace, they’re all gifts. We mess it up. That’s why Im not a huge fan of organized religion. Organized religion serves a purpose, but sometimes legalists get too involved with the rules and the didactic interpretation of those rules. I grew up with those rules, and they were burdensome. Now that Im overseas and seeing life from a totally different perspective I see the beauty in God’s plan. I have enough. Im content with what I have. I’m positive it’s all a result of “Seek First….” I think that’s my message to the world now. Follow those two rules…the rest is down hill. That’s not say you won’t have troubles…but “Seeking First…” will give you the solutions to all those troubles before they weigh you down. Im pretty fortunate the amount of enlightenment that God has shared with me over here. He’s always been urging me to this point, he just had to have me isolated in order for me to really receive it. Now I believe its my calling to share what I’ve learned with the rest of the world through media. It’s an awesome responsibility that I have to keep reminding myself that I am capable and worthy of doing. Miss So. Ca said two words to me the other day that have been resonating with me even since. She said…”Dream Big.” I’ve always been a dreamer…and now I’m trying to dream bigger than ever.

One is enough

We just got finished with another Positive Living Class. This time there were four of us. Im not really that interested in numbers anymore. I worked for churches and missions organizations that were so pre-occupied with the amount of people that raised their hands to rededicate their lives, or give their lives to Christ. It was like a Christian scorecard. I was at meetings where Pastors..Godly men…would almost brag about how many got saved during their services. Of course they would figure out how to do this in humility. One particular meeting, I got fed up. I said you know all this talk of numbers is a little discouraging. When I was a missionary and I took my entire family to Taiwan. I firmly believe it was to save one guy. That man’s name is Kidd. You know what? One was enough for me. That God loved this one guy so much that he moved an entire family across the world just to use us to lead one person to Christ. If anything illustrated the parable of the lost sheep this was it. The parable where the shepherd left the 99 to find the one lost sheep. We lived that parable as a family. It was a beautiful and poetic thing. The valuable thing wasn’t about saving that one person. It was what happened to me in the process of being used. I was forever changed. You see that is the beauty about missions/God work that most people don’t understand. The more you think you are helping others the more you are getting in return. God always blesses you more than what you are giving out. When I got done with little monologue there rest of the staff pastors didn’t know how to react really. But I got my point across.

So between the three and myself that showed up tonight, God was here. There are some hurting people that know that this is a place of respite and encouragement. Because of my position as teacher/general manager/group leader people tend to open up to me more than usual. Its an honored position which I’m glad to accept. To much is given much is required. I better be sure to stay on the right track. I have tools in my life that Im using to make sure that happens.

I went out to lunch today with a co-worker. This co-worker is a great young kid. But God really spoke to me about him. So I explained the whole word of knowledge thing to him. And I said, God spoke to me about you six months ago, but I just didn’t feel the timing was right to speak into your life at the moment. It’s a little bit awkward since Im his Boss. I don’t want to unduly use my influence. So I told him exactly what the Lord had placed on my heart for him. He indicated that I was right on the money. That is indeed what the Lord would have him hear. So that was confirmation again. So God is using me out here…but not on a large scale basis. I believe that will come with time. I still believe I am going to change the world. I’m going to change it on a massive scale through the media. But right now God is calling me to change it one person at a time. You know what…that is enough for me.

We hired two new sales people today. I was a little worried that they would accept the offer but they did. They were really glad and enthusiastic to do it as well. I just have to adjust to the money here. What isn’t a lot in the states, is a lot here. I am doing well, but that is in large part because the cost of living is so low here.

Im so excited about seeing my kids in two weeks. I have to work around X’s schedule. By court decree she reserved July 3-5, so I can’t see them then, even though I have that weekend off. So instead I’m probably headed to Los Angeles to meet Miss So. Ca. I know I know…stop me if you’ve heard this before. But one of these times, its going to hit. Miss So. Ca was an actress for years in Hollywood and her dreams is to write screenplays. Hmmmmmm…. Very interesting. We just have a lot of fun talking to each other. Plus its always fun when God speaks a word to me for her. She’s going to have an incredible ministry someday that will bless thousands. Its very nice to be able to speak that prophetic word into her life.

Word of Knowledge

Its hard to figure out what to write tonight. My head is going in a million different directions. I know that God is control. I just have to do what Im telling Ms. So. CA to do, Wait on the Lord and wait patiently for him. Do not fret because of Him who prospers in his way.” That’s from Psalms. I try not to feel sorry for myself too much. It was ultimately my choice to come over here after God’s prompting. I know Im here because God wants me here but he never forces us to do anything. Man plans his way but God directs his steps. Maybe my way was to do some sort of ministry work in my professional field and God led me here. I know Im supposed to be here during this season.

God really has been doing some amazing things in my life. I have told you that God speaks to me. At first I thought it was just for me, but the more that I look back, He has often given me words for others. I think I realized that I do have a spiritual gift. It is the Word of Knowledge. God has always spoken to me, but it took the refining fire of walking towards God through my divorce to really make it real and intense. I have to be extremely careful of who I tell that to. I can’t say…Hey you know what, God speaks to me…they might put me in the Looney bin. Wait I already say that…Im not in the Looney Bin yet…weird. Like when God revealed himself to Joseph. What God said was true…but he probably shouldn’t have told His brothers “Hey guess what, you’re going to be bowing down to me someday.” So God tells me some things I don’t share with people. But lately he’s been opening up the faucet giving me words for others. I like that…it’s a great responsibility. Here is Wikipedia’s definition of Word of Knowledge:

A Word of Knowledge is a spiritual gift mentioned in 1 Corinthians 12:8 but not in any other New Testament list of spiritual gifts. Among apostolic and prophetic Christians it is often taught to be a gift of knowledge given by the Holy Spirit to one individual for the benefit of another, as opposed to a prophecy which is usually for a congregation, an individual, or a nation. The message is given to the Christian via specific verses in the Bible, through dreams and visions, or by an immediate realization and understanding.

I remember going to several different church services, especially one particular one at Regent University when I was in Grad. School. A man was either a prophet or had the Word of Knowledge and he was prophesying over others. He would pick people out of the crowd and tell them very specific things. I wanted him so badly to prophesy over me, but he never did. I wanted direction, I wanted God to speak to me through him. I was quite disappointed when he didn’t. Maybe God was speaking to me at the time, I just didn’t know how to listen. It is just ironic, what I wanted the most from that man, God is now giving me to give to others. I think this realization has been made clear to me this week by talking to Miss So. CA. I think God wanted to get my attention that I had this gift…officially so to speak. I think the reason why is for The Music Man, my dear friend from church. God spoke so many things through me into the Music Man’s life when I first met him 6 months ago. He was really really down, and everything I told him to encourage him he didn’t accept. Like it was too good to be true. Yet as the Music Man and I were talking last night before I drove him to the airport. Everything I had told him six months ago has come to pass. Its not over yet for him. But if God has started a work in Him…this realization is encouragement that he will finish the job. God gave me a word for the Music Man yesterday that was pretty serious and pretty important. I had to tell him this before he left. So I told him, and he just had a look of comfort on his face. It turns out God had told him the same thing a few hours earlier. This was confirmation to him. Anytime that God has something really important to tell us, he will confirm it through two or three witnesses. So that is how God used me last night.

I started out pretty depressed when I started this blog. I’ll probably explain tomorrow. But now that I’ve finished it, my spirits have been lifted. There is no greater honor that being used by God to accomplish His purposes. Im blessed.

A tale of two halves

A tale of two halves. Today could have been a challenging day…but it wasn’t. I got up early and had a long kayak ride. I’m so digging the kayak thing. I think Im the fittest (well at least on the upper body) than I’ve ever been. Kayaking is so different from lifting weights. Lifting is made up a several excruciating short bursts of pain. While Kayaking is more of a slow, long, consistent methodical burn. Both are challenging and both have their rewards. What I like about the kayak is that it is so calm and peaceful. Its very meditative. Plus its nice that I can physically measure my progress by going a little further each day. Plus…on a purely superficial level. I got this cool ego boost today. I drive around with my kayak in the car. I put the front seat down and put the kayak in the back, and it fits perfectly. The problem is I can only have one passenger and they have to sit in the back. So as I was walking into teach the children in the acting class day seminar, I was reflecting on my kayak ride. How cool is a director that teaches a bunch of kids, that also goes Kayaking. That is a pretty cool life. Im very blessed. Max, with whom I had several great conversations lately told me, You do some really cool things over there. I don’t think anyone in the world could have given me a greater compliment. To have one of your children (especially with all the well-chronicled things that have happened) to be proud of their dad…well that simply is an answer to prayer. Another answer to prayer is that Max seems to be doing well. For all the complaining I’ve written about X…deep down, I know that she’s a good mother and loves the kids. That is all I can really ask for at this point.

So I had about 12 kids for my day seminar all ranging in age from 5-11. It was a challenge at first because they were very nervous about getting in front of the camera and each other. That lasted all of 30 minutes. The shy kids that didn’t want to even leave their seats at first, were the first ones to try to wrestle their way up to be part of the games. It was quite a transformation. Im using the tools that God has given me to individually enhance these kids lives in a small way. By building their self-confidence, esteem, and awareness, helps them not just in acting but life. The fact that they all had a blast in doing it, makes it even more worthwhile. I know I’m very good at what I do. The 6 hours I had teaching the class just flew by. Parents started coming by to watch their kids about 1.5 hours before the end of the class. They were all really pleased. The Bahrain Cinema Club where we were holding the classes gave us nice collared Bahrain Cinema Club polo shirts, mini-clap boards, keychains, and coffee mugs to give to the kids. I was really impressed with them. After the class most of the parents came up to thank me. They were all impressed with what they saw.

Then it was across town to the showcase for the other acting classes. First it was the teens in the Saturday class. We had about 40-50 people in the theater watching the performances. Despite a few minor technical glitches, it was a big hit. Manoj our editor did a great job editing together the clips, and Manu our designer made some incredible bumpers and graphics. I think the parents and the teens were blown away. After they all personally came up to me to thank me for the difference I was making in their children. Even the teens said the same thing. We had this very special emotional bond that will probably last a lifetime. I still fondly remember some of my more influential teachers in High School, I think I’ll have the same effect with these kids. I’m very honored to be in that position. Im incredibly proud. That’s when things took a downturn. I got this incredibly nasty text from one of my very unhappy adult students. Im not even going to give her a nickname. She was very unhappy with the course and let me know through a series of bad text messages. I showed some of the Texts to Simi…and I said…she’s talking to me like she’s my ex-wife. That got a laugh. I feel bad for this particular student. Some of the things she said had merit, but the rest of it she was venting. It’s sad when people are unhappy with their own life choose something else to channel their frustration out on. So I took what she said with a grain of salt. I’ll take to heart the valid points and leave everything else behind. I’ve taught just over 1000 students over my career. I’ve had two really complain about my style. That’s a pretty good record. Well the second girl came around in the end. But I have a feeling this complaining student would have complained no matter what the teacher. So now, emotionally I have a choice. Do I listen to the one criticism and let that affect me…or the 99 praises. I’ll stick with the 99 and let that define who I am as a teacher. I’ll still work on that one however.

Jai Ho and the surprise cry

One of the reasons I didn’t stay out too late at the parties on Thursday night is that I had church Fri. morning. Periodically Im on the schedule to teach the teens. I really enjoy that. I feel like I have a lot of practical wisdom to share with them. I so enjoy being used of God that way. Anytime God uses you for any purpose, he blesses you immeasurably.

So after church I went off to Fuddrucker’s and I took my laptop with me. Nothing makes a good cheeseburger better than sharing it with good friends. When good friends aren’t available, nothing makes it better than a laptop with LOST season 4. Only two more seasons to go and my obsession will come to an end.

I was excited last night. My friend Ghassan who is one of my acting students and a member of the Bahrain 10, the improv troupe competing in The Funniest Person in Bahrain contest. Join the group on Facebook for more info. Ghassan invited me to Lebanon, his home next weekend. I thought about it, then I thought it would be a great idea. Tickets are only about $100 roundtrip, and I could go without missing any work. Then I remembered I made a commitment to teach the teens again next week. I don’t want to back out of that. So it looks like Im going to have to cancel any Beirut dreams. Hopefully next time. That’s an advantage of being here. I have personal invitations from many many friends to visit their homes throughout Europe and the Middle East. Well…Australia and South Africa too…but I can’t do weekend trips there.

I took the Kayak out in the afternoon. It was very windy today. The gulf was choppier than I had ever seen it. There were even a few white caps. So, I paddled and paddled and felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere, which I wasn’t. The wind was so strong I had to put in triple effort to get even to half the distance. I even almost capsized a few times by errant waves catching me off guard. I tried to stay close to the shore, but that was kind of tricky too. The strong wave and current concentrated all the jellyfish. I truly was in Jellyfish fields with about 100 of them surrounding me. I certainly didn’t want to capsize then. But even though I didn’t get too far, it was still a nice workout.

I called Tanya to see if she and Raimond wanted to see “Up” with me. I just have a hard time seeing a kids movie without kids, and I’m really starting to love Tanya’s kids since I don’t have my own with me. Yasmina, is about 8 and in my acting class. She’s a brilliant actress like her mom. Sebastian is about 5 and cute as can be. Raimond is also a great guy, always smiling and positive. This is just a great family.

On my way to the movie theater, something really stranged happened to me. A.R. Rahman’s Jai Ho…the one with the PussyCat Dolls in English came on the radio. As I listened to that song at a traffic light in the middle of Bahrain I started balling. Why was I crying…Am I losing it? I don’t think so, but some would argue. I think what got me emotional is both the love story from Slumdog, and the fact that is the type of movie I feel called to produce in Bahrain. I know I whine about the pain of my divorce. But one of the things that I miss about not being married is having someone to adore and cherish. I am greatly looking forward to love and be loved again. The feeling you get when you get lost in someone’s eyes. I think the reason why I was crying, was that I was so thankful to God that he is carrying all my tears in His bottle. It was a very positive feeling. I know God is taking care of every detail in my life and that includes all the emotional details. He cares about me in that manner. I know I will have a woman to love…soon. I’m anxious…as you all know. But God speaks not just to me for others…but also speaks to me. He just reassured me from all the insecurities with the recession and cash flow issues at work. He spoke to me…that my dreams were still on track and that includes having a passionate love with someone out there. Right now…at this moment…God is enough. But he knows the desires of my heart.

I posted some of our pictures from our picnic on the island on facebook. You can visit the link to get there. Please feel free if you want to peruse and see other pictures of Bahrain. If you are on facebook, and are not my friend…add me.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=130641&id=751722138&l=3f2555e88f

Don't just do something, stand there!

We’re going through a tough time financially at KSDi. It’s a cash flow thing. Not having an effective sales team the last six months or so is really catching up to us in a big way. My problem is that I relied upon my sales team so much that I neglected my role in the sales department. I trusted them too much. When they say General Manager, they really mean a jack of all trades. I so enjoy being just on the creative end. But I do have a gifting when it comes to being a producer and in sales. Im certain everything is going to wind up ok. God wouldn’t have brought me around the world to fail. Or perhaps looking on the bright side I’ve already accomplished my purpose, which I don’t think is the case. There is a plan unfolding before me almost on daily basis.

Im on this Christian Dating website. I meet plenty of girls in Bahrain, but you can count the amount of Christian girls here on one hand, and that would be the Simpson’s hand with three fingers. I do believe in the equally yoked thing. I just haven’t met that many beautiful, intelligent, sexy, Christian girls on this island yet…go figure. I don’t really like to go out to clubs anymore because of the drinking. Im really not lonely so that’s great. But going online, I’ve established a lot of really good friends over the last few years. Which is nice. I guess that either makes me a depressing or just on the cutting edge of a new generation. Plus the online thing totally plays to my strengths…Im a professional writer. I remember my buddy lets call him Mr. Mexican, (he wound up becoming a missionary) he was trying to woo a girl through the online correspondence thing. He wanted help. So I would pen his emails for him. They were quite hilarious. What we were doing was a modern day Cyrano De Bergerac thing. So I started to talking to this one girl…lets call her Miss So. CA. since she’s from Southern California. Miss So. Ca and I had one long talk. We mainly talked about me and my issues. She really didn’t share that much about herself. Then the next day during my quiet time on the kayak in the Gulf, I was talking to God. I said God tell me something for Ms. So. CA so I can encourage her. He was very specific with me. He told me that she was spiritually exhausted. She had been spinning her wheels for so long in her pursuit of God she was drained in every aspect. What she was supposed to do was just rest in the Lord and wait patiently for him. It was pretty clear. The message was “Don’t just do something…stand there.” So I was a little nervous telling this to Ms. So. Ca on just our second conversation. What if I was wrong. I would surely look foolish. So I decided to go out on a limb and tell her. She started crying. It turns out that is exactly what she had been doing for the last three years. My target was right on the money. Wow…God is good. Then I told her that the last three years weren’t a waste for her. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon, the struggle to get out of the cocoon builds up the strength of the caterpillar during the metamorphosis. If you try to help out the struggling caterpillar and make a small incision so it would be easier for it to get out, the butterfly will get out but it will soon die because it lacks the strength to fly. So that is what Ms. So Ca is going through right now…she’s fighting her way out of the cocoon. If that wasn’t confirmation enough. She said, everyday on her dresser she sees this inspirational message about a caterpillar fighting his way out a cocoon to be the beautiful butterfly. Why is this significant? Why is it important I share this with Miss So. Ca whether or not this turns into anything except an online friendship? Because I am that caterpillar. I fought my way out of the cocoon, by the Grace of God. Now I’m not just soaring like a butterfly…but like an eagle. Am I egotistical in saying that?…absolutely not. I think God wants to use me as an example. If I can get through the excruciating pain of the past three years and then soar as He has always intended then others can too. That is why God is bringing scores of people into my life that need encouragement. Im honored that he has chosen me to do this. So whether or not this job in the Middle East (don’t freak out mother) goes away, I know that God intends me to soar wherever I am…and not look back.

ADDENDUM
I was worried I was becoming a little anti-social with my preference for staying home and watching LOST and chatting/phone calls with cyber friends. But…I was invited to three parties tonight…not at clubs. So I figured I should go. The first one was for the Dutch Girl’s birthday at a ritzy Japanese restaurant. I thought the party was at 8, but apparently it was 9. So I waited until 9:45 then I bolted. Its an American thing to be on time here. But everyone else comes late. That bugs me. So I went to party #2 at my friend’s house. I stayed for about 90 minutes, chatted with friends then left. Party #3 was at a rooftop pool in Amwaj, a series of man made islands made up canals. A lot of people at this party. I met some cool people. So I’m glad I ventured out. Now…back to LOST.

Sense Memory

It was Wednesday so another long day. I only have two of these 14 hour days left so the light is at the end of the tunnel. I do enjoy teaching. But it seems like that is the only aspect which I talk about my work. I think it’s the aspect that brings me the most fulfillment because I can see people growing and developing themselves. For the adult class I decided to get involved tonight. There is this technique I use called Sense Memory. You go back to a place in your past and your remember the sensory elements of that place. Stuff like sights, smells, sounds, touch, taste are the elements. If you go experience the sensory elements that somehow triggers a real emotional response. Now normally this takes about 10-15 minutes to build up with beginning actors. I take them on a guided meditation. Its not really hypnosis but its similar. It’s really powerful. The idea is that the more you do this exercise the better you become at it and you transition easier. So you can achieve an emotional response in 20-30 seconds if you are really good and practiced up.

So I decided to give it a whirl. Since, Im teaching I didn’t want to take too much time warming up. So I only had about 30 seconds and I did a sense memory of when my grandfather died. I wanted to go first as an example. I wasn’t really feeling emotional at first. But the more that I told his story the more choked up I became. Im thinking…the sense memory stuff works. So I start crying when I’m telling this story. As an actor…being able to cry on cue is really the ultimate. It surprised me, but the performance was really passionate and real. After I was finished, Nishad, the camera guy came over with a big smile on his face and shook my hand in congratulations. I think he was moved, even though he probably didn’t understand most of what I said. Im really starting to like Nishad. He’s a funny guy, but doesn’t speak hardly any English.

Two other girls went next and they both were reluctant at first and got very emotional. It was a very nice class. I was proud of my students. They are really progressing.

I got a call from Max today. He was returning my call from Yesterday. I called Spence for his birthday. We had a really nice conversation. I love my kids. I think all your prayers for them are working.

I’m going to cut this short. Thanks for your support.

crap...I forgot to post this yesterday...sorry...."an average day"

Today I have to consider an average day. So…with the way my life has been going, an average day has to be considered a bad day, and that’s a good thing. My father always says, may the best of your yesterdays be the worst of your tomorrows. Or was it the worst of your yesterdays be the best of your tomorrows. Either way…I’ll take the optimistic route. So that’s where I am. I have so many good days out here, when I have an average that is a anomaly. I’m not going out much with friends more. I don’t think Im a loner, I’m not lonely. I have many very good acquainstances here. And very good acquainstances on this island translates to good friends back home, since everything is more intense here. I can call up a number of friends to go out with If need be, but I generally like the solititude. That is soooooo different than when I first got here. I needed friends in the worst way, and was very lonely. Now I’m acclimated and thus far…God has been enough. I came home had leftover steak from my night out with the Dutch Girl and watched an episode of LOST. That is a pretty cool day.

Im nearing about 10,000 hits on this blog. I’m somewhat amazed by that since I’ve only been counting since January. Im flattered really that there are so many readers. It does give me a sense of purpose. I hope Im inspiring people outside of this tiny island. I had a couple people email me…oh yeah, if you do want to email me for any reason my address is rickbeeman@mac.com You don’t necessarily have to leave an anonymous comment to get my attention. I do love the comments (most of the time) and have never deleted one, good or bad. So one of the people emailed me that was reading the blog. I asked, Why do you read. They responded because you have an interesting life. That really made me feel good. I do have an interesting life. I walked into the edit bay today and the Indians were all there. Nishad took a picture of himself and doctored it up in photoshop. It was hilarious. We all had a good laugh about that. How cool is that cross-culturally to bond with people from all over the world. I love Indians, and Im starting to love Filipinos too. They are considered the working class here in Bahrain. When I went to Steak Escape tonight, the chef and I got into a conversation. He knows Im a regular there. I made a little bit of a protest when the said the management won’t allow them to give free refills on the drinks anymore. What???? Don’t they know who I am…lol. Not having free refills is enough for me to move on…but I do love that place. So, he was apologizing about the decision and we got to talking. He asked me where I was from, told me his girlfriend was from Vacaville. It was genuine conversation. I know that happens in Texas and the South sometimes, but rarely in California. It was refreshing. People really care about people out here.

We are hiring a sales manager so we had a lot of interviews this week. Its hard for me because I want to hire everyone. So people are getting laid off of work a lot here. So there are plenty of good candidates. Since I’ve been here, I’ve been able to pay off all my debts which is good. So I made a deal with Nader. I am going to take less in monthly salary, Im overpaid anyways (if you compare me to the rest of the staff, But don’t tell Nader that…lol) So Im taking less so we can make an offer to two sales people. It’s not much so don’t go signing me up for any Mother Theresa awards. I just want the company to get in a more healthy financial position. The last sales manager didn’t make any sales so that was four months of no new income. It kind of put us in a little bit of a whole. So Im going to be aggressive in trying to dig us out of it. I want the company to grow into the largest production company in the Middle East. Once we hit a targeted amount of cash reserves then I’ll go back to my normal salary. Now this is my choice. So my mother doesn’t have to freak out about it. I do like the little bit of extra cash to be a blessing to others. That’s my goal, to be stinkin rich, so I can give it all away. Its really a blessing to be able to do that.

A near perfect no...lets say ideal...life

I’ve been on quite a good run lately.  Im a pretty fortunate guy.  Other than the emotional department, I’m living a pretty darn good life.  I’m very appreciative of it, especially considering the depths of despair I climbed out of the past three years.  But what rings in my head is the vision that I had sitting across from the South African and his wife a few months ago when he had the look of panic in his face, but was gripping onto his wife’s hand.  He had just lost his job, had his bank account frozen, and his credit cards cancelled.  All in the span of a day.  Now he had 30 days to figure out if he was moving back to South Africa, with no money, and having to pack up a house full of stuff, or stay in Bahrain and find another position in the midst of the recession.  I looked at him, and I don’t think he really grasped it.  I said Casper, (he said I could use his name) I know you are in a sense of stunned panic right now.  You probably feel like your world is caving in.  But you have a lovely wife sitting by your side holding your hand.  I have a secure and great job, popularity, and a great future, I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat.  What you have money just can’t buy.  I was absolutely sincere.  As you remember everything turned out fine for Casper and his wife.  Two weeks later they found out they were pregnant, and a week after they left for a great job in one of the nicest/resort areas of South Africa.  God totally was directing his steps.  What was cool is that God used me in that situation to help Casper make sure he stayed focused.  I was a little worried about going out on a limb with Texas Girl yesterday.  I chatted with her to make sure she wasn’t offended by what I had to say.  She told me no, and she cried.  Crap!!! I made someone else cry?  No it was a good cry she assured me.  What that told me is that the words that God had for me for her…were 100% on the mark.  Im so honored to be used of God that way.  So that gets me back to my life.  Yes, I’m living a good life, but its still a little bit empty.  Im on an amazing adventure.  But its just not the same without that special someone to share it with.  Ideally, I’d love my kids, but that isn’t an option at this point.  So someday, I’m going to meet that girl.  And if I keep going with my faith (Seek First the Kingdom stuff) Then the perfect day…could very well turn into a perfect life.  So right now, it’s a mostly perfect life.  I count my blessings.  Because three years ago, I was convinced I would never be happy again.  My how things change. 

Now I know this all sound Pie in the Sky and Pollyannaish.  But that’s who I am.  I can honestly say there times and moments in Los Angeles when I was still married and the kids were younger that I experienced this “perfect life.”, and I experienced it often.  Well…I experienced it when I was employed, which was about half the time during the LA years.  I really thought I was living a perfect life, beautiful wife, healthy beautiful kids (my kids were involved with commercials, tv and film, so it wasn’t just the proud father talking).  Then I experienced it in Oklahoma, Taiwan, and Saudi Arabia.  I think that is how God designed life to be.  When you live your life right, you really get the desires of your heart.  I’ve been fortunate that most every job I’ve had for the last 15  years I’ve absolutely loved.  So that helps too.  So when I had this “perfect life” taken away from me.  That’s why it was so devastating.  Now that I feel like Im getting back again.  Im very happy about that.  But the icing on the cake will be when I fall in love again.  You longtime readers know, I fall in love at the drop of hat, which isn’t too healthy or rational or normal.  I think it’s a consequence from my woundedness of the divorce.  But fortunately for me.  God has protected me from potentially bad emotional situations.  God is indeed directing my steps. 

Now I sitting here waiting to see if anyone will show up for my Positive Living group.  I’ve had a bunch of people tell me that can’t come.  Am I discouraged, no.  I do have three bags of food from Steak Escape for dinner in case anyone does show up.  If they don’t.  Im going to enjoy a great meal by myself…and a marathon session of LOST.  Im a winner either way.  I think that is how God designed it to be. 

Addendum…as soon as I wrote that last line, I had four people walk in the door all at once.  So I served American Food tonight, which consisted of Cheesesteak sandwiches.  So a new guy came, lets call him Professor Harlem.  He’s an older guy that is turning out to be one of my good friends.  We have a lot in common.  He worked in the film industry in New York, and he worked at Aramco the year before I got there.  We have the same mutual friends.  Plus we are doing the acting classes out of the university where he teaches.  He was also on the creative team of Schoolhouse Rock if you remember that.  I’ve always been a huge fan of that.   Professor Harlem (ok…he’s from Harlem too) came last week and stayed for the food, but had to leave because of an appointment.  This week he came had a great time, but when it came time to watch the Osteen video, he was a little taken aback.  I could tell he was uncomfortable.  He said…is this religious?  In our conversations thus far, he’s made it clear he’s no fan of religion.  So he felt uneasy but stayed all the same.  It turns out that two of the girls had watched the DVD before.  I felt bad, I’ve seen them all since I went to that church for so many years.  But I’ve forgotten who has watched which video since we have different people come each week.    But I think it was providence that we watched it again.  Both girls said they were glad because they watched at different places in their lives and they needed to hear the message again.  They got different things out of it this time.  But Professor Harlem was the most excited.  He kept thanking me and telling me how much he enjoyed it.  He wound up taking some pamphlets, a CD series and a DVD series.  I think God spoke to him.  His body language when he left was totally different then when the video started.  You know what the great thing is.  I didn’t have to say the “J” word (Jesus) once.  The Holy Spirit did all the work.  I just made myself available and he spoke to people tonight.  Man, I like this life.