I feel like I have so much more time on my hands now that Im not writing in the blog everyday. I think it was good for season in my life. I know that it is what God called me to do. Perhaps I inspired some of you, perhaps it will turn into a book someday. Either way I enjoy chronicling my experience. Hopefully now that Im down to once or twice a week it will be meatier…rather than just trying to fill in the slow days. Then again I haven’t had a lot of slow days since I’ve been here. It has been a continuous adventure. At first when I started this blog it was meant to be a chronicle of cultures as I wanted to share my viewpoints of the Middle Eastern/Arab culture and how it differed from the West’s stereotype. Then it became more of a spiritual journey as I healed from my divorce. Perhaps God was having me live through the pains and despair again through this blog to showcase his faithfulness with the great comeback story and my fairytale romance with Jennifer. I decided once I met Jennifer not dwell on the divorce or the tough relationship with my children. I think that is the best move. I do love them dearly and hope we can have a restored relationship again someday. But what I want the theme to be more than anything in this blog and in my life is that God redeems and is faithful no matter what the race or creed you happen to be.
Im sitting in a packed arena awaiting the start of Muharraq vs. Manama. It’s a weird playoff system here. There are actually two championships. This is the first best of 3 championship. So Muharraq won in dramatic fashion last week, so if they take tonight, they will win the first championship. I’ll update the score at the bottom of this blog. They don’t sing/play the national anthem before games which is kind of weird.
Pastor Graeme and I went out to eat two weeks ago and he asked me to do something that I absolutely did not want to do. He was going to preach a sermon based on Jeremiah 7. In that chapter Jeremiah stood outside the walls of the temple and essentially told everyone they were going to hell. So Graeme thought it would be pretty neat if I would do the same thing standing outside the walls of Saar fellowship. I should tell you that I really can’t stand sidewalk preachers. I think they do more harm for God’s kingdom than good. Often they are the subject of ridicule and make Christians look, in general, like wackos. I have often engaged in debate with these preachers, while sometimes their message is sound their manner of execution is off. It is misplaced zeal in my opinion. So here Graeme is asking me to do what I generally detest. As I was researching the prophet Jeremiah’s life, Jeremiah didn’t want to prophesy either. Did any of the prophets actually want to do it? I think very few if any. God asked Jeremiah to do it anyway. Even worse God said you aren’t going to have a wife or children but speak My word anyway. At least I have both a wife and a child so who was I to say no to Graeme. So I got to church early and stood on a couple of chairs outside the front doors. Graeme had the elders out with me in case there was any conflict. So I started preaching and telling everyone that going to church was not enough. The good part is the words just kind of flowed out of me so I certainly felt an anointing. Now I didn’t preach anything against scripture as did Jeremiah, but rather just told people they better shape up. Now most of the people looked down and avoided eye contact. They tried to get past me as quickly as possible. There were a few however that stayed and listened for a bit. One even told one of the elders, what he is saying is right. There were a couple that engaged me in debate. But overall it was kind of an uncomfortable but positive experience. During the service Graeme called me to front to assure everyone I was not a freak. It was hard doing this in front of my friends that I didn’t tell what was happening. I can’t imagine what they were thinking. But Graeme allowed me a short forum to explain what we were doing it. Essentially going through the motions as a Christian like just going to church isn’t enough. Its interesting just two weeks ago an elder and I were speaking and we both agreed that the church needed to be challenged, to stir the pot so to speak. It was my job to make people feel a little uneasy and uncomfortable. I was to challenge them. And here just two weeks after, God answered the elder and my prayer. I hope this blog both challenges and encourages how you think and what you believe. I don’t think we were put on this earth to be comfortable. Now living in the Middle East in my current situation with my family, might not be the most comfortable thing in the world. But God has given me the strength to not only survive but thrive. Anytime that you are doing what God has called you to do He is going to reward you with blessings. They might not always be financial blessings, but blessing of peace and joy. You can’t put a price tag on those.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
A Breaching Manta Ray
Well I said I wasn’t going to write in this blog everyday, but here I go with two days in a row again. I just had a lot of really cool things happen to day. First of all I went out Kayaking. I went a really long route and I was in some pretty deep water well…deep relative for the gulf. Most of the gulf is pretty shallow at less than 20 feet. It was particularly quiet then out of nowhere a 3-4 foot manta ray breached about 9 feet just to the upper left of me. Is breech even the right word? First of all, I had no idea manta rays were even in this region, second of all I didn’t know they could fly out the water like that. It must have flown about 6-12 inches off the surface. It completely startled me but it was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. I always look for dolphins when Im out as they are more common in this area. But think about how many people have ever seen a manta ray fly out of the water. It was a pretty memorable experience. So I found this island I think I mentioned yesterday. I told Jennifer that I called it Rick’s island, but she got jealous. Now it is named Rick’s Beach on Jennifer’s Island at the HSBC Bay, in the sponsor to be named later Gulf. So Im trying to get really fit by the time Jennifer comes out again. Its working, or I should say the kayak is working. I used to be a marathon runner always working on my lower body. Now, its all upper body work. I liken kayak to running for your arms. Its such a peaceful way to exercise too as it is totally mentally rejuvenating. I often find myself screaming out Praises to God even though there is not a soul around to hear or witness them. I made it to the Island and parked my kayak. There was no one there. So I pulled it up the beach and blew up my air mattress. I had my own private island with a nice beach. I had packed a picnic lunch in a Ziploc bag (to stay dry) so I had a picnic on the beach. Then I just relaxed and tried to take a nap, but I was too worked up to get any rest. I was there for about an hour before more people came. I think they were a family, but since I got there first they went to the other side of the small island. Once the women saw me, they quickly covered up with their veils. They were polite and asked me if it was ok that they parked their boat there, which was fine. I stayed until the tide reached my feet then I figured it was time to go. The family greeted me as I headed back to the mainland. The water was really smooth on the way out, but really choppy on the way back. I was drenched. It was about 100 degrees out today, so the water actually felt really nice.
I went out to a movie with Lamond tonight. I mentioned the basketball score last night. They lost a heartbreaker again to Manama on a 3 with 2 seconds left. They had a chance to tie but a half court heave just barely missed. So mostly Lamond and I talked basketball strategy all night. Its interesting to talk to a guy that played against Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and Le Bron James. Lamond is still pretty good. He easily is the best player in the league. He’s going to play as long as his body will allow him to play. After that, he’s going to get into coaching and he’ll be an excellent coach when the time comes. They do this weird playoff system. Muharraq won one of the playoffs so they are in a best of 3 against Manama for something called the Cup. Then they are off to Egypt to play in an invitational then back for another championship series. There are a just a lot of playoffs and two titles now that they are trying to shot for.
I appreciate all the wonderful comments/emails about the wedding pics I posted. I think its important that I share the victories with you in hopes that it will encourage you during the dark times. I honestly thought I’d never experience happiness again. But I have. God is truly faithful. I’ve learned and grown so much through this experience. I hope I never go through anything this painful again. Actually the pain has made me even stronger. I’ve already emotionally died, what else can happen to me that is worse? Maybe that is what Paul meant when he said die to self daily. Having survived what seems to be the worst life has to offer has left me with such a strong inner peace and strength I’ve never ever experienced before. But the most important thing the pain did was bring me a renewed intimacy with God. Again I understand Paul “Everything that was lost was gain.” Im seeing things pretty clearly right now.
I went out to a movie with Lamond tonight. I mentioned the basketball score last night. They lost a heartbreaker again to Manama on a 3 with 2 seconds left. They had a chance to tie but a half court heave just barely missed. So mostly Lamond and I talked basketball strategy all night. Its interesting to talk to a guy that played against Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and Le Bron James. Lamond is still pretty good. He easily is the best player in the league. He’s going to play as long as his body will allow him to play. After that, he’s going to get into coaching and he’ll be an excellent coach when the time comes. They do this weird playoff system. Muharraq won one of the playoffs so they are in a best of 3 against Manama for something called the Cup. Then they are off to Egypt to play in an invitational then back for another championship series. There are a just a lot of playoffs and two titles now that they are trying to shot for.
I appreciate all the wonderful comments/emails about the wedding pics I posted. I think its important that I share the victories with you in hopes that it will encourage you during the dark times. I honestly thought I’d never experience happiness again. But I have. God is truly faithful. I’ve learned and grown so much through this experience. I hope I never go through anything this painful again. Actually the pain has made me even stronger. I’ve already emotionally died, what else can happen to me that is worse? Maybe that is what Paul meant when he said die to self daily. Having survived what seems to be the worst life has to offer has left me with such a strong inner peace and strength I’ve never ever experienced before. But the most important thing the pain did was bring me a renewed intimacy with God. Again I understand Paul “Everything that was lost was gain.” Im seeing things pretty clearly right now.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Ok so maybe Im not quite done with this blog yet
Well I tried to stop writing in this blog, but too many good things keep happening to me. So I think I’ll write in it periodically as things take place. I won’t be as consumed in writing everyday as I was. Plus Jennifer is right, we are merely merging the blogs, I think this will become official once she moves out here. I realize that Jennifer and my relationship is/was rather sudden. But each day that passes Im more and more convinced that she is the perfect girl for me.
I knew the first few months of my new marriage would be difficult. But I reasoned I’ve lived alone for four years, what is an extra few months. How wrong I was. The distance is a lot harder than I thought it would be and that is an entirely good thing. The love that Jennifer and I share is growing every day. Thus the pain of being separated is getting equally as tough to as we long to be together. I was really running out of steam and quite discouraged by the vast half a globe that surrounds us. But I have had some welcomed good news. She’s flying out for super long weekend, or short week (depending on your perspective) at the beginning of May. This had encouraged me so much. My emotional gas tank was empty and this is a jolt that will keep me going. I am just so excited that she is coming out here. She really is the perfect girl for me. Its really quite amazing and I consider this to be quite a testimony to God’s faithfulness. Its almost as if I drew her up and a chalkboard, or a computer program. It is like “Design your own wife.” I really don’t think that I could have customized her to be my perfect match more than she already is. There are so many things which we connect on. I could go on for pages and pages about that. But instead, let me focus on the negatives, because even the negatives are a positive in my eyes. I actually look forward to the next time she’s angry with me because she’s kind of cute when she gets upset and yells “Eric Beeman.!!!” That always makes me smile and our conflict whatever it may be seems to quickly dissipate. But its not just as if she’s perfect for me, but I believe that Im perfect for her. It seems like everything that she might struggle with, are usually my strengths and it works both ways too. I am so glad she’s in my life. I want this to be an encouragement to all of you. Even though there are times where you really feel like you are “walking through the valley of the shadow of death” keep going and just “Trust God.” That is what my counselor Tim C. told me in the darkest of times. I didn’t really believe him at the time. How could I possible Trust God when my entire world seems to be falling apart. But that is exactly what I did. I trusted God and I am reaping the amazing rewards both through Jennifer and a pretty incredible life right now. Im so thankful.
Today was a great day for me. I stayed up til 4am talking with Jennifer via video chat. But I still had enough energy for church. After, I took a really long Kayak ride and found this small little island. I brought along a small little blow up air mattress. So I docked the kayak and took a nap on the island. Its was pretty serene and quite surreal. The tranquility was nice. Right now however is anything but tranquil. Im at a playoff game between Muharraq and Manama. These are the two best teams in the league. The place is packed with energy and excitement. You can hardly hear yourself talk. Right now, Muharraq (Pat and Lamond’s team are holding a slight lead of 50-43 in the third quarter…but its really intense. Lamond just knocked down a 3. This is kind of fun. Ok…back to the game.
I knew the first few months of my new marriage would be difficult. But I reasoned I’ve lived alone for four years, what is an extra few months. How wrong I was. The distance is a lot harder than I thought it would be and that is an entirely good thing. The love that Jennifer and I share is growing every day. Thus the pain of being separated is getting equally as tough to as we long to be together. I was really running out of steam and quite discouraged by the vast half a globe that surrounds us. But I have had some welcomed good news. She’s flying out for super long weekend, or short week (depending on your perspective) at the beginning of May. This had encouraged me so much. My emotional gas tank was empty and this is a jolt that will keep me going. I am just so excited that she is coming out here. She really is the perfect girl for me. Its really quite amazing and I consider this to be quite a testimony to God’s faithfulness. Its almost as if I drew her up and a chalkboard, or a computer program. It is like “Design your own wife.” I really don’t think that I could have customized her to be my perfect match more than she already is. There are so many things which we connect on. I could go on for pages and pages about that. But instead, let me focus on the negatives, because even the negatives are a positive in my eyes. I actually look forward to the next time she’s angry with me because she’s kind of cute when she gets upset and yells “Eric Beeman.!!!” That always makes me smile and our conflict whatever it may be seems to quickly dissipate. But its not just as if she’s perfect for me, but I believe that Im perfect for her. It seems like everything that she might struggle with, are usually my strengths and it works both ways too. I am so glad she’s in my life. I want this to be an encouragement to all of you. Even though there are times where you really feel like you are “walking through the valley of the shadow of death” keep going and just “Trust God.” That is what my counselor Tim C. told me in the darkest of times. I didn’t really believe him at the time. How could I possible Trust God when my entire world seems to be falling apart. But that is exactly what I did. I trusted God and I am reaping the amazing rewards both through Jennifer and a pretty incredible life right now. Im so thankful.
Today was a great day for me. I stayed up til 4am talking with Jennifer via video chat. But I still had enough energy for church. After, I took a really long Kayak ride and found this small little island. I brought along a small little blow up air mattress. So I docked the kayak and took a nap on the island. Its was pretty serene and quite surreal. The tranquility was nice. Right now however is anything but tranquil. Im at a playoff game between Muharraq and Manama. These are the two best teams in the league. The place is packed with energy and excitement. You can hardly hear yourself talk. Right now, Muharraq (Pat and Lamond’s team are holding a slight lead of 50-43 in the third quarter…but its really intense. Lamond just knocked down a 3. This is kind of fun. Ok…back to the game.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
ch-ch-ch-changes
Im going through a lot changes right now. These aren’t necessarily bad things rather they are just seasons in life. I think the blog as constant as it has been over the last 18 months will change as well. Im so thankfull for all you faithful readers. Your prayers and emails of support and encouragement have truly been uplifting. I do feel like Im on the frontlines of spiritual battles on many many fronts. I think I have responded the way that God would have had me respond. I’ve made a few mistakes and I’ve acknowledged those in this blog and to accountability partners. The changes have been stirring within me for the past few months. So this is not a rash decision. The obvious change that I went through is marriage. That has changed and affected me in so many different positive ways. I think in time Im going to stop writing in the blog altogether. But for now, Im thinking of just slowing it down. Its not going to be every day, its probably not even going to be every other day. I think Im just going to write in it as God leads me to write. I’ll probably try to merge my blog with Jennifer’s somehow. Since she and I are one now spiritually speaking her blog is now my blog as we merge points of view. Plus she is so much better of a writer than me. She is better than me at almost everything except checkers and Literati (online scrabble) I have truly appreciated having this forum and this audience in which to share God’s grace and his amazing things that He has done in my life. Its nice having a forum and its encouraging knowing that I have encouraged some of you out there. Sometimes this blog is easy to write, other times I just struggle for the right words. More often than not, it has been pretty easy.
I think instead of writing in this blog on a nightly basis that I am going to write a screenplay that has been in my head for the past year or so. Im also going to do something different. Instead of this blog Im going to post the page or two that I write each day. Things might change as I write of course, but I have the general story played out in my head. So I’ll probably try to get addicted or into a routine of writing that. I’ll post what I write each day on this blog. It will be kind of line an online serial. So If you are interested you can feel free to follow along. It might interest some of you, it might not. But I wanted to share my knowledge of the culture here and incorporate it into a pretty exciting story. I haven’t written a screenplay in almost 10 years. I went to Hollywood originally to become a screenwriter. But its hard to support a family on options. So I meandered into television and got my creative juices flowing in that direction. Now that my life has changed, I think it might time to delve into that again. Writing is my greatest passion. I will still write in this blog from time to time as I feel led. I’ll also probably be copying and pasting a lot of what Jennifer has to say to since she’s a better writer and it indirectly or directly affects me. Feel free to email me if you have any questions/comments or criticisms. rickbeeman@mac.com
I think instead of writing in this blog on a nightly basis that I am going to write a screenplay that has been in my head for the past year or so. Im also going to do something different. Instead of this blog Im going to post the page or two that I write each day. Things might change as I write of course, but I have the general story played out in my head. So I’ll probably try to get addicted or into a routine of writing that. I’ll post what I write each day on this blog. It will be kind of line an online serial. So If you are interested you can feel free to follow along. It might interest some of you, it might not. But I wanted to share my knowledge of the culture here and incorporate it into a pretty exciting story. I haven’t written a screenplay in almost 10 years. I went to Hollywood originally to become a screenwriter. But its hard to support a family on options. So I meandered into television and got my creative juices flowing in that direction. Now that my life has changed, I think it might time to delve into that again. Writing is my greatest passion. I will still write in this blog from time to time as I feel led. I’ll also probably be copying and pasting a lot of what Jennifer has to say to since she’s a better writer and it indirectly or directly affects me. Feel free to email me if you have any questions/comments or criticisms. rickbeeman@mac.com
Friday, April 9, 2010
Connectivity
I missed the blog last night not because I didn’t have anything to say, but rather I didn’t have convenient Internet access. The Internet has been down in my apartment for the last two days and I feel like Im clawing at the walls. Why? Im addicted to connectivity and information. Im able to connect at work which keeps my fix going but not at home. I thought I’d be fine for a couple of days until the engineer makes it out to fix it. But no…that is not the case. I think the most frustrating aspect is that it cuts off the majority of my communication with Jennifer. We usually chat/talk on either Skype or Yahoo Messenger which is free. I can call her cell phone on skype which is .02 a minute which is cheap. She can also call me, but that is a little more expensive at .23 a minute. So we talk fast and tend to take shorter breaths when we chat that way. I was thinking theoretically about how dependent I am on the internet. Pat and I wanted to go see a movie, yet we had a no idea how to find out the times nor the reviews. I can’t imagine going to see a film without first reading the reviews. He asked me if I could call anyone that would know. Finally, the ever resourceful me, got an idea and I trudged down to the market to buy a newspaper. “When I was your age, I had to look up movie times in the paper, walking in the snow uphill both ways to go buy it.” OK…maybe its not that extreme but Im getting used to technology.
I think the internet has made me feel like Im not really a world away. Its my security blanket culturally I think. I was thinking about the recent fast I did. It wasn’t that difficult, just two days. But I would imagine a two day fast without the internet, would be excruciating. I think that is what I am going to next. I don’t enjoy fasting, but Im being obedient when I do fast. I like the results of the further intimacy with God.
So last night I was home pondering what to do with myself on a weekend night with no internet. Then my good friend called. I wont share his name, because he comes to my group and is Muslim. We have so many interesting talks about God, our beliefs and our faith. So he invited me out to a birthday party with a bunch of his friends. This was the fourth time I’ve gotten together with this group. They are a fun bunch. It was nice to go out and socialize. I was afraid I was becoming very hermit like. Last year it was all about me going out to the clubs and various types of parties. That doesn’t interest me in the least right now. Instead it just seems like Im biding time until Jennifer is either able to come out here, or I go back there. Im not sure what direction the Lord will lead us here at least not yet. He did indicate to me that this very difficult and important decision will be quite an easy one to make. That is the beauty of God. I remember growing up in the AG. Everyone was so consumed with “God’s Will.” What is God’s will, Im searching for God’s Will, What are you going to do, whatever is God’s will. I think with some of the people that became quite a cop-out. (By the way that movie is dreadful). I think the more you have to search for God’s will the harder it is to find. Rather, all you have to do is search for God then everything you do…will be in his will. All the really difficult decisions then magically become easy. If you are struggling with a decision I think you might be doing something wrong. I think as long as you seek God, if the path you are on, is not “God’s Will,” He will make it clear to you with some sort of road block or detour. Its quite a simple concept really. I think God created himself to be simple that’s why Jesus loved children so much, they just believed. As we get older and want rational explanations that is when it seems to get more difficult and convoluted. God just wants us to walk by faith. That’s what I’ve been doing the last four years and thus…everything has worked out ok.
I went to church this morning and afterward had lunch at Burger King (Don’t tell Jennifer she’s trying to get me to eat healthier) (Though I did go on a hour plus Kayak ride to burn it off after) and this Burger King had Wifi. So I got my fix, checked the score of the A’s game the night before, read emails, saw what was trending on Yahoo and generally felt caught up with society. So Now Im about five hours past the fix, and Im getting itchy again for the net. I want to call Jennifer but I can’t without internet access. So I think im headed to my office or a wi-fi friendly place to log in and post this. This connectivity addiction…all kind of embarrassing.
I think the internet has made me feel like Im not really a world away. Its my security blanket culturally I think. I was thinking about the recent fast I did. It wasn’t that difficult, just two days. But I would imagine a two day fast without the internet, would be excruciating. I think that is what I am going to next. I don’t enjoy fasting, but Im being obedient when I do fast. I like the results of the further intimacy with God.
So last night I was home pondering what to do with myself on a weekend night with no internet. Then my good friend called. I wont share his name, because he comes to my group and is Muslim. We have so many interesting talks about God, our beliefs and our faith. So he invited me out to a birthday party with a bunch of his friends. This was the fourth time I’ve gotten together with this group. They are a fun bunch. It was nice to go out and socialize. I was afraid I was becoming very hermit like. Last year it was all about me going out to the clubs and various types of parties. That doesn’t interest me in the least right now. Instead it just seems like Im biding time until Jennifer is either able to come out here, or I go back there. Im not sure what direction the Lord will lead us here at least not yet. He did indicate to me that this very difficult and important decision will be quite an easy one to make. That is the beauty of God. I remember growing up in the AG. Everyone was so consumed with “God’s Will.” What is God’s will, Im searching for God’s Will, What are you going to do, whatever is God’s will. I think with some of the people that became quite a cop-out. (By the way that movie is dreadful). I think the more you have to search for God’s will the harder it is to find. Rather, all you have to do is search for God then everything you do…will be in his will. All the really difficult decisions then magically become easy. If you are struggling with a decision I think you might be doing something wrong. I think as long as you seek God, if the path you are on, is not “God’s Will,” He will make it clear to you with some sort of road block or detour. Its quite a simple concept really. I think God created himself to be simple that’s why Jesus loved children so much, they just believed. As we get older and want rational explanations that is when it seems to get more difficult and convoluted. God just wants us to walk by faith. That’s what I’ve been doing the last four years and thus…everything has worked out ok.
I went to church this morning and afterward had lunch at Burger King (Don’t tell Jennifer she’s trying to get me to eat healthier) (Though I did go on a hour plus Kayak ride to burn it off after) and this Burger King had Wifi. So I got my fix, checked the score of the A’s game the night before, read emails, saw what was trending on Yahoo and generally felt caught up with society. So Now Im about five hours past the fix, and Im getting itchy again for the net. I want to call Jennifer but I can’t without internet access. So I think im headed to my office or a wi-fi friendly place to log in and post this. This connectivity addiction…all kind of embarrassing.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Short blog tonight
I don’t feel like blogging much tonight. Things at work are going really well, things with Jennifer are going really well, and my spiritual walk is really going well too. I finished my fast today and celebrated by going to Fuddrucker’s. They have this great barbecue chicken platter there that they make only for me. Its not on the menu but I hold favor there. They all wanted to see Jennifer and my wedding pictures. They got really excited once they saw me. Its not like I leave a big tip everytime and they suck up to me. Rather I take the time to talk to them. Still I usually leave 500 fils which is $1.25. They seem to appreciate it.
I rushed off to watch Pat coach a playoff game. It was pretty exciting. Im a big fan I guess. I could only stay for half since I was playing Darren at squash at 830. He kicked my butt this time taking 3 of 4 games. I had to call it early because my blood sugar was doing weird things. I had a big meal earlier and thought that 90 min. was enough for it to digest. I guess not. The good thing about this fast and why Im talking about it is that God really speaks much more clearer when you are fasting. So if you are seeking Him you might want to give it a try. So what God told me during this fast is to not sweat any of the details. The major life choices that Jennifer and I have to make will be easy. So that takes the pressure off. Hopefully I’ll write more tomorrow since it’s the weekend.
I rushed off to watch Pat coach a playoff game. It was pretty exciting. Im a big fan I guess. I could only stay for half since I was playing Darren at squash at 830. He kicked my butt this time taking 3 of 4 games. I had to call it early because my blood sugar was doing weird things. I had a big meal earlier and thought that 90 min. was enough for it to digest. I guess not. The good thing about this fast and why Im talking about it is that God really speaks much more clearer when you are fasting. So if you are seeking Him you might want to give it a try. So what God told me during this fast is to not sweat any of the details. The major life choices that Jennifer and I have to make will be easy. So that takes the pressure off. Hopefully I’ll write more tomorrow since it’s the weekend.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Why does Fast seem so slow?
Im trying a new routine now that the weather is warmer. I’m trying to get up super early to kayak in the morning like I did last Spring-Fall. But we have to figure out the time change because Jennifer wants me to talk to her before I head out. When we talk we always put time limits on ourselves but we always go over those limits. We just can’t seem to get enough of each other. But I did make it out to the Persian Gulf…D’oh…they like to refer to it as the Arabian Gulf, since its all of theirs. There is a region within the Middle East called the GCC, Gulf Coast Countries. These countries comprise of: Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, Qatar, Oman, Kuwait and the United Arab Emirates. There are 25 Arab states or countries spread out over the Middle East and Africa so the GCC is a subset of that. There was talk of making one currency, kind of like the Euro in Europe, but Oman and the UAE opted out. They are still attempting to unify the currency in the other countries with Saudi Arabia being the leader. UAE didn’t like being second fiddle to Saudi. The differences between Saudi and the UAE culturally is about as vast as the differences between the US and Mexico. But even while we wait for the unified currency, most businesses accept any GCC currency. I often get my change in Saudi Riyals, which is a pain. So I ask them to change it if they can and they are usually pretty gracious about it.
So Im off kayaking in the gulf this morning. It was fabulous. The water was like glass. So calm and serene as I glided across the bay to the gulf. The bay allows even more calm waters. This is such great exercise, plus I call it my prayer closet. I stop at the halfway mark and just drift and listen to God. Its usually complete quiet. I try not to talk…just listen. Christians have this habit of always speaking to God and not taking the time to listen. If they did listen, they would find that he had wonderful things to say. That is why it was so easy for me to marry Jennifer, I have heard God’s voice so often I recognize it from my own, or the enemy’s. The enemy, being the Angel of Light, sounds like God so you really have to discern. But Im pretty familiar with God since He’s my friend. I know that makes me sound looney, but that is why we were created, to be God’s friend. One way to check to make sure you are hearing God’s voice, is to check it against scripture. The voice will never contradict scripture. Another tool I use…is just to meditate and look in the mirror. It eliminates distraction and forces you to be honest with yourself. You have to have a pure heart (confessed sins) for you to hear God properly since God cannot co-exist with sin.
I told you that I felt like the Lord led me to have Jennifer and I to fast with the purpose of us being able to be together faster. I think our union is a powerful one and we are going to do great things for God’s kingdom. That said, it would be pretty natural to assume that resistance will come our way. Its an interesting thing when you fast, you will get all these voices in your head telling you to stop, its not working, go ahead and eat, don’t be legalistic, etc…. I usually get inundated with that crap. That just encourages me that fasting is effective. As you deny the physical the spirit is strengthened, that’s why the enemy works overtime to discourage you or tempt you in some other manner. Think of the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness for example. Except he went 40 days, and I can barely get two down. Im such a wimp. I think the enemy tries to get you to cut your fast off early. It’s a little like a boxing match, where you are training before the match. Your opponent comes over to your gym, and tries to convince you to stop working out. He reasons you’re fit enough already and he’s a pushover thus there is no need to continue exercising. Then you get in the ring and realize he’s been working out the whole time and you get pummeled. So don’t give up the training, keep working out spiritually so that when you do get into the ring (or face challenges/trials) the battle is an easy one, because you are already spiritually fit. One of the obstacles I have when I fast is my blood sugar. Its especially tricky now that I am exercising vigorously again. I have to really monitor it. Its been low all day, so I have to continue to drink lots of juice. Plus my energy is down so I try to take a nap at lunch. But I want to encourage you, once you get over that first initial hunger pang of your fast it gets a lot easier. You will be amazed how much more time you have in your day when you don’t devote it to food. Its like 30-45 min. per meal so you save about 2-3 hours. Plus that first meal after you break a long fast is the most delicious meal you’ll have of the year…satisfying for the body, soul, and spirit.
So Im off kayaking in the gulf this morning. It was fabulous. The water was like glass. So calm and serene as I glided across the bay to the gulf. The bay allows even more calm waters. This is such great exercise, plus I call it my prayer closet. I stop at the halfway mark and just drift and listen to God. Its usually complete quiet. I try not to talk…just listen. Christians have this habit of always speaking to God and not taking the time to listen. If they did listen, they would find that he had wonderful things to say. That is why it was so easy for me to marry Jennifer, I have heard God’s voice so often I recognize it from my own, or the enemy’s. The enemy, being the Angel of Light, sounds like God so you really have to discern. But Im pretty familiar with God since He’s my friend. I know that makes me sound looney, but that is why we were created, to be God’s friend. One way to check to make sure you are hearing God’s voice, is to check it against scripture. The voice will never contradict scripture. Another tool I use…is just to meditate and look in the mirror. It eliminates distraction and forces you to be honest with yourself. You have to have a pure heart (confessed sins) for you to hear God properly since God cannot co-exist with sin.
I told you that I felt like the Lord led me to have Jennifer and I to fast with the purpose of us being able to be together faster. I think our union is a powerful one and we are going to do great things for God’s kingdom. That said, it would be pretty natural to assume that resistance will come our way. Its an interesting thing when you fast, you will get all these voices in your head telling you to stop, its not working, go ahead and eat, don’t be legalistic, etc…. I usually get inundated with that crap. That just encourages me that fasting is effective. As you deny the physical the spirit is strengthened, that’s why the enemy works overtime to discourage you or tempt you in some other manner. Think of the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness for example. Except he went 40 days, and I can barely get two down. Im such a wimp. I think the enemy tries to get you to cut your fast off early. It’s a little like a boxing match, where you are training before the match. Your opponent comes over to your gym, and tries to convince you to stop working out. He reasons you’re fit enough already and he’s a pushover thus there is no need to continue exercising. Then you get in the ring and realize he’s been working out the whole time and you get pummeled. So don’t give up the training, keep working out spiritually so that when you do get into the ring (or face challenges/trials) the battle is an easy one, because you are already spiritually fit. One of the obstacles I have when I fast is my blood sugar. Its especially tricky now that I am exercising vigorously again. I have to really monitor it. Its been low all day, so I have to continue to drink lots of juice. Plus my energy is down so I try to take a nap at lunch. But I want to encourage you, once you get over that first initial hunger pang of your fast it gets a lot easier. You will be amazed how much more time you have in your day when you don’t devote it to food. Its like 30-45 min. per meal so you save about 2-3 hours. Plus that first meal after you break a long fast is the most delicious meal you’ll have of the year…satisfying for the body, soul, and spirit.
Monday, April 5, 2010
The 7000 mile commute
It was and up and down day for me. It was a nice day at work as I was productive and plenty motivated. Its hard to stay motivated now. Jennifer and I decided that it would be better to be married and apart then dating/engaged and apart. Since both of us were living alone, we just figured the living alone part would be a little easier knowing there was someone out there that loved the other. Well, we put in our heads we could go five months alone if we had to. Now it seems like we can’t even go five weeks. The distance is hard. Its like each of us is running out of oxygen in our respective emotional rooms. Now all of this is good news as we long to be together. Many people go a lifetime without having this much passion. So the distance thing will certainly be an emotional hardship. There are so many options where are careers can take us. Jennifer and I are both very fortunate to have pretty exciting, and amazing careers. I feel like I have a calling in my life to use my professional skills to change the world. Jennifer is very supportive of that. If she can keep her job at the same time, all the better. There are so many advantages to living in the Mid-East other than making a cultural difference. Global travel is so much easier and cheaper since we are so close to Europe, Africa, and Asia. That is a certain perk. Since Jennifer and I don’t have kids together just yet, we wanted to take advantage of our freedoms.
The good part is that we are really seeking God on this one. If you read Matthew 6, it doesn’t do any good to worry. In fact we are just supposed to seek God and he’ll take care of all the detail. So as Spiritual Head of the Household (Ha…Jennifer is willing to, but having a hard time with that submit concept), I am really encouraging us to go after God. If we focus on just getting to know him, then everything will fall into place. I heard an interesting take from Steve Madsen pastor of Cornerstone in Livermore. I download all the podcasts. He is teaching from the book of Acts, specifically Chapter 20, v. 21. The verse states “….repentance toward God and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ. re·pent·ance–noun
1.deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like.
2.regret for any past action.
He shared an aspect that I’ve never really realized…the word “toward.” Some or many of us suffer from a secret sin, or a habitual sin. Be it pornography (my past issue), alcohol, drugs, shopping, vanity, pride etc… Its something that some of us have prayed and been forgiven dozens, hundreds, or thousands of times. We all feel guilty after the sin then we swear we will never do it again, then boom…we do it again. So as Pastor Steve spoke, the thing is good to repent against the sin, but that’s not really getting at the core issue, which is a heart change. If you really want to break the habit, you have to repent “toward” God not just stopping the action. If you move towards God His light overpowers the darkness of the habit and changes your personality at the root. The other is just like mowing a weed, it will just come back. Another thing that Pastor Steve said awhile back… “We sin because we don’t trust that God will do what he says he’ll do.” So we take matters into our own hands self-medicate because that is a temporary fix…like a band aid on a cancer.
So what Jennifer and I are going to do in our relationship is move towards God. We trust He will handle the details. To further go along this line we decided that we should fast and really seek God. Anytime you are in need of a great answer or deliverance from God fasting is a key weapon. So we just started and we are trying to be synchronized. I started mine on Mon. Dinner, her Breakfast. Since Im about 8 hours ahead of her we are on the same schedule so right now we are hungry. Now Im not telling you this to say…Oh look how spiritual we are. Rather, I think its good to share to encourage others to fast as well. If you are a believer it is expected of you…its not option. Jesus said... “When you fast…” not “if you fast…” Hopefully by the end of this short fast we’ll have clearer direction when we’ll be able to live together like normal husband and wife. But if any of you know Jennifer and I…we are anything but normal.
The good part is that we are really seeking God on this one. If you read Matthew 6, it doesn’t do any good to worry. In fact we are just supposed to seek God and he’ll take care of all the detail. So as Spiritual Head of the Household (Ha…Jennifer is willing to, but having a hard time with that submit concept), I am really encouraging us to go after God. If we focus on just getting to know him, then everything will fall into place. I heard an interesting take from Steve Madsen pastor of Cornerstone in Livermore. I download all the podcasts. He is teaching from the book of Acts, specifically Chapter 20, v. 21. The verse states “….repentance toward God and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ. re·pent·ance–noun
1.deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like.
2.regret for any past action.
He shared an aspect that I’ve never really realized…the word “toward.” Some or many of us suffer from a secret sin, or a habitual sin. Be it pornography (my past issue), alcohol, drugs, shopping, vanity, pride etc… Its something that some of us have prayed and been forgiven dozens, hundreds, or thousands of times. We all feel guilty after the sin then we swear we will never do it again, then boom…we do it again. So as Pastor Steve spoke, the thing is good to repent against the sin, but that’s not really getting at the core issue, which is a heart change. If you really want to break the habit, you have to repent “toward” God not just stopping the action. If you move towards God His light overpowers the darkness of the habit and changes your personality at the root. The other is just like mowing a weed, it will just come back. Another thing that Pastor Steve said awhile back… “We sin because we don’t trust that God will do what he says he’ll do.” So we take matters into our own hands self-medicate because that is a temporary fix…like a band aid on a cancer.
So what Jennifer and I are going to do in our relationship is move towards God. We trust He will handle the details. To further go along this line we decided that we should fast and really seek God. Anytime you are in need of a great answer or deliverance from God fasting is a key weapon. So we just started and we are trying to be synchronized. I started mine on Mon. Dinner, her Breakfast. Since Im about 8 hours ahead of her we are on the same schedule so right now we are hungry. Now Im not telling you this to say…Oh look how spiritual we are. Rather, I think its good to share to encourage others to fast as well. If you are a believer it is expected of you…its not option. Jesus said... “When you fast…” not “if you fast…” Hopefully by the end of this short fast we’ll have clearer direction when we’ll be able to live together like normal husband and wife. But if any of you know Jennifer and I…we are anything but normal.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Happy Easter
First of all Happy Easter everyone. Easter here is a little different since the Muslims don’t really believe in the resurrection of Jesus. Its interesting they do believe in Jesus, but only as a great prophet not as the son of God. Essentially they believe most everything in the Old Testament as do the Jews. They do believe that a man was killed on the cross only it wasn’t Jesus. There are differing schools of thought here, most believe that a substitute was placed on the cross instead of Jesus. So the person who did die, was not really Jesus. Instead, according to their viewpoint, Jesus was most likely whisked away either to safety or to heaven. Here’s the interesting part. Even though most Muslims don’t believe in Jesus as the son of God, they do believe that he is coming back or the second coming. So all three religions, Judaism, Islam and Christianity believe that Christ is coming. For Christians and Muslims they believe Christ’s return to the be the second coming. Most Jews deny that Jesus was here the first time, thus His second coming in their mind will be the first coming. The Jews were expecting a military leader to establish a Jewish Kingdom on earth rather than a heavenly Kingdom.
The weather is starting to heat up a bit here, but I still think its beautiful. It has been in the 80’s so I figured it was as good of a time as any to break out the kayak. It had been in storage for the past five months during the fall-winter season. While the water didn’t get too cold, it was cold enough to get uncomfortable. Now the water is about 78-80 degrees or I imagine what the Atlantic feels like in the heat of summer. The bay that I usually enter in has been slowly reclaimed, that is another word for land fill. They are filling in this really nice bay so the Congressional Capitol can be built on the water. So the inlet for this huge bay has been reduced to a small channel about 7-9 feet wide. I must have went at low tide because the channel was really dumping the water into the main tributary awfully fast. It was fun riding down as I felt like I was on the rapids. I was really out of Kayak shape. The wind and the waves kept battering me. I got exhausted pretty fast. On the way back I realized my journey would be much more difficult than when I came down. There was a different in water levels by about 6 inches so I had to paddle upstream really fast. I had plenty of momentum but as soon as I hit the stream it was so strong I toppled over. I had only toppled over once previously. So I popped back up but the current was really strong. I had to lean into it so I wouldn’t be shot down the tube. Now all these landfills are filled with rocks, most of them can be considered jagged. So I quickly found myself in a semi-treacherous situation. I was trying to tug my kayak along while I traversed the rocks. The problem is that most of the rocks were covered by algae so they were quite slippery. I fell a couple of times and almost lost my kayak. That would have been an absolute pain to swim in after it. But I eventually made it past the worst of the tiny rapids. I got back in my kayak and paddled like crazy. I didn’t want to get sucked back in again. I made it, but it was a tough go. I took my Kayak out again this afternoon. The Christians in the office were given half a day off because of Easter. I thought that was awesome. So I found a new place to dock my boat. It was still rocky, but the slope was gradual and I found it to be a bit easier. As I came back I noticed an Indian guy fishing on the shore. Seeing Indians fishing is quite a common occurrence. I was having a rough time out of the water and he helped me get my balance. I asked him how the fish were biting and he responded ‘today…not so good.’ This guy, bless his heart, was fishing with a skinny piece of wood with some string/twine attached to the end with a hook. I don’t think he had any bait. Some of these laborers are so poor, this makeshift fishing pole is all he could afford. This guy was probably fishing for his dinner. Maybe he could catch something small, cook it, and add a little flavor to his rice. It just humbled me to realize how good I really have it.
The weather is starting to heat up a bit here, but I still think its beautiful. It has been in the 80’s so I figured it was as good of a time as any to break out the kayak. It had been in storage for the past five months during the fall-winter season. While the water didn’t get too cold, it was cold enough to get uncomfortable. Now the water is about 78-80 degrees or I imagine what the Atlantic feels like in the heat of summer. The bay that I usually enter in has been slowly reclaimed, that is another word for land fill. They are filling in this really nice bay so the Congressional Capitol can be built on the water. So the inlet for this huge bay has been reduced to a small channel about 7-9 feet wide. I must have went at low tide because the channel was really dumping the water into the main tributary awfully fast. It was fun riding down as I felt like I was on the rapids. I was really out of Kayak shape. The wind and the waves kept battering me. I got exhausted pretty fast. On the way back I realized my journey would be much more difficult than when I came down. There was a different in water levels by about 6 inches so I had to paddle upstream really fast. I had plenty of momentum but as soon as I hit the stream it was so strong I toppled over. I had only toppled over once previously. So I popped back up but the current was really strong. I had to lean into it so I wouldn’t be shot down the tube. Now all these landfills are filled with rocks, most of them can be considered jagged. So I quickly found myself in a semi-treacherous situation. I was trying to tug my kayak along while I traversed the rocks. The problem is that most of the rocks were covered by algae so they were quite slippery. I fell a couple of times and almost lost my kayak. That would have been an absolute pain to swim in after it. But I eventually made it past the worst of the tiny rapids. I got back in my kayak and paddled like crazy. I didn’t want to get sucked back in again. I made it, but it was a tough go. I took my Kayak out again this afternoon. The Christians in the office were given half a day off because of Easter. I thought that was awesome. So I found a new place to dock my boat. It was still rocky, but the slope was gradual and I found it to be a bit easier. As I came back I noticed an Indian guy fishing on the shore. Seeing Indians fishing is quite a common occurrence. I was having a rough time out of the water and he helped me get my balance. I asked him how the fish were biting and he responded ‘today…not so good.’ This guy, bless his heart, was fishing with a skinny piece of wood with some string/twine attached to the end with a hook. I don’t think he had any bait. Some of these laborers are so poor, this makeshift fishing pole is all he could afford. This guy was probably fishing for his dinner. Maybe he could catch something small, cook it, and add a little flavor to his rice. It just humbled me to realize how good I really have it.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
absolutely the best email EVER!
This is Jennifers Blog from today. Im not one given to hyperbole, or exaggeration...But i do believe that was absolutely the best email/letter I think I received in my entire life...
As rick commented in his blog yesterday, I sent him a 61 page text file from our first conversation via Instant Messaging. We had not seen each other and up to that point, had only exchanged emails. This was our first real interaction between one another. We pretty much discussed everything under the sun, and by the time I got ready to head out of my house for trivia, I had composed a pretty gutsy email to rick. This is by far a subset of the email i sent to him. Because its not as interesting as the parts I pulled out. just some minor details being left out for safety purposes :) I really can't stop looking at these early correspondences. Because how could this have been only three months ago when Rick and I have known each other for a lifetime? Rick and i are so funny and we laugh at ourselves for reminiscing about those first few weeks. WE laugh because we both logically see how ridiculous our relationship is. How ridiculous it is that we look back into our "past" as though it occurred years ago. A lifetime ago even, but really, it nearly does feel that way. As though we have been together forever. As though we were never apart. AS though there was never a life lived without him.
This is a pretty interesting read.
************************************************************
Rick,
By the time you get this it will be morning and i'm almost certain that you will be so tired.
I am so sorry that your day will be long, but perhaps I can offer some words of encouragement to fuel your tank. (and tons of diet coke you addicted fiend)
Were you able to fall asleep alright? I know for me i am wired right now and if i had to even think about sleeping i'd go insane.
I called my sister after work and told her about our 5 hour conversation. She is my best friend, but i was a little afraid to tell her about you. Especially so soon but her husband is on the road and she is all alone with two sick kids. Kids that I must confess, caught my illness.
She already knew about eharmony, but also that I had not met anyone yet that could hold a flame, especially not now. Everything she suggested to me about how I should approach this unique situation - you and I have already discussed. She was encouraged that we have been so open and honest with one another about, well, everything. She is also encouraged that you live so far away because she knows that we won't rush into the physical aspect before we get to know each other. i'm actually encouraged about that too because she is right, but then again, i found myself checking into flights and ready to check my bags.
It IS warm there right?
I am headed out to trivia in another hour, and won't be home until 8am (your time).
When i return, you undoubtedly will be awake.
I feel like you are putting me on
i have a really good feeling of optimism that I have not felt in quite some time.
Prior to mousing over to the "close match" button, something tugged at my heart and said you have to meet this man. I am so incredibly attracted to you Rick, and its not JUST your looks, but your brain, your heart, your inner being.
I studied your lips and wondered what they would feel like.
I looked at your arms and wondered how tight would you hold me against your body.
I gazed into your eyes, and time disappeared.
you're putting me on aren't you? jokes?
I'm being a sap. I know. But here it is. I have nothing to lose here. I've emotionally vested about 48 hours on you. If for some crazy reason, this really is what it just might be......
I haven't been able to sleep since you sent your first real email sunday night, i might never sleep again.
...
...
...
i really do hope i can talk to you soon.
I hope that we can chat via webcam so you can see my ugly face, swollen lip and all.
....
....
ok. i am hoping beyond all hope that i see a message in a few hours, just to know that i'm not being tricked here.
i have no idea what i'm doing right now, someone should slap my hand and say BAD GIRL, dont' show these cards
oh well. i'm hitting send anyways. I'm a damn fool
if you want me, you'll come after me. That is the truth. regardless of whether or not i hit send.
But isn't encouragement great?
I think so...
*sigh*
Jennifer
i'm glad i make you laugh. You make me laugh.
*******************************************************************************
This is pretty gutsy i think. I have always been the type of girl that puts it all out there. I don't play games. I don't practice "The Rules" (though I do have my friend Pipers book from high school - still haven't followed it), and I am deep down a hopeless romantic, always looking for exactly what I found with Rick. I think rick is the same way, from reading his past blogs over the last few years.
He is the romantic, looking for love. For an instant connection. I literally met my match. I am counting my blessings for it. He would fall so quickly for girls and he was a little desperate before he met me. Fortunately I did NOT see that side of him. But he was. He was just lonely, looking for a wife. I can't imagine going from a family and wife to being alone. It must be heart breaking really. I have never been a fan of dating. I didnt' want to date really. I wanted a husband. And that's not really a good card to hold when you go on a date.. I surely didn't plan for this to happen, especially as quickly as it did, but I am so glad that i signed up when i did. I know i keep saying all this, but I think i'm also trying to get my head around it as well. how this all happened. i have no idea, but i couldn't have done it any better.
The IM conversation from the first day lasted about 5-6 hours. Seriously. We were so drawn to one another that we couldn't pull ourselves away. It had nothing to do with anything in the physical realm. I had seen a few pictures of rick and he had seen a few of me, but really it was all based on our intellect. And our interaction was instant. We were quick and there was never really a lull in the conversation and it just flowed. we fed off one another, and now that i think about it, i am totally not surprised. This is exactly what i have always wanted. Instant love.
No matter what you think you believe, EVERY woman wants her fairy tale. BUT hardly anyone experiences it like i have in these last three months. I know that I have no time to base the "stay" power, but trust me, this has eternal power. It will last forever. For better or worse. And we are both committed to making it better. And the thing is, every day it gets better. My love for Rick is growing by the minute, even the second, and I literally am exploding with love for him. Be it near or far, he is constantly growing in my heart. I am one of the fortunate women, one in a billion i would think b/c a million doesn't seem accurate... But i am like any of the wonderful women in those Disney movies... I found my prince charming, my one true love. And sure we have some "real world" baggage to go with it, but its the 21st century here so it is expected. BUT, i still cannot believe that i have found this amazing man that challenges me and loves me and makes me feel so amazing. I am extremely blessed to be living a life from a story book. And i always knew i was destined for bigger things, bigger than i could even dream of, but i don't think this is it. I think this is just the beginning.
As rick commented in his blog yesterday, I sent him a 61 page text file from our first conversation via Instant Messaging. We had not seen each other and up to that point, had only exchanged emails. This was our first real interaction between one another. We pretty much discussed everything under the sun, and by the time I got ready to head out of my house for trivia, I had composed a pretty gutsy email to rick. This is by far a subset of the email i sent to him. Because its not as interesting as the parts I pulled out. just some minor details being left out for safety purposes :) I really can't stop looking at these early correspondences. Because how could this have been only three months ago when Rick and I have known each other for a lifetime? Rick and i are so funny and we laugh at ourselves for reminiscing about those first few weeks. WE laugh because we both logically see how ridiculous our relationship is. How ridiculous it is that we look back into our "past" as though it occurred years ago. A lifetime ago even, but really, it nearly does feel that way. As though we have been together forever. As though we were never apart. AS though there was never a life lived without him.
This is a pretty interesting read.
************************************************************
Rick,
By the time you get this it will be morning and i'm almost certain that you will be so tired.
I am so sorry that your day will be long, but perhaps I can offer some words of encouragement to fuel your tank. (and tons of diet coke you addicted fiend)
Were you able to fall asleep alright? I know for me i am wired right now and if i had to even think about sleeping i'd go insane.
I called my sister after work and told her about our 5 hour conversation. She is my best friend, but i was a little afraid to tell her about you. Especially so soon but her husband is on the road and she is all alone with two sick kids. Kids that I must confess, caught my illness.
She already knew about eharmony, but also that I had not met anyone yet that could hold a flame, especially not now. Everything she suggested to me about how I should approach this unique situation - you and I have already discussed. She was encouraged that we have been so open and honest with one another about, well, everything. She is also encouraged that you live so far away because she knows that we won't rush into the physical aspect before we get to know each other. i'm actually encouraged about that too because she is right, but then again, i found myself checking into flights and ready to check my bags.
It IS warm there right?
I am headed out to trivia in another hour, and won't be home until 8am (your time).
When i return, you undoubtedly will be awake.
I feel like you are putting me on
i have a really good feeling of optimism that I have not felt in quite some time.
Prior to mousing over to the "close match" button, something tugged at my heart and said you have to meet this man. I am so incredibly attracted to you Rick, and its not JUST your looks, but your brain, your heart, your inner being.
I studied your lips and wondered what they would feel like.
I looked at your arms and wondered how tight would you hold me against your body.
I gazed into your eyes, and time disappeared.
you're putting me on aren't you? jokes?
I'm being a sap. I know. But here it is. I have nothing to lose here. I've emotionally vested about 48 hours on you. If for some crazy reason, this really is what it just might be......
I haven't been able to sleep since you sent your first real email sunday night, i might never sleep again.
...
...
...
i really do hope i can talk to you soon.
I hope that we can chat via webcam so you can see my ugly face, swollen lip and all.
....
....
ok. i am hoping beyond all hope that i see a message in a few hours, just to know that i'm not being tricked here.
i have no idea what i'm doing right now, someone should slap my hand and say BAD GIRL, dont' show these cards
oh well. i'm hitting send anyways. I'm a damn fool
if you want me, you'll come after me. That is the truth. regardless of whether or not i hit send.
But isn't encouragement great?
I think so...
*sigh*
Jennifer
i'm glad i make you laugh. You make me laugh.
*******************************************************************************
This is pretty gutsy i think. I have always been the type of girl that puts it all out there. I don't play games. I don't practice "The Rules" (though I do have my friend Pipers book from high school - still haven't followed it), and I am deep down a hopeless romantic, always looking for exactly what I found with Rick. I think rick is the same way, from reading his past blogs over the last few years.
He is the romantic, looking for love. For an instant connection. I literally met my match. I am counting my blessings for it. He would fall so quickly for girls and he was a little desperate before he met me. Fortunately I did NOT see that side of him. But he was. He was just lonely, looking for a wife. I can't imagine going from a family and wife to being alone. It must be heart breaking really. I have never been a fan of dating. I didnt' want to date really. I wanted a husband. And that's not really a good card to hold when you go on a date.. I surely didn't plan for this to happen, especially as quickly as it did, but I am so glad that i signed up when i did. I know i keep saying all this, but I think i'm also trying to get my head around it as well. how this all happened. i have no idea, but i couldn't have done it any better.
The IM conversation from the first day lasted about 5-6 hours. Seriously. We were so drawn to one another that we couldn't pull ourselves away. It had nothing to do with anything in the physical realm. I had seen a few pictures of rick and he had seen a few of me, but really it was all based on our intellect. And our interaction was instant. We were quick and there was never really a lull in the conversation and it just flowed. we fed off one another, and now that i think about it, i am totally not surprised. This is exactly what i have always wanted. Instant love.
No matter what you think you believe, EVERY woman wants her fairy tale. BUT hardly anyone experiences it like i have in these last three months. I know that I have no time to base the "stay" power, but trust me, this has eternal power. It will last forever. For better or worse. And we are both committed to making it better. And the thing is, every day it gets better. My love for Rick is growing by the minute, even the second, and I literally am exploding with love for him. Be it near or far, he is constantly growing in my heart. I am one of the fortunate women, one in a billion i would think b/c a million doesn't seem accurate... But i am like any of the wonderful women in those Disney movies... I found my prince charming, my one true love. And sure we have some "real world" baggage to go with it, but its the 21st century here so it is expected. BUT, i still cannot believe that i have found this amazing man that challenges me and loves me and makes me feel so amazing. I am extremely blessed to be living a life from a story book. And i always knew i was destined for bigger things, bigger than i could even dream of, but i don't think this is it. I think this is just the beginning.
Friday, April 2, 2010
The First Chat
What a strange day. I stayed up so late the night before. Jennifer first of all freaked me out with an April Fool’s day blog announcing she was pregnant. Im so friggin gullible. Tben I had to reason that certainly she would tell me first if she was pregnant wouldn’t she? I know she does like facebook and her blog a lot. Finally I had to call just to make sure. I am really looking forward to having children again (one of the many reasons I chose Jennifer) but just not quite this fast. Plus we abstained til we we got married, granted it wasn’t that long of an abstaining period. That is one of the benefits of a long distance relationship, it cuts down on the physical temptation.
So then Jennifer sent me the transcript of our very first chat. Its 60 pages long. Can you believe that? We are both very fast typists…almost type as fast as we can talk. So the first conversation looking back it was clear that she and I were meant to be. It was some funny stuff, but a lot of it was pretty risqué which is Jennifer and my personality. Here’s just one small section that I wrote:
“That is really hard to do. Have you ever noticed people that put on their profile...Love to laugh...yeah who doesn't. Wait...I take that back, I actually know a few people that don't. I have started this improv comedy team, and we really take making people laugh seriously. The way to a woman's heart is through her funny bone, I've heard. And to think all this time I was thinking it was her sternum. No wonder Im having issues. I should forewarn you that girls fall for me all the time, but mostly because I stand them on a slippery surface and usually get a running start……OK...enough with the gags, lets talk about sex, baby, talking about you and me and all the good things...wait...That's a song isn't it. Actually I liked your openness and honesty about the "sex" word. Is it ok for non-married Christians to say that word. I certainly hope so, because its my fourth favorite subject right behind Medieval Chinese Warlords and just ahead of Asceticism in modern day Peru.”
If we clean the chat up, I think its publishable. I’ve had so many people ask me to write my story into a book…and perhaps I will someday. The transcripts of our chats and courtship would be a good addition. So I wound up reading some of it, but I couldn’t read the whole thing, but I caught myself laughing over and over because we are really funny.
Then I got caught up finishing The Amazing Race season 13. I was able to download the entire season in Itunes for $8.99. I really like the Amazing Race because I feel like my life is the Amazing Race. I found myself watching the second to last episode and balling like a baby. I love the redemptive aspect of it with all the relationships. Wow…do I want to emulate that for my career. So then I wound up calling Jennifer, crying some more. I felt like my father for a bit. He doesn’t get emotional often and the one time in the past 50 years where he did cry, he got so excited “look Rit’ tears.” His mother (my grandmother) a very old school German woman once told him, “Stop crying Donny, real boys don’t cry.” Its amazing the effect that parents can have on impressionable children. So much power. Im fortunate in that my parents were always believing and supporting me emotionally and financially. Im reaping the benefit of it now. Jennifer’s parents were the same way. I went to a parenting class once and they spent the 75% of the class on the relationship between the husband and the wife. So if you want to be a good parent, really the only thing you have to do is love your spouse…the rest are all details. I think that is why I have such an overriding sense of guilt with my own children. I was not able to give them as great of an upbringing as I had. I hope that one day my relationship with them will be as close as my relationship with my parents today. We don’t talk everyday, but they know that I love them. This blog is a way for me to stay in contact.
So after all that conversation and Amazing Race, I didn’t get to sleep til 4:30 am. Is it any wonder I wound up either sleeping through my alarm or turning it off in my sleep. I didn’t wake up til 2 pm. Then I headed straight to the British Club to play Darren at squash. I was a little nervous since I hadn’t played him for 3 weeks and I was coming off both a stomach virus and the flu. I was just hoping to score a point or two and not get embarrassed. I wound up shutting him out of 4 games to 0. How does that happen? I hadn’t beat him like that for months. He was really discouraged, and I kind of felt bad…but he had been kicking my butt for months.
Life is pretty good right now. I’m glad Im making it through the storms.
So then Jennifer sent me the transcript of our very first chat. Its 60 pages long. Can you believe that? We are both very fast typists…almost type as fast as we can talk. So the first conversation looking back it was clear that she and I were meant to be. It was some funny stuff, but a lot of it was pretty risqué which is Jennifer and my personality. Here’s just one small section that I wrote:
“That is really hard to do. Have you ever noticed people that put on their profile...Love to laugh...yeah who doesn't. Wait...I take that back, I actually know a few people that don't. I have started this improv comedy team, and we really take making people laugh seriously. The way to a woman's heart is through her funny bone, I've heard. And to think all this time I was thinking it was her sternum. No wonder Im having issues. I should forewarn you that girls fall for me all the time, but mostly because I stand them on a slippery surface and usually get a running start……OK...enough with the gags, lets talk about sex, baby, talking about you and me and all the good things...wait...That's a song isn't it. Actually I liked your openness and honesty about the "sex" word. Is it ok for non-married Christians to say that word. I certainly hope so, because its my fourth favorite subject right behind Medieval Chinese Warlords and just ahead of Asceticism in modern day Peru.”
If we clean the chat up, I think its publishable. I’ve had so many people ask me to write my story into a book…and perhaps I will someday. The transcripts of our chats and courtship would be a good addition. So I wound up reading some of it, but I couldn’t read the whole thing, but I caught myself laughing over and over because we are really funny.
Then I got caught up finishing The Amazing Race season 13. I was able to download the entire season in Itunes for $8.99. I really like the Amazing Race because I feel like my life is the Amazing Race. I found myself watching the second to last episode and balling like a baby. I love the redemptive aspect of it with all the relationships. Wow…do I want to emulate that for my career. So then I wound up calling Jennifer, crying some more. I felt like my father for a bit. He doesn’t get emotional often and the one time in the past 50 years where he did cry, he got so excited “look Rit’ tears.” His mother (my grandmother) a very old school German woman once told him, “Stop crying Donny, real boys don’t cry.” Its amazing the effect that parents can have on impressionable children. So much power. Im fortunate in that my parents were always believing and supporting me emotionally and financially. Im reaping the benefit of it now. Jennifer’s parents were the same way. I went to a parenting class once and they spent the 75% of the class on the relationship between the husband and the wife. So if you want to be a good parent, really the only thing you have to do is love your spouse…the rest are all details. I think that is why I have such an overriding sense of guilt with my own children. I was not able to give them as great of an upbringing as I had. I hope that one day my relationship with them will be as close as my relationship with my parents today. We don’t talk everyday, but they know that I love them. This blog is a way for me to stay in contact.
So after all that conversation and Amazing Race, I didn’t get to sleep til 4:30 am. Is it any wonder I wound up either sleeping through my alarm or turning it off in my sleep. I didn’t wake up til 2 pm. Then I headed straight to the British Club to play Darren at squash. I was a little nervous since I hadn’t played him for 3 weeks and I was coming off both a stomach virus and the flu. I was just hoping to score a point or two and not get embarrassed. I wound up shutting him out of 4 games to 0. How does that happen? I hadn’t beat him like that for months. He was really discouraged, and I kind of felt bad…but he had been kicking my butt for months.
Life is pretty good right now. I’m glad Im making it through the storms.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
False Evidence Appearing Real
Boy do I feel silly…no, silly might not seem like a strong enough word. I feel stupid. Those of you that know me, know that I don’t get stressed about much. I think stress is a pointless emotion that just drains the joy out of a person and makes them miserable. Plus since misery loves company, stress seems to be contagious sometimes. So I’ve had plenty of things to get stressed about the last four years, but I found a little trick. I just pray the stress away and voila its gone. I pray something like “spirit of fear, anxiety, stress, you have no authority over me, be gone in Jesus name.” Its like a magic spell, the cloud just lifts almost immediately. This works for me 99 times out of 100. Well, this morning was that 1 out of 100 time. I prayed that prayer over and over yet the fear just was relentless. That fear was also irrational I just didn’t realize at the time. An acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. In hindsight Im pretty sure I was under spiritual attack. I was doing very well with my walk lately and the enemy saw a weak point and exploited it. I was nervous and stressed all day. I could barely get any work done. Fear absolutely stole all my joy. The good thing at lunch, I spent a great time in devotions and had an extended talk with God. God kept reassuring me that everything was going to be OK, but still I let myself drift back to worry. The thoughts were just pounding at me…so Im pretty sure it was a spiritual attack. The enemy comes to lie, steal, and destroy. Why, what is his purpose?; to steal our joy. So that is what was happening. My joy was being stolen right from under my nose.
I was productive at work somewhat, despite the emotional onslaught. Finally the thing that I was worried about all day long resolved itself. It was absolutely nothing, a bit like a mirage. As the vapor which appeared to be so real dissipated, I felt really stupid. God told me it was nothing, so why did I invest so much mental strain and emotional energy into it. The good thing is that this doesn’t happen to me often. Hopefully I’ll learn from this mistake. God is in absolute control. At a certain point, worry/stress can become a sin. It certainly detracts from our walk with God because how can you be joyful when you are stressed out. “The Joy of the Lord is our strength.” I let that get away from me. God told me the issue was nothing and it really was absolutely nothing. False Evidence Appearing Real. The good that came from all of this, is that God told me that since he told me this was going to happen all the other things that he spoke into my heart, and he spoke a lot of incredible things, were certainly going to come to pass as well. I was starting to doubt that a bit, but He encouraged me. It’s a weird thing that he has called me to do. God is directing my steps and he told me for my future he is going to set everything up, Im not supposed to do anything. In fact the more I do, the more I will slow the process up. “Don’t just do something, Stand there!” is the motto. My job (as is the job with most Christians) is to Seek First the Kingdom of God and All these things (every last detail) will be added unto you. If you think about it, that philosophy sure makes the life of a Christian pretty easy…no stress allowed.
I was productive at work somewhat, despite the emotional onslaught. Finally the thing that I was worried about all day long resolved itself. It was absolutely nothing, a bit like a mirage. As the vapor which appeared to be so real dissipated, I felt really stupid. God told me it was nothing, so why did I invest so much mental strain and emotional energy into it. The good thing is that this doesn’t happen to me often. Hopefully I’ll learn from this mistake. God is in absolute control. At a certain point, worry/stress can become a sin. It certainly detracts from our walk with God because how can you be joyful when you are stressed out. “The Joy of the Lord is our strength.” I let that get away from me. God told me the issue was nothing and it really was absolutely nothing. False Evidence Appearing Real. The good that came from all of this, is that God told me that since he told me this was going to happen all the other things that he spoke into my heart, and he spoke a lot of incredible things, were certainly going to come to pass as well. I was starting to doubt that a bit, but He encouraged me. It’s a weird thing that he has called me to do. God is directing my steps and he told me for my future he is going to set everything up, Im not supposed to do anything. In fact the more I do, the more I will slow the process up. “Don’t just do something, Stand there!” is the motto. My job (as is the job with most Christians) is to Seek First the Kingdom of God and All these things (every last detail) will be added unto you. If you think about it, that philosophy sure makes the life of a Christian pretty easy…no stress allowed.
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