It was and up and down day for me. It was a nice day at work as I was productive and plenty motivated. Its hard to stay motivated now. Jennifer and I decided that it would be better to be married and apart then dating/engaged and apart. Since both of us were living alone, we just figured the living alone part would be a little easier knowing there was someone out there that loved the other. Well, we put in our heads we could go five months alone if we had to. Now it seems like we can’t even go five weeks. The distance is hard. Its like each of us is running out of oxygen in our respective emotional rooms. Now all of this is good news as we long to be together. Many people go a lifetime without having this much passion. So the distance thing will certainly be an emotional hardship. There are so many options where are careers can take us. Jennifer and I are both very fortunate to have pretty exciting, and amazing careers. I feel like I have a calling in my life to use my professional skills to change the world. Jennifer is very supportive of that. If she can keep her job at the same time, all the better. There are so many advantages to living in the Mid-East other than making a cultural difference. Global travel is so much easier and cheaper since we are so close to Europe, Africa, and Asia. That is a certain perk. Since Jennifer and I don’t have kids together just yet, we wanted to take advantage of our freedoms.
The good part is that we are really seeking God on this one. If you read Matthew 6, it doesn’t do any good to worry. In fact we are just supposed to seek God and he’ll take care of all the detail. So as Spiritual Head of the Household (Ha…Jennifer is willing to, but having a hard time with that submit concept), I am really encouraging us to go after God. If we focus on just getting to know him, then everything will fall into place. I heard an interesting take from Steve Madsen pastor of Cornerstone in Livermore. I download all the podcasts. He is teaching from the book of Acts, specifically Chapter 20, v. 21. The verse states “….repentance toward God and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ. re·pent·ance–noun
1.deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like.
2.regret for any past action.
He shared an aspect that I’ve never really realized…the word “toward.” Some or many of us suffer from a secret sin, or a habitual sin. Be it pornography (my past issue), alcohol, drugs, shopping, vanity, pride etc… Its something that some of us have prayed and been forgiven dozens, hundreds, or thousands of times. We all feel guilty after the sin then we swear we will never do it again, then boom…we do it again. So as Pastor Steve spoke, the thing is good to repent against the sin, but that’s not really getting at the core issue, which is a heart change. If you really want to break the habit, you have to repent “toward” God not just stopping the action. If you move towards God His light overpowers the darkness of the habit and changes your personality at the root. The other is just like mowing a weed, it will just come back. Another thing that Pastor Steve said awhile back… “We sin because we don’t trust that God will do what he says he’ll do.” So we take matters into our own hands self-medicate because that is a temporary fix…like a band aid on a cancer.
So what Jennifer and I are going to do in our relationship is move towards God. We trust He will handle the details. To further go along this line we decided that we should fast and really seek God. Anytime you are in need of a great answer or deliverance from God fasting is a key weapon. So we just started and we are trying to be synchronized. I started mine on Mon. Dinner, her Breakfast. Since Im about 8 hours ahead of her we are on the same schedule so right now we are hungry. Now Im not telling you this to say…Oh look how spiritual we are. Rather, I think its good to share to encourage others to fast as well. If you are a believer it is expected of you…its not option. Jesus said... “When you fast…” not “if you fast…” Hopefully by the end of this short fast we’ll have clearer direction when we’ll be able to live together like normal husband and wife. But if any of you know Jennifer and I…we are anything but normal.
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