Cancelled Czech

Cancelled Czech

I was so waiting to use that line.  So this world of online dating it has its pitfalls and its benefits.  The benefits to me is that being a professional writer…my prose works really well for me.  The pitfalls is when a relationship doesn’t work…or the other person wants it to stop.  They just simply disappear.  Actually most of the onlinr people do that.  Just stop responding to phone calls, texts, IM’s, emails, and hopefully the other person gets the hint.  (I by the way rarely get hints…you totally have to spell things out for me in big block letters. )   I think its all the avoidance of confrontation.  It kind of sucks but it is what it is.  I could sense the hammer was dropping with the Czech when she just stopped taking or returning my calls.  Yeah…I was upset for a day or two.  I wound up really liking the Czech.  But there were warning flags too.  I tried to ignore the warning flags.  For instance, a former online boyfriend of the Czech’s contacted me after he saw our pictures up on facebook.  I know this seems so like Junior High School.  So he contacted me to warn me that she wasn’t what she seemed.  He said some pretty bad things to say about her.  But I had to take him with a grain of salt because it might have been just a former spurned lover.  I had to be objective.  I believed the Czech and what she told me.  I was good with that.  But as the events of the last few days unfolded…it got me to reconsider.  The Czech is a really great girl.  I just don’t think she knows what she wants at this point.  She is chasing butterflies.  You know those butterflies you get in your stomach at the start of a relationship when you touch someone’s hand for the first time.  Im learning to hate those stupid butterflies.  That’s one of the myriad of reasons why my marriage failed.  X went off chasing those butterflies. 

Yeah, heartache sucks.  Its my own fault for continuing to willingly put my heart out there.  I will continue to do so again and again.  Its better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.  Plus I figure X broke my heart so badly…no one can ever make me hurt like that ever again.  So I’ve been through the worst that life has to offer and Im stronger in the long run because of it.  My mother…who wants me to share all my deep ceded emotional pain with her, wants me to cry and explain how upset I am all the time.  She has my little sister for that emotional bonding.  I don’t know what it is with my mother and crying.  I remember when I was in high school she sat me down to watch Old Yeller, Brian’s song, and one other movie…maybe it was The Champ and just sat me like a science experiment and said Cry dang it.  Perhaps it was because my father never cried.  I do cry…I sobbed uncontrollably twice during my divorce process…but that’s about it.  Now I cry when Im singing fast paced praised worship in church or during beautiful cinematic moments in movied. 

Now for my mother searching for someone to cry and share with her, my little sis has no shortage of emotional issues…she reads this…so now she’ll sue me for libel but ultimately agree with me.  So my mom, tries to take care of me emotionally because Im single, kept probing me…are you hurt?  Are you upset?  Is it over?  Yadda yadda yadda.  I said go to lil sis with that Dr. Phil crap.  I said…Im ok…I was upset for 24 hours now Im better.  She said, you don’t get over something like that quickly.  And that’s when the realization hit me.  I fall for girls rather quickly, and I get over girls rather quickly.  So there is a bonus for my emotional impetuousness. 

So what’s the solution?  Well I turned to God first and foremost.  I haven’t been 100% on top of my spiritual game and God uses pain to get us back on course.  Then I turned to a couple of old girlfriends for chats.  I talked to Ms. Texas first who showed up out of nowhere really.  She’s in love and probably will be engaged soon.    The faithful readers might also remember me talking about a girl from  Sacramento.  I was really fond of Erica.  We really clicked and laughed a lot.  Ours was a short but torrid relationship right before I came to Bahrain.  Erica and I always turn to each other whenever we have our latest heartbreaks.  Its like clockwork really…and its very soothing and healing.  She’s a wonderful gal.  I think we would have wound up together…but she has three young children and joint custody.  She’s locked into Sacramento while God has plans for me abroad.  It’s a shame really…but that the nature of divorce and second relationships.  Love is a factor…but its not an overriding factor.  You have to consider children, finances, demographics, jobs, property…all the intangible items and factor them in with love.  Its not a very romantic way to look at things but its practical.  I believe marriage the second time around is more of a business relationship/agreement than a romance.  I know that sucks, especially for me as a true romantic artist, but that is reality.  So life is good again.  Im back on my horse still stinging just a touch, but riding anyway.  Did I learn my lesson from all of this?  Heck no!  Where’s the next girl?