It was bound to happen eventually. I knew I couldn’t keep my remarkable (for me) streak of three great days in a row going. But there is a silver lining. This still was a pretty good day. Nothing remarkable or out of the ordinary happened. Although I’m looking forward to a bonus Veteran’s Day holiday off tomorrow. So what makes me hopeful and optimistic, is I’m hoping this level is my new normal. I’m filled with peace and joy today even though nothing really good or great happened. If I did indeed turn a corner and this is my reality, then I can learn to accept that. Things of course will get better in the future when circumstances can help dictate happiness. And when I can combine happiness with the foundation of peace and joy….man that is really living. But If I can keep this baseline of Peace and Joy when nothing is happening, I’ll take that as a win. It sure seems better than the alternative. Being down in the dumps SUCKS. So why am I so accepting? Well it’s the serenity prayer coming alive in my life. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” I desperately and prayerfully want my life to be different, to not be alone specifically, but that is out of my control. Maybe God is taking me through this season that I can learn to be alone. Can you see the footsteps in the sand? There is one set with the other set being dragged because of all the kicking and screaming I’m doing. I’m coming to grips with the acceptance of that but it’s hard because i want to dictate the way my life will go. It says in Proverbs that Man plans his way but God directs his steps. I wish I was in control. If a miracle happens great, If not…I have to trust that God is faithful. I trust that because he has proven Himself to be faithful every step of the way.
It happened again. I woke up this morning with a such a heaviness about me. I prayed and praised it away. This time the stupor only lasted a few moments rather than several minutes but before that it was hours. So I’m headed in the right direction. So why do I have these spiritual attacks when I wake up? Is there a battle going on between the forces of darkness and light while I sleep. I don’t know. I do believe I’m in the midst of a protracted spiritual battle. It’s just bizarre that it has hit on multiple days right as soon as I wake up. I think it has something to do with 2025 seems like one giant bad dream. I keep feeling like I’ll wake up and everything will be back to normal. Then once I realize the reality of my situation that brings me down. I’m trying very hard to compensate with lots of Praise and prayer. I’m singing a ton of praise and worship and crying out to God. Is it working? Well I did have three great days in a row with the fourth being pretty good too. My career is excelling. My outside work at Improv/teaching seems to be going well. My kids love me and seemingly get really excited to see me whenever we can get together. The dog is crazy about me.I’m in pretty good shape because all the extra time on my hands and going to the gym. Although I felt horrible today and very selfish. I left my house at 6:10a today and didn’t get home from work and appointments until 7p. That’s a long time for a dog to be alone. Cats, no problem. While I’d love a cat, it’s just not the right time for it at the moment. So overall what I’m doing seems to be working. I feel as close to the Lord as ever. I’m also endeavoring to “Seek First the Kingdom and His Righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.” Slowly but surely “All These Things” are being added in my life. I just have to trust that he knows better than me. Sometimes our greatest answers to prayers are the ones where He says No. It sure is hard to take at first but in hindsight several days/weeks/months/years down the road it can be quite beautiful. I know when I was praying for reconciliation the first time, fervently for hours every day sometimes, God said No because He had something else wonderful in mind for me. I did indeed get the extreme upgrade. I trust that whatever happens….All things will again work together for good because I’m doing my part now.
I’m including a pretty cute video our marketing team put together for Funniest Person in the Triangle. It’s so nice working with talented people.
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