Four great days in a row!

 Four good to great days in a row!  That has to be some sort of 2025 record. I’ll take it.  I’m stacking wins so when the depressing days roll in, I’ll have enough joy in bank account to make a withdrawal to see me through for the next time depression hits.  I battled it a bit last night as the “Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood” kicked in.  That just means I really miss my family when they are not around.  But I turned to my faith and cried out to God.  What made it even more challenging (superficial I know) the Raiders lost another heart breaker last night on a failed 2 point conversion try in overtime.  I wish I didn’t root for them but they symbolize my childhood and I’m pretty darn loyal even to my detriment.  It’s funny, all the teams I rooted for as a child from Oakland, Raiders, A’s, and Warriors have all relocated. I can’t blame them too much because I relocated away as well.  

One good thing about my situation in being alone is that I enjoy going into work. Work is where I am not so alone.  The school I teach at is huge with over 2000 students.  That is bigger than Evangel College where I graduated.  Today things were going along OK.  I wasn’t depressed yet I wasn’t ecstatic either. I was just surviving.   I was trying to embrace my reality of striving for peace and joy despite the lack of happiness.    I prayed and gave my temperament over to God.  Remember this whole depressed/lonely spirit is a foreign experience for me.  I just don’t have a lot of practice at it.  Joy begets joy and depression begets depression in the opposite way as I have found in my life.   After a solid workout, I got great news.  Well,it was great for me anyway.  I learned that my middle daughter was going to be able to spend the weekend with me unexpectedly.  I’m so excited to spend some bonus time with just her.  That’s one silver lining of the loneliness/depression that I’ve been battling, It doesn’t take much to make things right in my world.  I’ve seemingly been walking on clouds since I heard the news.   Now am I overreacting?  It’s just one extra weekend with one extra daughter.  But I will take the good vibes however I can get them.  I already have the entire weekend planned out in my head.  I’ll probably get the dog too as an added bonus but that has still to be determined.  

What makes this extra important to me, is that we’ve been trying to get the Funniest Person Improv show going again.  My daughter is a brilliant (not exaggerating) improv performer.  I’ve worked with hundreds if not thousands of actors all over the world.  For her age, she’s one of the very best.  So I know with her that gives me the security that whoever might come to the show it will be a good night because my daughter is there to improve the performances.  I do have an adult friend who has the same effect but I hesitate to call on him too much as I don’t want to take advantage of our friendship.  

Tomorrow is a teacher work day so I get to sleep in a tiny bit and then head off to meetings and appointments.  So its a departure from the regular grind which is turning out to be not be much of a grind at all.  I’m feeling very positive and hopeful right now.  Four good days in a row will do that to you.  While I might not have a full time family (which I desperately miss) I do have a good job, 6 healthy children that love me, a dog that is crazy about me, a second job which I also enjoy, enough money to pay my bills, a few good shows I’m watching, Lots of support from friends and family, and a bright outlook (at the moment) for the future.  I’m thankful.  This is not how I would have drawn up my life but I’m trying to make the best of what I have at the moment.   God promised that All Things work together for good for those who believe and are called according to His purpose.  It’s hard for me to remember “work together for good” some days.  With my renewed hope, today it’s not so hard to remember.  Thank you for reading and giving me this outlet.  If you pray…your prayers are appreciated and they are working.