Da Funk

I’ve been in kind of a funk all week.  Only semi-productive at work.  I feel like my spirit has been drained.  I had nine months of near euphoria being in Bahrain, but emotionally I feel like Im out of gas.  As I write this, the Lord is impressing upon me, that my spiritual life is out of whack.  With all the traveling that I’ve been doing I haven’t really been as diligent in my devotional life or spiritual life as I should be.  No wonder I’m in a funk.  I think that has a lot do with it.  Before my trip, I was so passionate about my morning devotion and Bible study.  Now that I’m back, Im not even really sure where my Bible is.  I usually leave it in the car but I brought it up to the flat for some reason and haven’t brought it back down.  Out of sight out of mind I guess.  In fact, now Im kind of bothered.  I just walked around looking for my Bible and I can’t find it.  I thought it was in the house somewhere.  I’ll have to double check the car.  This Bible has great significance to me.  Not only is the living breathing word of God.  It also has great sentimental value.  It looks like it has been through a few wars because it is so tattered and torn.  This particular Bible is nearly 25 years old.  It was my family Bible before I had a family.  Its strange, X has marked notes in it with whatever sermon she was listening to at the time.  Its rather bizarre to come across those notes now. 

It’s been a tough week emotionally.  They say home is where the heart is,  Right? now…Im not sure where my heart is.  Is it in North Carolina with Ms. Czech?  Is it in Houston with my children? Is it in San Francisco where I grew up?  Is it in Bahrain where my passion is?  Those are all perplexing questions that I don’t have a definitive answer for.  Im sure if Ms. Czech were here in Bahrain, this would feel a lot like home.  But now…im alone.  And Im about to become even more alone.  Guy has decided to return to Alabama to be with his kids.  I’m quite happy for him.  It was nice having a roommate and a good friend to share experiences with.  The clinching thing for Guy is when his 15 year old daughter wrote him a letter asking him to come back, telling him they needed him there.  How could any father resist that?  I often wonder what it would be like for my 15 year old to tell me that.  Im not sure how I would react.  We don’t talk much anymore.  We used to be very very very close.  But the combination of the teen years, puberty, boys, and the Parental Alienation/poisoning from X have kind of ruined that.  I know that someday my relationship with my daughter will be restored…but it might be 10 years before that happens.  I wish there was something I could do fix it in the mean time. 

I had a good talk with Nader today.  I like to meet with him about once a month and keep him apprised of everything that is happening in the office.  He seemed quite pleased with all the activity.  But bottom line is cash flow.  We have to keep the machine running.  We are interviewing another very sharp sales/marketing lady on Sunday.  Hopefully she’ll be the key to bring in more revenue. 

Tanya and I were a little perturbed at work today.  Tanya is my cohort at the office and very good friend.  Its just weird having a friend that is married like that…so I have to be very careful not to cross any inappropriate lines.  I love her kids and her husband Raimond is a great guy too.  So we keep it absolutely professional…but we are friends.  Its weird even typing that.  So we came up with the idea of the Employee of the month as an incentive for everyone.  They were all excited at first.  We took the votes today for this month’s employee of the month and were quite surprised.  All but two the votes were for one particular person in the office…who happens to struggle with his attitude sometimes.  Methinks there is a fix in place.  Last vote the votes were evenly distributed amongst all the employees.  This time, Im certain there was politicking involved which takes the spirit away from what we intended it to be.  Its like there was an alliance and this was survivor.  I’ll probably go ahead award to the person that talked his way into the award, but I’ll warn them, that the democratic process can be abused and they are in danger of it going back to a dictatorship.  Im a very fair and cool boss, I don’t like to be taken advantage of especially with generosity. 

I feel much better about everything since I shared it with you.  Thanks for reading.  I guess this week…has just been one giant spiritual attack. Your prayers are still coveted to help ward this off.