We had a great small group tonight. There were only five of us, well 6 because Pat joined later. The spirit of God was really moving in this one. One of my ardent young muslim friends was so energized by this. He wanted a transcript and exclaimed this was the best message yet. Essentially Joel talked about how God allows resistance in our life in order to propel us to make us stronger. If there was no resistance (trials) we would remain weak. I know the trials that I had to endure in my own life have made me incredibly stronger in the spiritual realm. I brought up to the group my past issue with Pornography which they all know about. Before when temptation hit, it really wasn’t much of a battle. I prayed, but I was soon bowled over. I really had no idea how to fight that demon in my life. I was the 98 lb. weakling and the devil was the 300 lb. ripped bully kicking sand in my face. But the trials I had to endure through my divorce and career struggles forced me to work out spiritually. Day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, I got stronger and I continued to work out. Now, by the grace of God, the shoe is on the other foot. So when temptation comes, like pornography, it’s a mere flick of the wrist and it goes away. Now Im the 300 lb bully, and the enemy is the 98 lb. weakling. Now, Im not going to boast, because If I don’t continue to work out spiritually by reading my Bible, doing my devotional, listening to God and praying, before I know it, I’m 98 lbs again and the devil will be primed to knock me over. Now its not just with temptation/pornography where Im strong. Its every facet of my life. Specifically, I will not let the enemy steal my joy. If something comes in opposition to me, I take a step back, evaluate it and handle it according to how God would have me handle it. I can have loads of crap happen in my life, but I choose to not allow it to steal my joy. Its just a mindset you have to put yourself in. This stuff really works. My small group knows everything about my struggles with my sin and divorce/former wife issues. By the way…I used to refer to my former wife as X, which was very hurtful and condescending. I was trying to hurt her back because she hurt me so. My older sister brought this to my attention. I don’t think that is the way that God would have me treat one of his daughters. So I felt really conflicted about that. I hope she can forgive me for that. Plus, now that I have a new love in my life, all those past hurts are one by one disappearing. That is a great feeling to have. I have to forgive, and forgiveness is a process, a choice I have to do over and over again. When Im lonely and hurting, forgiveness is more difficult. But when things are going very well, forgiveness is quite easy. I hope my former wife can one day forgive me for my misdeeds I committed in the marriage and outside of the marriage during the divorce process.
I like being so transparent with my group. By sharing the details they are seeing that God is real and this whole Christianity thing works. So Im a living example of “What the enemy meant for evil, God will turn for good.
There are so many great things happening in my life. The more time I spend with Jenni, the more I’m convinced that she was made especially for me, especially for this time in my life. I joke with her that I was supposed to be married to my former wife first, because If I would have married her first, I would have been 22 and she would have been 10, and I’d be writing this blog from a prison cell.
That doesn’t mean, that marrying my former wife was wrong when I did, because it absolutely was not. I was very happily married for many of the years we were together. I’d do it all over again, only this time I would be a better husband. I thank God that I’ll have a second chance to be a better husband the second time around. One question I wrestle with is why would God call me to marry my former wife and have it end in such a horrible fashion. I’m not sure I’ll ever truly have the answer to that question. Maybe it was a simple as her DNA needed my DNA to create three really great kids. Or maybe it was tool to drive me to a deeper undertanding and Intimacy with the Creator. I may never know. But the good thing is that I don’t need to know. All I need to know now is that God is extremely faithful. My pain, my struggles, my deliverance, my victory and the new love of my life are testimony to that. Im glad I have this blog to annotate it. Im a very blessed guy. The Joy of the Lord is my strength and I feel stronger than ever.
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