Life Like Pistons

I think I just ran out of gas. My life is a real mix right now. My love life is going great, but the professional life is not really not going as well as I would like. Plus I really miss my children. It seems the past five years either my professional life is going great and emotional life is hurting, or my emotional life is great and professionally Im hurting. Its like a piston, one is up and one is down. One of these days They are both going to be up at the same time, I just know it. Maybe that is a plan of God to keep me going and to give me hope. I am fortunate that I am still employed with a great job. Im still living the adventure here. Its just a little bit luster has worn off. I used to love love love my job and couldn’t’ wait to get into work. Now it feels like work. My supervisor is trying to push me into more of a sales/business development role. My passion remains in the creative/production realm. That is where I really excel. As a salesperson, Im ordinary. There are also unrealistic expectations how long projects take to complete. So that has taken the wind out of my sails just a bit. That’s why this week has been really difficult. But like I said last night, that this is all part of God’s plan. Im just to wait it out. He’s got things in motion that will come to pass. Im just to be still and wait for God’s timing.

It sure does help that Jenni is coming out in 16 days so I can meet the love of my life face to face. It just seems weird that we would fall for each other, so quickly without any physical contact. I think our story is one of the potentially great 21st century love stories. It would have to be God to set this up. Here I was in the Middle East, that’s not much of a draw for potential love partners. Except if you are from Russia. More on that in a later blog. So for God to prompt Jenni to have the desire to leave her world behind to join me, is almost semi-miraculous. She has never been more than 4 hours from her parents and here she is about to embark on such a radical life changing decision and she’s stoked about it. The more that I learn about Jenni, the more its amazing how well we fit together, spiritually, physically, emotionally, sense of humor, intellectually the works. But what truly amazes me, and I just can’t get over this is that how crazy she is about me. She really makes me feel good about myself. She tells me how handsome/cute/good looking I am all the time. I mention that because it seems so unbelievable to me. Its almost that God designed us for each other. I know that God wouldn’t design two marriages to fail. But my life is a continuing testament to “What the devil meant for evil, God will turn for good.” I think I am the poster child for that verse. I actually think that God gave me the best girl in the world so He could show off through me a little. I felt a lot like Job with my family being taken from me. I’ve mentioned this before. But the big difference between Job and myself, is that he was blameless in the eyes of God. I haven’t been so blameless. I really have been upfront about my struggles in this blog. I think the reason why I am, is to show that Im real, Im fallible, I make mistakes, yet God continues to use me and bless me despite myself. God knows my heart, he knows that I love him, and He is quick to forgive my mistakes. Proverbs 28:13 "He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion."

Rarely do you hear people is spiritual leadership fess up to specific sinning unless they are forced to do so, Im thinking Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker here. Im not sure that is a good or bad thing. Perhaps if ministers would be up front about their failures their flocks might not be as ready to follow them. That is between them and God and Im certainly not criticizing. But my deal is to be totally transparent. I am that way with my small group/home church. I tell them and pretty much everyone everything. I think that gives me credibility. There was one guy that came to the group on Monday, he’s an agnostic. He grew up Roman Catholic and just got so turned off by the hypocrisy that he saw within the church. I think my stance appeals to him, because I am real. He can respect that even though I struggle sometimes. I should preface this to say…these are the struggles of my past. Im not currently going through any difficulties/temptations, by the grace of God. I’ve learned how to become spiritually fit and ward off the temptations. I’ll continue to ward them off as I continue to develop my spiritual life. I know that God is blessing me. I just have to wait a little longer.