Effort in the middle

I love playing squash. It is such an amazing aerobic workout for me. It works the upper body, abs, and lower body. It is incredibly taxing. It is so much fun. The main person I play is one of my best friends here, Darren. Darren is probably the best sportsman you’re ever going to meet. The thing with Darren is that we are super competitive. Neither one of us is going to give an inch. Yet when either one of us makes a spectacular play we cheer each other on. When I first started playing Darren I used to beat him routinely. Then I let him use my racquet. He bought one like mine and ever since then, he has routinely beaten me. Maybe I should have kept my big mouth shut. But still we play for the exercise if we win, that’s a bonus. He’s been getting the bonuses for awhile. Its really been ticking me off lately. Most all of our games are extremely close, 15-13, I just don’t seem to have it at the end or lack the killer instinct. So I was really thinking about it today. I have to get the mental edge back. So I psyched myself up and really analyzed the game. The game isn’t lost at the end, its lost in the middle, for me. I used to relax in the middle and then turn it on at the end but it just wasn’t enough. This time I was determined to give a strong effort in the middle. Well it worked, I really gave the effort in the middle and I wound up winning 4 out of the 5 games. That hasn’t happened for a long long time, probably November. So the mental effort really made the difference. Then it hit me on the way home, that is how life is like. When ever we are battling an addiction or trial, the battle isn’t won at the end. If you try to make an effort to fight to late in the game its usually pointless, its already over. If you nip the problem in the bud early, its easy, but if not you can battle in the middle and overcome it. But if you wait to late at the end, you can give all the effort you want but its usually too little too late.

It was a very good day at work today. We had a potential big client come in today, so that would be great if we could nail it. Who am I kidding, its so hard to stay focused at work. I feel like Im not being the greatest employee right now. I just cant get my mind off Carolina Girl. Apparently she can’t get her mind of me either. We webcam in the morning when I get up (her evening) and the webcam again when she gets up (my evening). In between there are countless little emails and IM’s. When we have to leave to do work its painful. I am certainly head over heals in love with this girl. I asked people if they believe in Love at first sight, most everyone says no, but they think its lust at first sight. I don’t think that is the case with me. I fell for Carolina Girl after her first email. Quite literally it was the best email I had ever received. I just had to see her and pray that I was attracted to her. When I was attracted to her, the deal was sealed. I was hooked on this girl. So its not Lust at first sight, I really believe its love at first sight. Perhaps its because I know that God has been preparing this for me. I can really feel God’s spirit in this that is why its so easy for me to be confident that she is the one. We are like perfect matches for each other. My strengths are her weaknesses, and her strengths are my weaknesses. A lot of people say…take it slow. Well…in our early conversation we showed our dark side early. Told each other all of our deepest darkest secrets. That way if the one was going to bail, they’d bail early where it wouldn’t hurt quite as bad. Except quite the opposite happened as it brought us even closer. Its weird, because ive been searching for this type of connection for months now. Now that I have it, its quite overwhelming but quite wonderful.

I had a wonderful conversation with Max yesterday. He was genuinely excited about it. I was quite surprised. I think he could sense I was happy. Perhaps if their dad is happy, that makes them happy as well. Max even asked to be involved with the ceremony which really blew me away. I do love my kids so. I think having Carolina Girl in my life will help me further reconciled to them.

Everything seems to shaping up in my life quite nicely right now. I am truly blessed and God is faithful.