Blooming where you are

I have really been battling being down lately. Im just in a major funk. I know that God is doing a work in me and that I just have to be patient. We had our home church tonight…I like the sound of that so much better than Positive Living group. But the marketing stigma of church would keep people away. We had a big group tonight, 10. For the first time in a long time I almost ran out of food. It was interesting, we had 3 Christians, 5 muslims and two agnostics tonight. The sermon from Joel was just for me. It was about “blooming where you are” and waiting for God’s perfect timing. God is building something in me and waiting for His perfect timing to break it out. So even though Im there to encourage all these other people, instead it was myself that needed the encouragement. I am quite honest with my group, I tell them everything, warts and all. Joel tends to focus on the positive blessings of God which is great. But when I share the negative It kind of proves that Osteen’s philosophies really are effective. Its my way of balancing him out. When I say the negative, I mean the things in my life that haven’t gone exactly as planned, yet I have such tremendous peace and joy despite my circumstances.

But when I shared with the group, they were so quick to encourage me and to lift me up. It was really nice. I felt like I was making a psychological withdrawal after all the deposits I have made over the year. I just really like to see the relationships and the friendships develop. It will be interesting to see if the group still thrives with the move. I am moving to another flat on Saturday. I told the group, hopefully they will be able to follow. This has been kind of routine for them. They know most every Monday something is going on in my flat. Many just drop by. Im sure there will be a bit of a transition.

Even though Im a little down, and I think I know why I am. I also know that I know that I know that God will see me through this. I just wish that he would hurry up. I don’t think it’s a sin to face God and say…are you sure you know what you are doing. I think that is part of the relationship. God more than anything created us for relationship. If you are having a problem with a friend you talk it out. You have proper communication. That is what Im learning to do with God…respectfully. God I don’t like this, but Im trusting you to get me through this. He will but he has to work something out in me before I do get through it.

I am still very optimistic about the future and I think I always will be. Im a dreamer. I don’t think Im going to stop dreaming anytime soon.