The Day after the Brokenness

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 Yesterday was intense.  I did not like it.  I can remember the moments in my life where I just stopped and sobbed.  It was surreal because it just doesn’t happen that often.  I felt truly broken while at the same time comforted because God knew ahead of time of how I would feel.  Now you might call that chance encounter I had, a coincidence. You can almost decry any Act of God as a coincidence.  I chose NOT to do so.  If God knows the numbers of hairs on my head (Matthew 10:30) and collects my tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8).  Surely he must care when I am broken in spirit. Yesterday I was truly broken.   I do miss my family.  But God promises that He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3).  That is what I am counting on.  I just have to realize the healing may not come overnight as much as I want it to.  It could be days weeks/months/years.  I have to be prepared for it.  This is where my marathon training when I was younger comes in handy.  I was never very fast but I could run for days.  I know what it takes to endure through hardship.  Am I looking forward to the endurance training?  Heck No.  But I know I can do it.  

Today was another remote learning day.  Hooray!.  I stayed up late last night to do my work so I felt OK sleeping in a bit.  But I still set my alarm because I wanted to be productive today.  I don’t really like wasting time.  I have found I’m much more productive when I have too much to do.  But when I have ample time, I’m terribly inefficient.  I have to work on that through discipline.  My goal is to work really hard so I can incentivize myself with the relief of being able to relax.  I am relaxing the best way I know how, by watching Golden State play a basketball game. I have to guard myself with my fandom. Sometimes I get too emotionally involved and it affects my mood too much. At times in my life "sports" has become a god in my life. I try to combat this by spending more time with big G, God, than all the other little g gods.


I am actually ready for school to gear up tomorrow.  Having time at home is fine for awhile but I don’t like being alone too much.  I’m fortunate to have my dog to interact with.  The dog and I both love to cuddle each other.  I’m hopeful again but the hope comes and goes.  I get my girls this weekend so I’m looking forward to that.  Everytime I talk to them on the phone my heart gets lighter.  This is especially true when I hear my five year old.  She always gets genuinely excited when she hears my voice.  I know that this whole thing is part of God’s plan for my life.  I’m praying that hardest part is over now but i’m prepared even if it isn’t.  God is faithful. 


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