Frozen in place

 It’s been such a strange, different and wonderful day. I remember getting the impression last night as I went to sleep that tomorrow was going to be a good day.  Sometimes God speaks to me to warn me of impending difficult days or impending good days.  Most of the time these thoughts or feelings turn out to be accurate.  But I scoffed at this notion.  How could it be possibly be a good day?  I was alone with the prospect of being snowed in for the entire day with everything around me closed or at least I thought it was closed. Last night I drove around Raleigh around 8 pm looking to buy eggs.  I couldn’t find any.  Either the stores were closed or they were out of eggs, bread and milk.   

I slept in, and kept sleeping and stayed in bed for another two hours.  Normally on a Sunday I get up for church but church was all online today.  So i stayed in bed until I felt somewhat slothful.  I got up and my street was blanketed in ice just like the forecast suggested.  I do like the snow as its easier to find the dog poop on the walks in the grass/leaves to pick up.  I walked the dog then settled in for an online church service with the Summit.   It seemed the entire message was written precisely for me.  I know I’m living my life right when God speaks to me so clearly and often.  The gist of the message from 2 Corinthians was about Paul and his battle with the “thorn” in his side.  He tried to pray it away but God allowed it to remain, reasoning “My grace is sufficient for you.”  Pastor JD’s message was that God will allow pain to remain in order to foster dependence on him.  As many of you know I’ve been praying fervently for nearly a year for God to move in my life in certain and specific ways.  Yet, my situation seems to be only getting worse. As my situation seemingly becomes worse my peace increases…go figure.  God is in control of everything all the time.    So I know that the extreme pain and anguish in my life is transforming me into becoming the man I was always supposed to be.  It hurts…a lot.  But I have to walk in faith that all of this is for His divine purpose.  What that purpose is, I’m not quite sure.  But I know that I’m depending and seeking Him more than I would have if I had just remained “fat and happy” so to speak.  It’s harder to seek God so diligently when things are peachy.  Maybe that’s why it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.  (Matthew 19:24, but three gospels cover this quote).  I’ve been in this situation before in my life.  Seek God, receive his blessings, become complacent, compromise values, be in bondage, and Seek God…Wash, rinse, repeat.  Hopefully this time around I’ll learn my lesson.  I feel like I’m one of the Israelites wandering around in the desert making the same mistakes over and over.  Or I’m stuck in the cycle of the book of Judges. 

But on this day, I was alone, stranded in my house, and was filled with Peace and Joy.  Now part of this is because I had power all day otherwise it might have been tough.  I did not expect to have a good day, but I did.  I so miss my family, but I have to become accustomed to my new reality.  My reality is that I have to trust God even in the alone times.  I also have to embrace my new identity of being single and having a lot more freedom.  I’d trade it all away in a heartbeat but my situation is what it is.  

So I was able to work on a second draft of a screenplay I’ve been fiddling with for the past year.  It’s a good one.  I also watched two football games and a basketball game.  I watch them delayed online so I can skip through all the commercials and downtime.  Consequently I was able to watch all three in the manner of two hours.  That’s efficient I think.  I’ll head to bed early having had a very good day.  

I’m not sure about tomorrow.  My street is a sheet of ice and I live at the bottom of two steep hills.  I’m not sure If I’ll be able to leave my house tomorrow either.  But it’s a teacher work day so I can work remotely again if need be.  I really don’t know what the future holds, but I’m still filled with hope, peace and joy today because God is faithful even though I am sometimes not.