Blessed by a stranger leaving Panera Bread

 I have been writing quite a bit lately about the confounding peace that I am experiencing in the midst of all the unhappiness. I am quite surprised by it all even as I experience brief moments of joy and happiness.  I am trying to keep this all in perspective as I know that there will be good days and bad days and a lot of Blah days.  Today was a bad day.  I’m just really discouraged.  I know intellectually that I’ll get through it and tomorrow will be a better day.  But right now I’m just down.  I can’t do anything to fix my situation or make it better and that is the frustrating part of it all.  The only thing I can do is just not make it any worse and endure.  I have found a good strategy when these moods come upon me (other than the obvious with a lot of prayer and praise) is to call it a day and go to sleep early.  That surprisingly has been quite effective.  Yet at 8:41 pm as I write this, I just can’t bring myself to go to bed this early.  I at least have to make it another 90 minutes or so.  I know tomorrow will be better.  It’s another remote learning day for tomorrow.  This sounds good in theory but it’s such a hassle. Students and teachers are just not prepared for the new routine.  I’m sure everything will be ironed out by next week.  I think it’s healthy for me to have a regular routine for me to go through.  

I was fortunate today to have lunch with a dear friend and prayer buddy.  This friend has been with me for years and is very aware of everything and I mean EVERYthing I’m going through.  It’s so nice to have a friend especially when that friend is such a strong man of God.  Just talking to him made me feel better about myself.  I remember as I walked into Panera Bread to meet him this man (my age) that I’ve never seen before, rushed to hold the door open for me while I was entering and he was exiting.  This man had his hands full of Panera Take Out, yet he still made the extra effort to hold the door open for me.  I felt as if I should have held the door open for him but I wasn’t quick enough and he was quite determined.  As I thanked him he looked me in the eye and said, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  You are a great person blessed in every way.” I cordially thanked him.  I thought it was nice but not earth shattering….. 

Yet as I recounted this just now and reflected upon it I broke down and sobbed.  I couldn’t continue writing.  The word wasn’t for me then…it was for me right now as I am sobbing as I write these words.  God knew that I would need the encouragement even before I needed it like I do right now.  Wow…the impact that had on me just now, I was not expecting.  It was quite surreal.  That man blessed me some 8 hours before I would really need it.  Now could that man have been an Angel?  I’m not sure that Angels do take out from Panera unless it’s like a spiritual door dash for someone in need.  That is plausible.    But most likely He was a believer with unique evangelistic style that helped a fellow brother in need even before that brother in need knew that he needed it.  I think that just goes to show God’s provisions.  He knows what we need before we even ask or utter it.  If God cares so much about my spirit when I am broken  how much more he must care about me in every facet of my life good and bad.  

Some people question why I write this blog and what purpose it might have.  Perhaps at times it does more harm than good in some people’s eyes.  But I believe that God wants me to keep writing.  This is my testimony, raw and mostly unfiltered.  This is not about my family, friends, or associates.  This is a story of one man struggling with the consequences of his poor choices and how those choices can be redeemed by our Savior.  If God can do it through me, then He can do it through anyone.  This is why I shout it from the mountain tops.  I know that soon my cries, prayers, and supplications will be answered.  They might not be answered in the exact way that I want or expect but they will be answered with what I need.  He’s done it before (scroll back a few years for proof) and undoubtedly He will do it again.   That is why I am writing.  I know that with God’s help, I will get through this.  When that happens, could be next month, next year, or the next 10 years, I can confidently come back and make another post titled “See, I told you so.”