OK…I probably did an unwise thing today. I am really missing my kids. I haven’t seen them for 3 months now, and our conversations are very limited in that they have been told to only tell me about their school. We can talk about my job. But those conversations last about five minutes. I tried to talk to my daughter, but she was too busy to talk to me…because of the chores she had to do. Our relationship is very strained. My life is turning into the Cats in the Cradle song by Harry Chapin. Im trying to stop it from becoming like that but I feel powerless to do so. So the unwise thing I did, is I turned on my tv…first time in a month. I watched the Pursuit of Happyness with Will Smith. Wow…what a compelling story. While I feel very blessed with my career out here…I felt very connected to the movie. Ever since my divorce I felt like I have been emotionally homeless. With my family stolen from me, I do sense a lot of despair at times especially when compared to the bliss I used to feel as a husband and father. I did consider myself at one time…a great dad. Now unfortunately, Im just a shell of that. Most of the time, lately, I’ve been very positive. I do believe in the adage…what the enemy meant for evil God will turn for good. That is happening in my life, still there are points when I regress. Like today is one of those moments. I miss taking my kids to the movies, to the parks, eating lunch with them in school. The little thinks I miss the most. I guess Im wallowing a bit. Let me tell you the latest.
Lindsey used to have her own phone…as Max did. So whenever I call, I usually leave a goofy or silly message and try to make them laugh or smile a bit. I’ve been doing that…since they were born. Its me…its how I relate to them. So Lindsey did something that made her mom confiscate her phone. I’m not sure what…they are not allowed to tell me what goes on in their house. So Lindsey’s phone is now the family phone. So I tried to call Lindsey the other day on her old phone, and left a short goofy message. When I talked to Max the other day, he informed me, since it was a family phone, I’m no longer allowed to leave silly messages. If I do, they are going to block me from calling them. What????? First of all..why can’t X call me directly if she has a problem? Relaying that type of info through the kids to me…is very damaging. Another thing, why does she think she has to continue to punish me. She wanted this divorce, she gets child support, she gets the kids, she has a new house, new car, new hubby, new life, it seems as if she got exactly what she wanted…why does she continually feel she has to punish me? Most of the time, this stuff flows off my back. But for some reason it really got to me today. I think it was one of the things God forewarned me about with the two weeks being tough. That put me in a funk that was hard to get out of. But God is faithful. I’ve had no less than 50 people tell me…that kids will see through all of this and they will see the truth eventually. The truth is…I love my kids, I miss my kids, I would do anything for my kids, If X would allow me…I’d fly the kids over tomorrow to live with me. They will eventually realize this. Anytime that God wants to tell you something, he will echo it in the form of 2-3 witnesses. Well I’ve had this echoed 50 times already. So I think God is trying to take my biggest concern in life and help alleviate it. He has some big plans for me over here. I just have to be faithful and he will see everything through.
I felt awful today. I feel like I am coming down with strep throat or something. As a diabetic, when I get sick…I stay sick for a long time. So I went to the pharmacy. I got an anti-biotic…and I didn’t need a prescription. That makes things a lot easier over here as I didn’t need to see a doctor. I hope that works. I turned down a game night…and a squash game and stayed home alone getting depressed watching Will Smith act. But im finally feeling better.
It was a busy weekend for me thus far. We got a call from a client in Oman, I have to cast a photo shoot, find wardrobe, find a make up artist, and book by photographer Armand to go to Oman on Sunday. It was all last minute for the client, so we’ve been having to go back and forth all day finalizing the shoot. The good part about it is, I met a talent agent. That is how we booked our model. The agent is one of a few on the island. So we got to talking and she got very excited about the acting school we are starting in February. Apparently a lot of her models could use the acting lessons. I’ve taught hundreds of students by now, and I’ve worked with a great many models. Its kind of a niche for me. I’m exciting about starting the class. It should provide the company with a lot of cash flow.
Blessings.
1 comment:
I know u know this but still..
John 14:1, Getting our hearts troubled, will gaive the enemy inroads to our heart, its hard not to be troubled but its not impossible.
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