Silly Messages and the funk therein...

Yesterday was such an amazing day.  For those of you who know me, you know me as quite charismatic.  I think as Christians we need to let our joy be full whenever possible.  So when I get excited I try to share it a bit.  I called my kids, on their house phone after I couldn’t get through on Max’s.  So I enthusiastically left a voice mail, “Lovely Lindsey, Marvelous Max, and Spectacular Spencer, I had a great day…call me back and I’ll explain the details.”  Now I did this in an excited voice, because that’s how I usually talk to them.  I got a call back from Max no less than five minutes later, saying he couldn’t talk long, and that I was no longer allowed to call their house phone (which used to be my daughter’s phone) because I left a silly message. (they had earlier warned me not to do so).  He then hung up on me.  Max is a great great kid.  But hanging up on a parent is amazingly disrespectful, but I really don’t blame him.  He’s having it modeled for him.  The last 10 times over the last 18 months I spoke with X she has hung up on me everytime, so the kids are just modeling what they see.  Its quite heartbreaking for me actually.  It happened so late, 3 am my time.  So it really didn’t hit me til I woke up this morning.  I’ve been in kind of a funk the whole day.  X can no longer hurt me, but she knows children can hurt me, so it appears at times as if she’s using them to do just that. So when I was threatened earlier not to leave a silly message...and then I left a semi-silly message, was that a breach on my part...do I adjust my personality and behavior to suit X or do I be the person that God has designed me to be.  That is a tough question.  

Now, I’ve prayed about this A lot.  I know many of you are praying for it as well, as I asked you to do so.  Ive had so many people tell me (over 50) that the kids will someday see the truth and my job is just to love them until they do.  All I want now is for us to get a long better for the sake of the kids, but when I can’t speak to her, that makes it impossible to do.  I wish there was some sort of olive branch type of treaty I could do to stop the hate and the bickering. 

So I’ve been in a little funk all day long.  It just has to be a spiritual attack, because there are so many positive things happening to me out here.  All my dreams, except one, are really coming true right before my very eyes.  The one thing that keeps me from walking on clouds all the time, is the state of my kids.  I know they are going to be ok eventually.  I just feel so helpless in the meantime. 

Lets change the subject that is depressing.  I got invited to go to a club on Thursday night for a birthday party.  Its seemed like a cool and happening place.  But halfway through I remembered…I hate clubs.  I don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t dance.  My friend Tom was trying to teach me how to dance…I’m hopeless.  Its weird…I have rhythm when I edit…I can really feel the music.  But not on the dance floor.  I’m also not really into superficial conversation, I’ve never been like that.  Most of the conversation that happens in clubs is quite superficial.  So all in all…its not a great experience for me when I do go to clubs.  The good part is…I’m getting to know so many people on the island, I know more and more every time I do go to a club so that’s a positive. 

I know I’ve mentioned this before…but I’m so anxious to be in love again…im so anxious to be married again.  Not really to be loved…but I want someone to adore yet again.  Now there are an abundance of beautiful women on this island, an abundance!…yet hardly any of them are solid “Jesus followers.”  You can’t call them Christians, because they are all considered Christians here.  If you are not Muslim, you are a Christian.  Women might be attractive, but I believe for her to achieve her full measure of beauty, she has to have Christ flowing out of her…and that flows out through the eyes, the windows to the soul.  With that said…I think I met a beautiful woman…but there are plenty of obstacles…with the primary one being the Atlantic Ocean.  Still its nice to have a new friend to communicate with.  It will be interesting to see where it goes.   I’ll post more as things develop.  In the meantime, your prayers for my relationship with my children are still deeply coveted.