Venting (Careful, a bit of negativity ahead read at your own risk)

Mean people suck.  Have you seen that bumper sticker?  I think it was my mantra today.  I was trying to figure out what to get for my daughter for her birthday.  I called her, at first she said, ipod or iphone.  Then she changed her mind, I think because she thought it was frivolous, Im not sure why.  Still I wanted to be a blessing to her.   Her mom confiscated her other phone.  Plus, since Im not allowed to leave silly messages or call on the house/X’s hubby’s phone/formerly Lindsey’s, I thought it would be a good idea to buy Linz an iphone.  So I could call my daughter directly, like I call my son.    I sent an email to X offering to pay for a year’s worth of coverage if I bought Linz a phone.  A few rude emails later, it was expressed to me that I don’t listen and Lindsey doesn’t want a phone. Which got me to wonder, what soon to be 15 year old girl in the world doesn’t want her own phone…I thought that was state law.  But x has so much control…its sad really.  Breaks my heart.   Its funny, they complain about me not listening, yet I haven’t been able to express my point of view to them for the last 2 years, when I do, they usually hang up on me, most of the time tied to a string of expletives.  My father always said…”The Faults you see in others are usually your own.”  That is so ringing true in my situation whether or not people choose to self-actualize.   

So I’ve been in a funk all day.  I’ve convinced myself that X could no longer hurt me.  So when they send hateful/hurtful emails is it my fault that I allowed myself to be emotionally vulnerable?  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  So am I crazy for expecting them to be civil.  I imagine with the economy being what it is, and a few of the things I know about the situation, and the fact that I’m doing very well out here, spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically, you name it.  That must grate on them, thus hurting people hurt people.  So is it my fault that I allowed myself to be hurt?  I can’t control them, but I can control the way I feel.  Ultimately no one can control the way I feel, so it really is my fault.  I will have to learn to protect myself better emotionally.  The good part is that I had a wonderful conversation with Max, and a very nice conversation with Spencer and Lindsey.  That warmed my heart.  Max is developing a personality just like mine.  I told him, that I was bringing Hollywood to Bahrain and a lot of Indians were involved out here.  He then said…I guess Gonzo was wrong.  That is an obscure reference to the Muppet Movie where Kermit and Fozzie, picked up the hitchhiking Gonzo who was going to India to be a movie star.  They told him, you have to go to Hollywood to be a Movie star…and then Gonzo says, “yeah, if you want to do it the easy way.”  So it made me laugh having my son with the same type of humor as me.  Which I guess can be considered not a good thing lol.  He wants to be a film director too.  He wanted to come out here to be my apprentice but then changed his mind.  I hope and pray someday that my children will be able to visit…so if you are praying for me, which many of you are, please pray for that.  I think the cultural exposure would be very beneficial for them, especially since they lived overseas already in Taiwan. 

I found a theater to hold my acting classes in.  It’s a small custom built theater than holds about 50.  Its perfect.  We negotiated a rate and now we have to lure in the students, which I don’t think will be very hard.  We had the press release go out wide today, so it should generate some interest.  We have a local paper coming in to interview Khalifa and I tomorrow.  I love news stories about us, its free advertising.  We are really busy at work.  Not only do I have to be the GM, but I have two feature length documentaries to cut in 10 weeks.  Its going to be a challenge.  Im glad God blessed me to work quickly, Im going to need it. 

God is blessing me so much out here.  I really feel like, despite the emotional turmoil of the divorce and missing my kids, I’m at the highlight of my life at this moment.  But you know what, its only going to get better.  As I continue to seek God’s face, he will continue to bless me.  Someday…soon probably, I’ll be in love again.  Someday…soon probably I will be reunited with my children.  Someday…soon probably I will be married and have a family again.  Someday…soon probably, I’ll regain my rightful place as the happiest man on the earth.  Someday…soon probably, Im going to inspire tens of thousands for Christ.  But for now at this moment…life is still pretty darn good