I got a chilling email last Friday and it has taken me more than a few days to process it. It was from the Archdiocese of Houston. A coldness swept over me as I read it. It was a petition from my former wife using her maiden name to annul my marriage to her. Im not really sure what it all means and what the purpose behind it all is. I can only speculate. I had no forewarning that it was coming. I think the part that bothers me is the idea that 15 years of history can be wiped away because someone changed their mind. Where does that leave the children? If you are catholic and want to weigh in on the matter your opinion will be valued.
The questionnaire was really long. It asked me about everything in my life, from my parents, to my childhood, to dating, to dating my former spouse, to engagement, to marriage, to divorce. Literally no stone was unturned. It was a 16 page application/questionnaire that was incredibly thorough. The Catholic church is doing their due diligence on this. So I started answering the questions on Sunday. The letter was sure to specify that this application had no bearing on civil law, only canonical law within the church. I have bemoaned the fact of the pain of the divorce. I have relived all the pain and expressed that to all of you. But this was different. It was like I was Sherman going back with Mr. Peabody in the wayback machine. I had to relive everything all over again. But here was the peculiar thing, the memories I had of the past were mostly good-to-great memories. It was nostalgic for me to walk down memory lane. Remember I was happily married, apparently it was my former spouse was not. So after reliving all the joys and pains, it left me begging the question why? Divorce just doesn’t make sense, it never will in my mind. So I responded and responded and responded. Remember Im a good and fast writer. So 16 hours later I had finished responding with 16 typed, single spaced, full pages. If the Catholic church wanted thorough, I gave them thorough. I was completely honest and transparent with them in the process often raising my hand of accountability and fault. As I was writing this, such a spirit of fear and despair literally enveloped me. I had to finish this as quickly as possible, I didn’t want to tied to this funk for any longer than necessary. It was just a dark cloud hanging over me. But as soon as I finished…I felt such a great sense of relief. I don’t think it was closure. I thought I had closure but this dredged up the old feelings again. I really did adore my former spouse. The key word is did. So I was looking back at a movie, something that isn’t reality anymore. What is reality is my children and my longing for a relationship with them like I used to have…but that is a different blog. I think I’ll have full 100% closure when Jenni walks down the aisle. I really did love and adore my former wife. Now I’ll have an opportunity to love and adore another. Im so thrilled and honored that God would bless with another opportunity to love and be loved. He has a plan in all of this and nothing is ever a surprise to God.
Life is going pretty good for me right now. There is a reason why the rear view mirror is a fraction of the size of the front windshield. Its meant to just glance back at what is behind you periodically. If you spend too much time turning around looking at the past through your rear window, you’re likely to get into a wreck. So for this exercise, I spent turned around looking out the rear window. While the view was nice it was fading as I moved forward in the distance. So now that I’ve finished it, I can turn back around to see what is ahead of me. There standing on the corner is a beautiful, blonde haired, blue-eyed beauty, just trying to hitch a ride with me. I think I’ll pull over.
5 comments:
Rick, I just published a book on the subject... You want a copy? I'll be happy to send you one... http://kycanonist.com
Okay... the long and the short of it...
When you stood before God and everybody and said "until death do us part" and the pastor said "what God has joined together, no man can separated"... the Catholic Church believes to be true. So, you and your ex, if in fact God joined you together, are joined until death and no man, like a family court judge, can separate you, like in a divorce. So, if in fact, God joined you together in an indissoluble bond, then you are bound together until death. So, the divorce is merely a legal separation and any new civil union you contract is just a government sanctioned adulterous situation.
Every wedding does not create a marriage, as you would likely agree. Do we believe that every subsequent bigamous wedding create a marriage? No. Do we believe other weddings actually create marriages? No. Therefore, not every wedding, just because people stand in the right place and say the right things create a true "marriage." The state might sanction it, and therefore the children are completely and totally legitimate, but it's not "marriage" in the eyes of God therefore you aren't bound to it forever, otherwise, you are.
It is this process by which it is determined whether an actual marriage was created, or whether that bond was created that you are therefore held to until death.
There are certain things that are required in order to create marriage, the most important of which is valid consent. In order to give valid consent, you must be capable, knowledgeable and willing. If there is a breakdown in any of those three areas, then the consent is flawed and there is no true and binding "marriage."
Get the book, or ask me to send you a copy, Rick. Send me your address via Facebook and I'll send it to you. It will explain it more clearly than I can get into here and now...
Thank you so much for the feedback Jacqui and congrats on the book. That is really cool. I appreciate your point of view and that is kind of what i figured to be the case. I know I did everything I could to try to save it, but to no avail. I don't know how much the book would help me since Im not catholic, not converting, and neither is Jenni. So I don't think it will help much. Its kind of her deal...and doesn't really affect me anymore.
I hope things are well with you.
Rick
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