All Star Hockey Games

I actually have been debating and praying whether I should write this blog all day. I don’t want to use this forum to always detail the actions and justifications of X. I certainly want to be fair, honest and forthright. I don’t want this to be perceived as a platform for me attacking another person or being petty. So this is the petition I talked with God about. Should I write about what has recently transpired or not. The answer was very clear. I don’t think this blog, or the life Im living right now has anything to do with me or selfish ambition at this point. This is part of me having to deny myself daily. Im writing and living my life as tool that hopefully God can use to inspire others and sow seeds for His kingdom. Im hoping that my life will be an example to others. Perhaps this is one of the main reasons why I wrote this blog. I have had so many people say to me…I thought my situation was bad…but yours is much worse. Somehow this revelation helps them put what they are going through in perspective.

I got a call from my youngest son last night. He rarely talks on the phone, and when he does call its usually to tell me bad news. The last time I talked to him, He told me he was planning on having Thanksgiving dinner with his mother. Keep in mind, Im flying back to the U.S. for thanksgiving because its my year. I tried to get extra days at Thanksgiving because Im giving up Christmas. X made it clear that she wants the kids to be with her during the birth of her baby. I didn’t want the kids to be shuttled back and forth so I thought it was best that I skip Christmas this year and celebrate when I see them at Thanksgiving. Still she didn’t want to give me extra days at Thanksgiving and wanted to hide behind the decree. Part of the manipulators m.o. is control. The decree serves as her attempt at control. So my youngest called and told me he wanted to cut short his visit with me on the weekend because he was going to an all-star hockey game with his mom and new hubby. This obviously broke my heart. I told him that I would take him to the hockey game, but He didn’t want to hear that. I told him that I only get to seem him a few weeks a year now and it wasn’t fair. He said…Well you chose to live in Bahrain (What kind of 11 year old talks like that?). They knew I was coming that particular weekend yet still they tried entice my youngest with even more time away from my dad. I see nothing but vindictiveness in this situation.

To me its quite obvious what is happening. This is the latest in the line of parental alienation tactics coming from X. Its like giving a child a plate of vegetables and candy, and then absolving responsibility when the child goes for the candy saying “It was their choice.” The central core of parental alienation is manipulation. According to the research done on this topic the children then fervently defend the custodial parent and claim their thoughts and actions are their own and weren’t coerced at all by the custodial parent. This is a textbook case. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_alienation
She will spin this and say it was my youngest son’s choice and she had nothing to do with it. She has an amazing “Clintonesque” way of spinning out of everything negative casting the blame on everyone else. Quite simply…there is no way I can win in this situation. I just have to wait it out and eventually the children will see “true” character.

Now the reason why I debated writing this blog is because it feeds into the drama addiction of which she will undoubtedly blame me as having. She will reason that instigated the fight by writing this blog. But again that is just part of the spin and justification. By the way, it has been just about three weeks since the last brouhaha. X always charges that I lost the kids because I chose to live in Bahrain. Well…I certainly was called to live here, that is unquestioned in my mind. But God answered the “why” question earlier too. When I found out about the drama addiction, it hit me. This need for drama on her part would be the same If I lived in the same town or half way around the world. If Im half way around the world, the kids get caught in the crossfire less often. I think its better mental health for them to have one home and not have to be trotted back and forth every other weekend, especially in the dysfuctionality that X and I have as co-parents. There have been numerous calls to the Sheriff, Child Protective Services, and lawyers with X trying to get my legal right to see the children restricted or eliminated altogether.

I just don’t think its healthy for the kids to sit in the car and watching their mom talk to the Sheriff in front of my house trying to get their dad charged with “abandonment.” All the many charges that she made with CPS and the lawyers were dropped because they were absolutely baseless. The system can see through this as Im sure X is not the only one out there like this. So I felt it would be far better for the children for me to be far away from the conflict so they won’t have to experience anymore pain. But still even halfway around the world and almost three years since our divorce, there seems to be more conflict now than ever. Again, im sure she’ll blame me for this. Im ashamed and embarrassed that I couldn’t make my marriage work for the children’s sake. Now I just don’t want it to be worse. Am I making it worse by detailing my pain in this blog? I imagine so as this is providing the fuel for the drama addiction. But I just felt like I should write about it tonight. I feel like I do have a larger purpose in talking about the plight of the non-custodial parent. Maybe others can learn from me. Im obviously losing this battle…as Im refusing to fight, ButI know my stance will win the War. God has told me as much. Hopefully the children will suffer less injuries this way. Now I expect that X will get really angry as she reads this and offer a strongly worded rebuttal detailing how everything that has ever happened has been my fault. I really think she believes it too. In the midst of our divorce she once told me that 90% of the problems in our relationship were my fault and 10% were hers. She’s got somebody now to believe her side of the story. You know if you tell someone or yourself something long enough…eventually you’ll start to believe it. This is one of the reasons why I get up and stare in the mirror at myself every morning. Sometimes I don’t like the person that is looking back at…but it forces me to be honest with myself.

Another reason why I wanted to share these details is to ask for your prayers. Prayers work…my life is a living example of it.