Wow it was a really tough day. I can’t wait for October to be over. It seems like its hitting me from all sides now. I know this is a season of testing for me. I must be a slow learner because it seems like the season has dragged on and on and on. There are certainly some good points out there but its hard to see the good through the muck. So Im sure in a couple of days I’ll bounce back and be just fine. I am nearing a year’s completion here at KSDi. While we’ve accomplished a great many things, the cash flow issue is very troubling. That’s my bottom line responsibility as a General Manager. I have to make the company money. Its hard to maintain a positive cash flow when you’ve had very little productivity from your sales department, you’re in the midst of a recession and you’re learning that business culture here is much different that that in the West. It has been a real learning experience for me and I’ve grown in so many ways. Have I accomplished what I set out to accomplish? Not yet I don’t think. Im not really sure what to think of the plans that God has called me for long term. For now, I think Im supposed to be here. They are covering the Book of Acts at Cornerstone, my church in California. I download the podcasts so it feels like Im still there. In the book of Acts it is all about the Holy Spirit guiding the apostles where to go and when. Often times the apostles didn’t get the whole story. They were just expected to go by faith and then God would fill in the details when they got there. It was teaching them to live by faith and not by sight. You have to be really in tune to the voice of God to obey him like that, because its scary sometimes. I believe I am in tune with the voice of God as I’ve illustrated here a few times. Why do I talk about it so much? Because I think, rather I know its God’s will for all of His children to be in tune with his voice. God wants to speak to all of us. I think Im supposed to help others to recognize and listen to God’s voice. Stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something opposite to what you are used to is daunting. I feel like I came here that same way. I didn’t have all the information but I knew that I knew that I knew that I was called to be here. How long will that calling last? Im not really sure. But I know that whatever the calling that God has for me, whether that be here or somewhere else, by previous history, he will be faithful to me.
I was so productive this morning and into the afternoon. I was a buzz of activity but then by three I just hit the wall. I am emotionally drained and its hard to keep my head up above the optimistic line. I am an eternal optimist, but right now, Im just plain discouraged. I know this season will pass…hopefully soon. I guess one of the things that is bothering me is that I haven’t been able to find and hire an effective salesman. We have got our product and marketing material to a great level, we now just need more clients. If I had a dynamic salesperson, we’d be home free because we do have a great product. Im hoping our cast of characters we have in place now will do the job. The last salesman I hired, I really believed in him. I believed in him so much in fact that I offered to pay his salary. I stuck my neck out for him because everyone else was telling me he was too young. But then when he left not even two weeks into his tenure, that made me look bad. It also made all my hires look bad as well. I guess hiring the right people isn’t really a strength of mine. I have to rely upon others for that.
Tonight Im headed to a meeting to chart out how we are going teach the teens in our church. Then its off to Quiz night. I guess I am recruiting a little too well. We are having such a good time, that two of my members have decided to start their own spin-off teams. That kind of bugs me. But that’s life. So say a prayer for me if you can.
UPDATE: My meeting about the teens got cancelled, so I came home for a bit and just communed with God. I had a long talk with Him…rather He with me. I feel much better now. Things are going to be all right and I will weather this storm. There are big things up ahead…my job is just to keep the faith. Thank you for your prayers and support, Im in round 11 of a 12 round battle and Im ahead on all the judges scorecards and I just have to make it through to the last round.
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