textbook examples

It was an up and down day for me. It started out bad the night before. Now you remember that I didn’t let the outburst of my boss affect my joy and it didn’t. But I let something else do just that. Right before I went to bed I spoke with my Middle son. I love that kid. I tried to talk to my other two children (whom I also equally love) and they didn’t want to speak with me. Plus, I was informed that neither my oldest or youngest plan on spending thanksgiving with me when I come back to the states for 10 days. Now that hurts…bad. I know X will spin it like this is all my fault like she spins everything to be my fault and say this was their choice and she did not influence them whatsoever. If you believe that, I have some desert sand over here in Saudi Arabia I’d like to sell you. It’s a textbook case of parental alienation. X will probably even let them see this blog to prove that she is doing nothing to alienate the kids, but the proof is in the actions. I love my children and miss them very very much. I know they will come around soon. God has revealed this to me, like He has revealed so many other things. But still…this hurts. I know in X will make me the bad guy as she has perfected this manipulation and blame shifting to a science. But this is not about affixing blame at this point. I know the children still love me as I love them, there is no doubt about that. I know that our relationship will be restored someday there is no doubt about that. Rather this is another cautionary tale about the horrors of divorce. I feel called to share about all my inadequacies on a public forum not to be vengeful, but so people can learn and hopefully be inspired. I feel the fact that Im even positive and have so much hope is proof alone that God exists. Sam and Dave sang…”An ordinary man would have given it up by now.” Now I’m just an ordinary guy with an extraordinary God. So growing up, I was always told, I never know when to quit. I guess that is coming in handy about now finally.

I had lunch with my Pastor Graeme today. He was concerned about my positive living group and Joel Osteen. He did not know much about him but a few people in the church had very strong feelings against Osteen. So we had lunch and talked about it. For visual references I printed up two harsh emails that X sent me in the last month and told him about all the tough challenges I’ve had at work the past month. I said Graeme, I’ve lived through this period and am still more joyful and hopeful forever. I think that alone shows that this philosophy works. He took some material as samples and we’re going to talk about it next week. But whether or not I have the church’s endorsement, Im going to keep the group meeting every Monday. I had one of the girls pick out this week’s DVD. She chose, maintaining your joy in difficult times. It really spoke and affirmed to me what I was doing right and what I was doing wrong. I told the group how I responded in the right way to the verbal lashing from my boss…and the wrong way by dwelling in self-pity at the news of my children. While Joel focuses mainly on the positives, I counteract that with telling all the stories of negativity on my own life. I don’t feel like I psychologically dwell on the negativity. In fact, I make it an aggressive point not to dwell on it, whenever I do, I pray it away. But when I share about these hard times in my blog or in my group, I feel like I’m validating God’s purpose and plans for all of us. If I can make it through this heartache and disappointment then maybe other can to. I feel like Im called to make my life an example for others. That is why I’m so open about my pains, struggles, mistakes, failures, and successes. So I used tonight as an example of how I kept my joy early in the day and later lost it. It sure sparked some interesting discussion within the group.

I know that God is absolutely in control. Im not going to lose any peace or joy over this. I love my kids dearly. It just sucks that they have to go through this.