OK God is pretty amazing. If you walk according to his ways he will guide you. Im a firm believer that "Everything works together for good for those who believe and are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 so i take as if you walk according to God's ways...you are in a no lose situation. Whatever you choose will be in God's will...unless God has very specific other ideas for you. Then he gives you road blocks and then detours you to a destination where he wants you to go. It has happened in my life so many times. But let me give you three examples. In 2002, all work had stopped for me...and all the doors closed, but one door remained open...Taiwan. It was God's way of showing our family that he wanted us to go. Do you really think I would move to the Far East if i had a good job and comfortable future. God knew my heart and he knew i needed a little push, ok...a giant kick in the butt push, and it was absolutely the right call. Right after i accepted i had the most productive (workwise) six weeks of the previous three years. Like God was rewarding me for listening to his voice. God also spoke to both my wife (at the time) and i so we knew it was his will. Without a doubt. Turned out the year in Taiwan...was the best year of my life. All for serving God. That is really when my heart for missions and foreign lands, and adventure grew.
The same thing happened three years later in 2005. Every door closed...i was out of work, no prospects, no hope...but there was this one opportunity in Saudi Arabia. I accepted really because i had no other choice really...and again right after i committed, i had the best month in nearly three years. Enough so, that i started pleading with God for me not to go. I didn't want to leave my family. They were all so dear to me. I didn't want to take them to the Middle East, because i didn't think it was safe. My family was so important to me...leaving was absolute torture. But i remember praying with my wife (at the time) one night, "God...I don't want to go...but if its your will, we will obey...but we kind of need a billboard or something telling us clear direction as to what we are to do." The very next day at Cornerstone Church in Livermore, Pastor Steve Madsen preached an entire sermon on one verse...Matthew 19:29 "If any man leaves his father and his mother, his wife and his brother, his children and his land and travels into a foreign land for my sake, he will receive the gift of life and a hundred fold blessing." We both knew, that we knew that we knew...that i was supposed to go. I didn't want to take along my family, because i thought the Mid-east was dangerous. I remember getting there in Damman Saudi Arabia...almost certain on the ride from the airport through the desert...a sniper was going to hit me...or they would blow out the tires and i'd be kidnapped and they'd make a video of me saying Allah akbar or something. Um...i was wrong. You see i had misconceptions about the Middle East too. But i digress as usual. It was at the San Francisco airport...tears were streaming down my face as i walked from the security checkpoint to my plane. I was blubbering like a pregnant woman that watches Oprah when she does one of her giveaway shows. i was looking back at my wife (at the time) holding my middle son max waving goodbye. The tears lasted until i rounded the corner...then an amazing spirit of peace came over me. Instantaneously i thought how fortunate am I to have someone love me. To have a family that misses me and that looks forward to my return when so many other lonely people in the world don't have that. (Sidebar: Its ironic...that what comforted me the most...i lost less than one year later). But God had a purpose for me in Saudi Arabia. Along with sharing the gospel...It was practice living alone for a year. God knew (though i was clueless) that my marriage was going to end. So i had a year of preparation. If my marriage would have ended right there...with wife walking away and taking the kids...im not sure how i would have handled it emotionally. That's the cool thing about trauma and bad news. God gives us the pain in only bite size circumstances that we can handle. I found out about the details one at a time. If everything would have hit me simultaneously...i would have been a wreck.
So the same thing happened with me coming to Bahrain. With the economy in a down turn and the acting school struggling...i essentially lost my main source of income. I didn't know what i was going to to do survive but i knew that i knew that i knew God would provide. The previous week, i went to lunch with my Pastor Chuck Fleming, and i told him...Chuck...i don't know how why or when, but i have a hunch im going back to the Middle East...a week later i got a call from Nader in Bahrain...on a plane three days later...spent a week here...fell in love...got the offer three days later...It was totally God. Plus i didn't have a lot of other alternatives. I know..that i know...that i know...that im supposed to be here...even though there are some that may dispute that given that my children are a world a way. You see the pattern in my life...professionally...i got the offer in Taiwan because of my television and ministry work, then i got Saudi Arabia...because i had already proven that i could adapt cross-culturally (not many people can) then I got a look and an interview for the job in Bahrain...only because i had worked in Saudi Arabia. There is a pattern of God closing doors...and opening up the next one...and the next one and the next one.
I wanted my children to come with me. They wanted to at first then they changed their minds as i mentioned before. I tried to negotiate/compromise...but it got me nowhere. My other alternative was the costly legal system. i had a pretty good case for parental alienation or so my lawyer told me. I'd fight for the right to have them visit with me for two months in the summer. Really i was only asking for two more weeks than i would have normally have gotten. But my ex...was going to fight, under the auspices that it was the kids choice (though heavily influenced) not to go. I love my kids more than anything and i think Im a really good Godly influence. So therein lies the dilemma. My kids crying that they don't want to see me...but i know if they just spent 24 hours with me...they would be "detoxed" and we would bond together again. But the fight to win them the right to visit me internationally would be long, bloody and costly. Keep in mind, id pay any amount to protect my right to visit with them. But i won't fight the emotional battle that they undoubtedly would be forced to endure. They are already hurting enough as it is. They are caught in the middle and their emotions are being manipulated. Part of the whole parental alienation syndrome is that the children really believe that their opinions from the custodial spouse are really their own. Thus they defend custodial spouse vehemently. Im the bad guy. Again..if any of you are thinking about divorce, im going to kick your butt.... So i decided the emotional toll is not worth it. Even if i win...i lose. I'll just have to trust God on this one. I asked God for guidance and few others of you out there...and this was overwhelmingly the response was a consensus...i know its the right thing. Im going to withdraw my case (against the advice of my attorney) so the kids won't have to be put in the middle or used as emotional pawns. I'll miss the extra time with them...but it was my choice to come here...i have to live with the consequences of my decision. Plus...since my decision was ordained by God...im sure he has a good back up plan. Remember...God can't unscramble eggs, but he can make a good omelette out of it. So...All things work together for good....My walk is according to His plan...so my kids are going to be all right...They are covered in prayer... That is why i still covet your prayers...not for me...im doing ok...but for my children....ok...i do need your prayers...i need to find a fellowship of believers out here...i feel like im on an island (pun intended).
OK...i should probably throw an Arab note in there. The phone numbers here are 8 digits. We have the country code which is (973) The U.S. country code by the way is (001) many of you didn't probably know that because how often do you have to call the U.S. from overseas. Anyways...im having such a hard time even dialing numbers here...my brain just can't adapt to the system. My cell for instance (in case any of you want to call) is 973-3684-1430 that extra digit makes it so hard from my brain to remember. so whenever anyone asks me for my number...i always say...i don't know....
3 comments:
Rick,
I have been reading your blogs since we became facebook friends and my heart really goes out to you. I have never been married myself, so I don't know about divorce from that angle. I do however, know about it from the perspective of a child. My parents went through a nasty divorce and my mother was very public in relating her side of the story to everyone and anyone who would listen. I don't know if she was right or wrong in the divorce, but I know that her talking about me and by siblings in and the conflict between her and my dad was very hurtful, somethings are simply meant to be private. I don't want to be judgmental but this blog is just a public airing of your dirty family laundry, and it can't be helpful. I am praying for you and your family.
Your Friend, Susie
Oh I disagree! This is a blog and if you don't want to read it then don't. Just like TV if you don't want to watch a channel then change it. This blog is Rick's living testimony. Yes, there are some sensitive issues but he needs support from his friends both in his professional and personal life. People have been ministered to as we have seen from other comments. This is a real life unfortunate situation but trust me his ex is making her voice heard in a very negative light on the children. This could be the only venue from which
they hear that he loves them, cares for them, thinks about them, yearns for them, prays for them...He has been very careful not to tell too much in distaste but enough so that readers learn enough about his life and how to pray for him and his family. So it is helpful in so many ways. One more thing, the ex needs to know that just b/c she divorced Rick that he didn't stop loving the children and wanting to be their father! How would she feel if they were ripped from her life??? That's one I would hate to have to explain on judgment day to say the least. She is hurting those kids but as I know her type she justifies this to herself and has no shame. It's great you are praying for Rick. I don't mean to be harsh but I too was a child of divorce and to know my father loved me and cared so much about me and wanted me would have been HUGE!
-AJB
Hey Rick,
Keep up the journaling. It got me through some pretty dark days
back in the 90's.
So how would I call you? I tried once already. What would be the entire number sequence from a home line with unlimited free calls? Would cell be better?
Also, I think the best thing to do was to let the kids stay back in the states. They need their friends and other family to see them through their teen years. My stepdaughter needed to go back East to finish High School and she finished with A's and now attends a good college. Your journey is solo in nature. But honestly Rick, if you can guarantee a minimal salary, I could very likely arrange my schedule to work over there while sending some money back to my wife. How's that for an international role reversal? But I'm serious. As of right now, after New Year's Day, I have only one film offer that wouldn't start until late Spring and I would love the opportunity to explore a new culture and add to my video production resume. I'd be committed.
Something to consider.
Jeff Crispi
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