My Identity and my wrestling with my Hope and Faith

 It was another good day.  I think I’m starting to get  a new streak and into a new groove.  What is lacking in my life is an identity.  I keep thinking about the identity I used to be, Husband, Father, Teacher, Creator.  Now that my labels have changed the adjustment period has been challenging.  I’m trying to remake my identity into something more solid.  1. Child of God, 2. Father, 3. Teacher 4. Creator   It’s that old parable of Jesus and the song I remember from Sunday School “The Wise Man builds his house upon the Rock, The foolish man builds his house upon the Sand, When the Rains come the house on the sand goes Splat.” Keep your identity on something solid and that you can control.  While you can’t control God obviously he is faithful and will always keep his promises.  That is what I’m counting on.  Old habits are hard to break.  It’s just been a challenge to redefine myself largely because I didn’t want to do so.  But this is not my choice and I have to make the best of it.  

Also I’m having a tough time with having faith and getting my hopes up when I pray for certain things.  I don’t want to get my hopes up when I pray only to be disappointed later, but does that indicate a lack of faith on my part?  That is what I’m wrestling with.  Do I wholeheartedly accept my situation or do I remain steadfast in my prayers?  I’m really confused on how to think or pray.  The one thing I know that I can’t go wrong is praying to be righteous.  I’m really trying to Seek First and let God handle all the details.  I don’t like being fickle with my faith but I’m on such an emotional roller coaster as I’ve detailed through this blog.  Even as I write this stream of consciousness style I’m debating how I should think and feel.  I know that in a year or two (hopefully and prayerfully) I’ll be back to being the most optimistic guy on the planet.  I get that from my late father.  He was always hopeful and always a dreamer.  Maybe it’s a changing of the spots on the leopard thing.  

I’m ramping up doing the Funniest Person in the Triangle contest.  It’s like “Whose line is it Anyways” where I throw out Improv scenarios and people perform them.  It’s a ton of fun when it works and not as much as when it doesn’t.  I put so much personal investment in this.  I’m not a comedian nor am I particularly funny.  But I can help other people be funny.   I’m also a very good writer, or at least I try to be.  The scenarios that I have come up with over the years (thousands) help creative people really naturally be funny.  The trick to improv is not to think.  My weekly gag is “Some of your are better at not thinking than others.”  I’ve gotten into the science and development of Improv after years of study and practice.  My girls have been going to these things since they were very young.  My middle child is absolutely hilarious and gifted.  My youngest was nervous and scared at first.  I didn’t force it on her but now she can’t wait to join in the fun.  My oldest is really becoming very teenageified. The teen years are being good to her. She’s amazing.  We’ll see if she still wants to participate and be a little silly.  Being a little silly is fun and freeing sometimes.  We all go through life acting certain ways to adjust to certain situations.  This Improv thing can be so much fun.Here’s a clip from our last kids show.   The Funniest Person in the Triangle was a great success last night! Be sure to join us next week! #liveimprov #improv #livecomedy #funny #apex #hollysprings #morrisville #cary

It’s a good outlet for me.  And this blog is too.  I’m so appreciative of you reading.  

Things are certainly getting better for me.  No matter what the future may hold.  I believe I’ve already been through my darkest days.  It’s nowhere else but Up from here on out.  Why?  Because God is faithful even when we struggle in that department.