Memories of the Middle East

 It was a good day. Nothing too dramatic, nothing too good or too bad.  For the way the year is going I’ll chock that up to a good day.  Why do I feel compelled to write daily?  Well it does make me feel better about myself and my situation so the therapeutic part is certainly a factor.  I also have an addictive personality.  I have learned that’s one of the downsides of A.D.D. that we are more predilected towards addictive behavior.  So while I go through this season, I’m trying to get addicted to healthy things, thus the daily writing in the blog.  I’m also spending A LOT of time in prayer and the gym.  Since I’m alone a lot, I have lots of conversations with God.  To some that might make me sound crazy.  But these conversations are seldom just one way conversations.  God does answer but not always right away.  He’ll use others to help confirm what he’s speaking to me through my daily scripture reading and devotional.  (I must admit I don’t really read the Bible as often as i should.  Instead I have an app that I listen to the scripture read aloud to me.  It’s much better for me to digest and process God’s word that way.)  I also feel very strong impressions.  The more that I live a righteous life the more clearly I can hear and recognize His voice.  When I stray off my path then that voice becomes muddled.  I confuse my own voice with God’s voice.  That is an incredibly frustrating experience.  I keep hoping that the voice of God will give me very clear directives, like you will emerge out of your struggles by such and such a date.  Yet no clear communication like that has taken place.  It has in the past where God has given me very specific information and dates and it comes to pass.  But right now, all I’m hearing is to wait.  I’m also hearing to do nothing.  I don’t think anything I can do right now in the physical/natural realm will fix my problems. I can only make things worse.    I am called for this season just to wait and trust.  That is frustrating, because I want a game plan.  Tell me what I need to do, when to do it and how to do it.  This idle waiting is not my personality, and maybe that is the point.  I should say I’m not idly waiting.  I’m praying and seeking God at every opportunity.  I’m using the scriptures “Seek First the Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.” It also says “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  The latter is proving challenging to pull off.  It’s hard to delight in the Lord when your world seemingly is crashing around you.  But I’m giving it an all out effort.  That’s why when good things happen I really embrace them.  

I had a nice moment today with an older gentleman.  After my second gig (I teach acting/filmmaking part time after my school gig), I purchased a Chicken Shwarma Bowl from a Middle Eastern marketplace I’ve never been to before.  It was a Halal market in Durham.  As I was talking to the man who had a thick middle eastern accent he revealed to me that he was from Palestine.  I love talking about the Middle East with people.  So that brought up a very lively and pleasant conversation.  He seemed so happy to talk about his home and history there.  I enjoyed the brief connection as I waited for my food.  He was taken aback when I said Shukran for the Shwarmas.  It’s so easy to be a blessing to others sometimes.  Just showing interest and asking questions can make someone’s day.  I’m naturally curious so that part is easy for me.  I think I might have made his day with our brief interaction, I know that he made mine.  There was no talk of politics, Hamas, Netanyahu, or the conflict in Gaza.  Instead it was just two humans connecting.  It was really nice.  It got me reminiscing about my time that I spent overseas.  I’m so blessed and fortunate to have worked and lived all over the world.  I have experiences that most will never have (Most might not want to have them in the first place).  While I was an official/employed missionary while I was in Taiwan.  I was a lay missionary in the Middle East. This means I was not reliant on any church to support me.  Although Lakewood Church (Joel Osteen) did provide me with Bibles, literature and DVD’s.  Other than creating 6 wonderful humans, I consider my greatest life achievement in life was the time I spent in Bahrain. It just dawned on me that the time I spent in Bahrain, I was single (between marriages) and completely content with my life.   I don’t think I’ve mentioned this in awhile and it bears repeating.  While in Bahrain, every monday I would have people over to my flat and I would provide them dinner and we’d talk.  After, we would watch a Joel Osteen sermon and talk about our individualized faiths.  What was unique about this experience was that I had Christians, Muslims, Atheists, Hindus, and even a Buddhist (one time) attend.  We shared what we believed in a safe and affirming manner.  There was no My God is better than your god talk.  We spoke the truth with each other and we saw truth. I was sowing seeds there and it was up to the Holy Spirit to harvest them.    I was/am called to a different type of Evangelism.  One time I went out with a dear friend who read my old blog and started disagreeing with my notions of God.  So I invited him to Fuddruckers (I miss that place).  He was a smart young man that went on to become a medical doctor.  Instead of getting into a Theological debate over the merits of Islam and Christianity, I took a different tact.  I told him everything that was wrong with me, and everything that was right about my life through my faith.  He was so taken aback that he started attending the group every week after that.  I do miss our interactions.  I actually dearly miss the mission field as well.  In the mission field you think you are making a difference in the lives of others when in actuality the biggest change is occurring within you.  I hope to go back to the mission field someday should the Lord call me.  For now, I think this blog might be my modern day mission field.  I’m not sure about its impact on the world.  But then and now, I’m just sowing seeds.  Once again, thank you for being part of my routine.  I pray that the Lord may bless you abundantly that you may be able to bless others.