Day 4--American Gladiator

Day 4 but let me start a little bit of the end of Day 3. I was eating room service, and trying to entertain myself. The options on TV...not an exaggeration were 300+ Arabic channels which can best be likened to Cable Access for Muslims or 3 english speaking channels. One was a re-run of Oprah, the other Spiderman and the third American Gladiators. The depressing part about it...i watched the entire Gladiator episode once i got into it...I had to see it to the finish to see who prevailed. I finally forced myself to sleep around 1a and woke up about 3 hours later completely awake on a hard bed. I guess i hadn't gotten over my jet lag yet. Then a curious thing happened as I woke up. I had a dream that I had reconciled with my former spouse. What made this strange is that since my divorce i had only dreamt about her 3 maybe 4 times in four years. Then last night it was two consecutive nights of dreaming about her. Reconciliation is an impossibility since she remarried so the dreams were very strange. Perhaps i dreamt those dreams because im a little bit lonely over here. I hate being divorced and I don't like being alone...but that said...im rarely lonely. Though i do look forward to meeting another mate someday. I should mention...many of my friends (mainly this divorced moms) question how i could possible leave my children and come over and consider myself doing God's work. That is a tricky situation. Short answer, my steps are being directed by God so I know im supposed to be here. That's why these moments of loneliness will dissipate because if Im under God's hand, everything will be taken care of...all of emotions, physicality, spiritual life, and safety. I just have to adhere to God's word. I do miss my children, very very very much. But the truth of the matter, there was bickering that happens with any divorced couple and once again the children were the victims. I didn't want to enflame the situation by defending myself nor attacking their mother. But the bi=weekly visits i was having with them it became quite clear their hearts were becoming torn apart. So if it takes two to tango...if I removed myself then the arguments and the accusations had to stop eventually...right??? Time will tell. Right now...im stuck having to go forward with a legal battle (I don't want to fight) to allow the kids to come visit and stay with me during the summer. I feel that its important that I fight with everything I have to preserve my relationship with them. I think longer extended visitations, I'll have more of a positive influence on them rather than 48 hours every other weekend.

Wait...this was supposed to be about Bahrain...not about me whining about the world's suckiest divorce. I got to the office early for Day #2 and it went more smoothly. Im starting to feel comfortable there. Its weird when you are the boss and people come to you to make important decisions. It feels kind of good...but as I heard in Spiderman last night...With much power comes much responsibility. I treated to the staff to a pizza lunch. It was absolutely amazing how grateful they were and how excited. I only spent about $25 but for the amount of goodwill I created, it could have been $250 bucks. They had never had anyone do that for them before. It was nice being able to break down cultural barriers and just share a meal. I think they like me and the energy I bring to the office. There are lots of smiles. As we were eating, I felt my joy return. The enemy just doesn't prance around seeking whom he will devour...he hops around and tries to steal our joy. That is the big thing i learned since my divorce. The difference between joy and happiness. Joy is like when you are standing on a the beach and wave is headed towards you. Because you can see the wave in the distance you're able to prepare for it. By leaning in, and setting your feet, you are able to withstand the wave and stay upright. Happiness is when your back is to the wave and when it hits you're sent tumbling, end over end...out of control. The last few years have taught me how to maintain my peace and joy no matter what my circumstances may look like. Even if im in the middle of desert seemingly with no friends (yet) around. There are happy moments sure...but if you think about they last about as long as a vapor. They are temporary and designed to be so. If we were happy all the time...would we really need a savior? Ive seen so many people get into trouble (present) company included when they run around and search for happiness. It is so elusive, and the cost to obtain it...is usually more than what its worth. So for a momentary thrill...many people that seek happiness...find themselves "upside down" emotionally speaking.

Hey thanks for reading...feel free to comment and tell me what you like or dislike and ill be sure to adjust the writing to fit those areas. If not...I'll just go back to my original plan of writing about the Alaskan beach volleyball team.

Rick