3 of the first 12 days of Christmas...Literally!

Sloan helping me write my blog.

Three nights ago Jennifer and I were about to eat dinner.  We heard the doorbell ring.  Both of us were surprised as we hardly ever get unannounced guests.  So I yell to the door hold on, and I finish what I was doing and go to answer it.  When I opened the door, no one was there.  Doorbell ditch was my first thought until I looked down.  On the porch was a small basket with two wrapped pears.  The note on the outside of the package said, “On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree.”  I thought it was cute.  I showed it to Jennifer and neither one of us had a clue to who it was from.  Jennifer thought one of the neighbors, I thought maybe someone from the new church we are attending.  Later that night was trivia.  That is my regular thing on Tuesday nights.  Not really sure why I enjoy it so much.  Perhaps it makes me feel smarter or I am getting something useful out of the warehouse of useless information in my head. 

I am enjoying myself at work.  I was transferred to a different department called Curriculum Pathways at SAS.  They provide an incredible online resources of information for schools.  It’s a huge philanthropic endeavor from SAS as the entire program is absolutely free, no catches at all.  It is quickly become a staple for teachers around the world as they plan their curriculums for their students. I am the producer-director-editor-cameraman for the department.  I started out my career as a one-man-band, and now I find myself getting back to my roots.  It’s a little bit of an adjustment because when I was in Dubai I was only a writer-director.  I sure enjoyed the perks of being pampered like a director.  With staff fetching diet cokes for me and not having to carry any equipment.  I embraced the role of the director, calling out the shots, having crews of up 25 people waiting on my instructions.  I was really good at it.  So now I am back to the original and I am enjoying it.  I am working with fabulously talented people. Most of my co-workers have been with the company for 10-15+ years.  That is such an incredible concept for me to witness.  Stability…Wow.  I want that too.    

If you know me, you know that I tend to have moved around a lot in my career and life.  It seems that aside from 8 years in Los Angeles, I have pretty much moved to a different part of the country/world every 18-24 months.  After growing up in California for 18 years 68-86, I went to college in Springfield Missouri 86-90.  The I went to Graduate School in Virginia Beach, VA 90-92.  I then lived in my hometown of Hayward, CA for a year 1993.   I had a Master’s degree on my wall but I was busy delivering pizzas and parking cars to make a living.  These were hard times.  I decided that if I really wanted to be a filmmaker I had to go to Los Angeles.  So we lived in Los Angeles from 93-2001.  Los Angeles was my favorite place to live.  The energy there was just amazing.  But it was difficult too.  LA was extremely superficial, hyper-competitive and really expensive.  Leaving there was tough as I thought I was leaving my dream behind.  Little did I realize at the time that God had other ideas and other timelines for my dreams.  We moved to Oklahoma for 18 months from 2001-2002.  Then we were dramatically called by God to move to Taiwan in 2003.  Taiwan other than 2010 was the best year of my life.  It was an amazing experience.  I wasn’t keeping up with the Joneses as I felt compelled to do while I was in Los Angeles.  In fact, I wasn’t making hardly any money, didn’t have any saved up for the future, but we had enough.  I think that is what God was trying to teach me.  To be content with whatever I had.  Like Paul said in Philippians 4, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  I should write a whole blog on my experiences in Taiwan, really I could write a whole book.  But sadly SARS hit.  We felt compelled to leave because of my diabetes and history of upper respiratory illness.  God for my safety was telling me to get out.  We thought we temporarily relocated to San Francisco 2003-2004 as we wanted to go back to Taiwan.  But that opportunity never reappeared.  About 18 months in San Franciso is when I was called to Saudi Arabia in 2005.  My family was supposed to join me in Saudi once I determined it was safe, but by that time my ex wife decided she didn’t want to be married anymore and she relocated to Texas to start a new life, unbeknownst to me at the time.  When I realized my marriage and family was in serious jeopardy I followed her to Texas 2006-2007.  I tried and prayed to save my marriage but she had moved on.  I lived in Texas for another 18-24 months.  I got a pretty amazing job offer back in San Francisco, so in 2007 I was a commuter.  I worked in San Francisco/Dublin area and lived with my parents while maintaining my home in Texas.  I used to fly from Oakland to Houston every other weekend for a year to maintain visitation with my children.  In 2008 I moved back to the Middle East and lived in Bahrain for 18 months.  You see a pattern with the 18 months here?  I loved living in Bahrain.  It was a rebirth for me in a sense.  I had just turned 40 the week before I arrived and I was starting a new life on my own through Christ.  I met Jenni in Bahrain and got married there.  I left Bahrain and moved back to North Carolina for five months in 2009 then lived in Dubai for 9 months in 2010.  Along the way Jenni and I got pregnant on one of my visits back…”Bullseye”…and I felt compelled to return to the US in 2011, and that is where we are today…Whew…what an adventure.  I am not averse to having roots.  I loved living in Los Angeles for as long as I did.  The plan for whatever reason keeps changing.  The good part with all the moves that I have been content wherever I have lived. 

OK…I went off on another tangent.  Back to roots and North Carolina.  Yesterday we got another ring on our doorbell.  I made it to the door quicker this time.  Still when I got there, there was no one there except another package on the porch.  This time it was two boxes of chocolate with one of them being turtles.  Tonight I made it to the door within 10 seconds and they just vanished.  These people whoever they are, are good.  Tonight was a nice bag on the porch.  Inside was a rotisserie chicken, French style green beans, and French bread, with a note, on the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three French hens.  So its nice to have roots and community again.  We sure feel loved and appreciated both in our place of employment, our church, and our family.  I guess I am living out the personification of the American Dream.  I am halfway through this latest version of the 18 month treatment.  What will the next nine days leave on our porch and what will the next nine months bring? Whatever it will be, I just hope it will be more of the same.  I have truly lived a blessed life.  

Goals

Jennifer and I have been searching for a good church for the past few months.  We thought we found one then something just didn’t feel right about it.  At the same time we got a flier in the mail from some small church in a corporate district right around the corner from my house.  The timing was impeccable.  So we decided to give it a shot.  This was different for me.  I am used to mega-churches.  If there is not more than 1000+ that attend, then I won’t feel right at home, or so I thought.  Its not that Im trying to avoid interpersonal contact, but a lot of these mega churches allow you to come and go without being noticed.  Even the church I call home while I am in Houston, Lakewood Church, can be characterized by this.  Lakewood is the largest church in the U.S. at approximately 40,000 members per weekend…plus all the millions of television viewers.  I know Pastor Joel Osteen comes under a lot of criticism, especially within the Christian community.  But Lakewood remains one of the best churches that I have ever attended, and I’ve attended many churches over my 43 years.  What made Lakewood so great is its infrastructure.  I was involved with various men’s groups and small groups.  The relationships I established were lifelong very close friendships.  For about a three year stretch I would go and virtually every week I would see someone I knew.  That’s pretty remarkable for a church as ginormous as Lakewood. 

So the church we got the flier for was a start-up church.  We were there right at their one year anniversary.  There was probably around 30 people total there when Jennifer and I attended our first week.  It was obvious that we were the new people as everyone else knew each other.  Instead of feeling uncomfortable, we felt right at home, immediately.  The pastor was a graduate of the Assemblies of God theological Seminary in Springfield, MO, and his wife was a graduate of my alma mater, Evangel.  Jennifer comes from a more traditional, conservative Lutheran background.  So all these Charismatics make her a little nervous.  But still we both agreed that this is home.  We have already established several very solid relationships.  That is what the church is all about…relationships.  Iron sharpens iron so we want to associate ourselves with strong people spiritually so that we ourselves will grow stronger as well.  My friend Wayne from Lakewood said it best. “Show me who your friends are and I’ll show you what your destiny is.” 

I jumped in headfirst into this church and immediately got involved with a men’s group.  Unfortunately this group meets at 6:30 AM on Wed. mornings.  I say unfortunately because I always go to trivia at the pub on Tuesday night and usually don’t get back til midnight.  But still, Im glad I make the sacrifice to get up.  Getting together with Godly men has already stoked my spiritual fire.  I think its human nature to get a little lazy with our spiritual walk from time to time as we get comfortable.  That is why it usually takes some sort of crisis for God to get our attention.  But I’ve been through enough crisis to last two lifetimes.  So Im getting involved early as a preventive measure.  I was asked to lead the group last week, as our normal leader was away for work.  We are studying Today Matters by John Maxwell.  It’s a really good book in the line of “Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren.  Its all about making the most of your opportunities on a daily basis.  Since I was in the rut of getting comfortable and a bit lazy, the timing was perfect for me.  I challenged the other guys in our group to write a list of goals they want to accomplish.  There is just something psychological about writing out your goals.  Here are some stories I found about it on the net:

In 1964, all members of the Harvard Business School graduating class stated that they have, at graduation, clear goals that they want to accomplish in life. Among them, 5% took the time to write it down on paper. In 1984, a follow up study was done and it was discovered that 95% of those who wrote down their goals were able to achieve them within 20 years. Among the “lazy” majority, only 5% of them were able to reach their expected goals.
An earlier study in Yale University also had similar results. This time, only 3% of the 1953 graduating class made written goals. Twenty years after, in 1973, it was found out that this 3% of Yale graduates were able to accomplish more goals than the rest of the other 97% combined.

I am not sure if these stories are verifiable, but they make sense to me.  So I encouraged the guys to write down the goals they had and to share them the next week.  I thought I would share my own personal and professional goals with you.

1.   Spend at least 30 minutes a day reading the Bible, praying and listening to God.

2.    Continue to provide for my family emotionally and spiritually .  I want to be the best husband and father possible.

3.     Make enough money so we can live comfortably so Jennifer won’t feel as if she has to work  I want to be a good provider so that if I someday get cancer I won’t have to cook Crystal Meth. in order to provide for them ;o)

4.     Be reconciled with my children in Texas. (this one is mostly out of my control, but I can still pray, hope and dream)

5.     Exercise and get fit.

6.     Write more in this blog (this has become a real ministry outlet for me)

7.     Inspire others with both my words and deeds

8.     Finish my current screenplay and sell it

9.      Pay off the mortgages for both of our houses

10. Continue to be a man of integrity

11.  Travel to Paris, Finland, South Africa, and the Caribbean and a few other cool places.

12. Teach acting classes again.

13. Waste less time. 

Now what I need to do is examine this list add more detail and dates to when I want to accomplish these things.  By God’s grace, I think I will be able to accomplish everything.  What are some of your goals?  I would love to see them.  If you are comfortable share them in the comments section, be as brief or detailed as you like.    

The Power of Positivity or My Life as a Christmas Card

I haven’t written in this blog for quite awhile.  Its not because there hasn’t been big things happening in my life, because there have been many big things.  Rather, I don’t want this to become like a Christmas card.  Christmas cards are when you get those form-like letters telling you how great the sender is, and what amazing things they accomplished over the last year.  But the truth is, this is Christmas card, its unavoidable.   I just feel so incredibly blessed right now.  Things in my life are going very well.  That is not say that my life is perfect.  My life is far far far from perfect.  Yet I have developed an attitude and methodology of looking at life and it really works.  I’ve said it many times before in the space of this blog and it bears repeating.  Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I simply focus on what I have.  I have a beautiful wife, a healthy and happy baby girl, a new house, a dog that loves me, a burgeoning career where I am a respected contributor, and most importantly a very intimate walk with God.  All this is possible because of my outlook in life.  Positivity and Negativity all have domino effects.  I just happen to be riding the crest on the wave of positivity and I am now a disciple and advocate for this way of thinking because it works.   I have to mention that God used Joel Osteen and his philosophies in a significant way to alter the course of my life.  I have attended several churches where the Osteen philosophy of positivity were decried. I think I am living proof that it works.  The low point in my life happened around 2005.  Instead of believing what other people thought of me, I started believing what God thought of me.  Eventually, I started believing it myself.  Instead of going to job interviews and going about life defeated, I started holding my head high.  I didn’t believe it at first but I had to fake it til I made it.  (Good thing I was a good actor.)  But good things did indeed eventually start happening.  I got an excellent job opportunity with an ad agency, that helped build my esteem.  That led to another position, which led to the next.  My life was in a series of upgrades which each climb up the ladder giving me additional evidence and faith that God indeed had a perfect plan for my life.  When I lost everything, I would have been stuck in the mud if I would have wallowed.  Plenty of friends and family felt sorry for me and they wouldn’t have blamed me for feeling sorry for myself, because they all felt sorry for me too.  But inch by inch, I drug myself out of the mire.  I am so glad I did because I would have missed out on so many amazing opportunities in life. Firms want to hire “can-do” personalities, not the boo-hoo look what my life used to be-types.  When I met Jennifer I was really at a high point spiritually, professionally, and emotionally.  That attracted her to me.  How else was I going to land a gorgeous athlete, with an amazing career and intelligence off the charts?   Do you think she would have been attracted to a guy in an emotional fetal position?  Of course not.  As you can probably tell, I am a total glass half full kind of guy.  I believe if you are a Christian, and you are doing it right, you have to be an optimist.  That is just the way God intended it to be.  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4.    I also believe that God helps those who help themselves.  God recognized my heart and sent several tools my way to enable me to believe in myself.  They more I believed in myself the more I believed in Him.  It was a wonderful perpetual cycle.  It works.  Jennifer was a tool that God sent my way to help complete my propulsion into the limitless possibilities of the future. 

Lets bring this philosophy of the rose-colored glasses to current day.  I had an amazing weekend with my wife and I am really on cloud 9 in love with that woman.  On Saturday we had some huge fights and arguments.  (No one quite fights like Jennifer, which makes her special in and of itself).  Yet on Sunday we made up and had a very dreamy like day (with the only negative being a 28-0 loss by the Raiders to the dreaded Chiefs).  But even that was OK, because I was able to hold my baby in my arms in the through the third quarter.  So I can look at this weekend as being bad because of Saturday or being fantastic because of Sunday.  If I want my Monday to be great, on which day should I dwell?

I sometimes get a little giddy about how ideal my life is right now.  I think that is what it means to “Delight yourself in the Lord.”  Again, I have had some really devastating things happen to me very recently that could have easily destroyed my optimism if I were to have allowed it.  Instead I crowd my head with all the good things that are happening to me today and will continue through tomorrow.  Thus if I fill my head with joy and hope the negativity and loss soon get crowded out.  Its not like I’m burying it, because it will always resurface in time.  Rather I am just tabling what I can’t control in the full faith that God will restore what was lost in his perfect timing.  In the mean time why lose sleep over it?    I have a very sexy wife, an innocent and healthy baby girl, a nice new house, and a working car to get me home at 6:00.  Although I love my work, I can’t wait to get home each night.   I truly have a wonderful life, but only through the grace of God and the power of my positive spirit, which He had instilled in me.  “Have a great life now, ask me How.”  So if you are down in the dumps and need someone to chat with, feel free to email me at rickbeeman@mac.com.  Many people already have.  I just want to help make the world a better place.  I believe sharing my philosophies is just one of many ways to do that.  

Sloan Beeman's Birth Video

I apologize that it took me so long to get this up here.  Life has been busy, but pretty fantastic.  I feel like I am the most blessed man on the planet.  Having a new life to be responsible for sure helps you keep your perspectives and priorities in check.

God is faithful.  I'll write a little bit more in an update later this week.  For now, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Rick

The Supernatural GPS

It was a nice moment earlier tonight.  Jennifer was taking a break from baby duty, my mother, father and I were on the couch.  We were all watching a movie.  I am pretty sure my mother was in heaven as she was holding Sloan while she slept.  I believe Sloan is different for her then most other grandparent-grandchild relationships.  Sloan is a little bit more than that.  I think Sloan represents not only God’s faithfulness to me, but to her as well.  Not only did I lose the relationship with my children like I used to have, but she lost her relationships as well.  They used to be very close, now they barely speak at all.  Its just another tragedy of divorce, the kids lose out on all the relatives as well.  When my divorce happened, it really hit my mother much harder than myself.  Why, because I knew how to channel my hope through faith. I learned to have peace in the midst of the raging storm.    For my mother, it was more a work in progress.  As a mother, my mother felt powerless because she couldn’t emotionally protect her child.  There was nothing anyone could do, but just hurt.  It still hurts, if you focus on it.  But the key is not to focus on it.  Every day that passes it gets easier and easier to maintain focus on the positives and not the negatives.  Thus when I met Jennifer, it was more than just a new relationship.  Jennifer was both a symbol and vehicle for her to see that her son had emotionally healed.  I think most mother’s would be able to relate to this sort of empathy.  When Sloan was born, it was a culmination of everything that was lost was suddenly found again.  Here in our arms we have the living breathing proof of God’s faithfulness.  Thus Sloan in this case becomes much more than just a sweet innocent baby.  She is a conduit for healing and restoration.  I think that was all part of God’s plan. 

I have mentioned this a few times in this blog before and it bears repeating.  It was November 2008, and I had just arrived to Bahrain. My eyes were full of wonder at this great adventure that I had just embarked on.  Having just turned 40, it really was like I was starting part 2 of my life.  I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt I was standing dead center in the middle of God’s perfect plan in a desert in the Middle East.   I was so anxious to see how God’s plan would unfold.  My dear friend Reji, a faithful co-worker and brother in Christ, and I had just connected to start a life long friendship.  He was praying for me and the loss of my relationship with my children.  He told me that God told him that I would be reconciled to my family within a year, specifically by December 2009.    I remember getting really really angry.  I had just gotten over the loss of my ex-wife and he lays this on me?!?!  I had no idea how this would happen.  This was certainly a case of me getting upset with the messenger.  I tried to forget about it.  God had spoken into my life before, so I didn’t doubt the authenticity, but when I tried to figure out or to project how it would happen, I just got so terribly confused.   I mean who would want to live through all that heartache again?  I did forget about what Reji said, or the “Word of Knowledge” for the most part.  I reasoned that Reji must have gotten it wrong.  It changed about a year and half later, when I exchanged my vows in front of a judge in a courtroom in North Carolina with my beloved bride Jennifer.  You see it was in December 2009, when I first met Jennifer.  I think what Reji was trying to tell me that November day, was that within a year I would be emotionally reconciled with a new family.  Sloan in many respects is the culmination of that prophecy or Word of Knowledge from nearly three years ago now.  You see sometimes when God speaks to us, there can be human error involved.  We might (because of our own desires) misinterpret the specific details but the overall message remains the same.  So as my mother was holding the baby it was not only a fulfillment for Jennifer and I, but for her as well.  I don’t mean to bemoan the negativity of my loss, because that is simply not my personality.  Yet, I feel compelled to share it over and over again as a tribute and inspiration to God’s faithfulness.  I know it gives many readers hope.  Because if God can do it for me, he can certainly do it for you.  That is why I share my story as often as I can.    

So here I sit in the total catbird’s seat of life.  For the first time it is dawning on my how my life is different than JOB.  You see JOB lost everything but God rewarded him with double.  I too lost everything, but only temporarily.  You see I do have a new family, but I am holding out hope and assurance that I will be reconciled with my children again.  I am blessed and fortunate that Jennifer is so open to having a relationship with them as well.  You see this is all a part of God’s perfect plan. 

Life with God is like a GPS.  We know we are headed to a certain destination, but sometimes due to choices of our own, or choices made by others we veer off-course.  When that happens God simply redirects the map to the next easiest route.  But the more we veer off the course, the longer and harder we make the route as God continually recalculates the directions.  I was very fortunate.  My destination was deviated, not by my choice, but I stayed as close as possible to the re-routed destination.  Thus by staying on the course I minimized the damage and distance that I had to travel to reach the destination which God had appointed.  As I look at my daughter, my beautiful wife I now realize that God is saying to me “You have reached your destination.” I wonder where we are going to go next.  

"God doesn't care who you were. He only cares who you are." - Cowboys & Aliens

I went to the movies today.  Going to the movies is one of my most favorite things to do in the world.  I was reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge a few years back.  His theory was that God speaks to us most in whatever mode are most passionate about.  That could be nature, athletics, music, etc…  Well I am very passionate about movies and that is where he really speaks to me.  To be honest he speaks to me all the time because I have learned to listen, but I feel his presence most when I either watch movies or listen to sermons from Joel Osteen or Steve Madsen.  So I was watching a movie today, Cowboys and Aliens.  I love going to movies, did I say that already?  I estimate I’ve probably seen over 15,000 in my lifetime.  But please don’t ask me how many fiction books I’ve read.  I think you can count them on both hands and 20% of those were written by Alexander Dumas. (bonus points if you can guess the titles). I don’t think I have the patience to sit through a fiction book.  Maybe its because of my ADD.  (Jennifer is not a great fiction reader eith…Look a butterfly….”   Non-fiction is another story.  I love reading non-fiction, self-help books.  That is what greatly assisted me in getting out of the mire of a few years ago.  Oh yeah, God spoke to me through those too, because for a couple of years ago I was passionate about the non-fiction “Christian” books reading several. I was also quite hooked on calling 1800 prayer type of lines.  You can’t get enough prayer when you are in crisis mode.  Well it worked obviously because look at where I am now…praise God. 

OK…so back to the movie.  Since I have seen so many movies I am quite selective on what I see.  This drives Jennifer crazy sometimes.  I will check the reviews first.  Rotten Tomatoes is great but you have to take them with a grain of salt. Rotten Tomatoes takes a slew of reviews and gives them an average rating.   My cut-off line is usually 80% or higher for Rottentomatoes.com.  Although I will occasionally make an exception like I did today.  Then I will check the director and/or writer and see if I liked their previous body of work.  Finally I’ll go with the actor.  Most good/great actors usually are selective with their body of work.  The exception goes to English Actors.  I’ve seen Michael Caine star in some pretty bad films.  I asked my friend Gordon about this one time.  Gordon was a very cockney director that worked with me at Saudi Aramco.  He believed that English Actors believe people should go to the films for the actor, while Americans believe you should go to the film for the story.  Another interesting difference between English actors and American actors are the female leads.  How many older American actresses do you see?  By older I mean in their 60-80ish age range.  Conversely, I believe you see many older English actresses still active.  Dame Judi Dench, the Redgrave sisters while they were still alive are examples of this off the top of my head.  Yet, I can’t really think of a lot of household American actresses that have appeared in their twilight years.  Feel free to post if you have exceptions.  Actors in large part have giant egos.  That is why they probably got into the business in the first place.  They want to be remembered on celluloid for their best moments.  That’s why many of them go into seclusion when they age.  Ronald Reagan comes to mind.  I remember when he gave his farewell address announcing he had Alzheimer’s and would be signing off forever.  I think he lived another 10 years but there was not one image of him released after that.  So the public will always remember the 1980’s era Reagan in his prime as far as public perception.  That is his legacy. 

Wow, did I go off on a tangent there. Silly ADD.    Back to Cowboys and Aliens.  It only got a 44% from Rotten Tomatoes, but since I like Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig, I made the exception and Im glad I did.  There was one character in the film that I loved.  He was the old preacher.  What a wonderful character this guy was played brilliantly by Clancy Brown (He was the bad guy in Bad Boys and Highlander amongst many others).  But he was great in this.  I love when Christians are played on the silver screen in a positive manner since it doesn’t happen very often.  There was one line in the film that really struck home with me.  It could have been in the Bible but instead here it was on the Silver Screen.  The line was “God doesn’t care who you were, he only cares who you are.”  That is the story of redemption in a simple yet beautiful manner.  All truth is God’s truth.  So if its truth, even if it is from a movie, it is God’s voice.  God can speak to us through whatever medium as long as its truth.  Movies are great for this.  I know of two different circumstances where people came to know Christ after seeing the Exorcist.  That was not a Christian movie but Truth flowed through it.  My favorite “Truth” in movies comes from my friend Mike Leahy.  Mike is a good Christian guy producing films in Los Angeles.  We both went to Evangel University (not at the same time) together.  He was producing Hellraiser 4.  Mike is a Christian, he hired a Christian Director for the film.  So they actually made a “Christian” movie under the guise of that guy with spikes in his head.  I think that is awesome.  The enemy has been using the media to distract people since the advent of film.  It’s about time Christians try to reclaim some of that influence.  That is what originally drove me to film industry in the first place.  So after seeing this Cowboys and Aliens movie, even though it wasn’t perfect.  God spoke to me through that one line.  I believe my time for making a difference in this medium is coming.  I just have to be patient and wait for God’s perfect timing.  For now, my calling is to be with Jennifer and raise our beautiful young daughter.  It’s a pretty great ride in the mean time.  

Are Babies supposed to turn Purple?

The first few days of Sloan Violet Beeman’s life have been quite harrowing.  As a parent you feel helpless sometimes.  Sloan was just a little over 12 hours old when Jennifer was feeding her in the hospital room.  Suddenly she started spitting up.  Jennifer quickly grabbed the aspirator and tried to clear it but it didn’t work.  Then Sloan started choking.  We quickly called the nurse.  The nurse took one look at her, had a panicked expression and whisked her out of the room.  Jennifer and I just looked at each other not knowing how to react.  What do you do in that situation?  After a few anxious minutes of trying to console a near hysterical wife we both tried to calm down.  I (by experience) have learned no not stress about much.  God has proven to me time and time again that he is in control and I trust him implicitly.  But there was just something about this that was different.  In an instant it showed my absolutely helplessness and dependence upon him to take care of a baby which I certainly cannot do myself nor can Jennifer.  After a few minutes of prayer with Jennifer I went to the nursery.  Sloan was breathing fine and resting.  The nurse smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up.  I returned to the room to give Jennifer the good news.  Thank God this happened while we were still at the hospital.  The nurse came into explain what happened.  Sloan’s lungs were still filled with amniotic fluid.  She hadn’t had a chance to expel all of that yet.  Normally babies expel all the fluid while they wait in the birth canal.  But it only took Jennifer four pushes or 10 minutes or so to push her out.  Sloan didn’t have enough time in the canal to express all of the fluid.  This is also quite common in C-sections as well.  So I thought I knew a lot about “birthing babies” being a veteran of three already.  But this one was new to me and scary. 

The first day was very magical to me besides the fright.  Sloan just held onto my finger as she slept.  It was obvious that she was dreaming as her eyes were rolling under eyelids and her body would shudder with her arms periodically squirming.  What do babies dream about anyway?  Going through the shoot? Im told they dream in the womb as well which is even more of a mystery to me.  Since God speaks to people through their dreams sometimes, maybe that is his way of talking to them before they make the transition into the world.  There is something magical about the faith of children.  They just accept and believe without needing logical evidence to back it up.  Perhaps that is why Christ loved children so much. I think we all need to have the faith of a child sometimes.  I know through my hell I have developed it.  I don’t know how, often I don’t know why but whatever predicament I find myself in, I know I am going to come out on top.  I have the faith of a child.  But as my baby was turning purple, that faith was shaken. 

When I held Sloan that first day her eyes were mainly shut.  Even though she was full term, she was just barely full term by a couple of days.  Perhaps her development is a little behind because of that.  As I would talk to her I could see her struggle to try to open up her eyes so she could see what that strange soothing sound was all about.  We had eye contact for a few moments then she just relaxed and kept her eyes closed. 

Jennifer was sent home from the hospital three days after her birth.  I enjoyed my time there spending the night each night Jennifer was admitted.  The hospital food was actually quite good and they had a chair that made out into a bed.  I thoroughly enjoyed my first few days of being a dad all over again.  I’m almost old enough to be a grandfather as some of the people in my graduating class of FCS already are.  But here I am a father again at the ripe age of 42.  I actually think Im just about to enter my prime.  I am motivated to do whatever it takes to make sure that I live a long full life so I can be the best father I can to Sloan and our ensuing (God willing) children.  Jennifer even has me eating broccoli and spinach.  It’s not a parting of the Red Sea thing, but in my mind its close.  I have a feeling the second time around I am going to enjoy and savor each and every moment.  I already have. 

Today was another nerve racking day.  Jennifer as a first time mom is naturally nervous.  But she is a real trooper.  She is so conscientious and is so knowledgeable about babies.  But until you experience it, its all different.   I know everything is going to work out.  I don’t know how but babies grow (most of the time) but God takes care of them.  But Sloan wasn’t gaining enough weight and her Bilirubin levels were down which means Sloan had jaundice.  This is quite normal the first week, I’m told.  So the doctor prescribed this strange blanket to wrap around Sloan.  This is like a UV blanket similar I think to what you would see in tanning beds.  She seems quite comfortable and snug in it.  Since she has had this blanket on her energy levels have seemed to have gone up.  The doctors are wanting to keep a close eye on Sloan so we have had to take her into the hospital for tests nearly every day since we’ve been home.  Another big concern is Sloan’s weight.  Its normal for a baby to lose 10% of their body weight after birth.  Sloan was born at 7 lb. 9 oz, but then when we checked her Billrubin levels she was down to 6 lb 13 oz. yesterday.    So today when we went into the hospital to weigh her she was shockingly down to 6 lb 6 oz.  This was scary for us.  Jennifer is trying so hard to feed Sloan and take care of her, we just didn’t know what to do.  Jennifer was really scared and burst into tears.  You sure feel helpless as parents.  I put on a semi-false bravado and told her everything was going to be fine.  Again, I didn’t know how but God was going to do it.  He has saw us through so much worse.  It was hard to believe that Sloan wasn’t thriving or gaining weight.  All she does really is eat, sleep, and poop.  Im very anxious to have her turn two.  But Jennifer and Moms in general seem to like the newborn phase more than dads.   Then before Jennifer and I could jump to even more scary conclusions the nurse came back in and suggested we try another scale.  This scale had Sloan at 6 lb. 15 oz. so she had just gained 2 oz.  So the other scale was broken.   The nurse later came in and told us her Billrubin levels were down or up, whatever the good one is.  So she’ll only need the lab coat for another day. 

I know there is a precious gift of life in our possession.  But now we find ourselves more dependent on God than we ever have been.  We are pretty helpless in the big scheme of things.  But as always God is in control…no matter what.  

Reflections on the birth

Sunday night was a pretty eventful night.  At about 9:00 PM we got our first and only (so far) offer on our house, which had been on the market since March.  We went back and forth and finally agreed on a price.  The next day we were scheduled to go into the hospital for the induction.  So Jennifer on Monday being a very 9 months pregnant hoofed it with our real estate agent to look at 12 houses to buy.  I think this was important.  The hospital finally called us at 9:00 pm to tell us that a bed had opened up.  So we got our bags and headed off.  We got admitted right away.  Jennifer was already dilated to one centimeter and was experiencing contractions already.  She was going to try to have the baby naturally.  I think all the walking helped.  We were trying to do whatever we could to avoid a C-section.  That was the plan if the inducing didn’t work.  For Jennifer’s health, we had to get this baby out as soon as safely possible. 

They put something in her, I think it was cervidil, which was the precursor to the Pitocin.  They wanted her to have a good night sleep before they attempted to induce.  They brought in a cot for me.  I was out.  I can sleep pretty much anywhere, anytime. (I thank Evangel College for that skill I learned. Its probably the most valuable skill I left with.  Having to chapel every day at 10:00 am, I learned to sleep sitting up so the chapel checkers wouldn’t mark me absent.  So now Im almost a professional sleeper no matter what the locale or time change).   They started the Pitocin for Jennifer that morning of the 19^th at 5:45 am through her IV.  I slept through all of it.  I awoke at 8:00 am.  The doctor said Jennifer was dilated at 4 and 70% effaced.  I really have no idea what 70% effaced means, but apparently that is a good thing.  So the doctor broke her water.  About an hour or so later, the contractions started to get more intense.  Those of you who know Jennifer well, know that her vocabulary can sometimes get colorful.  That is something we are working on.  I am told by other women in labor that all sorts of language comes out in the midst of contractions.  So the contractions were coming about 2 minutes a part and Jennifer was in a lot of pain. It was building.    Being an athlete she had a goal to have this baby delivered without an epidural.  Since her mom did it, she wanted to at least give it a try.    But Im told going natural while being induced with Pitocin is extremely difficult because the Pitocin speeds up the contractions and makes them more intense.  Jennifer was such a trooper not wanting to give up.  I should mention that she had to be induced because of the concerns of her pre-eclampsia and the resulting high blood pressure.  So they did it the day the baby went full term.  Full Term is anywhere from 37 to 41 weeks, so Monday was the first day of 37 weeks.  She was full term but just barely.  Around 10:30 the contractions were really hitting Jennifer and she was crying out in excruciating pain.  Her blood pressure was also starting to rise.  She mentioned she thought the baby was coming down but the doctor and the nurse didn’t give her claims much credence.  Her doula, the nurse, and the doctor, noting her blood pressure and preeclampsia all recommended her to get an epidural.  So with gritted teeth she finally relented.  Our goal throughout this whole process was to have a healthy baby and a healthy mom.  So we took the doctor’s advice and got the epidural.  About 30 minutes later Jennifer was calmly having a conversation.  It was such a polar opposite of what we were experiencing earlier.  Controlled chaos to calm serenity in 30 minutes or less.  The doctor came in about 12:00 noon to check on Jennifer.  It was so peaceful then nobody thought anything of it.  But the doctor exclaimed she was fully dilated and ready to have the baby.  So the doctor went out to get ready and Jennifer got placed in the stirrups.  She mentioned to the nurse that she thought the baby was on its way down.  The nurse blew her off saying, it could take hours. (Im sure under her breath she was thinking, she’s a first time mom, what does she know?) Then as soon as Jennifer got in the stirrups we could see the baby’s head.  The nurse quickly called the doctor in.  It only took Jennifer four pushes/contractions to get Sloan out and into this world.  I was amazed how emotional I got during this whole experience.  I have experienced birth before but nothing quite like this.  Because we had a doula, she was focusing on Jennifer’s comfort, I didn’t have to do a thing really except enjoy the whole process.  I think as the tears were streaming down my face it was the culmination of the baby and fulfillment of the promises of God. I have a new addition to my new family.  That doesn’t mean I love my children any less at all.  This is just a wonderful chance to experience it all over again, the way that God intended with a mother and father staying together “til death do us part.”  It was just a great feeling.  The book of JOB, in fact, here it is.  Those of you readers know that I felt like I had everything that I held dear stolen from me.  Now with Jennifer and Baby Sloan, It is true redemption.

 Job 42:10 After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. 11 All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought on him, and each one gave him a piece of silver[a] and a gold ring.

 12 The LORD blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys. 13 And he also had seven sons and three daughters. 14 The first daughter he named Jemimah, the second Keziah and the third Keren-Happuch. 15 Nowhere in all the land were there found women as beautiful as Job’s daughters, and their father granted them an inheritance along with their brothers.

 16 After this, Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation. 17 And so Job died, an old man and full of years.

Now I don’t think Im going to live to 140 years or have a thousand yoke of oxen, but God has indeed promised me a long full life.  But I do believe that all the blessings bestowed on Job will also be bestowed on me because I was faithful just like Job was.  Again the big difference is that Im not totally blameless and I have had moments where I haven’t been upright but for the last 10 years, I’ve been really really close even whilst going through midst of my personal hell. 

So as Sloan Violet Beeman was getting cleaned she grasped onto my finger as tightly as she could and didn’t want to let go.  We were afraid that she might have to go to ICU because of the early delivery, but her temperature at birth was barely past the cutoff, so we made it. 

I was just amazed at the outpouring of love and support both Jennifer and I got through facebook.  Between us we had hundreds of congratulations and well wishes from friends all over the globe.   Most of my close friends and readers of this blog know what I’ve been through recently.  I think it encourages us all that good guys really can win in the end as long as they stay faithful.  I feel like my life has been a riveting movie full of dramatic ups and downs.  This is the ending has the audience cheering at the end.  It is a great great feeling. 

A little later in the day I was holding Sloan on my lap.  Being just a few hours old she really isn’t able to open up her eyes.  But as I was talking to her she was struggling so much to open her eyes to see whose voice was cooing the sweet words to her.  First the left, then struggling to open the right, she finally got a first look at her Daddy who adores her.  All is right in my world.