X is at again...

X is at it again.  I talked to Max for the first time in a month.  I had earlier written X an email asking for permission to have the kids come out and visit me for four weeks in July, during my regular visitation period.  She responded, “no.”   Max then called to leave a message telling me to stop twisting his mom’s words, and that he didn’t want to go to Bahrain and for me to stop making their house look so bad.  He was crying and very upset absolutely insistent that he didn’t not want to go to Bahrain.  Then he said it was his choice…and not anyone else’s.  No one influenced him.  But he also said…”Mommy isn’t blocking me going to Bahrain, but If I come back the door will be locked”  Meaning he won’t be allowed to return to his home.  So of course Max and the other kids don’t want to visit, if they do…they won’t be allowed to go back to the home they know and their friends…so of course they are choosing not to visit.  All I wanted was four weeks for them to experience this incredible life that Im living over here.  This is “parental alienation” at its absolute core.  It’s manipulating the non-custodial parent to be the “bad guy” while convincing the children that their thoughts are entirely their own and not influenced by anyone else.  My life and the fracturing of my relationship with my children is a text book example of this. 

So what’s the solution?  The kids asked me not to write about this…but that’s just X and new hubby trying to manipulate me not writing about their issues and using the kids as a conduit to convey the message.  That’s another example of manipulation.  It just seems to be getting uglier and uglier.  Is it my fault?  I look in the mirror every day and do a self examination, as I talk to God.  I think Im doing the right thing here.  But it seems like no matter what I do…the situation gets worse and worse.  It gets worse if I write about it…it gets worse if I don’t write about it.  Bottom line is that I’m the “bad guy”.  Everything is my fault.  While I do accept a certain amount of culpability in the dissolution of my marriage…and the fracturing of my family by my relocating to Bahrain, I don’t think its 100% my fault as the children are being led to believe that it is.  It’s a one sided argument that I can’t win.  One thing I tried to tell Max through all the tears…Is that I will always love him…no matter what.  It was hard not to say anything bad about his mother…but I held back.  I still pray for his mother and her hubby almost everyday.  That prayer was so difficult at first…but it says I think in proverbs…Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.  I’ve been trying to do that.  It sucks that X has decided to set us up as enemies…but it is what it is.  Im sure she’ll justify her actions that she is merely reacting to the items I write about in my blog.  I’ve been writing in the blog for about six months.  This alienation, the calls to CPS, the allegations of horrible conduct, sheriff’s arriving on my doorstep with bogus allegations, has been happening a lot earlier before I started writing this blog.  It seems as if every two weeks there has to be some sort of conflict or issue.  Now this issue all started about a silly message left on a voice mail.  Aren’t there more important things in life to worry about?  I love my children…I miss them desperately…but Im here in Bahrain because I believe I’m on a divine appointment.  God is using me in some pretty amazing ways here to minister and help many people in my own way.  I’ve seen God use me specifically with others…more than 30 occassions at least since I been here.  Yet my son says “How do you know it was God that called you?  Maybe it wasn’t God.”  So I believe X is planting those seeds of doubt in his head…and the worst possible thing could occur, getting the kids to not only doubt their Dad, but perhaps doubt God.  I hope I don’t have to write about this anymore.  It sucks…its repetitive and it keeps getting worse.  So Im open to your comments if you think It’s horrible what Im doing to my kids or writing about them.  I don’t want to be a bad dad.  I just wish I had my children back.  Everyone tells me…just wait it out…love them…they’ll come around eventually but I am just wishing and hoping that I don’t have to wait 10-20 years to see that come to fruition.  This sucks….