I woke up this morning with the strangest impression. God wanted me to spend some time listening to his voice. So I did, and I got the impression I was supposed to go to Dubai. I’ve learned to recognize strong impressions from God. This was certainly a strong impression. I also felt like everything would fall into place making it easy to go. So I made mental preparations to go. We were going to send some equipment that would have cost about $250 to send over from Dubai for work. So for the price of my plane ticked $80 RT, I can bring it on the plane with me and save all that money. So that justifies the trip. Plus my parents wanted to spend a few days in dubai while they were out here but didn’t want to sacrifice any time away from me. So with me going to dubai that satisfies the best of both worlds. My father gets to see the architecture of Dubai (its amazing) and my mother gets to stay in a five star hotel. But I think the real reason Im supposed to go is to meet this particular South African. This guy was introduced to me by a friend of a prominent friend. Apparently this guy is well connected. I googled him and apparently he has financed several Bollywood films and is a real entrepreneur. I’m not sure what will come out of it…but it doesn’t hurt to meet people. Im finding extreme favor with most everyone I meet. Im convinced it is just God blessing me.
Now it’s a strange sensation that keeps on building since my parents have been here. It doesn’t make a lot of sense either. I have all these people around me. The more people I have around me that love me…the lonelier I become. That doesn’t make any sense. Does anyone else have this issue? I guess the sense of family around me…reminds me that I miss the emotional intimacy of a mate. I know I’ll have it soon…but my parents here are reminders of that.
I’m still in the afterglow of a great meal with Nader and Kirstie last night. All the Shaheens treat me like family and I’m really beginning to love them dearly. My parents are also beginning to love them. They are amazingly gracious people. My dad and I went driving around a bit today. He told me…”I can tell why you like this place so much.” Its nice having the approval of your parents. They have never understood the film industry but they see that I’m finally really able to make it work. That gives them a small sense of pride and security knowing they don’t have to worry about me.
This really is a dream location and dream job. Im very very very fortunate. If I had my children by my side…I would be literally walking on clouds. But I believe somehow someway that will happen soon. I pray for them as often as I can. I hate what divorce wreaks upon children and I hate that I was a part of the failed marriage that they have to live with. Its one of my biggest shames in life. I often complained to God about that one…God why would you allow this divorce to happen and ruin the lives of these children and I. He answered me…”That’s the downside of the free will.” He went on to tell me…”My heart gets broken on a daily basis…so I feel your pain…I understand and empathize with it.” I want to be in a relationship, and I think I could be in one amazingly quickly if I wanted to be…but I want it to be God’s time as well. It’s a dichotomy…almost a contradiction. I long for love….but then when the potential of love presents itself I often get very scared. There are a couple of reasons for this. I’ll probably share them at a later time. But one of the things is you always want what you don’t have. Yet when someone presents themselves…its hard for me to get attracted unless they are unavailable. That has to be the stupidest thing ever, yet im living it out.
I feel like I’ve been a little lax with the blog lately. I’ve been devoting all my energy to my parents. But dear readers, don’t worry. I’ll pick up the pace next week when they are gone. I don’t want them to leave….but I also want the feeling of loneliness to go away too. It’s a double edged sword.
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