Strange Day

What a strange day it has been.  Nothing seemed to flow.  Not even writing this blog tonight.  I guess Im still really down about Ms. Texas.  I tried to convince myself that everything was OK, and I’ll I needed was a “can do” attitude.  I’ve been listing to Joel Osteen nearly 24/7 since I got the Lakewood Care package. Im doing all the tricks, like don’t focus on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have, still Im in that funk.  I just feel a bit out of it.  I didn’t think it was showing that much, until I went into the office today, and Tanya looked at me like I had been in a war zone.  She could tell something was bothering me, which surprised me because I didn’t think it showed.  She said I was the spark of the office and I needed to fire back or something like that.  She said I needed some fizz…which I think is a girlfriend. I’ve gone through this sort of thing before.  I just have to keep my head down and keep going.  Eventually the light will break through the clouds. 

Im not sure if the funk that Im in has anything to do with the fast that Im on.  Surprisingly, Im not hungry but I do feel a little bit of a lack of energy.  That’s why I planned to do most of it around the weekend so it wouldn’t hurt my efficiency.  I do feel like Im in a major spiritual battle right now.  Perhaps I haven’t recovered from the shockwaves of last week yet.  I know there will better days ahead.  I think all the pressure from being a GM in a recession and worrying about the cash flow and new clients is catching up to me.  I have to keep faith.  I know tomorrow will be a brighter day, but still today is pretty dang dark.  This sounds a little like Hollywood, but I just feel as if there is a battle in the supernatural happening all around me right now.  That’s why Im so out of it. 

I guess Im just tired of waiting on God.  I know he has a plan, and I know Im waiting to learn something.  I know, those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.  I know all of that, its just that my faith isn’t backing up my beliefs right now at this moment.  Check with me tomorrow and I’ll probably be back on track again.    This is just a temporary situation right now.  I will push through and be successful again.  Until then, this really hurts. 

Maybe this is all just a giant test for me.  Im not sure what it is.  I think with Ms. Texas…I let myself dream a little bit and I got ahead of myself.  I don’t like being single, and I don’t like being alone.  Im so anxious to put an end to the 3 years of emotionally wandering.  With her, I might have saw a tiny flicker of a light at the end of the rainbow.  That’s what caused me to jump too fast into it.  Anytime I try to rush God, I always screw it up.  God is doing some amazing things in certain aspects of m life right now…I just have to trust that he’ll complete a perfect work in me.